issue22 拍吧，拍吧，拍死我吧

一朵盛开的牛粪UID: 182912

"Many people believe that a few individuals or small groups (family, friends, teachers, celebrities, for example) have caused them to think and behave in the way they do. Yet it is always society as a whole that defines us and our attitudes, not a few individuals."

What causes the way of people’s thinking and behaving? Some people assert that a few individuals or small groups have caused them to think and behave in the way they do, however, I believe it is always society as a whole to define our attitudes and us, not a few individuals.

Why does the society as a whole defines define our attitudes and us? Firstly, let’s compare the attitudes and behaviors of contemporary people among different countries, such as the children’s attitudes to their parents between Chinese and American in China and US. As an old east country, Chinese are respectful to their elders, and they usually care for their parents when they grow up. Although a large number of Chinese treat their parents with deep emotion, they are always too shy to express their love directly. On the contrary, Americans are good at expressing their feeling. The parent-children relationship of American should be more harmonious than that of Chinese, in spite of American doing much less for their parents than Chinese. What produce this phenomenon? Actually, it is a result of different history developments, different cultures and different social background between America and China. It is important for American to chase an air of freedom and open mind. In their society, they are encouraged to say what they want to say, and to do what they dream of. Therefore it is easy for them to express their love. While in China, with a long history fraught with many obligations and orders, they are so implicative that they are not habit to express their feelings by words.

Secondly, let’s compare the people of different times in the same country. Before the reformation and open opening, Chinese people paid much attention to their words, and were proud of being the poor and always liked wearing black or dark blue clothes. The thought that everyone should acquire equal pay whatever they do, was rooted deeply in their mind. It is very surprising that they even believe knowledge and technology had no advantage to our society. But, nowadays, people's attitude to everything has been changed greatly. Gradually they realize the importance of competition in our new economic environment. In order to win, they have to learn all kinds of knowledge and technology, which they looked down on many years ago. Meanwhile, they consider they need a few people of rich personality and original ideas. All these were mirage until the new policy- reformation and open are widespread in our country. The society's change makes the change of people’s attitude. These opinions and attitudes have advanced just because of the progress of the society in which we are living.

Admittedly, a few individuals or small groups affect our thinking and behaving to the world. You should remember that your teacher told you not to tell lies when you were young, and you should remember that your parents told you working hard when you grew up. All of these people and their words have impressed you till today. None of them being a whole to define our attitudes and us, they are individuals of our society, and their attitudes also define by the society where they live. At bottom, our attitude is defined by nothing if not society as a whole.

From above examples, we conclude the answer of the former question: only society as a whole to change our attitudes, but individuals and small groups just to transmit their opinions and behaviors to us, which defined by our living society.

不怕开水烫的猪UID: 187893

那我可要痛快地拍了！

我觉得还是把每段的中心句放在段首好，可以使结构清楚一些。
第二段是要说人们不同的思想和行为is a result of different history developments, different cultures and different social backgrounds。如果把这句话换种说法提到前面，是不是会使思路看起来清楚一些？如果上来什么也不说，就比较两国的人们的行为差异，而且写的很长，就会有跑题的感觉。
第三段也是这样，最好先概括，再举例。

不怕开水烫的猪UID: 187893

在你的文章基础上写了个小提纲

1    你的Admittedly的内容

2     虽然说人们受到周围人的影响大，但大家都生活在同一个文化，历史氛围中，所以思想行为受整个社会影响
    比如世界各地的历史，文化不同，所以人们的行为也不同
    你的例子China and American
3     科技的发展让世界越来越小，所以人们越来越受到整个世界的影响
    media, internet让整个社会成为一个整体来影响每一个人。

zhujingUID: 179561

除了2楼‘。。。的猪’的建议，我说一下本人的
感觉文章不够精炼，第1个body不就是要说不同社会的tradition and culture影响一个人吗，明确一下段意，再适当描述就可以了。
第2个body主题模糊，虽然立意很好-- 纵向比较，但还要表达得好才行哦，一件事情用了这么多文字，有凑数的感觉了

不怕开水烫的猪UID: 187893

你还是叫我piggy吧，‘。。。的猪’看起来so strange

一朵盛开的牛粪UID: 182912

多谢多谢，其实我开始的想法就是想来个横比竖比，但是，唉，水平有限，没能把意思表达好。语言的问题真得是大问题啊！！