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[i习作temp] ISSUE177 求砖!!! [复制链接]

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发表于 2004-12-6 22:52:25 |显示全部楼层
1、统一题目观点
2、论证学科规则确实改变了我们认识世界的方式
3、有时需要跳出学科 获得更全面的认识
4、总结

Issue177 The study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world. After studying the discipline, we see the same world as before, but with different eyes.
What will different people say when they see the same roses before them? A poet will compose several lines of poems about love and roses. A biologist will do some  research on the breed of the roses. An economist will analyse the influence of requirements on the price of the roses. People from different areas view the same flowers in different ways. In fact ,the study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world greatly. The world may be the same world, but after we accept the discipline of a special academic area, we see the world with different eyes.

Any study of a special field has some disciplines of its own, which definite the some rules of the world from a special angle. Once we get trained in one field, we accept the rules defined by the disciplines, and we will think about things in our life in that special ways of academic thinking. You go to the shopping center and buy  some everyday- use items. It's the most common and seems the simplest thing that happens almost every day. But in the eyes of an economist , your activities are of vital importance in the field of economics, for  purchasing is a kind of consuming which is a key loop in the chain of economic operation. While in the eyes of a socialist , they are a social action needing analysis ,such as the psychology of the consumers and the environment ,the local culture which will give an impact on the activities of consuming.  The training of a special field gives you some basic and systematical disciplines which lead you to think about not only the superficial phenomenon of the world around you, but also the underlying rules of it.

In spite of  the benefits that the disciplines of a special field may give you, it is dangerous to only limit your views in a narrow field. The world goes along as a  integratedly complex whole ,and  the study of a special field can only provides some special angle to perceive the world, however penetrating may it be , it can not provide a whole picture of the world. An economist can only see the productivity and the profit brought by the production activities of some factories. They are ignorant to the environmental problems that may be generated by them. An environmentalist will remind us of these problems and give some advice to solve them. Therefore, notwithstanding the special ways of thinking provided by the special academic training, we should try to consider things in other ways out of a special field.

As Max Webster has observed , the coming-into-being of specialization is the product of the modern society . With the accumulation of knowledge, no one can comprehend all of the knowledge produced in the world. And specialization does good to a thorough study on a special object in a special way. Those disciplines of  the field in which  you get trained shape you views and ways of thinking. But do remember, that is a only a small bit of picture of the world from a special angle. Sometimes you have to jump out of the disciplines to get a different picture of the world.

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发表于 2004-12-7 21:22:45 |显示全部楼层
为什么贴了两篇文章都没人改呢,哎哎……
请大家拍砖啊!

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发表于 2004-12-7 22:20:54 |显示全部楼层
等一等,我来看看
春风一夜故乡梦

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发表于 2004-12-7 23:09:38 |显示全部楼层
What will different people say when they see the same roses before them? A poet will compose several lines of poems about love and roses. A biologist will do some research on the breed of the roses. An economist will analyse the influence of requirements on the price of the roses. People from different areas view the same flowers in different ways. In fact ,the study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world greatly. The world may be the same world, but after we accept the discipline of a special academic area, we see the world with different eyes.
[开头的例子很漂亮,一下子就把观点亮得很清楚。只是觉得rose太老套了,或许换一个别的什么更好]

Any study of a special field has some disciplines of its own, which definite? [the some不通,是否改为those] rules of the world from a special angle. Once we get trained in one field, we accept the rules defined by the disciplines, and we will think about things in our life in that special way of academic thinking. You go to the shopping center and buy some everyday- use items. It's the most common and seems the simplest thing that happens almost every day. But in the eyes of an economist , your activities are of vital importance in the field of economics, for purchasing is a kind of consuming which is a key loop in the chain of economic operation. While in the eyes of a socialist , they are a social action needing analysis ,such as the psychology of the consumers and the environment ,the local culture which will give an impact on the activities of consuming. The training of a special field gives you some basic and systematic[al] disciplines which lead you to think about not only the superficial phenomenon of the world around you, but also the underlying rules of it.[这一段中的例子和第一段不是重复了吗?]

