Issue183 咬咬牙还是贴上吧。请批！谢谢！

snowmanUID: 189980

Issue183: “As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible, but more complex and more mysterious.”

At first glance, this statement makes sense, but after carefully weighing it, I find that the speaker only skims the surface of the problems, lacking of a deeper and more insightful analysis, and the assertion itself is a bit misleading. In my observation, although we will encounter something unknown or mysterious in the process of gaining knowledge, when we get more knowledge, we will get a deeper understanding of the world. I will attempt to demonstrate my point of view on this issue as follows.

To begin with, I believe that the more knowledge we have acquired, the more clearly we see the world. From primary school to university, our knowledge augments increasingly. We not only have learned reading and writing, but also have learned the nature of the world. When gaining a new idea, we will probably see the world from a new angle. For instance, using mathematics as a tool, we have known that the earth revolves around the sun rather than the old belief that the earth revolved around the earth. Hence, this new idea sparks a new thinking to us, and changes our picture of the universe as well. In addition, physics presents us with a fact that solid objects are made up of atoms spinning around empty space where matters and energy are two forms of the same thing. Moreover, having learned English, we can read much more information on the Internet, thus we get more knowledge of the whole world, such as history, science, nature, culture, and so forth. Gradually with the increasing knowledge, our horizon widens and misunderstanding among nations is increasingly diminishing.

Yet, without knowledge, people only see the surface of the matters, and they are always shield from the truth. As a consequence, many common things in their eyes are mysteries. For instance, because people have no knowledge of physics and technology, when they first saw the camera, they called it magical box, and people were afraid of this box that would take their souls out of their bodies. In addition, even now because of the absence of medical knowledge, people have never seen doctor in their whole life in some undeveloped regions. When a child gets fever, his or her parents assume that the evil have got into their child's body, and they will sent for a sorcerer to expel the evil out of the child's body instead of curing the child by medical means. In this way, many children die because of without medical treatment.

Admittedly, when we make scientific research or on the process of gaining knowledge, we indeed will encounter something unknown or mysterious, while only meet problems, shall we have the possibility to solve them, and then we will increasingly get more knowledge and understand the world more clearly.

In sum, the speaker ignores the major and positive aspects of the knowledge. Therefore, based on discussed above, although we will meet new problems on the way to explore new knowledge, I believe the world will be more comprehensible than it used to be.

不怕开水烫的猪UID: 187893

每一段的结构很清楚，语言也挺流畅的，观点也很明确。

但总是感觉这篇文章是绕开了一个复杂的哲学问题，有投机之嫌
既然题目说了，知识越多，事物越复杂；如果反对的话，是不是应该先从题目的观点出发，举一些越复杂的例子。然后再驳斥说实际上是更简单了。
像本文直接说知识越多，事物越简单，似乎也是一种不错的办法。但总感觉浪费了一个有深度的题目。

另外，第一句说At first glance, this statement makes sense, but 。。。我的感觉却相反：first puzzling, after consideration reasonable. 呵呵。

个人意见，大家讨论讨论。

snowmanUID: 189980

你的第一条意见我很赞同，开始也想过这么做，但本人的语言驾驭能力实在有限，另外对复杂的科学问题又了解甚浅，怕绕来绕去事儿没说明白，再把自己给绕进去出不来，所以就这么直白地说了。另外，这篇文章的词汇、语言是不是太不够“GRE”了？一限时脑子就空了一半，最近补充的词汇、句型全“撤”了。
谢谢不怕开水烫的猪，你的文章已读过，一点个人想法已贴上了。
有劳各位继续批！

不怕开水烫的猪UID: 187893

我觉得你的词汇和语言还不错。

用太多的难词也不一定好，能把观点说清楚就可以了

zhangsx_1982UID: 176926

"they are always shield from the truth. "  shield 是动词，这样是不是不太好。对于这个题目理解上我感觉也是first puzzling, after consideration reasonable.
论述起来，你的第一段认可题目的观点，可是第二段怎么让我觉得又在否定你一开始的观点呢？
不知有没有说明白！

blur13_0UID: 150275

;)
Issue183: “As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible, but more complex and more mysterious.”
关键词：comprehensible complex
提纲：not but 与1+1

