issue114 用了不到40分钟, 麻烦有时间的朋友帮忙看看

clausiusUID: 147331

前几天来着总是突破不了50分钟大观，今天突然发彪．不过字数只有450. 因为下午躲在寝室里模拟现场，最好搞的心里也跟成现场一样了，37分钟只想出这么多,　不过我一直觉得话不在多，说清就行了．觉得有问题的朋友尽管批，我先谢过了．

题目: Humanity has made little real progress over the past century or so. Te chnological innovations have taken place, but the overall condition of
humanity is no better. War, violence, and poverty are still with us.
Technology cannot change the condition of humanity.


In this issue the author states that humanity has made little real progress over the past century or so. He also claims that technological innovations have taken place, but the overall condition of humanity is no better--- war, violence, and poverty are still with us-- so technology cannot change the condition of humanity. However, in my opinion, I do not agree with the author's standpoint. I maintain that humanity has made much real progress over the past century and science and technology can help change the condition of humanity.

On the one hand, the condition of humanity has changed considerably over the past century. Although there are still some conflicts in the world nowadays, the quantity and extent of such conflicts declined more than before, especially than the time before the end of Second World War. Poverty also still exists in each nation, however, the living condition of most people in the world is more comfort and convenient than a century before. People can only wash clothes with hands in the 19th century, but people now can use washing machines to wash clothes quickly; people can only use delivery to convey messages 100 years before, which costs much time, however, nowadays the internet entitles people to send a E-mail for only several minutes; a century ago most people can only walk to work, however, now we have cars, motorcycles and bicycles. All the facts substantiate that the condition of humanity has improves over the past century.

On the other hand, in the course of the improvement of humanity, technology helps much. Developed science and technology help people act more discreetly. A good case in point is the nuclear weapon, a representative of developed technology. Although the nuclear weapon is a big security threaten to the whole human in a way; however, it is just the balance of nuclear power between several large countries that forces them not dare to conflict with other countries easily. Furthermore, developed technology also helps more people get rid of poverty. For instance, nowadays with the developed agriculture technology, much more produce of grain, which could never be imagined a century ago, can be gained by farmers every year, and their revenue is higher and higher. Therefore, the development of technology and science contribute much to the improvement of the condition of humanity.

Based on the discussion I have mentioned above I assert without any hesitation that the humanity has made much real improvement over the past century and technology can help change the condition of humanity. With the faster development of science of technology, humanity will improve more in the future, and in the end those defects of humanity will be eliminated at all.

有的书本把humanity理解成人道，有的书理解成人类，其实我也不好说，所以说的比较模糊．不知大家怎么理解．

玉面小狐狸UID: 188981

题目: Humanity has made little real progress over the past century or so. Te chnological innovations have taken place, but the overall condition of
humanity is no better. War, violence, and poverty are still with us.
Technology cannot change the condition of humanity.


In this issue the author states that humanity has made little real progress over the past century or so. He also claims that technological innovations have taken place, but the overall condition of humanity is no better--- war, violence, and poverty are still with us-- so technology cannot change the condition of humanity. However, in my opinion, I do not agree with the author's standpoint. I maintain that humanity has made much real progress over the past century and science and technology can helpto change the condition of humanity.

On the one hand, the condition of humanity has changed considerably over the past century. Although there are still some conflicts in the world nowadays, the quantity and extent of such conflicts declined more than before, especially than the time before the end of Second World War. 战争和贫困之间应该过渡一句Poverty also still exists in each nation, however, the living condition of most people in the world is more comfort and convenient than a century before. People can only wash clothes with hands in the 19th century, but people now can use washing machines to wash clothes quickly; people can only use delivery to convey messages 100 years before, which costs much time, however, nowadays the internet entitles people to send a E-mail for only several minutes; a century ago most people can only walk to work, however, now we have cars, motorcycles and bicycles. All the facts substantiate that the condition of humanity has improves over the past century.

On the other hand, in the course of the improvement of humanity, technology helps much. Developed science and technology help people act more discreetly. A good case in point is the nuclear weapon, a representative of developed technology. Although the nuclear weapon is a big security threaten to the whole human in a way; however, it is just the balance of nuclear power between several large countries that forces them not dare to conflict with other countries easily. 这个例子不是很恰当，不能说因为有原子弹就能够避免战争，那只是少数几个国家的事，原子弹的评价还是弊远远大于利的Furthermore, developed technology also helps more people get rid of poverty. For instance, nowadays with the developed agriculture technology, much more produce of grain, which could never be imagined a century ago, can be gained by farmers every year, and their revenue is higher and higher. Therefore, the development of technology and science contribute much to the improvement of the condition of humanity.

Based on the discussion I have mentioned above I assert without any hesitation that the humanity has made much real improvement over the past century and technology can help change the condition of humanity. With the faster development of science of technology, humanity will improve more in the future, and in the end those defects of humanity will be eliminated at all.
第二段里可以对战争多写几句，使战争和贫困的篇幅均衡一下。
此外，我认为作者的关键句是Technology cannot change the condition of humanity.对观点的反驳应该集中在这一句，所以要把重点放在科技改善生活，而不是简单的说消除贫困和战争。因此最好把论述的结构调整一下。因为第二段中根本没出现science and technology (thesis sentence的关键字），所以没有直接对你的thesis sentence做有力的支持。
篇幅是短了一点，可以考虑加一个小小的让步段。

clausiusUID: 147331

谢谢.

刚才还在跟一个同学讨论这个原子弹的例子, 他说按中国人的观点来看是利大于弊, 按美国人的观点是弊大于利,叫我赶紧换成克隆. 其实我只是想找个里子证明科技能阻止战争.可不太好找.

还有楼上的说第二段中根本没出现science and technology, 我是把主题分两部分写的,所以第二段并没有出现主题第二部分的东西,这样写不可么?我怕写串了.望赐教.

还有, 您说要把重点放在科技改善生活，而不是简单的说消除贫困和战争, 我觉得作者的论据就是战争贫困还是有的,而有句话叫"要批论点最好的方法就是批论据", 不知您怎么看.望赐教.

不胜感激.