issue 同主题写作第四类 8月18-19日

liwenhao19UID: 3472930

Morfire 发表于 2017-8-18 20:23
21.Laws should be flexible enough to take account of various circumstances, times, and places.
Writ ...

1. 语言问题导致表达不清
2.例子展开的不是很对路，比如第一个例子你花了很多笔墨说，送孕妇去意愿不该惩罚而惩罚了会咋么样，事实上，大家在这个事情上是没什么争议的，不用写这么多，建议你看看老师的范文里是怎么展开的。你因该抽象出事情的特征也即是急迫性来argue
3.第二个例子举的不当
4. 最后的反面说的，我觉得不好，与孩子的性行为，本身是个个例，不足以反驳法律因该灵活。
5.以上是个人见解，不一定对，反正加油啦，会越来越好的

MaggieLLLLLLUID: 3827790

65 Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and to disobey and resist unjust laws.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

我的思路：different perspectives

Laws can be critical for a society’s prosperity as it shows the general public benchmark to behave, the standard of what is right and wrong. However, even laws which are supposed to be the fairest in the world can be considered as unjust in some people’s eyes, therefore some people argue that we should also disobey the unjust laws despite of obeying just laws. However, it is irresponsible to make this statement because laws should not be judged under this standard, the possible chaos would be caused if this argument is implemented。  
       
  TS1: Firstly, it is oversimplified to just dividing laws as just and unjust. As we all know, whether a law is perceived as just or not is based purely by one’s subjective perception. A just law in one person’s eye can be totally unacceptable in another’s. It can be affected by various factors: Values, culture, education……
    e.g. gay rights

   TS2: Secondly, if people choose to disobey laws, there may be great possibilities that great chaos would occur. The reason for the laws existence is to regulate people’s behaviors and guide people to do things in a certain way that would make the society work in a systematic way.
     e.g. parade—illegal, relatives of some victims believe it is justice to kill the murder
   
   TS3: Some people may challenge that if we disregard unjust law in many people’s eyes, it may harm the society and mutual benefits of its citizens, and also the society as a whole in the long run. But in reality, laws are always changeable. f we find a problem, we can always take strategic move within the legal framework of legislation to modify the laws for better good. E.g. Gain media coverage, looking for experts or scholars’ attention……

我的问题：challenging view需要放在intro的ts里吗。。。一直想问


点评30楼：感觉架构还是挺清晰的，栗子也举的不错，挺具体的，但我在想可以举出一些因为政府干预而被限制了的科学发展可能会更好，因为nuclear毕竟是因为政府的鼓励而兴起的，不知道有没有什么科学研究在同时期被限制了？语言方面挺好的，就是有些地方标点符号好像缺了，逗号啥的。

sweepyouUID: 3559530

4.Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no
speaker or reformer ever could.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In
developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or
examples that could be used to challenge your position.

TS: I do believe that the scandals can draw public attention to critical social problems more effectively than an average reformer do, and thus bring about widespread discussions, which is the prerequisite for a solution or reform.
用的是第二种framework.

ts1: When it comes to certain critical political issues, scandals play a vital role in drawing public attention, while a reformer or speaker may be reluctant to disclose such cases.
e.g. In an authoritarian state, people can hardly get negative information from official-run news resources. Even worse, due to some common interest, a reformer or speaker may not want to disclose such information, while scandals can always draw public attention.

ts2: Even when those in power are not intentionally cover up some social problems, they may also turn a blind eye on them. In this sense, scandals also play a vital part to raise public awareness.
e.g. A journal discloses a cheating scandal in a university in Japan. After the disclosure of the scandal, the public helps urges the official to reform the system.

ts3: 让步段。while it seemed that people's attention may be diverted from the real crucial problem, finally, it may bring about valuable debate over the issue.
e.g. President Clinton's affair.