At first glance, this statement makes sense, but after carefully weighing it, I find that the speaker only skims the surface of the problems, lacking of a deeper and more insightful analysis, and the assertion itself is a bit misleading.有点绕，直接说后半句即可 In my observation, although we will encounter something unknown or mysterious in the process of gaining knowledge, when we get more knowledge, we will get a deeper understanding of the world.这种表达可用but更好，因为后面是从句 I will attempt to demonstrate my point of view on this issue as follows.最好不用attempt

To begin with, I believe that the more knowledge we have acquired, the more clearly we see the world. From primary school to university, our knowledge augments increasingly. We not only have learned reading and writing, but also have learned the nature of the world.上下两句没有关系 When gaining a new idea, we will probably see the world from a new angle. For instance, using mathematics as a tool, we have known that the earth revolves around the sun rather than the old belief that the earth revolved around the earth. Hence, this new idea sparks a new thinking to us, and changes our picture of the universe as well.应该继续说，新的理论帮人们解释了很多以前看似奇怪的事情 In addition, physics presents us with a fact that solid objects are made up of atoms spinning around empty space where matters and energy are two forms of the same thing.这个例子没展开，可以向上个例子一样继续展开说 Moreover, having learned English, we can read much more information on the Internet, thus we get more knowledge of the whole world, such as history, science, nature, culture, and so forth. Gradually with the increasing knowledge, our horizon widens and misunderstanding among nations is increasingly diminishing.最后的例子useless,砍！

Yet因该用递进词，如further, without knowledge, people only see the surface of the matters, and they are always shield from the truth.上句应用定从表达 As a consequence, many common things in their eyes are mysteries. For instance, because people have no knowledge of physics and technology, when they first saw the camera, they called it magical box, and people were afraid of this box that would take their souls out of their bodies.例子好，但可以调整一下句字的先后 In addition, even now because of the absence of medical knowledge, people have never seen doctor in their whole life in some undeveloped regions. When a child gets fever, his or her parents assume that the evil have got into their child's body, and they will sent for a sorcerer to expel the evil out of the child's body instead of curing the child by medical means. In this way, many children die because of without medical treatment.例子还成，但重复是由了上个例子的表达方式，可以考虑把because换为for the reason

Admittedly, when we make scientific research or on the process of gaining knowledge, we indeed will encounter something unknown or mysterious, while onlyonly应提前 meet problems, shall we have the possibility to solve them, and then we will increasingly get more knowledge and understand the world more clearly.

In sum, the speaker ignores the major and positive aspects of the knowledge. Therefore, based on discussed above, although we will meet new problems on the way to explore new knowledge, I believe the world will be more comprehensible than it used to be.第一句话多余，没必要再提speaker，可以考虑将这话放在第一段
总体意见：
1.body1和body2其实可以和为一体以自然科学为序，可以考虑再写一个body以社会科学为序，如人类对自身的认识（即供参考）
2.例子多，但没有论述到位。
3.注意表达方式的变化。
4.限时能写这么多，不容易，羡慕…欢迎也来拍拍我，呵呵

beilongzhuhaiUID: 175441

Issue183: “As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible, but more complex and more mysterious.”

At first glance, this statement makes sense, but after carefully weighing it, I find that the speaker only skims the surface of the problems, lacking of a deeper and more insightful analysis, and the assertion itself is a bit misleading。 In my observation, although we will encounter something unknown or mysterious in the process of gaining knowledge, when（改为 after 会不会好一点呢） we get more knowledge, we will get（此用make 好点吧） a deeper understanding of the world. I will attempt to demonstrate my point of view on this issue as follows.（观点明确提出，语言平实）

To begin with, I believe that the more knowledge we have acquired, the more clearly we see the world（是否改为the more clearly of the world we will see 会好一点呢）. From primary school to university, our knowledge augments increasingly. We not only have learned reading and writing, but also have learned the nature of the world（此处好像没有很明显的递进关系）. When gaining a new idea, we will probably see the world from a new angle. For instance, using mathematics as a tool, we have known that the earth revolves around the sun rather than the old belief that the earth revolved around the earth.( 此处例子好像不是很恰当，应该是地理告诉我们这个知识吧)。 Hence, this new idea sparks a new thinking to us, and changes our picture of the universe as well. In addition, physics presents us with a fact that solid objects are made up of atoms spinning around empty space where matters and energy are two forms of the same thing. Moreover, having learned English, we can read much more information on the Internet, thus we get more knowledge of the whole world, such as history, science, nature, culture, and so forth. Gradually with the increasing knowledge, our horizon widens and misunderstanding among nations is increasingly diminishing.

