issue136 交作业，写得不顺，大家帮忙改改！

鬼谷子UID: 159645

Issue136: The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare.

Opportunities offered by society or governments and chances conformed to individual desires are two decisive components of choice making.  Then we can deduce that only under the circumstance that the range of the chances which individuals desire is smaller than or contained in that of the opportunities society or governments will offer will people be able to make choice according to their free will.  Thus the absence of choice is, in effect, not a rare circumstance as the speaker asserts but a frequently appearing condition people have to face.

Generally speaking, two main probabilities lead to the absence of choice.  One is that when society or governments fail to provide enough opportunities from which people can choose, though the chances desired by individuals are at a moderate and reasonable level, there’ll be few even no choices left to be chosen.  In other words, if the range of the opportunities offered by society or governments is too narrow, the right of choosing and the free will of people would be extremely limited even divested.  

Three possible causes may result in the circumstance of this kind.  The lack of development of society in economy, technology, science and so forth will be one of the causes.  An AIDS patient in a poor developed African country, for example, may has no choice but death for the government has neither the technology to produce the complicated drugs for AIDS patients, nor the money to buy them. Aside from it, some social problems such as explosion of population, deterioration of environment, and abuse of lands will be the second cause.  Imagine, in a crowded modern city, you may have no choice of where to live, nor will you have any choice of how to go when you are engaged in a traffic jam with the length of several miles.  In addition, another cause is that sometimes government imposes limitations on individuals deliberately and deprives them of the right as well as free will to choose.  Government is content to afford us some opportunities in some certain fields which it consider to be safe, but other opportunities are hidden from us to guarantee the secrecy and safety of the government.  

Alike the condition that society or governments give us a nearly empty list to choose from, another probability is that the bound of the chances desired by individuals goes beyond that of society or governments and thus we would see no choice in our vision.  For instance, a prevailing notion among the graduates of famous universities is to obtain a job with high salary and a splendid prospect.  But as a result of the lasting recession of economy, vehement competitions due to a continually growing population, and the limitations of the majors and working experiences, a large proportion of the graduates eventually find no jobs at all.  Another probable cause of this kind of condition is that people want to know more than the society or governments want them to know.  For example, a soldier has no choice to find truth and justice during a war nor could he try to decide fight or not, but to obey.  And we common people, as in the war in Iraq, have no choice to know the true purpose and course of war, for both the coverage of CNN and al-Jazeera is fraught with lies.

Someone may claim that though the amount of choice is diminished to a very small number in the conditions adduced above, we still have some choice left.  These people must have ignored the free will which is the essential part of human.  Without the free will of human, which should be protected as an important component of human rights by any democratic society, the choice which is selected by force among several choices, none of which is wanted by the selector is a far cry from a real choice.

In the final analysis, the absence of choice actually is not, at least in the conditions that when the range of the opportunities offered by society or governments is too narrow or the bound of the chances desired by individuals goes beyond that of society or governments, a rare circumstance.  Although it is undeniable that we are in an era of more freedom than ever before, we are still not free enough to have an unrestrained right to make choice in accordance with our interests and desires.

xiaoyaogogoUID: 134172

随便说说，个人感受：
1。第一句感觉头重脚轻，两个带后置定语的并列主语太长，读起来有点不爽。可否考虑换个句式？
2。第一段最后一句a frequently appearing condition people have to face 怎么读起来怪怪的。
（有人叫我，回头再慢慢看看）