点评7楼：
从第一段开始似乎没有解决这个issue的后半段，即in ways a speaker or reformer...的问题。即没有完全呼应。
第二段里面有个长句似乎可以简化一下，从句太复杂容易把自己绕进去:)还有a lot of focus这个表达不知道对不对。

第三段是想说明丑闻消耗了不必要的时间，而且做出了不好的引导吧？仍然需要呼应这个issue的后半句，即对比和reformer or speaker在解决社会问题时的区别。

其实一开始写这个issue我的想法也只是集中在scandal is valuable or not这个问题上，完全忘了后半句。

PtisenbonandrabbitUID: 3666884

4）Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.


With the development of modern mass media, scandals are almost ubiquitous.  Hardly can a day go by without some news reporting scandals involving high-profiles politicians, athletes or movie stars.  While it is true that scandals often attract public attention and may expose certain problems, I do not believe that they are useful in solving social problems as they often focus public attention on the wrong issues and can hardly maintain public attention for a sufficiently long time. After elaborating these two points, I will also address the argument that scandals can usefully create pressure for the government to introduce reforms.  


To begin with, the attention from the public after a scandal does not necessarily focus on the right issue.(point) Take the Clinton scandal and impeachment for example.  With the release of Starr report, the Clinton scandal has attracted the national and even international media attention. But the majority of American people seem to find it more interesting to talk about whether or not President Clinton had sex with Monica Lewinsky. They would even get into the debate over whether oral sex would count as sex. But the real issue that should capture public attention is whether or not the President had lied and still deserved the trust of American people.(information)With the media always interested in reporting sensational news, the Clinton scandal failed to focus public attention on the right issue and therefore was not very useful for the development of American politics. (elaboration)


In addition, when a scandal is involved in powerful corporation, a professional public relations team will very quickly take actions to address the crisis and divert the public attention from the right issues. (point)The oil giant BP, for example, was responsible for the oil rig explosion in 2013 and subsequent oil spill in the gulf of Mexico. During the scandal of this ecological disaster, BP hired a sophisticated PR team to launch a massive campaign to paint themselves as victims of tort law suits and shift media attention from the aftermath of the oil spill.  The large corporations like BP has the large amount of financial resources at their disposal to manipulate the media and the public opinions when necessary. (information) As the public is often forgetful while overwhelmed by the news and scandals, it is fairly easy for them to get away from such scandals.  In other words, one cannot really rely on scandals to solve problems involving big corporations. (elaboration)



Some people may argue that scandals are still useful in creating pressure to push the government to reform. (point)For example, after the scandal of Sun Zhigang, a Chinese university graduate who was tortured and killed in Guangzhou Center for the Homeless, Chinese government has abolished the institution of arresting the homeless in the large cities.  While this case leads to some desirable outcome, it is doubtful that we should count on scandals like this to reform a nation’s legal and social infrastructure. (information) To fix the numerous problems in a modern society, the best solution is to educate the people about their rights so people can speak up against injustice when their rights are violated. We cannot just overlook the injustice in our daily life and wait for scandals to fix the problems in our society.  (elaboration)



In conclusion, while I acknowledge that certain scandals may eventually lead to some progress in our society, most scandals are not very useful in reforming the society as the public often focus their attention on the wrong issues and the powerful corporations can easily divert public attention through their public relations campaigns.  To achieve real progress in social development, we need better education to increase people’s awareness of their rights and their sense of justice.

xiaoruichanUID: 3829214

Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.  

With the development of modern mass media, scandals are almost ubiquitous.  Hardly can a day go by without some news reporting scandals involving high-profiles politicians, athletes or movie stars.  While it is true that scandals often attract public attention and may expose certain problems, I do not believe that they are useful in solving social problems as they often focus public attention on the wrong issues and can hardly maintain public attention for a sufficiently long time. After elaborating these two points, I will also address the argument that scandals can usefully create pressure for the government to introduce reforms.  