Yet, without knowledge, people only see the surface of the matters, and they are always shield from the truth. As a consequence, many common things in their eyes are mysteries. For instance, because people have no knowledge of physics and technology, when they first saw the camera, they called it magical box, and people were afraid of this box that would take their souls out of their bodies. （此处例子好像是说明有一些人不认识新的事物，我觉得不是十分恰当）。In addition, even now because of the absence of medical knowledge, people have never seen doctor in their whole life in some undeveloped regions. When a child gets fever, his or her parents assume that the evil have got into their child's body, and they will sent for a sorcerer to expel the evil out of the child's body instead of curing the child by medical means. In this way, many children die because of without medical treatment.

Admittedly, when we make scientific research or on the process of gaining knowledge, we indeed will encounter something unknown or mysterious, while only meet problems, shall we have the possibility to solve them, and then we will increasingly get more knowledge and understand the world more clearly.

In sum, the speaker ignores the major and positive aspects of the knowledge. Therefore, based on discussed above, although we will meet new problems on the way to explore new knowledge, I believe the world will be more comprehensible than it used to be.



这是我的第一次给别人修改，有什么该错或改的不好的地方，请多多包涵。

我觉得你的文章的逻辑性不是很强，分论点不是十分明确，辩论的不够，而且举的例子不是十分到位！

但是你的文章比我的好多啦！

让我们共同努力吧！动笔就是进步！

snowmanUID: 189980

首先谢谢大家点评！
按顺序来吧，谢谢zhangsx_1982，
1.关与”shield”, 这样改如何：
people only see the surface of the matters, which always shields them from the truth;
2.我想表达的是：第一段让步后否定命题观点，不明白吗？是不是应该再强调一下？
题外话：你也喜欢这句最能让自己”阿Q” 的话？知音。


谢谢blur13_0，
1写得是太薄弱了，不会表达了，就是没有深程，不厚实，我真怕“写死”，这是我常犯的毛病。
2“论述不到位”，是我很大的问题，正在努力改进。
你的文章已读过，贴上了。

谢谢beilongzhuhai，
1．“after” “the more   the more” 两处改过感觉好多了；
2．关于地球公转，看到有文章这么写，其实再具体我也分不清了；
谢谢点评，谢谢鼓励。

考试在即，实在有点儿晕， Argument 也正在准备中，恐怕这篇没时间改了再贴了，请谅解，但大家的点评我已牢记在心了，以后会多加注意。
十分感谢！

pdyhcUID: 177332

别人提过的我不提了。
At first glance, this statement makes sense, but after carefully weighing it, I find that the speaker only skims the surface of the problems, lacking of a deeper and more insightful analysis, and the assertion itself is a bit misleading. In my observation, although we will encounter something unknown or mysterious in the process of gaining knowledge, when we get more knowledge, we will get a deeper understanding of the world. I will attempt to demonstrate my point of view on this issue as follows.（感觉这个是废话。如果你的文章字数不够，可以理解。但是，最好不要啊。）
To begin with, I believe that the more knowledge we have acquired, the more clearly we see the world. From primary school to university, our knowledge augments increasingly（这个词，感觉有点怪。我知道你可能想说“日益增加”，但这里感觉很憋啊。可不可以用dramatically?）. We not only have learned reading and writing, but also have learned the nature of the world. (When gaining a new idea, we will probably see the world from a new angle.)(括号里的话与主题其实无关啊。你是说的是新视角，可是说观点更深刻更深入也许会好点吧。还有本段第一句和这句都有点主题句的味道，如果能精练并highlight出来，整成主题句就好了。) …………


In sum, the speaker ignores the major and positive aspects of the（the应该删除吧） knowledge. Therefore, based on discussed above, although we will meet new problems on the way to explore new knowledge, I believe the world will be more comprehensible than it used to be.其实这个结尾不是特别好，没有完全扣住题目。因为issue不是说“因为我们再探索知识时会碰到一些问题，所以我们不应该探索知识” 。我觉得应该重复强调类似的有关“知识使得我们更明智，更能驾驭世界，而不是更confusing“的问题。然后说，当我们掌握了更多知识，我们或者the world就会更Comprehensive什么的