鬼谷子UID: 159645

谢谢楼上
俺自己再顶一下！

DaffiUID: 18714

谢谢！看到你这篇才真正明确了我对这题的思路！太感谢了！！

不过下面没认真看，：P 抱歉哦~ 因为你的观点对我启发太大了决定今晚回去自己好好写一遍，看太仔细怕受影响。

不过我的题纲应该会是：

（先写思路好了。思路：有三种情形限制人的free choice，1、客观不能；2、社会；3、政府。）

第一段：随着科技/经济的发展，人们面临的选择越来越多（客观不能的比例变小）；然而，绝对的free will/free choice仍不存在。因为一个人的选择在很大程度上受到社会/政府的限制；
B1：社会对人的free choice的限制是潜在的，主要表现为道德约束，分析；
B2：政府对人的free choice的限制则是显在的，表现为法令明文禁止，且有国家强制力为保障，限制性更强，分析；
B3：人是社会性的，社会/政府在很大程度上限制着人的自由意志，好处（整个社会/国家的平衡和发展）；然而这个限制必须是适度的，如果超越其限度，……
尾段：自由，和人的生命与平等一样，是最基本的。经济越发展（客观不能的限制变少），民主程度就越高（政府的限制变小），道德约束也越小（社会的限制变小）。

例子也好举得很。^_^ 法西斯或共产党、文革，都是好例子呢。

鬼谷子UID: 159645

我是看了pooh的文章才觉得自己写的漏洞好多
她的文章你看了吗
我觉得她的破题非常巧妙
写起来也相对容易和成功一点

你的思路和提纲有出入啊?
还有,是不是文革的例子最好不举啊

lakeqianUID: 157560

呵呵。我贴一篇我写的吧~~~
issue136 The absence of choices is a circumstance that is very, very rare. 没有选择的情况少之又少。
主题句：人总是有选择的，但是合适的选择（值得选择的）只是一部分。
B1选择是自由的。
过渡：虽然有选择权，但是社会认同（符合社会价值标准）的选择不多。
B2社会有自己的价值标准，并鼓励有助于社会survive and thrive的选择，压制不利于社会的选择。例子。
B3从这个角度，对个人有利,值得选择的选择只是一小部分。
结尾

We make choices everyday, but controversy arises when talking about whether choices are rare or common. For my part, human always has the freedom to choose but advisable choices, which are worth choosing, are only a fraction among them.

Existentialists (this quotation does not necessarily mean that I agree with all of its viewpoints esp. its pessimistic view) have held that human beings do not have a fixed nature, or essence, as other animals and plants do. This assertion is based primarily on facts as follows: Animals and plants bear much of their ability in the encoding of their genetic pattern, that is, they are born without much space to develop. Contrastingly, human as another kind of creature, is born resembling blank paper in need of something to be added. So, as long as we are growing up and as long as we become what we are, we are making choices such as, whether I will be a politician or a scholar, whether I will go to this school or that one etc. Choice is therefore central to human existence, and it is inescapable; even the refusal to choose is a choice.

Choices as we have, the society, which encompasses us, is an institution with preference to the choices that can perpetuate itself.

Society, in the quest of its survival and thriving, would do its utmost to inculcate its offspring with the “right” ideas. Right ideas, defined by the society, are the ones that facilitate the perpetuation of the society and are promoted by the education and mass media. The one with the right idea will be favored in his or her individual development, while the one with the wrong idea will be handicapped till he is in alignment with the perpetuation of the society. For instance, when we were young and when our cosmos views were shaping, the society exerts itself to tell us that honesty is “right” by illustrating that Washington admitted his fault of chopping down a tree is wise and recommended.

Criterion (or the value system) of what is right or wrong is set. And, since one can not detach himself from the society, it is consequent that one should obey the criterion to secure individual development. Therefore, what is worth choosing is qualified by the society. Professions as workers, researchers, philosophers and so on are encouraged while chattering idealists and social activists who are against the current society is banished. In this way, choices are limited.

In a final analysis, we may discover that the circumstance should be likened to the natural selection (in appearance and never equal). Both of them point out the survival strategy that active members in an environment should wisely conform to the surrounding and limit their unlimited choices.

鬼谷子UID: 159645

No.6
呵呵。我贴一篇我写的吧~~~
issue136 The absence of choices is a circumstance that is very, very rare. 没有选择的情况少之又少。
主题句：人总是有选择的，但是合适的选择（值得选择的）只是一部分。
B1选择是自由的。
过渡：虽然有选择权，但是社会认同（符合社会价值标准）的选择不多。
B2社会有自己的价值标准，并鼓励有助于社会survive and thrive的选择，压制不利于社会的选择。例子。
B3从这个角度，对个人有利,值得选择的选择只是一小部分。
结尾

We make choices everyday, but controversy arises when talking about whether choices are rare or common. For my part, human always has the freedom to choose but advisable choices, which are worth（worthy?) choosing, are only a fraction among them.

