Issue39 四年大学生活值不值

指向大海UID: 158737

Issue 39
题目
39"The intellectual benefits of attending a university or college are vastly overrated: most people could learn more by studying and reading on their own for four years than by pursuing a university or college degree."
正文
Bill Gates, who didn't complete his degree in Harvard University, established his business of Microsoft which ranks in the top of Fortune. This could be a good example that people could learn more by studying, and reading on their own for four years rather than by pursuing a university or college degree. However, I agree with the proposition that attending a university degree is the most appropriate and suitable way that people can gain more and better.

Admittedly, sometimes a university or college degree means nothing but a sheet of paper. Besides Bill Gates there are many greats like Michael Faraday, Edison, Nobel Alfred Bernhard who study by themselves appear better than graduates with degrees. Nevertheless, this is determined by the students themselves, not due to the universities. As for people who have strong ability of self-management and definite their purpose of learning, they may obtain more knowledge from self-studying than attending university or college.

Actually students in universities or colleges could learn more and better than others because the formal education system not only provides students with experienced teachers, advanced instruments but also the perfect atmosphere of hard learning. All of them instruct students study more efficiently and effectively. Genius are rare and we ordinary people demand formal and regular study to understand the formulas in mathematics, the laws in physics, the equations in chemistry, the events in history and so on. Without the experiment of flame reaction, you almost cannot imagine the cuprum is able to give off green light. Through high schools we acquire the basic knowledge and learning skills, but only through universities can we comprehend how the world is working. Undoubtedly, teenagers who didn't attend universities lack the sense of cultivation and those who attended universities will certainly found what they learned from classes and lectures turned into fortune when they get into the society.

Another point is that, students obtain not only knowledge from schools, but also the ways of thinking and the ability to collaborate with others. Through communication with teachers and schoolmates, one can mature his/her outlook, broaden his/her horizon, improve his/her methods of study and even change his/her way of thinking. As the Dean of biology department at my university once said (and I paraphrase): "Before I came into university, I was a little naive boy loves animals and basketball, it is the campus life that turned me to a man who truthfully understand the meaning of wealth, friendship, success, and the most important--love, I met my wife in this school, and I love her, and the entire four year of life in this school with my tutors and classmates." This illustrates how campus life and education influence the student' opinion about life and conduce to shape a sound personality. And those who believe in that self-studying is better will become aware that self-paced education is separated from warm help and collaboration, maybe go down on incorrect way.

In conclusion, the intellectual benefits of attending a university or college are not vastly overrated. Without pursuing a university or college degree and four years campus life, one can hardly own a formal and systematic knowledge they needed in their further study and work, and a sound personality which is important in his/her entire life.

指向大海UID: 158737

顶一下,才晚上发的.
我本来这篇文章想举老罗的例子可是老美不知道:(  可能我缺少的是论证不是例子?麻烦大家看看

fengboallanUID: 157405

呵呵，第一次看你的文章，认识一下啊QQ4048285，互相帮帮忙


Bill Gates, who didn't complete his degree in Harvard University, established his business of Microsoft which ranks in the top of Fortune. This could be a good example that people could learn more by studying, and reading on their own for four years rather than by pursuing a university or college degree. However, (这个开头跟提纲的一样，是不错的，由例子引出来，但是，一个however太突然了。再说几句，来两个反问：bill在这个世界有几个阿，其余退学的都什么样阿，然后再说出自己的观点)，I agree（建议不要上来就agree，说明什么更好，最后你在同意什么观点。语气太强硬） with the proposition that attending a university degree is the most appropriate and suitable way that people can gain more and better.

Admittedly, sometimes a university or college degree means nothing but a sheet of paper. Besides Bill Gates there are many greats like Michael Faraday, Edison, Nobel Alfred Bernhard who study by themselves appear better than graduates with degrees. Nevertheless, this is determined by the students themselves, not due to the universities. As for people who have strong ability of self-management and definite their purpose of learning, they may obtain more knowledge from self-studying than attending university or college.没说完，继续说，有些人确实是这个样子，但你要举出反驳他们的例子，因为你的观点是不是这样子的。Admittedly 退让一步，只是论述的开头。再接着写。举例反驳，然后说明自己的观点。这段没有写完。

Actually students in universities or colleges could learn more and better than others because the formal education system not only provides students with experienced teachers, advanced instruments but also the perfect atmosphere of hard learning. All of them instruct students study more efficiently and effectively. Genius are rare and we ordinary people demand formal and regular study to understand the formulas in mathematics, the laws in physics, the equations in chemistry, the events in history and so on. Without the experiment of flame reaction, you almost cannot imagine the cuprum is able to give off green light. Through high schools we acquire the basic knowledge and learning skills, but only through universities can we comprehend how the world is working呵呵这句和上面的联系不大. Undoubtedly, teenagers who didn't attend universities lack the sense of cultivation and those who attended universities will certainly found what they learned from classes and lectures turned into fortune when they get into the society.这段开始论述的不错。提纲的观点也不错。但论述不够深入

Another point is that, students obtain not only knowledge from schools, but also the ways of thinking and the ability to collaborate with others. Through communication with teachers and schoolmates, one can mature his/her outlook, broaden his/her horizon, improve his/her（别用/，用or） methods of study and even change his/her way of thinking. As the Dean of biology department at my university once said (and I paraphrase): "Before I came into university, I was a little naive boy loves animals and basketball, it is the campus life that turned me to a man who truthfully understand the meaning of wealth, friendship, success, and the most important--love, I met my wife in this school, and I love her, and the entire four year of life in this school with my tutors and classmates." This illustrates how campus life and education influence the student' opinion about life and conduce to shape a sound personality. And those who believe in that self-studying is better will become aware that self-paced education is separated from warm help and collaboration, maybe go down on incorrect way.

In conclusion, the intellectual benefits of attending a university or college are not vastly overrated. Without pursuing a university or college degree and four years campus life, one can hardly own a formal and systematic knowledge they needed in their further study and work, and a sound personality which is important in his/her entire life

句法和语句的问题，好像不太多。0点多了，呵呵好困坚持说完：
建议：
1提纲不错，考虑得很全面，但是每一段的分论点论述都不够深。你可以退一步，然后再进一步
你也可步步为营。但是，不能说一般就放弃了。其实，每个分论点都有东西可以挖。例证明显不够。如果觉得英文的深入不好写你可以先用中文考虑，然后再对比。
2语言我觉得还很流畅，读着舒服，比我强多了。
3 跟你说说深入的方式：
  第一段，你可以用任何一种套路来引出文章的问题。别忙肯定否定。说说这个问题的影响啊，背景阿，先扯一扯。然后顺其自然说出自己的观点。但也别对其他的观点肯定的批驳，因为你还没开始论证呢。
2，3，4段
分论点，起码有三个吧，当然不包括过渡段，
关系呢可以递进，可以并列，总之三个方面。
分论点段的结构：引导词（first or admittedly or initially ect）+提出观点+分析+例证+例子和观点的联系和总结

引导词要看出关系
每一段都这样
中间可以用过渡段过度一下
这就是增值的文法了
5段
in sum怎么都可以总结一下，随便说说吧然后再来个建议怎么怎么样
呵呵，
关于深入的问题：
用中文思想想一想然后再翻译成英文
你的深度可顶没问题
帮我也看看吧，在我的签名档里有文章的联接
我也是个菜鸟

fengboallanUID: 157405

呵呵，你没给我看以前，我就把你的看了。等着你对此文的回复，然后继续拍呵呵

dezhiUID: 156141

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