To begin with, the attention from the public after a scandal does not necessarily focus on the right issue. （Point）Take the Clinton scandal and impeachment for example.  With the release of Starr report, the Clinton scandal has attracted the national and even international media attention. （Information）But the majority of American people seem to find it more interesting to talk about whether or not President Clinton had sex with Monica Lewinsky. They would even get into the debate over whether oral sex would count as sex.（Information） But the real issue that should capture public attention is whether or not the President had lied and still deserved the trust of American people. With the media always interested in reporting sensational news, （Information）the Clinton scandal failed to focus public attention on the right issue and therefore was not very useful for the development of American politics. （elaboration）

In addition, when a scandal is involved in powerful corporation, a professional public relations team will very quickly take actions to address the crisis and divert the public attention from the right issues. （Point） The oil giant BP, for example, was responsible for the oil rig explosion in 2013 and subsequent oil spill in the gulf of Mexico. During the scandal of this ecological disaster, BP hired a sophisticated PR team to launch a massive campaign to paint themselves as victims of tort law suits and shift media attention from the aftermath of the oil spill.  （Information）The large corporations like BP has the large amount of financial resources at their disposal to manipulate the media and the public opinions when necessary. （Information）As the public is often forgetful while overwhelmed by the news and scandals, it is fairly easy for them to get away from such scandals.  In other words, one cannot really rely on scandals to solve problems involving big corporations. （elaboration）


Some people may argue that scandals are still useful in creating pressure to push the government to reform. （Point）For example, after the scandal of Sun Zhigang, a Chinese university graduate who was tortured and killed in Guangzhou Center for the Homeless,  Chinese government has abolished the institution of arresting the homeless in the large cities.  （Information）While this case leads to some desirable outcome, it is doubtful that we should count on scandals like this to reform a nation’s legal and social infrastructure. （elaboration）To fix the numerous problems in a modern society, the best solution is to educate the people about their rights so people can speak up against injustice when their rights are violated. We cannot just overlook the injustice in our daily life and wait for scandals to fix the problems in our society.  （elaboration）


In conclusion, while I acknowledge that certain scandals may eventually lead to some progress in our society, most scandals are not very useful in reforming the society as the public often focus their attention on the wrong issues and the powerful corporations can easily divert public attention through their public relations campaigns.  To achieve real progress in social development, we need better education to increase people’s awareness of their rights and their sense of justice.

bio-LUID: 3788600

Issue 65 u示范 第四段第三个论点
Some people may challenge my position by asking about what to do with the injustice of certain laws such as the laws denying rights to marry for homosexual couples.  It turns out that there are at least two ways to challenge a law within the legal framework. 【piont, resist the issue claim】 First, the people unhappy with certain laws can always campaign for abolishing the laws through new legislation.  The members of the legislature are elected by the people and should respect the opinions of their constituencies when making decisions regarding different laws.【information1】  Second, the laws can also be challenged in the federal courts and may be striken down for being unconstitutional. 【information2， two information form a parallel structure 】 Therefore, people can always try to reform the laws that are not just without disobeying or resisting them illegally. 【elaboration . however, no relation is indicated between the information and point 】

不知道explaination 是不是算一个information？

My issue, 第三段，第二个论点
In addition, before requiring students to learn abroad, we need to consider the conditions of our own country.【point】 Maybe in some domains our colleges or universities have the best resources, so it appears misunderstanding confusing that send students in those domains to other places. 【information and weak elaboration 】Some people might contradict that students need not only the academic abilities, but also other skills like communication and organization, and go abroad is a way that may improve these skills effectively. 【cite other’s point, try to give information】They consider that studying and living in a foreign country could benefit students in many aspects, and they can make friends with other foreign students, which may also benefit to them. 【the benefit of going abroad; more information, no elaboration】 In some knowledge like PR, as the personal connection becomes crucial, students in these can choose to study abroad certainly. However, in such knowledge like mathematics the academic ability is more important. 【information】If these students could get more professional trains in their own country, why not require them go other places?【elaboration】

Can I use the last three sentences to be a elaboration ?