Existentialists (this quotation does not necessarily mean that I agree with all of its viewpoints esp. its pessimistic view) have held that human beings do not have a fixed nature, or essence, as other animals and plants do.（强！我刚刚看过有关的东西，还不知道怎么用呢：（）This assertion is based primarily on facts as follows: Animals and plants bear much of their ability in the encoding of their genetic pattern, that is, they are born without much space to develop. Contrastingly, human as another kind of creature, is born resembling blank paper in need of something to be added. So, as long as we are growing up and as long as we become what we are, we are making choices such as, whether I will be a politician or a scholar, whether I will go to this school or that one etc. Choice is therefore central to human existence, and it is inescapable; even the refusal to choose is a choice.总的来说我觉得你说的论据证明的是人类学习的必要，因为是一张白纸所以要学习，而和选择的必然性我觉得不是太强，是否可以中间再加些什么转换一下？

Choices as we have, the society, which encompasses us, is an institution with preference to the choices that can perpetuate itself.没太明白你的意思哦

Society, in the quest of its survival and thriving, would do its utmost to inculcate its offspring（我们是社会的offspring吗？疑惑） with the “right” ideas. Right ideas, defined by the society, are the ones that facilitate the perpetuation of the society and are promoted by the education and mass media. The one with the right idea will be favored in his or her individual development, while the one with the wrong idea will be handicapped till he is in alignment with the perpetuation of the society. For instance, when we were young and when our cosmos views were shaping, the society exerts itself to tell us that honesty is “right” by illustrating that Washington admitted his fault of chopping down a tree is wise and recommended.（个人觉得你对于right ideas的阐述太多了，整段都没有提到choice的问题啊，是不是加上几句和 choice 的联系更能扣住主题呢？）

Criterion (or the value system) of what is right or wrong is set. And, since one can not detach himself from the society, it is consequent that one should obey the criterion to secure individual development. Therefore, what is worth choosing is qualified by the（不可以加the的哦） society. Professions as workers, researchers, philosophers and so on are encouraged while chattering idealists and social activists who are against the current society is banished. In this way, choices are limited.

In a final analysis, we may discover that the circumstance should be likened to the natural selection (in appearance and never equal). Both of them point out the survival strategy that active members in an environment should wisely conform to the surrounding and limit their unlimited choices.

我觉得最大的问题在于你要论述的是值得选择，可是实际上你说的受到社会标准的限制的选择应该是被动的或者是必须的选择，并不是值得选择的选项啊。我认为值得的意义在于个人可以自主选择或者判断和决定某选择是否值得。还有就是我觉得B1的论述不是很成功，而B2B3所说的标准也似乎不是很一致。

个人看法，呵呵

楼上的也帮我改改吧

lakeqianUID: 157560

是没论述太明确。
。。。我再改改啦。谢谢鬼兄。bow

大约是个论述个人价值观（对自己有利）Vs.社会标准（对社会自己有利）的问题吧。
大修后的：
We make choices everyday, but controversy arises when talking about whether choices are rare or common. For my part, human always has the freedom to choose on his behalf, but choices, which are in favor of the chooser, are only the ones that are in favor of the society.

Existentialists (this quotation does not necessarily mean that I agree with all of its viewpoints esp. its pessimistic view) have held that human beings do not have a fixed nature, or essence, as other animals and plants do. This assertion is based primarily on facts as follows: Animals and plants bear much of their ability in the encoding of their genetic pattern, that is, they are born without much space to develop. Contrastingly, human as another kind of creature, is born resembling blank paper in need of something to be added. So as long as we are growing up and as long as we become what we are, we learn and we are making choices on the way to be ourselves, such as, whether I will be a politician or a scholar, whether I will go to this school or that one etc. Choice is therefore inescapable (not necessary but destined) as long as we exist; even the refusal to choose is a choice. And, for a individual who choose it is obvious that he will choose the outcome which is most favorable for him.个人总是有选择的（极端点说，上吊还有好多办法）而且会选择对[B]他[/B] （他自己）有利的。（但这仅仅是在个人层面）

