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I can hardly agree with the author's assertion that formal education tends to restrain our minds and sprirts spiritsrather than set them free. Granted that 个人认为在此用Although 更好一些formal education createdbring about some restrictions, its advantage that provide basic element to attain in order to free the mind and spirit exceeds its restrictions.这一句很混乱但也我也不确定怎么说更好些 或许可以这样:its advantage that provides basic elements of freeing the mind and spirit exceeds its restriction.
First of all, formal education is not the obstacle to attain the freedom of mind and spirit. Reversely, it is the formal education that frees the students to fly in the sky of themthemselves. Formal education provides various realms of knowledge, divided which is divided into three main categories including the sciences, the humanities, and the social sciences. Each of them involves several subjects. Such knowledge is the basic skills beforewhich are predictions of any further research and study. There is a famous saying that "Never try to run before you can walk". The meaning behind it is apparent that去掉 that 改为,namely,we should get ready a fully preparation. make adequate preparationsIn other words, in order to free the mind and spirit, we have to know what is the substance of mind and spirit, the criterion of them and the relation between them. For example, birds strengthen their wings, before they can fly. The stronger and wider wings they have, the higher and fartherplace they will reach. As same asThe same withbirds, people have to broaden and deepen their certain knowledge, before they want to fly in the sky of their realm; otherwise, they are cheating themselves and dreaming in a fancy world.这段你想强调的是学校提供的基础课知识有助于解放思想,但过多的篇幅论述只有扩展这些知识才能达到目的是不是偏离你的初衷了?
Furthermore, without formal education, most of creations comescoming from free mind and spirit can'tcannot be thorough and profound. Maybe, these不应该用这些吧?some creations are full of imagination, but after a close consideration their superficial essence will be unmasked. There is a good example of my own to illustrate this point. As a juniorWhen I was a junior, I took part in a nationwide competition called "Entrepreneur". Students with different major backgrounds worked together to form a suppositional company. Science students provide product and technical support. As a business student, I took charge in marketing. Without much knowledge in marketing, I wanted to be creative. So I invent用在此不合适 a market segment of our company called "Delta marketing segments". I was so excited that within only one week I made this creative thing. But under the censor of jurybut when jury censored my work, they asked several questions and indicated lots of fallacy in my method. Thus, my awareness toward the importance of formal education deepened. So I determined时态前后不一致 to a further educationfurther my study in marketing and I believe that one day, I will create a real market segment of my own.这段例子能很好的证明你的ts, 不错
Admittedly, formal education does have some shortcomings, such as overloaded curriculum and false teaching methods, but they can eventually beameliorated under certain measures. Nothing is the acme of perfection, thus we should confront the problems and solve them. Although students complain about their curriculum all the time, educators have made great progress on it. With high-tech equipment, teachers are finding may adoptadvanced teaching methods to attract the attention of students. With computers, for example, teachers illustrate knowledge vividly and detailedly with Withsoftwares, such as flash an PowerPoint, which去掉which 改为teachers present information in a more acceptable way. Furthermore,感觉与后面的more 重复了用个And 或许更好点 whichwhat is more important is that these active teaching methods provide students a capacity of critical analysis and thinking--the key to the freedom of mind and spirit.为什么能得出这样的结论那?最好阐明一下
All in all, formal education releases our mind and spirit rather than restrict them. However, we should not overlook the restrictions of it. With certain solution to release these restrictions, formal education fundamentally gives people indispensable knowledge and strengthens the ability of critical thinking. Such knowledge and ability is the essence of formal education and the basic element to set mind and spirit free.最好一段说得比较乱 如果我写的话可能会是这样:All in all, formal education not only provides fundamental knowledge but also strengthen the ability of critical, both of which contribute to setting mind and spirit free. Meanwhile, even if they have shortcomings , we have certain solution to release them nowadays.
以上仅是个人看法, 仅供参考, 希望共勉 |
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