点评：和34楼同学的想法有些地方不一样
第一段建议最后一句话的after前面加上But
第二段话的
But the real issue that should capture public attention is whether or not the President had lied and still deserved the trust of American people
应该是elaboration

，第四段的it is doubtful that we should count on scandals like this to reform a nation’s legal and social infrastructure没有照应开头，相反地，将讨论的重点转到了其它地方，因此，
To fix the numerous problems in a modern society, the best solution is to educate the people about their rights so people can speak up against injustice when their rights are violated.
应该是一个Point
最后一句确实是elaboration，但是缺information


学习：issue和argument的开头，结尾样式及主体的展开方式。 但是也感到有些内容不太好理解。
如：pie模型中是如何看待some people challenge ... 这样的句子的呢？这一点没理解。
在很多时候例子可能不好举，希望王老师能讲解下如何得到自己的例子并运用它。
《美国大学英语写作》里面讲了，我们一般写作是平行法（名字搞忘了），而西方一般是演绎法，不知道演绎法可不可以用到gre的写作中？

telepathyivanUID: 3790595

老师写的issue4 的model
Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

To begin with, the attention from the public after a scandal does not necessarily focus on the right issue.(POINT made about scandal’s necessity) Take the Clinton scandal and impeachment for example. With the release of Starr report, the Clinton scandal has attracted the national and even international media attention. (INFORMATION using a example) But the majority of American people seem to find it more interesting to talk about whether or not President Clinton had sex with Monica Lewinsky. They would even get into the debate over whether oral sex would count as sex. (ELABORATION on people’s attitude towards this scandal) But the real issue that should capture public attention is whether or not the President had lied and still deserved the trust of American people. (ELABORATION on people’s attitude towards this scandal)With the media always interested in reporting sensational news, the Clinton scandal failed to focus public attention on the right issue and therefore was not very useful for the development of American politics. (ELABORATION leading to the point above)

我写的argu14
To begin with, the author's claim relies heavily on the assumption that the executives should receive most, of not all, the credit of the excellent performance of the company. (POINT about the assumption maded by the author in the argument)Generally speaking, we hold the belief that the growth of a company cannot be achieved without every single unit's effort. (INFORMATION about who should be credited)Ascribing all glory elements to the executives, though they are in high position and exert more influence than others, is unfair and unreasonable to other contributors.(ELABORATION on the fault of the assumption) If there is a case that  demonstrates the significance role played by other normal employees, the assumption here will be greatly challenged,and therefore the argument will be less convincing. (ELABORATION on the possible consequence resulted from this assumption)

点评17楼
“Although someone may think that heroes and models cannot represent all the people in our society, but the truth is that normally, we never pay attention to the silent majority. (Point)When open a history book, there are all the names of heroes and models, because they write the history. (Information)Once a pedestrian makes him or her heart by us, he or she is a hero or model to some extent rather than a nameless one. (Elaboration)If some ordinary people challenge the authority of elites triumphantly, these people themselves become new heroes and models. (Elaboration)”
第一句里面although 和but不能同时存在， 要删掉一个 而且前半句后半句并不是转折的意思 不能代表所有人 我们未关注普通人
后面的内容： 普通人挑战权威成功，就是英雄了。 那不是还是在说 ：要成为英雄， 和普通人的本质作用并没有特别多关联。
是不是想说普通人作用也很大，如果是的话说普通人的事迹会不会好些 比如十年如一日做什么之类的 螺丝钉啊啥的
以上是我的一点想法，希望对你有帮助

感想：
这次的活动对我个人来讲帮助很大，不再觉得写作可怕（虽然还是以前的那个水平，但心理上不是那么害怕了）。对我的master 论文也很有帮助，一些思路是共同的，感谢王老师和版主们愿意花时间做这件事情，考完gre我也会一直写下去的

justiceklUID: 3803056

23 Governments should place few, if any, restrictions on scientific research and development.


Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position. 


