issue30 [color=blue]busy or leisure? 限时成功,希望不会反弹!愿意互改作文的进

GanymedeUID: 159195

Issue30
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：45分1秒     577 words
从2004年7月13日13时43分到2004年7月13日14时45分
------题目------
The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.
------正文------
In this age of technological advances and scientific discoveries leading to the improvement of people's life, people's efficiency has been enhanced drastically as well. Therefore the question poses itself: has more leisure time been provided in this world as the author claims? As far as I am concerned, while we are cheering for the increasing efficiency the high technology brings us, we have not enjoyed so much leisure time, moreover, we have been involved into a much busier life to probe into the even deeper world to satisfy our unceasing curiosity to the world unknown.

To begin with, there is no doubt that one of the primary goals of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency, and in fact it has been proved by the history of human beings. The history of human being is also a history to fight against the nature and strengthen human beings ourselves to increase the efficiency. Numerous great inventions in history point toward this case. When people began to get down from the trees and tried to use the tools made of stone, the work efficiency had been greatly improved firstly. The following time the efficiency increase gradually at a stable pace until the emergency of the steam engine caused another revolution of industry, leading the efficiency of human a huge leap forward. Now the world step into a information era and the invention of computer and its relevant technologies boost people's efficiency at an unprecedented speed. All of these aptly illustrate that without the technological advancement in every sphere of our society, there would be no increase of people's efficiency and high quality of human's life.

However, have we enjoyed more leisure time as the improvement in people's efficiency? Probably not. The increasing furious competitions and pressure swallow up us and make us submerged into the boundless business. Let's have a look at of these pictures picked from an ordinary white collar's daily life.  He gets up without any hesitate when the hour hand points at 6:00. After washing himself and packing up his files which he buried his head into till midnight last night, he heads off the door. With some sandwiches in hand, he makes haste to the office as well as thinking about the lecture he will deliver in today’s conference. All the day time, he either immerses himself in the overlapped files or facing to the dull screen of computer to continue his unceasing reports. After the worktime, he brings so much work home that even miss his supper. Busy, busy, still busy, is the most commonplace word you will hear nowadays. Limited leisure time has been also occupied by so much work. In this increasingly competitive world, in order to survive, you have to work, work and work..

In the final analysis, we suffer more business on account of our continual curiosity toward the world unknown. As known to all, another primary goal of technological advancement is to satisfy people's curiosity to the world unknown. Our increasing technology and science has shown us a wonderful picture of the world, however, there are still many things beyond our thought and reach. It is the very curiosity to the world that makes us probe into the world and involved into the infinite business.

In conclusion, technological advancement, without any doubt, increase people's efficiency in many directions. However, our business has not released by virtue of that. It seems that the modern man is suffering much more business because of the increasing competitions and pressure in the world and human beings' naturally curiosity to the world unknown

lakeqianUID: 157560

there is no doubt that one of the primary goals of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency, and in fact it has been proved by the history of human beings. The history of human being is also a history to fight against the nature and strengthen human beings ourselves to increase the efficiency.
第一句还是should。接下来就是用存在就是合理的路子？
suffer more business on account of ？ obsessed\haunted  by?

elvatclUID: 166144

写的听好的  很容易读懂 读下来很舒服 也决的很convincing  向你学习

双手的温柔UID: 173110

In this age of technological advances and scientific discoveries leading to the improvement of people's life, people's efficiency has been enhanced drastically as well. Therefore the question poses itself: has more leisure time been provided in this world as the author claims? As far as I am concerned, while we are cheering for the increasing efficiency the high technology brings (to) us, we have not enjoyed so much leisure time, moreover(这个地方好像没有递进的关系，而应该是转折), we have been involved into a much busier life to probe into the even deeper world to satisfy our unceasing curiosity to the world unknown.[一直想讨论下，world可以用什么词代替，总重复的说`]

To begin with, there is no doubt that one of the primary goals of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency, and in fact it has been proved by the history of human beings. The history of human being is also a history to fight against the nature and strengthen human beings ourselves to increase the efficiency. Numerous great inventions in history point toward this case. When people began to get down from the trees and tried to use the tools made of stone, the work efficiency had been greatly improved firstly (觉得换个词可能更好). The following time the efficiency increase gradually at a stable pace until the emergency of the steam engine caused another revolution of industry, leading the efficiency of human a huge leap forward. Now the world step into a information era and the invention of computer and its relevant technologies boost people's efficiency at an unprecedented speed. All of these aptly illustrate that without the technological advancements in every sphere of our society, there would be no increase of people's efficiency and high quality of human's life.

However, have we enjoyed more leisure time as the improvement in people's efficiency? Probably not. The increasing furious competitions and pressure swallow up us and make us submerged into the boundless business. Let's have a look at of these pictures picked from an ordinary white collar's daily life. He gets up without any hesitate when the hour hand points at 6:00. After washing himself and packing up his files which he buried his head into till midnight last night, he heads off the door. With some sandwiches in hand, he makes haste to the office as well as thinking about the lecture he will deliver in today’s conference. All the day time, he either immerses himself in the overlapped files or facing to the dull screen of computer to continue his unceasing reports. 前面的语言非常好，但这个例子中觉得句式单调了After the worktime, he brings so much work home that even miss his supper. Busy, busy, still busy, is the most commonplace word you will hear nowadays. Limited leisure time has been also occupied by so much work. In this increasingly competitive world, in order to survive, you have to work, work and work..

In the final analysis, we suffer more business on account of our continual curiosity toward the world unknown. As known to all, another primary goal of technological advancement is to satisfy people's curiosity to the world unknown. Our increasing technology and science has shown us a wonderful picture of the world, however, there are still many things beyond our thought and reach. It is the very curiosity to the world that makes us probe into the world and involved into the infinite business.

In conclusion, technological advancement, without any doubt, increase people's efficiency in many directions. However, our business has not released by virtue of that. It seems that the modern man is suffering much more business because of the increasing competitions and pressure in the world and human beings' naturally curiosity to the world unknown


觉得整体很不错，而且论证的论点也不错，挺好的拉

lakeqianUID: 157560

world可以用什么词代替:
近似的说the world unknown约等于环境吧：vicinity surrounding 大一点：globe cosmos 等

GanymedeUID: 159195

第一句还是should。接下来就是用存在就是合理的路子？

5555555，一语惊醒我啊。好像有问题呢。我再想想。谢谢lake兄。
有什么要我帮你改的马？
谢谢 双手的温柔呢。我也来给你改文章。不过，你的作品真是太多了呢！改哪个好呢？呵呵

lakeqianUID: 157560

引用：有什么要我帮你改的马？
签名档的文章，似乎找不着北的感觉。。。

GanymedeUID: 159195

ok
把你的文章down下来，晚上改完发上来
呼呼
大家都加油啊

QNCUID: 168742

should be to ~~~是否要从目的方向论述，还是从既成现实讲？导致结果就是目的？？

so that ~~~还是目的还是结果？


不能达到休闲的目的能作为首目的吗？