issue5 限时后改了2遍

鬼谷子UID: 159645

Issue5
------题目------
A nation should require all its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college rather than allow schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer.
------正文------
Owing to the increase in the demand of acquainted and skilled intellectuals aroused by the unprecedented development of science and economy, education has received more and more attentions and considerations at the present time.  As a result, establishing an appropriate curriculum for students especially the ones have not entered college has been widely recognized as one of the decisive factors which contribute greatly to achieving the basic objectives of education and to cultivating qualified individuals.  From my point of view, the most effective curriculum for students is the one based on the national curriculum and has some alternative and additional courses.

It is justifiable for government to require all its students to accept the national curriculum insofar as the realization of basic goals of education.  The main aims of education include several aspects.  One is to teach students fundamental skills and knowledge such as to read and write; another is to instruct them to have basic abilities which they will use in their further learning as well as their later life, including the ability to analyze and solve problems, and the ability to get along with others; and the last one is to inform them social values and ideas, for example, the democracy and equality.  Since these basic aims are applicable in every school of every region, a uniform standard determined by government, which will help to obtain best effects when carrying out these aims is necessary.  On the contrary, schools or regional governments can hardly create an overall curriculum which is suitable for every school and every student.  Furthermore, national government plays an important role in ensuring the performance of the national curriculum.  Thus, national curriculum is the significant core in students’ curriculum for it realizes the basic objectives of education.

However, besides the national curriculum, some alternative and additional courses are also indispensable.  Different regions of a country have different cultural, historical, and religious features.  Then some certain courses will be needed according to these distinctive features.  For instance, some history courses about the history of the region will be needed in one region, but will not be concluded in the curriculum of another region; and some religious courses will be put in curriculum of one region, while other regions which have courses of another religion or no religious courses at all.  Aside from it, different schools have different requirements too.  The school which is famous for its achievements in art will require more artistic courses in its curriculum, yet a school which is famous for literature will not.  Therefore, it is extremely difficult for the national government to use only one national curriculum to satisfy so many different needs.  Moreover, neglect of these needs will deprive the cultural or religious freedom of some people and impede further advancements of some schools thereby harm the development of education and impair democracy.  And the only way to solve the problem is to grant regional governments and schools the freedom to select some additional and alternative courses to be added to their curricula.

The interests of students as another factor which is crucial to the making of curriculum should not be ignored either.  Students are the objects of education, and their interests will impulse their learning in school and help school or government decides which curriculum is fit for them.  Students, as all citizens, have the rights to choose.  Making curriculum regardless of students’ interests will actually quell the courage and passion of them and even eliminate geniuses.  Imagine, in a world where all schools have only the national curriculum but no additional courses, such as piano courses or painting courses, there will be no Picasso and Liszt at all.  Consequently, we see the necessity to add some additional and alternative courses to the curriculum.

To conclude, although national curriculum plays a so vital role in the realization of goals of education, the importance of some additional and alternative courses should not be overlooked.  If the national curriculum is indiscriminately accepted by every school and remains invariable, the development of education and students would also remains invariable, and, stays at the same point forever.  So, the best and most effective curriculum is the one consisted of a core national curriculum and some additional and alternative courses.

naiba369UID: 131655

Issue5
------题目------
A nation should require all its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college rather than allow schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer.
------正文------
Owing to the increase in the demand of acquainted and skilled intellectuals aroused by the unprecedented development of science and economy, education has received more and more attentions and considerations at the present time. As a result, establishing an appropriate curriculum for students especially the ones have not entered college has been widely recognized as one of the decisive factors which contribute greatly to achieving the basic objectives of education and to cultivating qualified individuals. From my point of view, the most effective curriculum for students is the one based on the national curriculum and has some alternative and additional courses.