I believe that scientific research and development should not be subject to any restrictions from governments.  I will first discuss why the governments should not place restrictions on research activities by considering the nature of the government and its threat to academic freedom.  Next, I will explain why such restrictions are not necessary by explaining how research activities are being monitored by funding agencies and ethical review committees.  

model essay：
My first objection to government restriction is based on my skepticism of the power of governments in general and my belief in academic freedom.(point)  As Thomas Paine famously put it, “Government, even in its best form, is a necessary evil.”  (I)We allow the government to take away part of our freedom and property (via taxation) because some form of government is necessary to maintain the social order.(I)  But the power of the government should be restricted(I); otherwise, the power will be abused by the government officials(I).  Since scientific research and development do not usually threaten the social order and national security, I believe that the government should not place any restrictions on them(E).  Meanwhile, the principle of academic freedom, which is the core values of higher education(I), also dictates that the government should allow maximum freedom for the scientists and researchers to pursue any projects they are interested in.  (E)

bigheiniuUID: 3814202

issue 17
17)Formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free. [claim/comparison]

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

提纲:

开头: Although formal education help a great of students get suitable education, yet due to its repeated tests and identical stand for students, some people think the formal education has constrained their ability about free thinking. I fairly agree with this thought in implemention subject and art, but in basic subject like math, formal education have free students' thinking.

1. On the one hand, in applied subject, formal education impedes people' creativity.
        e.g. different stands of current prevalent applications => twitter: public media, telegram: private media, Wechat: between these two kinds.



2. Thousands kinds of art will be constrained by the formal education.
e.g. music => only teach mainstream music, and the stand for good music is static.
        el: 1. students' curiosity in conventional music only survive in the countryside will be hamperred.
                2. students are less likely to express their own feelings or spirits in the music because this will not meet the stand.

3. Formal education bolester many creative ideas in basic subject.       
        e.g. math => repeated exercise reinforce the axiom to studnets and identical standars meet the need of precise.
        Immersing with the knowledge allow students find some hole between the axioms and find unknown areas which they can go to explore.

On the one hand, in applied subject, formal education impedes people' independent thinking[Point]. These is no stand for what a good product is, students and engineers have to do the brain storm to get the proper way to implement their knowledge.[Information] Take computer program for example, there are applications like twitter focus on the public interaction, telegram concentrating on private or close friend relationship.[Information] If the program developer just follow what they learn from school that social application should be as open as possible, how can it explain the popularity of telegram. Or just on these two sides,  be public or private, the  success of WeChat in China focus both on stranger and close friendship will be concealed.[运用假设法进行 Evaluate] Although identical stand can allow teacher assess student

点评 19楼同学:
1）网友提纲的框架是否合理？
  开头写的特别好, 先讨论背景, 再讨论题目来引出自己的观点. 陈述完观点后, 清楚的展示了后文的行文框架.

2) 网友提纲所用的例子是否合适?
  例子用的很准确, 用家庭暴力法律来代表正义的法律, 同性恋法律代表不正义法律. 最后做出一个建议

3) 网友开头段语言方面有哪些问题？
  很好

4) 关于 PIE 模型的建议:
1. 在 If the activists demonstrate outside the government illegally or they just resort to violence, they will be arrested by the police. 后续还需要再提一下 对于同性恋推动会有什么坏的影响.
2. 反对意见可以作为一个让步, 放在你的 elaboration 之中.

战G进行时UID: 3727585

Challenging the authority
No.4
Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.  

范文PIE分析
To begin with, the attention from the public after a scandal does not necessarily focus on the right issue. (Topic sentence to state the Point) Take the Clinton scandal and impeachment for example. (provide the relevant fact or Information) With the release of Starr report, the Clinton scandal has attracted the national and even international media attention. (further explain the example: Information) But the majority of American people seem to find it more interesting to talk about whether or not President Clinton had sex with Monica Lewinsky. They would even get into the debate over whether oral sex would count as sex. But the real issue that should capture public attention is whether or not the President had lied and still deserved the trust of American people. (connect the information with the point: Elaboration) With the media always interested in reporting sensational news, the Clinton scandal failed to focus public attention on the right issue and therefore was not very useful for the development of American politics. (Elaborate the main point: Elaboration)

我的提纲如下

开头段全文：
Our life is filled with various scandals relating to politics, culture, etc. Gossip about scandals has been part of our leisure time. In my opinion, scandals attract people to pay attention to existing problems. However, scandals sometimes may also exert passive influence in the society.

