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[i习作temp] issue17 贴上来的第二篇,给我改的体无完肤最好,真的渴望提高ing! [复制链接]

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楼主
发表于 2005-2-3 23:15:14 |只看该作者

issue17 贴上来的第二篇,给我改的体无完肤最好,真的渴望提高ing!

17"There are two types of laws: just and unjust. Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and, even more importantly, to disobey and resist unjust laws."

Laws, as the elements of our living, can be simplify into two types-just and unjust; people, as the master of a society, have the will to obey them or disobey them. For different people have different criteria to judge which is just and unjust, however, no matter it is fair and unfair, as a citizen living in a society, and people should obey all of existing laws. Although some laws have little flaws, which will damage our own profits, we still ought to obey them. While it does not mean that we can not protest against the unjust laws, but what we can do is suggesting the legislature to revise them.

Just laws can bring a society stability and prosperity, we must obey them. A society which want to be stable and peace must constitute a tremendous of relevant laws, which can guarantee to provide people a comfortable living environment and an orderly social behavior. We, people living in the society, acclaimed for the just laws which can protect our proper and reasonable right, thus contributing to our society. Take the criminal law and the civil law for example, both of them are protecting people’s safety and proper benefits, and therefore make them living a normal and peaceful life. On the other hand, the development of a society is totally lying on the just laws. Since just laws can create a fairly competitive environment, for example, to provide everyone a fairly competitive environment, legislature constituted the law of competition and the law of opposition to the unfair competition, which  protect either the balance of the marketing economy or the benefit of businessmen.

Unjust laws can make a society disturbance and poverty, we still, however, need obey them and amend them. As we all know, everything has its flaws, even laws, for they are ruled by people and different laws were adapt for the certain conditions which happened in different times, and thereby we can not anticipate all of them to meet the current situations. For example, Mr. Lee broken his neighbor house’s meadow accidentally, according to the local law, he must pay his neighbor $2000 as the payment, nevertheless, Mr. Lee think the law is unjust, thus he refuse to pay the money. But as a citizen of a society, we must obey laws even though it is unjust one. Let us imagine, if anyone disobeys laws according to think that they are unjust laws, then how bad our society will become? Frankly speaking, in some extent, the payment maybe a little more serious, while we must realize one thing, law is law, we can suggest the legislature to revise the unjust laws, before they are revised, we must obey them, even it is a wrong one, this is the obligation of a citizen.

这篇没限时,大概写了俩个多小时吧,之后又改了改,基本上能力就是如此了,真的渴望提高,谢谢了,等我有能力给别人改的时候我一定贡献一份力量!

To sum up, due to the need of the development, modernization and future of society and moral responsibility, every individual is expected to deal with the relationship of obeying just laws and disobeying unjust laws in a proper way. Out of question, we welcome and would like to obey the just laws and disgust and are going to resist the unjust ones, sincerely, before you are going to do so, please considering the benefit of the whole nation.

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沙发
发表于 2005-2-4 22:05:34 |只看该作者

自己顶一下,怎么没人给我改啊?

给我点勇气好吗?我都不敢再网上贴了,哭!

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板凳
发表于 2005-2-4 22:34:39 |只看该作者

继续顶ing!

好心人给改啊。。。。。。

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地板
发表于 2005-2-5 12:04:55 |只看该作者

我的意见,仅供参考

17"There are two types of laws: just and unjust. Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and, even more importantly, to disobey and resist unjust laws."

Laws, as the elements of our living, can be[U] simplify(simplified)[/U]  into two types-just and unjust; people, as the master of a society, have the will to obey them or disobey them. For different people have different criteria to judge which[U] is(are)[/U]  just [U]and(or)[/U]  unjust, however, no matter it is fair [U]and(or)[/U]  unfair, as a citizen living in a society, [U]and people (one)[/U]  should obey all of existing laws. Although some laws have little flaws, which will damage our own profits, we still ought to obey them. While it does not mean that we can not protest against the unjust laws, [U]but(DELETE) [/U]   what we can do is suggesting the legislature to revise them.

