这几句话谁能帮偶修改得好一些, 拜谢了

fly_stoneUID: 181112

下面三句, 总感觉不很舒服, 请语感好的朋友指点一下!

1)Earning a world reputation in its education and research, your department appeal greatly to me for its rich history and its continued growth in collaborative research.

2)with a good educational reputation in the world and a good academic enviroment in which students are able to develop a good adaptability to their future vocation

3)gaining exposure to the research in a variety of research areas and participating in some cooperative programs for the collection and analysis of XXX.

樱一树UID: 63921

全改成主动比较好，如果你是出于赞赏对方，说对方用主动。如果你是介绍自己的学校或者公司，或者从第三方的角度讲话，用被动，显得比较谦虚。
1)Earning a world reputation in its education and research, your department appeal greatly to me for its rich history and its continued growth in collaborative research.
i am appealed by XXX( 直接说对方学校名字简称）'s reputation in education and growing collaboration in research. 个人感觉此话比较空，太客套，最好后面直接赞对方的研究气氛open/创新之类的，并且着重说我是怎么被你们的哪个领域的研究吸引的。
2)with a good educational reputation in the world and a good academic enviroment in which students are able to develop a good adaptability to their future vocation
强调好的学术环境直接用简单句，不知道你市作文还是PS不好帮你改。
先吧中文逻辑说出来再弄英文。好的学术氛围有利于学生适应什么？这句话每说道点子上，好的学术氛围应当是先有利于培养研究能力，最后才会到什么适应未来的岗位之类的。
而且不要谈利于职业发展之类的话，太功利，就谈能力培养。

3)gaining exposure to the research in a variety of research areas and participating in some cooperative programs for the collection and analysis of XXX.
PS/RESUME用简单句子，过去式。句子不完整。

fly_stoneUID: 181112

最初由 樱一树 发布
[B]全改成主动比较好，如果你是出于赞赏对方，说对方用主动。如果你是介绍自己的学校或者公司，或者从第三方的角度讲话，用被动，显得比较谦虚。
1)Earning a world reputati..

以下省略...... [/B]

这是偶ps的几个句子，多谢樱一树的帖子

1) 意见不错

2) 那学校招生宣传上讲该校的就业形式很好, 偶想一想就说它的学生适应能力强吧, 于是就有了这一句,但还是感觉不太好...., 所以...., 樱一树 能具体给一个替代句吗? 偶也想参考参考, 这两天又为好几个学校申请修改PS，都快搞得脑中一遍空白了！

3) 这是偶某一PS中一句话的一个成分，当时为了精简，所以搞得句子很长，唯有该成分感觉困难！

真生UID: 161074

1)Earning a world reputation in its education and research, your department appeal greatly to me for its rich history and its continued growth in collaborative research.

With (至少得说Having Earned) a world.......,your department appeals greatly to me for.......

2)with a good educational reputation in the world and a good academic enviroment in which students are able to develop a good adaptability to their future vocation

能表示good的词很多, excellent, exceptional, outstanding, 不一定都得用同一个. 个人觉得这句没必要, 如果非得说, 那也要讲对自己的发展有利之处, 而不是泛泛的讲对所有学生.

3)gaining exposure to the research in a variety of research areas and participating in some cooperative programs for the collection and analysis of XXX.

gaining exposure to a variety of research areas and participating in collecting and analyzing XXX
不太满意, 不过一时想不到改什么. 其实只说participating这一段就好了

樱一树UID: 63921

2）因为你们学校毕业生的就业形势好所以我印象深刻，下定注意要申请你们学校，你就是心里这么想也不能这么说吧，就是中文说出来是不是也觉的怪那？
I am deeply impressed by your effort in facilitaing students' job-finding after graduation. Not every colleges could give so much concern on student;s career.

3）Exposure 太弱，说自己不合适。一般是招聘方说要求接触过什么领域时候用的一个可宽可紧的词。我家设你是说自己过去的成就。那就说in march 2002, i participated in a three-month project, undertaking the data-collection and analyses of it. 之后说自己受到什么影响，接触到什么人什么技术，用什么工具做了什么事情，什么方面有了提高。

不好意思，我只会简单句。

fly_stoneUID: 181112

最初由 真生 发布
[B]1)Earning a world reputation in its education and research, your department appeal greatly to me for its rich history and its continued growth in collaborative ..

以下省略...... [/B]

这意见简单可行, 多谢了 :)

fly_stoneUID: 181112

最初由 樱一树 发布
[B]2）因为你们学校毕业生的就业形势好所以我印象深刻，下定注意要申请你们学校，你就是心里这么想也不能这么说吧，就是中文说出来是不是也觉的怪那？
I am deeply impressed..

以下省略...... [/B]

2) 那学校学生就业形式好,一方面是因为地理位置好, 另一方面偶想应该归功于学校的培养吧! 培养那些方面呢? 可能应该是学生的社会适应能力吧,  所以就诌了这么一句!  如象樱一树这样将其一校之特点同其他的学校区分, 对PS的个性会有一些增色......

3) 好思路!
莫要谦虚, 老外也只擅使简单句.....

多谢楼上二位的回贴, 祝二位节日愉快!