issue91 熬夜刚写完正好可以发了，贴出来欢迎指点

zqimagineUID: 193623

91."The worldwide distribution of television programs and advertisements is seriously diminishing the differences among cultures."

Nowadays nobody will question the overwhelming power of mass media, especially television programs and advertisements. As the earth is becoming a “village” due to the development of science and technology with a high speed, televison programs and advertisements bring about globalization to every part of the world. The speaker asserts that culture differences are being diminished seriously by the worldwide distribution of television programs and advertisements. In my opinion, the widespread of television programs and advertisements does much contribution to the introduction and intercommunication among various cultures, whereas sometimes it gives prominence to the characteristics of distinctive cultures.

On one hand, televison programs and advertisements are effective tools to introduce the essence of certain culture to other cultures. During the process of culture intercourse, people from different races and background get to know and communicate with each other, which helps to build up a homonious integral world. For instance, when the Chinese people watch the talk show held by Larry King in the United States, they get more familiar with the American life style and customs, and they can gradually comprehend part of the American culture. Take the prestigious brand Nike for another example. Nowadays it is a common fact that commerce becomes more extensive and widespread all over the world. Immense propaganda of Nike in almost every country suggests that it is easy for advertisements to conquere culture gaps. Thanks to television programs and advertisements, individuals from various culture background understand each other better, leading to a little more respect.

On the other hand, however, television programs and advertisements play an indispensable role in giving prominence to the characteristics of distinctive cultures. To begin with, since every authority has necessity to firm its governance, controlling the television seems to be a plausible and simple instrument. Hence, television programs have more or less some culture brand on them. What is more, mixing the local culture with products is tested to be virtual in attracting more comsumers especially those who is quite indulgent in their own cultures. It is not easy for people who bring up in certain culture background and have formed such kind of thinking mode and taste, to accept the products that is contradivtive with the culture. It is reaonable that the advertisements of Coca Cola in different countries enbody some unique local trait. And this practice would predictedly aggravate the culture difference.

To sum up, the worldwide spread of television programs and advertisements bring about intercommunications among diverse cultures, rather than diminish the differences. Culture gaps can be prolonged sometimes by television and advertisements for reasons concerning with governence and profit-exploiting.

zqimagineUID: 193623

呼呼~

dezhiUID: 156141

91."The worldwide distribution of television programs and advertisements is seriously diminishing the differences among cultures."

Nowadays nobody will question the overwhelming power of mass media, especially television programs and advertisements. As the earth is becoming a “village” due to the development of science and technology with a high speed, televison programs and advertisements bring about globalization to every part of the world. The speaker asserts that culture differences are being diminished seriously by the worldwide distribution of television programs and advertisements. In my opinion, the widespread of television programs and advertisements does much contribution to the introduction and intercommunication among various cultures, whereas sometimes it gives prominence to the characteristics of distinctive cultures.这个开头，是不是有点……太长了?光television programs and advertisements就出现了四处之多，不太好哦！另外，你的观点挺新颖的，只是……看看下段吧

On one hand, televison programs and advertisements are effective tools to introduce the essence of certain culture to other cultures.注意，题目说的是媒体是否会严重抹杀文化间的差异，而你这里说的是媒体在文化传播方面的作用，根本没涉及文化差异，这不是跑题吗？当然，文化传播的一个结果是消除差异，不过你在主题句中最好要点明 During the process of culture intercourse, people from different races and background get to know and communicate with each other, which helps to build up a homonious 拿不准的词不要用哦，还是因为打错了？ integral world. For instance, when the Chinese people watch the talk show held by Larry King in the United States, they get more familiar with the American life style and customs, and they can gradually comprehend part of the American culture. Take the prestigious brand Nike for another example. Nowadays it is a common fact that commerce becomes more extensive and widespread all over the world. Immense propaganda of Nike in almost every country suggests that it is easy for advertisements to conquere 打错了，呼呼 culture gaps这个例子我没太看明白，本身对例子的叙述就不明不白的，而且，能说明对文化差异有什么影响吗？如果有，为何不说的更明白一些呢？. Thanks to television programs and advertisements, individuals from various culture background understand each other better不同文化的人能更容易理解其他文化，这个与文化差异如何并无本质必然联系，你说呢？, leading to a little more respect.

On the other hand, however, television programs and advertisements play an indispensable role in giving prominence to the characteristics of distinctive cultures. To begin with, since every authority has necessity to firm its governance, controlling the television seems to be a plausible and simple instrument. Hence, television programs have more or less some culture brand on them为何不多分析一下？后面的内容提到人们只会理睬自己文化的产品，这和文化差异有什么关系吗？. What is more, mixing the local culture with products is tested to be virtual in attracting more comsumers especially those who is quite indulgent in their own cultures. It is not easy for people who bring up in certain culture background and have formed such kind of thinking mode and taste, to accept the products that is contradivtive with the culture. It is reaonable that the advertisements of Coca Cola in different countries enbody some unique local trait. And this practice would predictedly aggravate the culture difference.

