Argument230 第2篇 写得如何？

figogoUID: 175735

Argument230  第2篇
比第1篇写得顺些，也快了些，不过感觉写得和第一篇差不多。
肯定有很多问题，大家帮帮看看吧。
//bow

------题目------
The following appeared in a recommendation from the planning department of the city of Transopolis.
'Ten years ago, as part of a comprehensive urban renewal program, the city of Transopolis adapted for industrial use a large area of severely substandard housing near the freeway. Subsequently, several factories were constructed there, crime rates in the area declined, and property tax revenues for the entire city increased. To further revitalize the city, we should now take similar action in a declining residential area on the opposite side of the city. Since some houses and apartments in existing nearby neighborhoods are currently unoccupied, alternate housing for those displaced by this action will be readily available.'

------正文------
In this argument, the arguer recommends that the city of Transopolis should adapt a declining residential area for industrial use. To substantiate the claim, the arguer cited the successful example of a large area of substandard housing near the freeway in the opposite of the city. Meanwhile, a major assumption underlying this argument is that this residential area is suitable for developing industry. However, the argument suffers from several fallacies.

First of all, the arguer fails to establish the casual relationship between the adaptation in the housing area near the freeway and the decline of crime rates and the increase of property tax revenues. It is equally possible that during last ten years, the number of the police increased significantly so that the crime rates have largely been cut down. In addition, the increase of property tax revenues for the whole city might not due to the contribution of the area near the freeway but due to other areas of the city. In this case, the property tax revenues from the residential area may remain the same, or even declined, after the adaptation.

In the second place, the argument commits a fallacy of false analogy between the two areas of the city. The assumption that all the relevant circumstances involving the industry in the two areas are the same is unwarranted. For example, the argument ignores the possibility that the residential area may not be suitable to build factories. Perhaps there are many parks or hospitals, which would be seriously affected by the pollutants discharged by the factories nearby.

Finally, the fact that some houses and apartments in neighborhood are unoccupied accomplishes nothing to support the recommendation. The conditions of the houses and apartments are still open to doubt. Are they comfortable? Do they have enough public facilities? Will those displaced residents be satisfied with them?

In summary, the argument is not well reasoned as it stands. To strengthen the argument, the arguer would have to provide more evidences that the adaptation of the housing area does result in the improvement of the social environment and that the two areas are identical in developing industry. To better evaluate the recommendation, I would need more information about the conditions of the vacant houses and apartments.

figogoUID: 175735

自己UP一小下，请大家帮忙改改，多谢了先！

asparagusUID: 194569

觉得很不错啊,不过觉得有一些小缺点
1.Transopolis 的住宅区是 near the freeway 的, 而arguer 的是declining residential ,两者有不可比性
2. the number of the police: police 为统称,是否改为policemen比较好?
3.The conditions of the houses and apartments are still open to doubt. Are they comfortable? Do they have enough public facilities? 这句话的主语是conditions, 主谓不一致

ps: 我是新人 请大家以后也多关照

figogoUID: 175735

多谢了，不过自己觉得写得还不是很好啊