Choice as we have according to our interest, the society, which encompasses us, is such an organization with preference to the choices that can perpetuate itself.虽然我们有自己的选择但是社会是有偏见的，preference。这点和个人的选择不同。至于社会的偏好或说它的标准（[B]对社会自己有利[/B] ），that can perpetuate itself。具体解释在下段

Society, in the quest of its surviving and thriving, would do its utmost to inculcate its members with the “right” ideas. Right ideas, defined by the society, are the ones that facilitate the perpetuation of the society and are promoted by the education and mass media. The one with the right idea will be favored in his or her individual development, while the one with the wrong idea will be handicapped till he is in alignment with the perpetuation of the society. So, the society is, in some degree, forcing its members to favor the ideas that can also favor the society itself. For instance, when we were young and when our cosmos views were shaping, the society exerts itself to tell us that honesty is “right” by illustrating that Washington admitted his fault of chopping down a tree is wise and recommended and when we become honest, the society will gain benefit. （这段谈社会有社会的标准，且社会只鼓励那些有利于社会的选择，vice versa）

Criterion (or the value system) of what is right or wrong is set. And, since one can not detach himself from the society, it is consequent that one should obey the criterion to secure individual development for we have no power to overwhelm the whole society.（Nazi?? Nazi is no society but a party.） Therefore, what is in favor of individual is qualified by the society’s aim. Professions as workers, researchers, philosophers and so on are encouraged and promoted while chattering idealists and social activists who are against the current society is severely banished and discredited. In this way, an advisable choice that benefits the individual coordinates the choice that benefits the society.人要想生存需要in favor of 社会才能in favor of 个人。这个道理似乎都学过。(这段论证TS后半部分)

In a final analysis, we may discover that the circumstance should be likened to the natural selection (in appearance and never equal). Both of them point out the survival strategy that active members in an environment should wisely conform to the surrounding and limit their unlimited choices.
标准与价值问题…

鬼谷子UID: 159645

我寝室上不了网了
现在在网吧
先占座
明天再改:D

gra cie0213UID: 157500

to鬼谷子:
文章结构很清晰的说
而且我觉得你这个思路挺好的,
但是我有个建议,就是在展开论述前先具体阐述一下你的choice指的是free will,这样会使文章严密一点,在不看到你的倒数第二段,我觉得你举的每个例子其实都是有选择的.比如, ”Imagine, in a crowded modern city, you may have no choice of where to live” 肯定有选择地方住的权利,也许选不到舒适的住处罢了?
另外,关于”And we common people, as in the war in Iraq, have no choice to know the true purpose and course of war, for both the coverage of CNN and al-Jazeera is fraught with lies.”我觉得这个例子不是很合适哦, 且不说媒体报道中半岛的节目还是比较公正和出色的,了解战争的目的的途径非常多,只提到media似乎有失偏颇
不知道我说得对不对呢?

gra cie0213UID: 157500

We make choices everyday, but controversy arises when talking about whether choices are rare or common. For my part, human always has the freedom to choose on his behalf, but choices, which are in favor of the chooser, are only the ones that are in favor of the society.

Existentialists (this quotation does not necessarily mean that I agree with all of its viewpoints esp. its pessimistic view) have held that human beings do not have a fixed nature, or essence, as other animals and plants do. This assertion is based primarily on facts as follows: Animals and plants bear much of their ability in the encoding of their genetic pattern, that is, they are born without much space to develop. Contrastingly,不知道这个单词是不是有误? human as another kind of creature, is born resembling blank paper in need of something to be added.关于这个论据我同意鬼谷子的说法,需要学习和选择关系有点儿远So as long as we are growing up and as long as we become what we are, we learn and we are making choices on the way to be ourselves, such as, whether I will be a politician or a scholar, whether I will go to this school or that one etc. Choice is therefore inescapable (not necessary but destined) as long as we exist; even the refusal to choose is a choice. And, for a individual who choose it is obvious that he will choose the outcome which is most favorable for him.个人总是有选择的我觉得你这里说的不是个人有选择,（极端点说，上吊还有好多办法）而且会选择对他 （他自己）有利的。（但这仅仅是在个人层面）你这段是要证明没有选择的情况是很少的?在题目的理解上,我个人意见和你有点偏差,我觉得题目要讨论不是我们一生是不是都不可避免选择这个行为,而是我们在进行选择这个行为的时候,有没有权利挑选结果?