主题句1 Some young people are not interested in news. Scandals are helpful to lead those people to care for problems.
具体例子或细节
-        Bill Clinton, WaterGate

主题句2 In working places, scandals may make people absent, failing to finish their work.
具体例子或细节
- In school, scandals disturb students.
-        In factory, scandals disturb workers. May cause accidents

主题句3 Scandals may distort the truth.  
具体例子或细节
- Michael Jackson
-        Ruan Lingyu’s suicide

关于这个提纲的写作我有以下感想或困惑
这两天有事写得有点草率了。最大的感想就是拿到作文题不会怵了，有框架有结构，知道怎么规划内容。


点评：38楼
应该是写中间段或者提纲，只写了第一段吧，没有太多内容可以分析，也跟PIE模型无关。

xiulin2015UID: 3609356

21 Laws should be flexible enough to take account of various circumstances, times, and places.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.  

Introduction
Laws should facilitate to the development of a society and its flexibility is given to the consideration of various circumstances, times and places when the society is evolving. However laws are also holding the fundamental value and belief of the society and protect one country’s sovereignty and security where the rigidness couldn’t be ignored.

Ts1: Laws should be evolved when new technologies and inventions are challenging the norm of society and its flexibility to supplementaries is of significant importance. ( Point) The most controversial topic nowadays is the laws for Artificial Intelligence. (Information) There are probabilities that Artificial Intelligence breaks the current law and disturb the public security when its legislation of usage in form of law is not brought up. (Elaboration) Therefore the implementation of laws should be flexible to leave the space for supplementaries to improve its implementation to real situations.(Point) However if the flexibility is missed out, it will somehow deteriorate the vibrant development of society.  ( Elaboration, in another context)

eg. the flexibility of laws in regulating for new tech such as unmanned plane or vehicles.   

Ts2: Laws should be rigid to hold its values and beliefs with no circumstance of the change of times and places to protect the country’s sovereignty and security. If laws couldn’t play fairly through the country, the risks of violating the law by greedy people would be higher and cause some unpredictable consequences in the society’s economic, political and cultural development.

eg. Corruption comes along with the power of public servants. Lacking of corresponding laws, the rights would be abused when some of the public servants are faced up with the allure of wealth and benefits beyond their position. China’s anti-corruption law has cleaned up the system and rebuild the reputation of government and strengthen the beliefs in government and stabilize the society at a great extent.

Ts3: Laws are like two sides of sword.

huan19880122UID: 2657720

4 Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.  

Scandals draw attention. People gather around, enthralled by the sharing of secret details and inside information regarding the hot scandals. Cases may have happened in the past that the break of scandals pressured governments or big corporations and resolved the related issues. However, accidental events aside, relying on scandals to address issues in the society is not effective and would cause even more serious problems, like disrupted order in seeking justice and consensus violence.

ts1 Scandals are not an effective way to solve problems.
Sub1: public attention are not sequenced by how serious the issue is but how dirty the scandals are.
Example: photo scandal
Sub2: peoples rarely focus on the problem solving side of a scandal.
Example: photo scandal

ts2 Relying on scandals to address social problems as a routine way may induce massive manipulation of public opinion and disrupt the order in seeking justice.
Example: spinmeisters, large corporation

ts3 Scandals always come along with hidden victims of consensus violence.
Example:Clinton scandal
Victim Monica Lewinsky

芸乔UID: 3596115

Issue 65 范文

Let’s first consider why everyone should be responsible for obeying just laws. (point)  Take the simple examples of the traffic law about driving under the influence of alcohol. (Information)  In most countries, it is illegal to drive if one is drunk. (Information) Few people would challenge the justice behind this law. (Elaboration) When a driver is drunk, s/he would not be able to operate an(应改为a) vehicle safely and driving would threaten the safety of the driver, the passengers and others sharing the road. (Elaboration) To protect the interests of everyone involved, the laws prohibit such behaviors and punish those breaking the laws. (Elaboration) For just laws like this, everyone should obey them and there is no doubt about it. (Elaboration)