It is justifiable for government to require all its students to accept the national curriculum insofar as the realization of basic goals of education.想和你讨论一下：这种只说justifiable 而没说具体怎么justifiable，的开头好呢？还是具体说出来，在ts 中有所体现好呢？The main aims of education include several aspects.建议这里加一句总的，概括性的话，比如：this uniform national curriculum can insure the knowledge structure of students both in mental and physical 如何？. One is to teach students fundamental skills and knowledge such as to read and write; another is to instruct them to have basic abilities which they will use in their further learning as well as their later life, including the ability to analyze and solve problems, and the ability to get along with others; and the last one is to inform them social values and ideas, for example, the democracy and equality. Since these basic aims are applicable in every school of every region, a uniform standard determined drafted by government, which will help to obtain best effects make great influence on them when carrying out these aims is necessary. On the contrary, schools or regional governments can hardly create an overall curriculum which is suitable for every school and every student. Furthermore, national government plays an important role in ensuring the performance of the national curriculum 没必要吧. Thus, national curriculum is the significant core in students’ curriculum for it realizes the basic objectives of education.还有几点比较重要的问题：1。最好说明这个 national curriculum  is compulsory 这样才能保证学生的structure of knowledge 是完整健全的，而你最后的furthermore 有这个趋势，却没说明。2，这个national curriculum 还要保证入学的高中毕业生具有相同的基本知识结构，这利于大学的教育，否则层次参差不齐。

However, besides the national curriculum, some alternative and additional courses are also indispensable. Different regions of a country have different cultural, historical, and religious features. Then some certain courses will be needed according to these distinctive features. For instance, some history courses about the history of the region will be needed in one region, but will not be concluded in the curriculum of another region; and some religious courses will be put in curriculum of one region, while other regions which have courses of another religion or no religious courses at all. Aside from it, different schools have different requirements too. The school which is famous for its achievements in art will require more artistic courses in its curriculum, yet a school which is famous for literature will not. Therefore, it is extremely difficult for the national government to use only one national curriculum to satisfy so many different needs. Moreover, neglect of these needs will deprive the cultural or religious freedom of some people and impede further advancements of some schools thereby harm the development of education and impair democracy. And the only way to solve the problem is to grant regional governments and schools the freedom to select some additional and alternative courses to be added to their curricula 首先，我觉得， 各地学校的addtional courses 的主要目的是在compulsory curriculum 外，为学生提供更多的基于他们兴趣的选择，而你的论证将interest 分出，也说明它是最重要的，所以，建议将B3提前。作为，different schools should provide some additional curriculum 这一ts的主要分论述点。原b2 置后。而且，觉得你的重心是从学校的，国家，地区的角度去考虑additional courses 的好处，我还是觉得从学生，这个首教育的主体出发好些。

The interests of students as another factor which is crucial to the making of curriculum should not be ignored either. Students are the objects of education, and their interests will impulse their learning in school and help school or government decides which curriculum is fit for them. 不是，help them decided, 而是，他们本来就是，should decided, 而校方做出相应的回应，美国的高中与中国的是不同的。  Students, as all citizens, have the rights to choose. Making curriculum regardless of students’ interests will actually quell the courage and passion of them and even eliminate geniuses. Imagine, in a world where all schools have only the national curriculum but no additional courses, such as piano courses or painting courses, there will be no Picasso and Liszt at all 太绝对了，添个probably 如何？. Consequently, we see the necessity to add some additional and alternative courses to the curriculum.

To conclude, although national curriculum plays a so vital role in the realization of goals of education, the importance of some additional and alternative courses should not be overlooked. 你的潜台词是additional courses “更”重要，如果仅从你的句子表述上看，用个as well as 如何？ If the national curriculum is indiscriminately accepted by every school and remains invariable, the development of education and students would also remains invariable, 这个if 本身就是很不符合常识的假设，且和你b1的论述矛盾。而且这样说，更是给读者一感觉――你更看重 additional courses。 and, stays at the same point forever. So, the best and most effective curriculum is the one consisted of a core national curriculum and some additional and alternative courses.