Choice as we have according to our interest, 这前半句和后半句之间觉得需要关联词连接一下the society, which encompasses us, is such an organization with preference to the choices that can perpetuate itself.虽然我们有自己的选择但是社会是有偏见的，preference。这点和个人的选择不同。至于社会的偏好或说它的标准（对社会自己有利 ），that can perpetuate itself。具体解释在下段
而且这段和B1的过渡有些唐突,你觉得呢?

Society, in the quest of its surviving and thriving, would do its utmost to inculcate its members with the “right” ideas. Right ideas, defined by the society, are the ones that facilitate the perpetuation of the society and are promoted by the education and mass media. The one with the right idea will be favored in his or her individual development, while the one with the wrong idea will be handicapped till he is in alignment with the perpetuation of the society. So, the society is, in some degree, forcing its members to favor the ideas that can also favor the society itself. For instance, when we were young and when our cosmos views were shaping, the society exerts itself to tell us that honesty is “right” by illustrating that Washington admitted his fault of chopping down a tree is wise and recommended and when we become honest, the society will gain benefit. （这段谈社会有社会的标准，且社会只鼓励那些有利于社会的选择，vice versa）

Criterion (or the value system) of what is right or wrong is set. And, since one can not detach himself from the society, it is consequent that one should obey the criterion to secure individual development for we have no power to overwhelm the whole society.（Nazi?? Nazi is no society but a party.） Therefore, what is in favor of individual is qualified by the society’s aim. Professions as workers, researchers, philosophers and so on are encouraged and promoted while chattering idealists and social activists who are against the current society is severely banished and discredited. In this way, an advisable choice that benefits the individual coordinates the choice that benefits the society.人要想生存需要in favor of 社会才能in favor of 个人。这个道理似乎都学过。(这段论证TS后半部分)
B3,B4我的建议是最好整合成一段,压缩B3的内容.毕竟社会标准问题不是文章的重心,文章的重点应该放在社会标准和人的选择之间的关系上?

In a final analysis, we may discover that the circumstance should be likened to the natural selection (in appearance and never equal). Both of them point out the survival strategy that active members in an environment should wisely conform to the surrounding and limit their unlimited choices.
标准与价值问题…

For my part, human always has the freedom to choose on his behalf, but choices, which are in favor of the chooser, are only the ones that are in favor of the society.感觉你文章的重心有点偏?理论主要围绕选择的标准问题,也就是我们选择要符合社会的利益?
纯属个人看法,欢迎讨论:)

鬼谷子UID: 159645

最初由 gra cie0213 发布
[B]to鬼谷子:
文章结构很清晰的说
而且我觉得你这个思路挺好的,
但是我有个建议,就是在展开论述前先具体阐述一下你的choice指的是free will,这样会使文章严密一点,在不看到..

以下省略...... [/B]

感谢gra cie0213同学对我文章的修改和中肯意见
其实我不是想把choice和free will等同，我是想说对于做选择，free will是至关重要的。可能是没论述好
例子的问题
唉
总是想不到什么好例子
我也知道那几个例子不是太好，可是一时想不出更好的
我再想想吧

lakeqianUID: 157560

晕。。。我放弃。。。不打算这么写了。。。似乎。。。
过渡段似乎没问题啊Choice as we have 就是承上。单独拿一段讲社会的标准当然是考虑到它重要性，并和B1有个暗含的对比，下一段在其基础上论证TS后半句话。文章中的一些逻辑。。。
算了，这么写似乎不太合适。。。