Just laws can bring a society stability and prosperity, [U](thus)[/U]  we must obey them. A society which want to be stable and [U]peace(peaceful)[/U]  must constitute a tremendous of relevant laws, which can guarantee to provide people [U](with)[/U]  a comfortable living environment and an orderly social behavior. We, people living in the society, acclaimed for the just laws which can protect our proper and reasonable right, thus contributing to our society. Take the criminal law and the civil law for example, both of them are protecting people’s safety and proper benefits, and therefore make them [U]living(live)[/U]  a normal and peaceful life. On the other hand, the development of a society is totally lying on the just laws. Since just laws can create a fairly competitive environment, for example, to provide everyone a fairly competitive environment(重复), legislature constituted the law of competition and the law of opposition to the unfair competition, which protect [U]either(both)[/U]  the [U]balance(应是公平fairness吧不是平衡) [/U]  of the marketing economy [U]or(and)[/U]  the benefit of businessmen.

Unjust laws can [U]make a society (lead to)[/U]  disturbance and poverty, we still, however, need [U]obey them and amend them(遵从并修改?). [/U]  As we all know, everything has its flaws, even laws, for they are ruled by people and different laws were adapt for the certain conditions which happened in different times, and thereby we can not anticipate all of them to meet the current situations. For example, Mr. Lee broken his neighbor house’s meadow accidentally, according to the local law, he must pay his neighbor $2000 as the payment, nevertheless, Mr. Lee think the law is unjust, thus he refuse to pay the money. But as a citizen of a society, we must obey laws even though it is unjust one(这个例子是说李认为它不合理但是它真是在现时情况下不适合吗?). Let us imagine, if anyone disobeys laws according to think that they are unjust laws, then how bad our society will become? Frankly speaking, in some extent, the payment maybe a little more serious, while we must realize one thing, law is law, we can suggest the legislature to revise the unjust laws, before they are revised, we must obey them, even it is a wrong one, this is the obligation of a citizen. (没有说清楚什么情况下去修改,修改了就一定要遵守吗?假设某条法律符合A的利益不符合B的利益,B遵从A不遵从;修改后符合B的利益不符合A的利益。B遵从,A还要遵从吗?……这样下去修改法律看来没什么效果)

To sum up, due to the need of the development, modernization and future of society and moral responsibility, every individual is expected to deal with the relationship of obeying just laws and disobeying unjust laws in a proper way. Out of question, we welcome and would like to obey the just laws and disgust and are going to resist the unjust ones, sincerely, before [U]you(主语一会儿是we一会儿是 you,比较麻烦) [/U]  are going to do so, please [U]considering the benefit of the whole nation(这句话在文中没有体现).[/U]

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发表于 2005-2-5 17:27:25 |只看该作者
俺站在zqimagine前辈的肩膀上作了以下的修改(主要是文法上的,很少涉及到文章结构和内容),可能有很多你会有不同的看法。呵呵,反正俺提出来的,你认为对就接受,认为不对可以讨论。俺提出来的异议主要集中在第一,三,四自然段。第二自然段,俺没有时间看了,不好意思。呵呵,下次俺贴俺的文章上来大家也要帮忙check呀!

17"There are two types of laws: just and unjust. Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and, even more importantly, to disobey and resist unjust laws."

Laws, as the elements of our living(是不是lives会感觉更好些?), can be simplify(simplified) (simplify用这里感觉有点别扭,把法律分为公正的和不公正的这个问题不简单拉!)into two types-just and unjust; people, as the master of a society, have the will to obey them or disobey them(laws的距离离这个them有点远,为了避免歧义,个人建议直接用laws). For different people have different criteria(刚才看了韦氏词典,发现criteria是个复数词,其单数是criterion,可能你知道,可能你不知道,如果像俺一样不知道那么就知道一下) to judge which is(are) just and(or) unjust, however, no matter it is fair and(or) unfair, as a citizen living in a society, and people (one) should obey all of (the)existing laws. Although some laws have little flaws, which will damage our own profits, we still ought to obey them.(呵呵,俺按俺个人的写法改写一下这个句子,提供另外一种写法,仅供参考一下。We ought to obey the laws, although some of them may quite possibly harm our own profits) While it does not mean that we can not protest against the unjust laws, but(DELETE) what we can do is suggesting the legislature to revise them(suggest用在这里也有点别扭,好像有点国会议员的感觉).

Just laws can bring a society stability and prosperity, (thus) we must obey them. A society which want(wants) to be stable and peace(peaceful) must constitute a tremendous(tremendous是形容词吧?后面接of实在有点别扭) of relevant laws, which can guarantee to provide people (with) a comfortable living environment and an orderly social behavior. We, people living in the society, acclaimed for the just laws which can protect our proper and reasonable right, thus contributing to our society. Take the criminal law and the civil law for example,(.) both of them are protecting people’s safety and proper benefits, and therefore make them living(live) a normal and peaceful life. On the other hand, the development of a society is totally lying on the just laws. Since just laws can create a fairly competitive environment, for example, to provide everyone a fairly competitive environment(重复), legislature constituted the law of competition and the law of opposition to the unfair competition, which protect either(both) the balance(应是公平fairness吧不是平衡) of the marketing economy or(and) the benefit of businessmen.