My Revise：

1．        开头：写的不错，但好像过长，考试时，你更本没有机会这样写。
2．        B1：见上
3．        B2：见上
4．        B3：见上
5．        结尾：
6．        小结：我觉得你对两方面的论述的出发点都有点没抓到点子上的感觉，或者是没有用一个很好的的词去提出来，比如：compulsory education （9年义务/强制教育）
7．        PS: ：回复的很晚，自己的任务也很重，没用看楼上下个xdjm的帖子，可能会重复。我感觉不妥的语言方面的问题，标出但未改，请见谅。意见如有不妥，希望你和我具体讨论。Pm我。
8．        我原来的提纲：
        a nation should have both compulsory curriculum and additional courses.
        B1: It is necessary to draft a national compulsory curriculum. As this uniform curriculum can insure the knowledge structure of students all of the nation.
        B2:Meanwhile, the additional courses offered by different schools can provide students with their interest.        B3: Thus, it is significant to keep balance between the compulsory national curriculum and additional various courses.
        In brief, both the uniform national curriculum and different additional courses are important for the development of high-students. The former makes sure the knowledge structure and quality of students, while, the latter provides purposely designed courses suitable for students needs and interests.


Naiba369愚见送上

noopiaUID: 170278

Issue5
------题目------
A nation should require all its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college rather than allow schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer.
------正文------
Owing to the increase in the demand of acquainted and skilled intellectuals aroused by the unprecedented development of science and economy, education has received more and more attentions and considerations at the present time. As a result, establishing an appropriate curriculum for students especially the ones have not entered college has been widely recognized as one of the decisive factors which contribute greatly to achieving the basic objectives of education and to cultivating qualified individuals. From my point of view, the most effective curriculum for students is the one based on the（去掉the） national curriculum and has some alternative and additional courses. （大牛的开头，限时都能写这么长的开头，牛人呀！不过我感觉开头和题目扣得不是很紧）

It is justifiable for government to require all its students to accept the national curriculum insofar as the realization of basic goals of education.（TS明确） The main aims of education include several aspects. One is to teach students fundamental skills and knowledge such as to read and write; another is to instruct them to have basic abilities which they will use in their further learning as well as their later life, including the ability to analyze and solve problems, and the ability to get along with others; and the last one is to inform them social values and ideas, for example, the democracy and equality. Since these basic aims are applicable in every school of every region, a uniform standard determined by government, which will help to obtain best effects when carrying out these aims is necessary. On the contrary, schools or regional governments can hardly create an overall curriculum which is suitable for every school and every student. Furthermore, national government plays an important role in ensuring the performance of the national curriculum. （这句话应该再展开，不然觉得你的论述没有完就转到结论了）Thus, national curriculum is the significant core in students’ curriculum for it realizes the basic objectives of education.（这段虽然是总分总，但觉得你中间的论述欠佳，教育的目的占了一大半，可是后面的论述很乱，好像是三句话的罗列，我觉得达不到论述的效果。而且，on the contrary 和Furthermore用的有些生硬，感觉语义未尽就转折了，不过也许是现实的缘故吧。）

However, besides the national curriculum, some alternative and additional courses are also indispensable. Different regions of a country have different cultural, historical, and religious features. Then some certain courses will be needed according to these distinctive features. For instance, some history courses about the history of the（a） region will be needed in one（the） region, but will not be concluded in the curriculum of another region; and some religious courses will be put in curriculum of one region, while other regions which have courses of another religion or no religious courses at all. Aside from it, different schools have different requirements too. The school which is famous for its achievements in art will require more artistic courses in its curriculum, yet a school which is famous for literature will not. Therefore, it is extremely difficult for the national government to use only one national curriculum to satisfy so many different needs. Moreover, neglect of these needs will deprive the cultural or religious freedom of some people and impede further advancements of some schools thereby harm the development of education and impair democracy. And the only way to solve the problem is to grant regional governments and schools the freedom to select some additional and alternative courses to be added to their curricula.（这段写得很棒，其实中间的例子没必要举这么多，如果考试时受限于时间的话）

The interests of students as another factor which is crucial to the making of curriculum should not be ignored either. Students are the objects of education, and their interests will impulse their learning in school and help school or government decides which curriculum is fit for them. Students, as all citizens, have the rights to choose. Making curriculum regardless of students’ interests will actually quell the courage and passion of them and even eliminate geniuses. Imagine, in a world where all schools have only the national curriculum but no additional courses, such as piano courses or painting courses, there will be no Picasso and Liszt at all. （这种写法值得我学习。不过请问那个Imagine用在句首算什么成分？感觉这个句子怪怪的。）Consequently, we see the necessity to add some additional and alternative courses to the curriculum.