点评42楼
整体框架OK，不过这次的任务是用PIE模型分析中间段。层主现在使用的还是第一节课的方法。可以考虑每次举完例子以后再多加一句elaboration，让文章更加丰满并且逻辑性更强。


最近的感想就是很感谢老师和寄托提供给大家这么一个机会可以群体进步，通过改同学的文章也学到很多。另外，如果有可能的话，希望老师能尽量对大家交的作业都有一个点评。之前因为头几次交作业都没点评到，没感受到互动的乐趣，所以中间有所懈怠。不过好在后面又赶上来啦~~这只是一个小希望而已，毕竟老师也很忙。以后还是应该自己早早完成作业才是硬道理~

SylviaMengyayaUID: 3693199

Model Essay——Issue 4

“To begin with, the attention from the public after a scandal does not necessarily focus on the right issue.(Point) Take the Clinton scandal and impeachment for example.(Information) With the release of Starr report, the Clinton scandal has attracted the national and even international media attention. But the majority of American people seem to find it more interesting to talk about whether or not President Clinton had sex with Monica Lewinsky.(Information) They would even get into the debate over whether oral sex would count as sex.(Further information) But the real issue that should capture public attention is whether or not the President had lied and still deserved the trust of American people.(Elaboration) With the media always interested in reporting sensational news, the Clinton scandal failed to focus public attention on the right issue and therefore was not very useful for the development of American politics.(Elaboration) ”

My Essay——Issue 9

Ts1: It is true that many significant contributions are made after first being extensively influenced by past achievements, especially those that are still proved to be true, within that field.(Point) These achievements like a light in the darkness, lead us closer to the truth of the world. Human beings are born with a desire to explore the unknown world.(Information) Therefore, attention of scientists has always paid to outer space.(Further Information with Example) Without the successful launching of the satellite, there won’t be the successful landing of the spacecraft, even the man’s landing on the moon.(Elaboration) And these achievements have pushed us to a deeper exploration of outer space such as landing on Mars.(Elaboration)

Outline for Issue 17:
17)Formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Framework: 第二种，从教学内容，教育者和学生，三个角度出发。教育内容是被规定好的，但是教师的教学方式是不同的，有的教师可以帮助学生形成批判性思维；学生的学习能力也是不同的，有的学生具有自主性学习能力。

Intro: Education has always been regarded as an important issue in our society for it attach great significance to the future of not only individuals but a country. Many have threw doubt on our formal education as it tends to restrain our minds and spirits, which is believed should free our minds and spirits. This argument may hold true considering the content we should learn in the class has been determined by the government. However this may not be true from the perspective of teacher and students themselves.

Ts1:Officers in government and authorities from the field of education have determined the contents we  should learn in the class.
Examples: (1)learning contents of math are set different for primary school, middle school.
                (2)Primary students do not learn subjects like physics, chemistry in China.

Ts2: Different teachers have different ways of teaching, and there are some teacher can help their students to think independently and critically.
Examples: Some teachers put open ended question to students.
               
Ts3: Students themselves can free their minds and spirits via autonomous learning and critical thinking.


点评楼层：32
1）提纲的框架是否合理？
对于作者的选取角度有些困惑。第一个是从个人角度出发——一个人认为公正，另一个可能认为不公正；第二个是，如果人们disobey law 会引起混乱，不好定义这是什么角度。或者可以讨论在不同的文化，政治背景等因素的影响下，人们对于法律的公正与否意见不同，因此无法单纯的来判断法律的公正性？
2）提纲所用的例子是否合适？
我认为第一个第三个论点下的例子都是合理的，第二个例子中的parade在某些国家好像是合法的
3）开头段语言方面有哪些问题？  
this standard 可以再具体一下，第二个however感觉去掉也可以。