issue8 第一次限时，大家拍砖啊！！！！

不怕开水烫的猪UID: 187893

Issue8   让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------题目------
It is often necessary, even desirable, for political leaders to withhold information from the public.

------摘要------
1 国家机密透露给群众会造成社会灾难
2 有关人民生活、安全的信息，政府应该尽快向大众公开
3 向大众公开政府决策和政务信息是民主的保证

------正文------
I agree with the speaker's assertion insofar as that it is necessary for political leaders to withhold information from the public when it comes to some national secret areas. Otherwise, I insist that it is beneficial, even crucial, for political leaders to make the public aware of as much information as possible.

No one will deny the necessity of withholding information about national secrets. Every government considers its military information as the top secret of a nation. Always, military bases are built in an unknown place where common people cannot get close to. And military experiments are usually carried out in silence. The purpose to withhold national secrets to the public is to keep the society and the world in peace. We cannot imagine what would happen if detailed data about nuclear weapons could be reached by the public. Terrorism is still one of the most serious problems in the world. American people will never forget the nightmare on September 11, 2001. If some nuclear weapons are gained by terrorists, such as Ben Ladin, the worldwide peace would be threatened.

Nevertheless, when it comes to the information closely related with the safety and everyday life of the people, political leaders should make it known by the public as quickly as possible. One negative example is the breaking out of S.A.R.S. (Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome) in Asia especially in China in 2003. The first case of S.A.R.S. was found in the end of 2002. However, the political leaders withheld the information until the middle of 2003. During this time, thousands of people were infected by the severe disease. In May of 2003, because the situation was going to be out of control, the political leaders have no choice but confess their faults to the public and several leaders were dismissed. However, it was so late that hundreds people died from S.A.R.S. From the example, we can see that if the leaders keep some emergent information in silence, the well-being of the public s would be put into danger.

Next, only when political information is open to the public, can a society keep democratic. The supervision to function of the government is crucial to the development of any democratic country. Although sometimes, dissatisfaction from the public would bring some trouble to the government, a point should never be neglected that the final aim of the government is to serve to the public and maximize the interests of the people. Therefore, it is crucial for a government to make the public known the policies and political information. The opinion from the public will urge the government to improve their work and modify wrong decisions. For example, publicity of Watergate enhanced the democracy of the U.S. by passing several pieces of legislation designed to curb executive power, such as The War Powers Acts (1973), which limited the rights of president to send army aboard.

To sum up, in some cases, such as national secrets, information has to be withheld by the government to warrant the security of the society. When it comes to the information about the everyday life of the people, withholding information to the public is detrimental even dangerous to the society. Furthermore, the nature of democracy calls for the political leaders to make the public know political information and decisions.

不怕开水烫的猪UID: 187893

55555，没有人理我

eustaciaUID: 175283

呵呵，表急，今晚慢慢帮你改。

花之颜色UID: 187195

I agree with the speaker's assertion insofar as that it is necessary for political leaders to withhold information from the public when it comes to some national secret areas. Otherwise, I insist that it is beneficial, even crucial, for political leaders to make the public aware of as much information as possible.

No one will deny the necessity of withholding information about national secrets. Every government considers its military information as the top secret of a nation. Always, military [U]bases [/U]  are built in [U]an unknown place [/U]  军事基地不应该建在一个地方吧？where common people cannot get close to. And military experiments are usually carried out in silence. The purpose to withhold national secrets to the public is to keep the society and the world in peace. We cannot imagine what would happen if detailed data about nuclear weapons could be reached by the public. Terrorism is still one of the most serious problems in the world. American people will never forget the nightmare on September 11, 2001. If some nuclear weapons are gained by terrorists, such as Ben Ladin, the worldwide peace would be threatened. 普通人和恐怖分子应该不能相提并论吧？觉得前面在讲普通人，后面突然又讲恐怖主义，怪怪的。

Nevertheless, when it comes to the information closely related with the safety and everyday life of the people, political leaders should make it known by the public as quickly as possible. One negative example is the breaking out of S.A.R.S. (Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome) in Asia especially in China in 2003. The first case of S.A.R.S. was found in the end of 2002. However, the political leaders withheld the information until the middle of 2003. During this time, thousands of people were infected by the severe disease. In May of 2003, because the situation was going to be out of control, the political leaders have no choice but confess their faults to the public and several leaders were dismissed. However, it was so late that [U]hundreds[/U] 加of? people died from S.A.R.S. From the example, we can see that if the leaders keep some emergent information in silence, the well-being of the public s would be put into danger.

Next, only when political information is open to the public, can a society keep democratic. The supervision to function of the government is crucial to the development of any democratic country. Although sometimes, dissatisfaction from the public would bring some trouble to the government, a point should never be neglected that the final aim of the government is to serve to the public and maximize the interests of the people. Therefore, it is crucial for a government to make the public [U]known[/U] 应该是know吧？ the policies and political information. The opinion from the public will urge the government to improve their work and modify wrong decisions. For example, publicity of Watergate enhanced the democracy of the U.S. by passing several pieces of legislation designed to curb executive power, such as The War Powers Acts (1973), which limited the rights of president to send army aboard.

