issue112 ,我的第一篇,非常希望大家狂披,给点意见

ggyyUID: 153086

我花了2个多小时55555555555好惨哦！希望大家帮忙看看,不知我对GRE作文结构与语言的大致方向的把握有没有问题,在此我这个菜鸟先谢过了 :p
112"Some educational systems emphasize the development of student’s capacity for reasoning and logical thinking,but students would benefit more from an education that also taught them to explore their own emotions."


Education has been changing along with the evolution of the society, especially in the era of high technique and complicated social ambience. In the early 20th century, courses such as calculation, languages occupy the major status in schools in order to sweep out the illiterate and cultivate citizens to deal with the basic problems in their daily life. After the World War 2,with the burgeoning of technology, competitions among the United States, the Soviet, Japan, and Germany stimulate the new research and new courses adding to school’s curriculum. In my view, current education is not simply a instruction case, but should balance the cultivation of student’s capacity for reasoning and logical thinking and exploring their own emotions.

First of all, as a human being, mankind should possess the ability to realize and judge masses of phenomenon and problems around them objectively and comprehensively. To this extent, instilling the reasoning and logical thinking to students is the basic aim and requirement of education. For example, when reading the news, a little child can no more than remember the facts described, while an educated student is able to analyze its cause and effect, and even connect it to some events else. Facing a certain dilemma , when he/she is going to ballot for the monitor between his/her friend and someone he/she dose not like ,he/she will stand at a impersonal stance to make a decision, only if he/she uses his/her reasoning and logical thinking. Learning to treat anything objectively conduces to students to better cope with various convoluted matters when they step into the society.

Nevertheless, various students from different background, especially different religions, may pursue diverse goals and sometimes have dissimilar perspectives. Although it is better to leave such belief to parents and churches, schools should play a consequential role to teach students the proper methodology and enhance their ability of objective thinking to approach their own ends.

However, provided that education bring the so called reasoning and logical thinking to the polemic point that restrains their mind within a confined scope, each student will dispose of matters in a mechanic way. For example, after the liberation of China , the only principle taught in school is the theories, claims, ideas, even the words of Maozedong, and all that students should do is to follow his summon. This critically devastated the whole education system and the society: students learnt nothing but some impractical theories; they have no independent ideas, let alone creativity and innovation. So, delimitating mind of students, namely, checks their long way of development.

As to the point of subjective, all the students are diverse individuals who have their own characters ,inclinations, and ideals, and brought up in distinct background .This is why Shakespear became dramatist, Descarts philosopher,  Napoleon militarist, etc..In today’s society, people are meeting malifolds of  knowledges, techniques, careers, and pressures so that there is no uniform pattern for students to success. Students should realize their own interests and inclination and develop themselves in those specific areas. However, many students are confused by their future for they do not clearly know which realm they fit. So ,what education should do is to help them elicit their own emotion and approriately  guide them to make their ends accessible.

To conclude, exploring students’ emotions which help them find their own individuals and aims is as important as reasoning and logical thinking which provide them with objective attitude and proper approach to their ends. Students will benefit more from such education taking the two into a counterbalance.

不知道我对reasoning and logical thinking 还有emotion 的理解有没有错?写完了才看到这个题目的翻译,emotion 被翻译成思想情操,我个人觉得应该是个人的兴趣,取向之类的,不知可不可以?

JankUID: 167355

112"Some educational systems emphasize the development of student’s capacity for reasoning and logical thinking, but students would benefit more from an education that also taught them to explore their own emotions."

Education has been changing along with the evolution of the society, especially in the era of high technique and complicated social ambience. In the early 20th century, courses such as calculation, languages occupy the major status in schools in order to sweep out the illiterate and cultivate citizens to deal with the basic problems in their daily life. After the World War 2,with the burgeoning of technology, competitions among the United States, the Soviet, Japan, and Germany stimulate the new research and new courses adding to school’s curriculum. In my view, current education is not simply a (an) instruction case, but should balance the cultivation of student’s capacity for reasoning and logical thinking and exploring their own emotions. (内容充实, 但是应该尽快切入你的主题句.)

First of all, as a human being, mankind should possess the ability to realize and judge masses of phenomenon and problems around them objectively and comprehensively. To this extent, instilling (灌输这个词有点不好, 用foster )the (capacity of) reasoning and logical thinking to students is the basic aim and requirement of education. For example, when reading the news, a little child can no more than remember the facts described, while an educated student is able to analyze its cause and effect, and even connect it to some events else. Facing a certain dilemma, when he/she is going to ballot for the monitor between his/her friend and someone he/she dose not like ,he/she will stand at a impersonal stance to make a decision, only if he/she uses his/her reasoning and logical thinking. (公正的选举属于moral 问题, 好像与逻辑思考能力无关把. 建议: 在开始的时候把reasoning and logical 定义一下) Learning to treat anything objectively conduces to students to better cope with various convoluted matters when they step into the society.

Nevertheless, various students from different background, especially different religions, may pursue diverse goals and sometimes have dissimilar perspectives. Although it is better to leave such belief to parents and churches, schools should play a consequential role to teach students the proper methodology and enhance their ability of objective thinking to approach their own ends. ( 同样的问题, reasoning and logical = objective thinking ? )

However, provided that education bring the so called reasoning and logical thinking to the polemic point that restrains their mind within a confined scope, each student will dispose of matters in a mechanic way. For example, after the liberation of China , the only principle taught in school is the theories, claims, ideas, even the words of Maozedong (Chairman Mao), and all that students should do is to follow his summon. This critically devastated the whole education system and the society: students learnt nothing but some impractical theories; they have no independent ideas, let alone creativity and innovation. So, delimitating mind of students, namely, checks their long way of development. (中国的这个例子举的很好. 之后一句有点问题.)

