Forgive others and forgive yourself zz

Sunflower~~UID: 78436

(***This is an article i found in the student life newspaper in my school. I like it. I hope somebody will like it too. :p )

Forgive others and forgive yourself [/SIZE]  

>Special to Student Life

>

>By Andy Park

>

>One morning, a friend of mine left a message on my phone asking if I

>wanted to meet with her after class for a talk. I noticed in her

>voice a certain nervousness, but I didn't make too much of it.

>

>Contrary to my assumption, it was difficult for her even just to

>begin the talk. Her boyfriend wanted to break up with her and he

>did. She has been expecting it and was more or less prepared, but it

>still bothered her. There were several reasons why, but what

>bothered her the most was her own reaction to it. She felt that she

>had excessive respect and care for the relationship. She felt like

>it hurt her more than for him. She felt more vulnerable than she

>wanted to, more than she thought she should have. She was upset and

>disappointed at herself. She was hurt and it was her own voice that

>was hurting her.

>

>Many of us have the experience of being hurt from a relationship. We

>usually come out of a relationship initially blaming the other

>person, but eventually blaming ourselves for "not seeing it coming,"

>or not making rational decisions while knowing we should have.

>

>Each time we're hurt, we scold ourselves and remind ourselves not to

>make the same mistake next time. Each time we're hurt, we put

>another brick on the wall surrounding us. The more often we're hurt,

>the higher and thicker the wall becomes. This way it becomes less

>likely that we will get hurt again. At the same time, it becomes

>more difficult for others to get near us. As a result, the other

>person who tries to break or overcome that wall gets worn out and

>hurt. After that, it's a domino effect: people body-slam into other

>people's walls, get hurt, build their own walls; others run into

>those walls, get hurt, build their walls, and so on. It's a vicious

>cycle that makes relationships harder and harder for everyone.

>

>We envision a world without pain, a world filled with love. How do

>we get there? Whom can we blame for building these personal walls?

>Do we blame Adam and Eve for the first wall made out of fig leaves

>to conceal human vulnerability and imperfection? And how do we put

>an end to this ongoing pain relay?

>

>It's got to stop somewhere, and that somewhere could be you. As the

>Missourian President Truman once said, you can just say to yourself,

>"the buck stops here."

>

>Forgive those who inflicted pain on you. They didn't do it on

>purpose. Even if a person seems absolutely evil, that's just the way

>he or she is. Then, forgive yourself. Don't be your own plaintiff.

>It wasn't a mistake that you opened up too much, ran too hard into

>the wall and got yourself hurt. If neither of you made the effort,

>would the relationship have gone anywhere?

>

>Forgive yourself and don't put another brick on your wall. Forgive

>yourself so that you don't unintentionally hurt the next person who

>tries to get close to you. Don't pass on the pain; it can stop at

>you.

>

>You might ask, "Why do I always need to be the sufferer and

>forgiver?" Well, you're not really making any sacrifice when you

>forgive; you're providing a safe haven for hundreds of people you'll

>encounter throughout your life, not to mention those already around

>you; a safe haven where people don't have to be afraid of getting

>hurt, just like the Eden people dream of. The vicious cycle can stop

>at you, and you can even transform it into a positive chain reaction

>of forgiveness and acceptance.

>

>I know this is very utopian, but you'll realize that it's not a new

>idea; so many religions emphasize the importance of forgiving others

>and yourself. If no one forgave each other, humans would've gone

>extinct long time ago. We survived, despite all the wrongdoings and

>wars, thanks to those who forgave.

>

>This essay is not just about relationships between couples-it's also

>about relationships between friends, families, groups, nations, but

>most importantly between you and yourself.

>

>Best of luck to my dear friend, her suitemates who are equally

>sorrowful, and all those around me.

悠悠白书UID: 106973

>Forgive those who inflicted pain on you. They didn't do it on

>purpose. Even if a person seems absolutely evil, that's just the way

>he or she is. Then, forgive yourself. Don't be your own plaintiff.

>It wasn't a mistake that you opened up too much, ran too hard into

>the wall and got yourself hurt. If neither of you made the effort,

>would the relationship have gone anywhere?

>

>Forgive yourself and don't put another brick on your wall. Forgive

>yourself so that you don't unintentionally hurt the next person who

>tries to get close to you. Don't pass on the pain; it can stop at

>you.

醉拳UID: 130219

汪汪～～！！

fenghua8385UID: 137789

it's a domino effect: people body-slam into other

>people's walls, get hurt, build their own walls; others run into

>those walls, get hurt, build their walls, and so on. It's a vicious

>cycle that makes relationships harder and harder for everyone.