To conclude, although national curriculum plays a so vital role in the realization of goals of education, the importance of some additional and alternative courses should not be overlooked. If the national curriculum is indiscriminately accepted by every school and remains invariable, the development of education and students would also remains invariable, and, stays at the same point forever. So, the best and most effective curriculum is the one consisted of a core national curriculum and some additional and alternative courses.
（感觉你经常用the one + 定语， 可以适当换一换形式。）
（鬼谷子兄，你的水平比我高很多，我的意见也不是很成熟，不过我是很认真地批改的。如果那里错了，还请你多包涵，多指正哟！）

CHERRYlbyUID: 170649

The school which is famous for its achievements in art will require more artistic courses in its curriculum, yet a school which is famous for literature will not.[个人以为，文学和艺术不可以分开]
别的没有找到问题，除了这里
呵呵，还是觉得语言很棒！
向你学习！

lakeqianUID: 157560

It is justifiable for government to require all its students to accept the national curriculum insofar as the realization of basic goals of education. The main aims of education include several aspects. One is to teach students fundamental skills and knowledge 很同意。建议照应原题的“until they enter college”。大学之前自然要重视基础教育。个人觉得“until they enter college”是个重要条件。
其他没什么问题。

鬼谷子UID: 159645

大家的意见都很好
十分感谢
其实我开始限时时写的刚过600，而且有好多东西没表达清楚
之后一直上不了GTER就只好在这篇上改来改去的
我想到什么就加上了什么

开头一开始写的不时这样的，我是想说社会发展和对人才的需要使教育受到重视，然后制定课程作为实现教育目的的方法也受到了重视，然后考虑什么样的课程安排最好，最后提出我的观点，是有点绕，呵呵，给自己都说晕了。


B1我是想说，因为统一课表可以实现教育的基本目的，所以很有必要，后面的几句都是后来想到的，可能有点多余了

CHERRY和lakeqian的意见很对
我没考虑到

估计真正考试的时候是想不到这么多，写不出来这么多的
继续练习！

lakeqianUID: 157560

sigh....限时itself就很牛。。。

九月爱上乒乓球UID: 151821

Owing to the [U]increase in the demand [/U]  increasing demand of [I]acquainted and skilled [/I]  intellectuals aroused by the unprecedented development of science and economy, education has received more and more [B]attentions and considerations [/B]  [U]at the present time. [/U] at present As a result, establishing an appropriate curriculum for students [U]especially the ones whohave not entered college [/U] 嗯，看看后面的论证有没有。 has been widely recognized as one of the decisive factors which contribute greatly to achieving the basic objectives of education and to cultivating qualified individuals. FromIn my point of view, the most effective curriculum for students is the one based on the national curriculum and has some alternative and additional courses.

观点比较明确，语言还要再简练一点。同义词用AND连接起的是强调的作用，这里不需要。

It is justifiable for government to require all its students to accept the national curriculum [U]insofar as [/U] for the realization of basic goals of education. [B]The main aims of education include several aspects. One is to teach students fundamental skills and knowledge such as to read and write; another is to instruct them to have basic abilities which they will use in their further learning as well as their later life, including the ability to analyze and solve problems, and the ability to get along with others; and the last one is to inform them social values and ideas, for example, the democracy and equality. [/B]  Since these basic aims are applicable in every school of every region, a uniform standard determined by government, which will help to obtain best effects when carrying out these aims is necessary. On the contrary, schools or regional governments can hardly create an overall curriculum which is suitable for every school and every student.why?,you should explain Furthermore, national government plays an important role in ensuring the performance of the national curriculum. 这个观点很好，可以扩展一下。Thus, national curriculum is the significant core in students’ curriculum for it realizes the basic objectives of education.

教育的目的不必要用那么多的文字。你自己的论证只有两三句话。不妥

However, besides the national curriculum, some [U]alternative and additional [/U]  courses are also indispensable. Different regions of a country have different cultural, historical, and religious features. Then some certain courses will be needed according to these distinctive features. For instance, some history courses about the history of the region will be needed in one region, but will not be concluded in the curriculum of another region; and some religious courses will be put in curriculum of one region, while other regions which have courses of another religion or no religious courses at all. Aside from it, different schools have different requirements too. The school which is famous for its achievements in art will require more artistic courses in its curriculum, yet a school which is famous for literature will not. Therefore, it is extremely difficult for the national government to use only one national curriculum to satisfy so many different needs. Moreover, neglect of these needs will deprive the cultural or religious freedom of some people and impede further advancements of some schools thereby harm the development of education and impair democracy. And the only way to solve the problem is to grant regional governments and schools the freedom to select some additional and alternative courses to be added to their curricula.