回头我也写你这个题，到时候不要吝啬砖头啊

snowmanUID: 189980

谢谢pdyhc，
你的意见全盘接受，可不是敷衍你，是仔细看过后才决定的。
还有你朋友的意见很有实际意义，谢谢给大家一起分享。
马上要考了，紧张吗？放心，好运会一直跟着你的。

pdyhcUID: 177332

谢谢snowman的关心。 我现在整天爬在寄托上，看，改，写。忙的都忘了紧张了。紧张也没用

我竟然考前七天才炼第一篇。汗啊。只能尽力而为了。现在由于忙应付考试，只能对大家的文章尽力而为。希望考完后能给大家提更多更具体的建义。

在寄托上和大家交流了几个回合后，感觉心里踏实多了。

我会努力的。每个gter都要为了自己的梦想不懈努力！ 到最后一分中。

如我，考前7天，没炼过笔仍然厚着脸皮坚持到最后呢

我才是真的不怕开水烫的猪啊：）

考完再和大家交流类似的废话了。还是继续看作文，改作文，写作文

jorgeUID: 108878

结尾假如再加递进会更好，比如: 觉得事情xx and xx，并不是因为你学的知识太多，而是没学够。

ZHGsunnyUID: 185312

例子不是很好。写一点我自己的，仅供参考。
自然知识我们了解：打雷闪电是怎么一回事；东西为什么会最终落到地上？学习了达尔文的进化论，知道了优胜劣汰的道理。
科技知识在生活中的应用：网络，通讯， 语言等使人与人之间的交流简化
反例，是事情变复杂：
环境的污染问题，医学面临的许多新的疾病等等
观点：知识使诗情变得简单了，但是随着人们知识的增加，人们的发现的了更加复杂的问题，而这些问题会随着人们知识的进一步增加得到解决，。。。是一个螺旋式上升的过程。

pdyhcUID: 177332

Issue183: “As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible, but more complex and more mysterious.”

60分钟（含一遍检查。写完初稿差不多50分钟）
Admittedly, as we acquire more and more knowledge, we may find more fields of knowledge that are uncertain to us. However，history of humanity tells us the more knowledge we gain, the better we understand the world.

Undoubtedly, knowledge helps us understand the world. With the developed and accumulated knowledge, people understand the world better and can explain many complex phenomena that people cannot explain in the past for lacking of enough knowledge. Flash and thunder, for instance, are mysterious and complex in the ancient people’s eyes. For they are unable to explain such phenomena, they believe that there must be someone lives in another world beyond the world they live in and controls them in long time before they gained adequate knowledge to explain such phenomena. Now, for we have enough knowledge about the electronic theory, we know that flash and thunder are not controlled by some one who lives in a virtual world but are common natural phenomena that are resulted by the collision of positive and negative electronics.

Someone asserts that as we acquire more knowledge, things become more complex and more mysterious. Such person both makes a big logical and philosophical mistake and fails to discover the real relationship between the amount of knowledge people master and their capability of understanding and explaining things. Firstly, things are external objects to people. They themselves never become simpler or more complex because of people, people’s knowledge or people’s attitude. So-called simplicity or complexity comes from people’s subjective ideas instead from those objective things. More or less knowledge cannot change the internal complexity of any objects. Secondly, the person who present such arbitrary assertion make a wrong displacement of the objects he faces. He may make such a conclusion from the observation that when people gain more knowledge, they are exposed to more mysterious things. However, the so-called “more mysterious things” deserve our much attention. Those “more mysterious things” are not those objects people have paid attentions on but new arisen problems. In fact, those objects people have paid attentions on are better understood when more knowledge is available to make further research on them. It goes without saying that those things seem “mysterious” now will become common inevitably later when more knowledge about them is acquired, too.  

In one word, though when people acquire more knowledge, they may be exposed to more uncertain fields and new complex problems, it is unwise to assert that more knowledge produces more complex problems. In fact, more knowledge enable people discover more opportunities to understand and explain the world.

说明：还有三天就考了，可能这几天没有时间细改大家的作文了。考完了我会回来的 ：）

snowmanUID: 189980

谢谢jorge，
你的意见很好，相当到位，接受。

谢谢ZHGsunny，
谢谢点评！
尤其十分感谢你的例子，我会好好利用。


首先，文中改动全凭个人感觉，如不恰当ignore;
body1：读起来挺顺，也挺在理；
body2: 读起来有点儿费劲，有点绕，感觉不是很明了，但基本意思能看明白。（个人意见，对自己的水平很是质疑。）
结尾，明确扣题。
再接再励！Success waiting for you ahead!（表达对吗？）