托福作文求喷求狠批

破吉他UID: 3657131

题目：Nowadays, food has become easier to prepare. Has this change improved the way people live? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

作文：Nowadays, science and technology have improved to this point that every aspect of our lives is influenced, including transportation, communication, eating and so on. As far as eating is concerned, the easy with which we prepare food has definitely improve the way we live.

Easy prepared food is time-saving. All of us know well that we live in this kind of world that we not only work fast, communicate fast but also we do eat fast. Fortunately, food has become easier to prepare, which helps a lot to save our time to do other things. We can just put the frozen food into the micro-wave oven, and after five minutes we can eat while reading today’s newspaper. If you only have half an hour during the lunch break, what you should do is rush to the KFC or the McDonald to invigorate yourself.

Since the food become easier to prepare, our meals have more variety. Different people prefer different flavors, and not even members in one family can reach a consensus. If it takes several hours to prepare just one dish, people in one family will have to eat it, no matter they relish it or not. However, that’s not the case. What really happen is that we can cook five or even more dishes in one hour or two. With this easiness, one family can have dishes satisfying everyone in one single dinner.

Last but not least, we begin to have the ability to eat healthier. There are many people must eat special food, such as low-calorie food, low-fat food and low-cholesterol food, because they want to keep fit or they have certain diseases like cardiovascular disease. Now we have easy access to reduce the calorie, fat or the cholesterol in food. Not only these people who have special requirement, but normal people need to balance their diet to be more wholesome. Now, we can balance the meet, vegetable, the dairy food that we ingest to assure that every certain nutrition is obtained.

To sum up, food has become easier to prepare benefiting all of us in saving time, bring more variety, and being healthier. It is fundamental for us to pursue happiness.

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

easy的词性  楼主知道ease这个词么
首段观点里要指出具体如何improve 而不是仅仅说improve
三个具体观点的思路不错
省时
多元
健康

省时的好处是什么？  需要扩展 比如女性不用待在家里 可以出去工作
为什么容易做就可以多元 容易做体现在哪里 这个没写清楚
容易准备和健康的关系也没有很好的建立 感觉easy to prepare需要细化

破吉他UID: 3657131

tesolchina 发表于 2016-5-9 06:48
easy的词性  楼主知道ease这个词么
首段观点里要指出具体如何improve 而不是仅仅说improve
三个具体观点 ...

谢谢老师帮我修改，抱歉会犯easy ease这么低级的错误，还是功夫不到家啊。

下面是我修改过的文章，修改的部分我用红色标出来了。紧接着我有几个问题请教老师。

1，为什么第一部分省时还需要往下拓展，我的观点是food become easier to prepare 这一点 improve 我们的生活了
怎么improve的呢  帮助我们节省时间了 这样的逻辑不可以吗？
如果这样说：“ food become easier to prepare 帮助我们节省时间 于是 女性可以出去工作了，帮助我们eat fast 可以更好的适应生活节奏了等等，这样improve 了我们的生活” 中间还要写怎么节约了我们的时间  那这一段的篇幅不会太大了吗？
或者说我的疑问在于托福写作是否有必要再深入一步？ 麻烦老师解答一下

2，感觉自己备考托福的困难在于自己并不知道什么样的文章才是可以拿高分的文章。时常陷入迷茫的状态。请问老师就我这篇文章而言 从我的语言,逻辑等方面处于什么水平，如果要加强需要怎么做？谢谢老师！
PS(老师您可以推荐一下可以用来模仿的托福范文吗？)

Nowadays, science and technology have improved to this point that every aspect of our lives is influenced, including transportation, communication, eating and so on. As far as eating is concerned, the ease with which we prepare food has definitely improve the way we live by saving our time, giving us more variety and becoming healthier.

Easy-prepared food is time-saving. All of us know well that we live in this kind of world that we not only work fast, communicate fast but also we do eat fast. Fortunately, food has become easier to prepare, which gives us a chance to save our time to better involve in this “fast” world. We can just put the frozen food into the micro-wave oven, and after five minutes we can eat while reading today’s newspaper before going to work. If you only have half an hour during the lunch break, what you should do is rush to the KFC or the McDonald to invigorate yourself. As a result, we can use the time saved by preparing food to work and learn, mostly importantly to fit in this “fast” world.

Since the food become easier to prepare, our meals have more variety. Different people prefer different flavors, and not even members in one family can reach a consensus. Nowadays, it takes less energy, time and money to prepare one dish at home, thus people would like to make more dishes for just one dinner. Consequently, one family can have dishes like pizza, spaghetti, and salmon, satisfying everyone in one single dinner. This variety meeting everyone’s needs absolutely improve their quality of life.

Last but not least, we begin to have the ability to eat healthier. These days, all kinds of food become not only easy to get but also easy to make. If you want to eat eggs, you only need to put it in the egg boiler; if you want to eat vegetable, you only need to put some salad dressing on it. So, we are willing to take the trouble to balance the meet, vegetable, the dairy food that we ingest to assure that every certain nutrition is obtained. People need this kind balanced diet to keep healthy.

To sum up, food has become easier to prepare benefiting all of us in saving time, bring more variety, and being healthier. In the long run, it is fundamental for us to pursue happiness.