As to the point of subjective, all the students are diverse individuals who have their own characters ,inclinations, and ideals, and brought up in distinct background .This is why Shakespear became dramatist, Descarts philosopher, Napoleon militarist, etc..In today’s society, people are meeting malifolds of knowledges, techniques, careers, and pressures so that there is no uniform pattern for students to success. Students should realize their own interests and inclination and develop themselves in those specific areas. However, many students are confused by their future for they do not clearly know which realm they fit. So ,what education should do is to help them elicit their own emotion and approriately guide them to make their ends accessible.
(
Emotion 应该是思想情操, 也就是所谓的情商之类.  至于你理解的个性的兴趣, 取向, 可能指self-development and following one’s innate gift or interest.)

To conclude, exploring students’ emotions which help them find their own individuals and aims is as important as reasoning and logical thinking which provide them with objective attitude and proper approach to their ends. Students will benefit more from such education taking the two into a counterbalance.

(第一篇写成这样很不错了, 尤其在语言上措辞上 , 加油~~)

ggyyUID: 153086

看到自己的第一篇文章那么快就有人批改真是有点激动.。谢谢Jank :p
我也觉得对这个reasoning and logical thinking 和emotion的理解有问题，所以大胆写了这篇给大家批。呵呵，看来真的应该多花时间研究一下题目哦！ :eek: 以后我会注意的

真生UID: 161074

112"Some educational systems emphasize the development of student’s capacity for reasoning and logical thinking, but students would benefit more from an education that also taught them to explore their own emotions."


Education has been changing along with the evolution of the society, especially in the era of high technique and complicated social ambience. In the early 20th century, courses such as calculation, languages occupy时态 the major status in schools in order to sweep out the illiterate and cultivate citizens to deal with the basic problems in their daily life. After the World War 2 Two,with the burgeoning of technology, competitions among the United States, the Soviet, Japan, and Germany stimulated the new research and new courses adding to school’s curriculum. In my view, current education is not simply an instruction case, but should balance the cultivation of student’s capacity for reasoning and logical thinking and exploring their own emotions. 最后一句跟上文连不起来。按照你的思路，20世纪和二战时的课程只起到了simply an instruction case的作用，但明显后者丝毫未体现。而且你用了not…but 句型，说明应是两个对立面，但也没体现出来。

First of all, as a human being, 去 mankind should possess the ability to realize and judge masses of phenomenon and problems around them objectively and comprehensively 轻易不要用should这种论断性的词，用的话也得给出原因，改need to比较合适. To this extent, instilling the reasoning and logical thinking to students is the basic aim and requirement of education. For example, when reading the news, a little child can no more than remember the facts described, while an educated student is able to analyze its cause and effect, and even connect it to some events else some other events. Facing a certain dilemma, when he/she 统一用he或she一个就可，后同 is going to ballot for the monitor between his/her friend and someone he/she dose not like ,he/she will stand at an impersonal stance to make a decision, only if he/she uses his/her reasoning and logical thinking. Learning to treat anything objectively conduces to students to better cope with various convoluted matters when they step into the society. 首先，第一二句间缺乏明确的因果关系，你应该指出要有judge的本领，就需要reasoning，logical thinking的训练。其次，后面的例子谈的是拥有reasoning，logical thinking的结果，跟第二句又没有很好的连上。末尾倒是点出了，作了呼应。

Nevertheless, various students from different background, especially different religions, may pursue diverse goals and sometimes have dissimilar perspectives. Although it is better to leave such belief to parents and churches, schools should play a consequential role to teach students the proper methodology and enhance their ability of objective thinking to approach their own ends.

However, provided that education bring the so called reasoning and logical thinking to the polemic point that restrains their minds within a confined scope 去, each student will dispose of matters in a mechanic way. For example, after the liberation of China, the only principle taught in school is the theories, claims, ideas, even the words of Maozedong, and all that students should do is to follow his summon. This critically devastated the whole education system and the society: students learnt nothing but some impractical theories; they have no independent ideas, let alone creativity and innovation. So, delimitating mind of students, namely, checks their long way of development. 这个例子举的有问题，文革时的教条根本就不能称作reasoning and logical thinking，完全是狂热的，失去理智的个人崇拜。还不如说现在学生象机器人似的做题，虽然这个例子举的有点滥。

As to the point of subjective, all the students are diverse individuals who have their own characters, inclinations, and ideals, and brought up in distinct background. This is why Shakespeare became dramatist, Descartes philosopher, Napoleon militarist, etc..In today’s society, people are meeting manifolds of knowledge, techniques, careers, and pressures so that there is no uniform pattern for students to success. Students should realize their own interests and inclination and develop themselves in those specific areas. However, many students are confused by their future for they do not clearly know which realm they fit. So, what education should do is to help them elicit their own emotion and appropriately guide them to make their ends accessible. 这段写偏了

To conclude, exploring students’ emotions which help them find their own individuals and aims is as important as reasoning and logical thinking which provide them with objective attitude and proper approach to their ends. Students will benefit more from such education taking the two into a counterbalance. 结尾很好，喜欢

ggyyUID: 153086

谢谢真生哦，看来我的理解真的很有问题，论证也不严密，以后我会努力改进的 :p

还有，我对你给我第一段的评价有些疑惑，我开始只是想论述在科技没有发展的时候教育的单一性，相比之下二战以后由于科技的发展竞争的需要，教育就不单单是instruct，而应该把多方面结合起来， not..but..不可以表达这个意思吗？