The interests of students as another factor which is crucial to the making of curriculum should not be ignored either. Students are the objects of education, and their interests will impulse their learning in school and help school or government decides which curriculum is fit for them. Students, as all citizens, have the rights to choose. Making curriculum regardless of students’ interests will actually quell the courage and passion of them and even eliminate geniuses. Imagine, in a world where all schools have only the national curriculum but no additional courses, such as piano courses or painting courses, there will be no Picasso and Liszt at all. Consequently, we see the necessity to add some additional and alternative courses to the curriculum.

To conclude, although national curriculum plays a so vital role in the realization of goals of education, the importance of some additional and alternative courses should not be overlooked. If the national curriculum is indiscriminately accepted by every school and remains invariable, the development of education and students would also remains invariable, and, stays at the same point forever. So, the best and most effective curriculum is the one consisted of a core national curriculum and some additional and alternative courses.

TaylorUID: 147672

鬼谷子的文章值得俺们好好学习啊

尤其语言,用词很专业,很生动啊

但这篇文章,我有些地方不是很理解

开头的背景+观点写的非常好,引人入胜
B1罗列了基础教育的几个方面,但好象没有指出国家统一课程对于基础教育的重要性
B2对于特色课程的重要性是从各地区和学校特点来谈的,我以为是不是应该以学生为本,指出这种特色课程的设置在一定程度上也有利于学生的发展,
B3指出需要根据学生兴趣来设置课程.而题目让比较的是国家课程和地方特色课程,所以我觉得这段好象没有很好回应题目.

我是个大菜鸟,说得不对的请鬼谷子和各位大虾多多指教

鬼谷子UID: 159645

to九月
经过你的提醒我明白了B1的问题了
我回去重新写过，
应该把教育的目的归结为一句话，然后，国家统一课程对实现教育目的的原因仔细论述，对吧弄反了，HOHO
对于“上大学前”的学生这一点我没考虑到
是否应该说这个阶段的学生基础教育更重要，然后联系到教育基本目的上？

TO: Taylor
B1我没表达清楚，说教育目的的篇幅太大了
B2我的意思是要给地方政府和学校自由来制定一些选择性的课程，学生的问题我单独拿出来说了
B3我觉得不算是跑题吧，因为我的观点定的是，在国家统一课程之外，要有一些可选择的课程，B2是比较地方的课程，B3我想说的是从学生的角度来论证这些可选择课程的必要性。
可以算是进一步论证我的观点，和题目的延伸？呵呵
是不是把学生的问题跟地方的问题再靠一点可以减少跑题的嫌疑呢？我再想想

flyxwUID: 106489

占座先，下午回来看——naiba的动作好快啊：）

flyxwUID: 106489

A nation should require all its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college rather than allow schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer.

Owing to the increase in the demand of acquainted and skilled intellectuals aroused by the unprecedented development of science and economy, education has received more and more attentions and considerations at the present time. As a result, establishing an appropriate curriculum for students especially the ones have not entered college has been widely recognized as one of the decisive factors which contribute greatly to achieving the basic objectives of education and to cultivating qualified individuals. From my point of view, the most effective curriculum for students is the one based on the national curriculum and has some alternative and additional courses.