后面的没改,为节省篇幅,就删节了。

来谈谈我的看法:

文章前半部分认可题目的观点。后面说局限于自己的角度不行,应该是题目的延伸。但这样延伸是不是把重心弄偏了?

题目提了学术研究使人们认认世界及世界中事物的方法变了,关键在于判断“The study of an academic discipline”和“the way we perceive the world”之间的关系,即有study和没study的区别,而不是discipline和discipline之间的区别。

或者说两种角度都可以?

另外,言语方面句式的变化较好,倒装句式,连接词都处理得较好,因此读起来也比较顺。
但却有一些主谓一致性的问题。如can后面的动词加s的错误就有两处,单复数也有不统一的问题。这些低级语法错误还是要注意避免哟。

仅供参考,欢迎进一步讨论交流。
春风一夜故乡梦

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发表于 2004-12-7 23:47:55 |显示全部楼层
谢谢你的意见 我觉得你说得很对 我想我可以把跳出discipline作为结尾的一小段作为补充 重点放在前半部分的扩展  再一次感谢

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发表于 2004-12-8 00:02:31 |显示全部楼层
Issue177 The study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world. After studying the discipline, we see the same world as before, but with different eyes.
What will different people say when they see the same roses before them? A poet will compose several lines of poems about love and roses. A biologist will do some research on the breed of the roses. An economist will analyse the influence of requirements on the price of the roses. People from different areas view the same flowers in different ways改为people from different areas have various views。是不是好些,简洁一点嘛?. In fact, the study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world greatly. The world may be the same world, but after we accept the discipline of a special academic area, we see the world with different eyes.开头的前半部分非常好,例子不错,语言也很流畅,好

Any study of a special field has some disciplines of its own, which definite是define吗? the some rules of the world from a special angle. Once we get trained in one field, we accept the rules defined by the disciplines, and we will think about things in our life in that special ways of academic thinking. 这里加个for example是不是可以起到一个连接的作用呢?You go to the shopping center and buy some everyday- use items. It's the most common and seems the simplest thing that happens almost every day. But in the eyes of an economist , your activities are of vital importance in the field of economics, for purchasing is a kind of consuming which is a key loop in the chain of economic operation. While in the eyes of a socialist , they are a social action needing analysis ,such as the psychology of the consumers and the environment ,the local culture which will give an impact on the activities of consuming. The training of a special field gives you some basic and systematical disciplines which lead you to think about not only the superficial phenomenon of the world around you, but also the underlying rules of it.我觉得你这段论述了2层意思。1是每个领域都有自己的框架;2是没有不同框架中的人看事物的角度不一样。
我觉得可以把这一段发展成2段,每层再展开一下,举1,2个例子。
这样的话文章应该显得更丰满些,不知道我的意见对不对,欢迎讨论


In spite of the benefits that the disciplines of a special field may give you, it is dangerous to only limit your views in a narrow field. The world goes along as a integratedly complex whole ,and the study of a special field can only provides some special angle to perceive the world, however penetrating may itit may be , it can not provide a whole picture of the world. An economist can only see the productivity and the profit brought by the production activities of some factories. They are ignorant to the environmental problems that may be generated by them. An environmentalist will remind us of these problems and give some advice to solve them. Therefore, notwithstanding the special ways of thinking provided by the special academic training, we should try to consider things in other ways out of a special field.论点不错,但例子有些欠妥,语气太绝对了,难道经济学家就那么傻吗?呵呵

As Max Webster has observed , the coming-into-being of specialization is the product of the modern society .我觉得这个引用和主题无关,欢迎讨论 With the accumulation of knowledge, no one can comprehend all of the knowledge produced in the world. And specialization does goodwell to a thorough study on a special object in a special way. Those disciplines of the field in which you get trained shape you views and ways of thinking. But do remember, that is a only a small bit of picture of the world from a special angle. Sometimes you have to jump out of the disciplines to get a different picture of the world.

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发表于 2004-12-8 00:32:16 |显示全部楼层
谢谢Rikku的精心修改 我会再仔细改改 把改后的再贴上来
xiaohe 认为后半部分有些离题,我自己也有些拿不准 不知你如何看? 谢谢你的宝贵意见:)

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RE: ISSUE177 求砖!!! [修改]

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ISSUE177 求砖!!!
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