To sum up, the worldwide spread of television programs and advertisements bring about intercommunications among diverse cultures, rather than diminish the differences. Culture gaps can be prolonged sometimes by television and advertisements for reasons concerning with governence and profit-exploiting.最后这个profit-exploiting，你的文章中并没有提及，所以最后不要节外生枝啊！而governance你也没有详细分析过

总体来说，头有点大，身子偏弱，分析不够。Body1有点跑题，这可是致命的，而且你本来就只写了两个Body，再跑一个，可咋办啊~~~不过，其实Body1和主题还有很大关系的，关键看你怎么分析，可能加几句话就不算跑了！
我觉得正文还是3个Body比较匀称，看你自己怎么想了
再强调一次，千万不要跑题！题目谈的是文化差异，就一定要围绕这个展开，即使扯远了也至少要再扯回来才行，切记
语言上没啥大问题，不过有多处拼写错误，下次发文之前先放到WORD里看一下，看看自己常常打错哪些字母，只有不断总结才不有提高啊
Ps:你的文章段落之间没有空行，我帮你改过来了

dezhiUID: 156141

忘记说了，POOH给我的PM，你是悬赏活动的第三位获奖者哈
继续努力！

zqimagineUID: 193623

其实也就是刚开始吧帮别人改了几篇，后来看到自己发上去的没有被改的动静就灰了心，人也懒了，今天上论坛知道被“奖励”了，真是surprise！呵呵好开心阿！一定继续努力，争取多改多写文章！Yeah!

qiwei0420UID: 170136

好人有好报哦，我现在觉得自己水平比较差，没有资格给别人改，正在学习中，帮忙吧？多多的谢你啦！

zqimagineUID: 193623

As the earth is becoming a “village” due to the development of science and technology with a high speed, television programs and advertisements bring about globalization to every part of the world, [U]making a big difference whose effects are of central importance to the evolution various cultures. [/U]  The speaker asserts that culture differences are being diminished seriously by the worldwide distribution of the two categories of mass media. In my opinion, the widespread of television programs and advertisements does much contribution to the introduction and intercommunication among various cultures, whereas sometimes it gives prominence to the characteristics of distinctive cultures.

On one hand, television programs and advertisements serve as effective tools to introduce the essence of certain culture to other cultures,[U] the consequence of which is the reduction of cultural differences. [/U]  During the process of culture intercourse, people from different races and background get to know and communicate with each other, which helps to build up a harmonious and integral world. For instance, when the Chinese people watch the talk show held by Larry King in the United States, they get more familiar with the American life style and customs, and they can gradually comprehend part of the American culture. [U]Then it becomes apparent that the American culture has more or less places come impact on their minds, and later what these Chinese people builds into their native culture will reflect something assimilated by the American culture. [/U]  Once more, to take the prestigious brand Nike for another example. Nowadays it is a common fact that commerce becomes more extensive and widespread all over the world. Immense propaganda of Nike in almost every country suggests that it is easy for advertisements to conquer culture gaps, [U]and ads, in the final analysis, has regarded as an indispensable part of culture. [/U]  Thanks to television programs and advertisements, individuals from various culture backgrounds understand each other better, [U]and this provides a way of mixing into and absorbing from one another’s cultures[/U] .

On the other hand, however, television programs and advertisements play an indispensable role in giving prominence to the characteristics of distinctive cultures. To begin with, since every authority has necessity to firm its governance [U]and most of authorities often view losing cultural identity as an omen of losing autonomy, so the government rejects the thoughts and customs with other cultural backgrounds. Making television a plausible and simple instrument, hence television programs have more or less some cultural brand on them.[/U]  What is more, mixing the local culture with products is tested to be effective in attracting more consumers especially those who is quite indulgent in their own cultures. It is not easy for people who bring up in certain culture background and have formed such kind of thinking mode and taste, to accept the products that are contradictive with the culture. It is reasonable that trademarks of Coca Cola in different countries embody some unique local trait. And this practice would predictably aggravate the culture difference.

To sum up, the worldwide spread of television programs and advertisements bring about intercommunications among diverse cultures, rather than diminish the differences. Culture gaps can be prolonged sometimes by television and advertisements for reasons concerning with governance [U]and attracting consumers.[/U]

PS：拼写错误实在很可怕！我要加强练习！
    大改的几处都划线了

zqimagineUID: 193623

最初由 qiwei0420 发布
[B]好人有好报哦，我现在觉得自己水平比较差，没有资格给别人改，正在学习中，帮忙吧？多多的谢你啦！ [/B]

大家都可以有改的权利啊，没有水平的问题之说。一家之言也可以参考的啊！今天太晚了我睡了，明天帮你看哈！