It is justifiable for government to require all its students to accept the national curriculum insofar as the realization of basic goals of education. The main aims of education include several aspects. One is to teach students fundamental skills and knowledge such as to read and write这里用成reading and writting是否更好一些？; another is to instruct them to have basic abilities which they will use in their further learning as well as their later life, including the ability to analyze and solve problems, and the ability to get along with others; and the last one is to inform them social values and ideas, for example, the democracy and equality. Since these basic aims are applicable in every school of every region, a uniform standard determined by government, which will help to obtain best effects when carrying out these aims is necessary. On the contrary, schools or regional governments can hardly create an overall curriculum which is suitable for every school and every student. Furthermore, national government plays an important role in ensuring the performance of the national curriculum. Thus, national curriculum is the significant core in students’ curriculum for it realizes the basic objectives of education.通过教育必须要达到的目标说明全国统一教育比不可少，基础教育也照应了before entering colleges,但是愚以为对统一教育的必要性深度还挖掘不够，地方政府固然不能制定出national curriculum,但不见得指定的课程对该地区的教育就是unappropriate。到是前面所提到的在inform social value and ideas这一点上，地区未必能够实现， 我觉得可以特别说一下指定统一的全国性课程可以增强national cohesion,共同的文化和历史、政治

However, besides the national curriculum, some +regional?alternative and additional courses are also indispensable. Different regions of a country have different cultural, historical, and religious features. Then some certain courses will be needed according to these distinctive features. For instance, some history courses about the history of the region will be needed in one region, but will not be concluded in the curriculum of another region; and some religious courses will be put in curriculum of one region, while other regions which have courses of another religion or no religious courses at all. [U]Aside from it[/U] , different schools have different requirements too. The school which is famous for its achievements in art will require more artistic courses in its curriculum, yet a school which is famous for literature will not. Therefore, it is extremely difficult for the national government to use only one national curriculum to satisfy so many different needs. Moreover, neglect of these needs will deprive the cultural or religious freedom of some people and impede further advancements of some schools thereby harm the development of education and impair democracy. And the only way to solve the problem is to grant regional governments and schools the freedom to select some additional and alternative courses to be added to their curricula.讲地区性课程的必要性，偶觉得aside from it 前面的原因不是很有力，我觉得索性直接讲出为了保护地区文化的多元性必须有地方课程还好些，而鬼兄只是说了不同地区需要不同课程，实际上是在detail观点，而讲出为什么需要，才是最重要

The interests of students as another factor which is crucial to the making of curriculum should not be ignored either. Students are the objects of education, and their interests will impulse their learning in school and help school or government decides which curriculum is fit for them. Students, as as well as?—象所有市民一样的意思吗？不是很肯定的说，如果是这个意思，是不是可以这样用，鬼兄一定要给我讲讲all citizens, have the rights to choose. Making curriculum regardless of students’ interests will actually quell the courage and passion of them and even eliminate geniuses. Imagine, in a world where all schools have only the national curriculum but no additional courses, such as piano courses or painting courses坏坏地问一句：怎么知道national courese里面没有开art呢，呵呵，是不是该换个说法，比如：有的人喜欢A，有的人喜欢B，如果让大家都去学A，或者大家都去学B，必定造成一部分人很痛苦，所以还是。。的好。呵呵，critical thinking,没办法，ARGU写多了，鬼兄看着办吧, there will be no Picasso and Liszt at all. Consequently, we see the necessity to add some additional and alternative courses to the curriculum.老实说，这段写的不错，偶写的提纲没有考虑到interest的说，恩，不错。。

To conclude, although national curriculum plays a so vital role in the realization of goals of education, the importance of some additional and alternative courses should not be overlooked. If the national curriculum is indiscriminately accepted by every school and remains invariable, the development of education and students would also remains invariable, and, stays at the same point forever. So, the best and most effective curriculum is the one consisted of a core national curriculum and some additional and alternative coursesOVER...

final analysis: 限时itself就很牛。。——转自lakeqian语 :D

lakeqianUID: 157560

关于教育的目的孙远工具箱有。个人认为对于这道题，可以提出教育的目的是：literacy and critical thinking.
这样第一段这样写可否：先写教育的目的。指出literacy and critical thinking是每个人因该从小该具有的基础素质，应该在上大学之前学，为大学做准备（回应题目大学之前的问题），同时这种素质是不论学生将来上何种专业都必须掌握的基础，因此国家统一制定标准是有理由的。
我的逻辑很差，不知这样写可否？拍吧。

genie05UID: 30358

听别人说GGZ的作文很牛~偶也来捣乱一下~

yeyedogUID: 125746

老鬼，这么多人帮你改我就不替你看了，还是帮一帮其他同学吧。