To sum up, in some cases, such as national secrets, information has to be withheld by the government to warrant the security of the society. When it comes to the information about the everyday life of the people, withholding information to the public is detrimental even dangerous to the society. Furthermore, the nature of democracy calls for the political leaders to make the public know political information and decisions.

还有就是用词感觉比较重复,缺少变化,好象crucial一路用到底啊还有一些词可以考虑用近义词替换一下..以上是偶的意见,仅供楼主参考.

eustaciaUID: 175283

I agree with the speaker's assertion insofar as that it is necessary for political leaders to withhold information from the public when it comes to some national secret areas. Otherwise, I insist that it is beneficial, even crucial, for political leaders to make the public aware of as much information as possible.不错，在开头提出自己的观点--表示有保留的同意。很经典的开头方式

这里是否应该来点过渡词？否则段落之间的衔接会受影响，读起来感觉太突然no one will deny the necessity of withholding information about national secrets. 你看在这里说明一下你下面要以军事机密作为第一段论点的论证是不是会好些，比如说，A nation’s military secret serves an apt example之类的every government considers its military information as the top secret of a nation. Always, military bases are built in an unknown place where common people cannot get close to. And military experiments are usually carried out in silence. The purpose to withhold national secrets把national secrets改成military secrets更能够与前面的内容相吻合 to the public is to keep the society and the world in peace. We cannot imagine what would happen if detailed data about nuclear weapons could be reached by the public.加上一个since之类表示因果关系的连词，将这句话改成前面那句的原因状语估计连贯性会好些 Terrorism is still one of the most serious problems in the world. American people will never forget the nightmare on September 11, 2001. If some nuclear weapons are gained by terrorists, such as Ben Ladin, the worldwide peace would be threatened.

Nevertheless, when it comes to the information closely related with个人认为把with换成to会好些 the safety and everyday life of the把the去掉 people, political leaders should make it known by the public as quickly as possible. One negative example is the breaking out of S.A.R.S. (Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome)强!查到了SARS的全称 in Asia especially in China in 2003. The first case of S.A.R.S. was found in the end of 2002. However, the political leaders withheld the information until the middle of 2003. During this time, thousands of people were infected by the severe disease. In May of 2003, because the situation was going to be out of control, the political leaders have no choice but confess their faults to the public and several leaders were dismissed. However, it was so late that hundreds people died from S.A.R.S. From the example, we can see that if the leaders keep some emergent information in silence, the well-being of the public s would be put into danger.这个例子举得狂好，又能够强有力的支持论点，语言也非常通顺，用词准确而且变化多样

Next改为furthermore 可能会更好一点, only when political information is open to the public, can a society keep democratic.赞！论点用强调句增加了句式的多样性 The supervision to function of the government is crucial to the development of any democratic country. Although sometimes, dissatisfaction from the public would bring some trouble to the government, a point should never be neglected that the final aim of the government is to serve to the public and maximize the interests of the people. Therefore, it is crucial for a government to make the public known the policies and political information. The opinion from the public will urge the government to improve their work and modify wrong decisions.论据中使用的演绎手法据说很难在中国学生的习作中见到，这是本篇文章的又一个闪光点 For example, publicity of Watergate enhanced the democracy of the U.S. by passing several pieces of legislation designed to curb executive power, such as The War Powers Acts (1973), which limited the rights of president to send army aboard. 唉！例子也举得很经典！！

To sum up, in some cases, such as national secrets, information has to be withheld by the government to warrant the security of the society.加个表示转折的连词 When it comes to the information about the everyday life of the people, withholding information to the public is detrimental even dangerous to the society. Furthermore, the nature of democracy calls for the political leaders to make the public know political information and decisions.
我都不知道该说什么了，这是我从准备作文以来读过的最好的G友习作。首先，段落与段落，句子与句子之间的逻辑关系都把握得非常好；其次，摆脱了中国式的思维方式，每一段都能够把最重要的放在最前面；第三，各段的长度分配得当；第四，举得例子完全能够支持前面的论点。你是如何练到这个水平的呀？传授点经验好不好？

ponponUID: 181304

今天第一次上来，很想给你改改，但水平很有显，真得很羡慕你！

不怕开水烫的猪UID: 187893

多谢大家的指点！
eustacia夸的我都快找不到方向了。我的作文其实一直挺烂的，限时一般情况写不到450字，而且贴到word里红红绿绿的。这一片是我在想好了结构和例子之后才写的，所以写的比较顺手，而且第四段的例子还是从孙远那看到的。改了一遍错误之后才贴上来的，还有这么多问题，如果考场上碰到一个变态的题，估计能上400字就不错了。

RikkuUID: 170558

我的看法

真是写得不错

就是b1那个突然从公众说到恐怖分子感觉有点突兀，毕竟这里的公众我觉得一般理解成老百姓比较好，其他的都很好啊

继续努力作文分应该很满意！！