Unjust laws can make a society (lead to) (或者用cause)disturbance and poverty(也不一定啊,关键看你对unjust的看法怎么样了,公正不公正是一个历史的具体的问题,比如说奴隶制度的社会的法律在相当程度上维护了社会的稳定,但显然,按照我们当前的标准,奴隶制度是极端不公正的,这里涉及到一个标准的问题,尽管你开头段提到,但你这里的说法把不公正的法律绝对化了,sigh~引起俺大脑里面的一片混乱) we still, however, need(to) obey them and amend them(遵从并修改?).(amend?是不是只有人民代表大会才有权利amend?假如没有amend的权力该咋办涅?) As we all know, everything has its flaws, even laws, for they are ruled(用rule是不是不太恰当?用rule的意思感觉有点靠近执法发面的意思,如果想说得是立法,则用made之类的词) by people and different laws were adapt(adapted) for the(the是不是该去掉?) certain conditions which happened(环境好像不会发生吧?用set好像更合适) in different times, and thereby we can not anticipate all of them to meet the current situations. For example, Mr. Lee broken his neighbor house’s meadow(强悍!草原被broken了.lawn用于邻家的草坪) accidentally, (请不要一逗到底,该用句号的时候请坚决使用句号)according to the local law, he must pay his neighbor $2000 as the payment(compensation is better used here?), nevertheless, Mr. Lee think the law is unjust, thus he refuse to pay the money. But as a citizen of a society, we must obey laws even though it is (an) unjust one(这个例子是说李认为它不合理但是它真是在现时情况下不适合吗?). (你是不是想表达,不论我们认不认为法律公正,我们都要遵从现行的法律?还是前面说得,你提到unjust laws的时候态度有点绝对)Let us imagine, if anyone disobeys laws according to think(thinking 或者 the thought of ) that they are unjust laws, then how bad(terrible用的比bad舒服一点儿) our society will become(be)? Frankly speaking, in(to) some extent, the payment(因为离得有点远,请注明payment of 2000 刀) maybe a little more(为什么用比较级,和谁比较涅?) serious, while we must realize one thing, (a) law is (a) law, we can suggest the legislature to revise the unjust laws, before they are revised, we must obey them, even it is a wrong one, this is the obligation of a citizen. (没有说清楚什么情况下去修改,修改了就一定要遵守吗?假设某条法律符合A的利益不符合B的利益,B遵从A不遵从;修改后符合B的利益不符合A的利益。B遵从,A还要遵从吗?……这样下去修改法律看来没什么效果)(呵呵,从上面的部分看来,大作的观点表明了一种温和的改革派的观点,但是总是感觉表达得不到位,搔不到痒处。)

To sum up, due to the need of the development, modernization and future of society and moral responsibility, every individual is expected to deal with the relationship of obeying just laws and disobeying unjust laws in a proper way.(大姐是不是刚考完研究生的?这句话看起来像中央文件的译文的说,由于发展和现代化的需要,由于社稷的未来,由于社会道德责任,我们每一个人都要正确处理….的关系) Out of question, we welcome and would like to obey the just laws and disgust(个人觉得disgust不应该这样用,怎么会恶心涅?) and are going to resist the unjust ones, sincerely(这里用sincerely是不是会有点突兀?), before you(主语一会儿是we一会儿是 you,比较麻烦) are going to do so, please considering the benefit of the whole nation(这句话在文中没有体现).(而且句法有错误,consider , no —ing)
缺月挂疏桐,漏断人初静。谁见幽人独往来,缥缈孤鸿影。

惊起却回头,有恨无人省,拣尽寒枝不肯栖,寂寞沙洲冷。

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发表于 2005-2-5 20:25:32 |只看该作者

感激涕零啊!

谢谢俩位,辛苦了,我一定好好努力!

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RE: issue17 贴上来的第二篇,给我改的体无完肤最好,真的渴望提高ing! [修改]

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issue17 贴上来的第二篇,给我改的体无完肤最好,真的渴望提高ing!
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