issue160 麻烦大家了 打分也行 指点也好 谢谢谢谢

chrisyUID: 160364

160 -

"The most essential quality of an effective leader is the ability to remain consistently committed to particular principles and objectives. Any leader who is quickly and easily influenced by shifts in popular opinion will accomplish little."



A: A person without certain belief and the will power to commit to it will not be a successful person, not to mention a real powerful leader.

B: But they also cannot completely ignore the desire of citizens, in order to avoid dictatorship and the lost of public support

C: A correct and stable policy insisted consistently and the flexible coordination of it are both significant in social development, in that political leaders should take the balance of them into consideration.  


In a society which is full of radical competition, people always concern more about the training of leadership. In the speaker's point of view, the most essential quality of an effective leader is the consistent commitment to his own aims. If a leader is quickly and easily influenced by public opinions and modified his principles and objectives frequently, he will accomplish little. I partly advocate the speaker's assertion. Commitment to the principles and aims plays an important role in the achievement of people-especially the leaders, but they should not ignore public opinions as well.

It is obvious that a person without certain belief and the will power to commit to it will not be a successful person, not to mention a real powerful and effective leader. Belief is the light of our life. Only with the lead of objective can one find his or her way to success. Moreover, without the commitment to the aims and principle people will easily discourage and give up. There are many good examples in history who consistently commit to his or her principles and objectives and eventually fulfill his or her idea. President Jefferson once said he preferred a piece of newspaper to a government when concerned the significance of democracy and freedom of speak. His consistent commitment of constitution and the democratic rights of citizens made him become an excellent political leader in American history. When it comes to crucial issues, an effective and outstanding leader never choose to compromise. The commitment not only displays his will power and courage to his belief, but also contributes to the prosperity and development of his group.

However, as an effective leader, one cannot completely ignore the significance of the desire of the citizens as well. Public opinions are the foundation of the prosperity and stability of society. In many cases the voices of the majority can show the desire of the citizens and the trends of the development of society. Moreover, dictator is unbearable in any democratic society. Decisions which are only depend on the governor's judgment and desire despite the demand of public is harmful to society, and such behavior always leads to radical protest and resistance, even disruption. From countless revolutions in history we can clearly see the negative result of ignorance of public opinion, even the Independence war (独立战争)was first evoked by the citizens’ resistance to govern of the colonists.
Nowadays we often confront with the paradox between own commitment and the opinions of others, especially the leaders. Public opinions have significant impression on the making of decisions in democratic society, however, an effective leader means one person whose thought and insight should beyond common people. Randomly compromise to the majority is not a virtue for leaders as well. A real effective and excellent leader should set up correct aims and principles for his group as well as himself, and take the desires of majority into consideration, eventually winning the support of most people.

In our contemporary democratic society, it is difficult but important to keep balance between the stability and flexibility of policies. Leaders should commit to their aims and principles in order to ensure the stability and development of their groups, meanwhile they should not neglect the desire of majority as well.

chrisyUID: 160364

没人回
顶一下:)

DendisUID: 158017

In a society which is full of radical competition, people always concern more about the training of leadership. In the speaker's point of view, the most essential quality of an effective leader is the consistent commitment to his own aims. If a leader is quickly and easily influenced by public opinions and modified his principles and objectives frequently, he will accomplish little.这句基本上都是原题意思的照抄，这样说来还不如不要去说它，当然如果你一定想说一下，如果能够转换一下句式，比如：were a leader ……这样的倒装可能就比if就要好一些 I partly advocate the speaker's assertion. Commitment to the principles and aims plays an important role in the achievement of people-especially the leaders, but they should not ignore public opinions as well.这句是简单句，但是前后的主语不一致，后半句的they指代有问题

It is obvious that a person without certain belief and the will power to commit to it will not be a successful person, 老实说这里有两个will用得我不太舒服，其实第一段就有这个问题，你为什么不用一些否定词呢，比如将will not be改为can hardly be之类是不是语感上更舒服一点呢？not to mention a real powerful and effective leader. Belief is the light of our life. Only with the lead of objective can one find his or her way to success. Moreover, without the commitment to the aims and principle people will easily discourage and give up. There are many good examples in history who consistently commit to his or her principles and objectives and eventually fulfill his or her idea.既然是举例子了就不要再用his or her来说明问题，你就直接拿he是谁，she又做了什么事来填充论证，否则又一次用his or her只是让人感觉你其实说不出什么例子 President Jefferson once said he preferred a piece of newspaper to a government when concerned 这里的concerned是不是应该是concerning？the significance of democracy and freedom of speak. His consistent commitment of constitution and the democratic rights of citizens made him become an excellent political leader in American history. When it comes to crucial issues, an effective and outstanding leader never choose to compromise. The commitment not only displays his will power and courage to his belief, but also contributes to the prosperity and development of his group.
个人感觉这一段论证得不错，语言长短句错落有致，而且句式词汇也掌握得不错。例证也还可以，只是总体感觉有点散，你需要说明的其实还是remain consistently committed to particular principles and objectives如何使leader能够最后成功，而不是反复地说它就能成功。其实很多东西你都说到了，只是没有注意逻辑的论证，感觉有点四面散射

However, as an effective leader, one cannot completely ignore the significance of the desire of the citizens as well. Public opinions are the foundation of the prosperity and stability of society. In many cases the voices of the majority can show the desire of the citizens and the trends of the development of society. Moreover, dictator is unbearable in any democratic society. Decisions which are only dependdependent on the governor's judgment and desire despite the demand of public is harmful to society, and such behavior always leads to radical protest and resistance, even disruption. From countless revolutions in history we can clearly see the negative result of ignorance of public opinion, even the Independence war (独立战争)was first evoked by the citizens’ resistance to govern of the colonists.
论证急转的感觉，单纯从你的分论点来说没太大问题，只是你要考虑你的题目所探讨的是essential quality of an effective leader，而非“考虑民众意见重要性”的阐述，你会发现自己在这里有本末倒置，你这里不是单一强调民众意见重要性，你要从这里在拓展到它也是其它effective leader所具有的品质元素才可以，你需要论证强调的是这点，围绕key words

Nowadays we often confront with the paradox between ourown commitment and the opinions of others, especially the leaders. Public opinions have significant impression on the making of decisions in democratic society, however, an effective leader means one person whose thought and insight should bebeyond不是动词beyond common people. Randomly compromise从前面的副词来看这里似乎应该是动名词compromising to the majority is not a virtue for leaders as well. A real effective and excellent leader should set up correct aims and principles for his group as well as himself, and take the desires of majority into consideration, eventually winning the support of most people.
这段的论证和你提纲里的分论点说明似乎有些不同，你没有太过强调c论点所谓的权衡利弊问题，所以这一段总的看来就没有前两段好，感觉是第一和第二段的混合，没有说清楚

In our contemporary democratic society, it is difficult but important to keep balance between the stability and flexibility of policies. 这句话个人感觉有点问题，好像讨论的重点在于我们对待policy的态度，而下面的两点则是需要强调的不同方面，有些歧义Leaders should commit to their aims and principles in order to ensure the stability and development of their groups, meanwhile they should not neglect the desire of majority as well.

总体而言语言感觉不错，句式、词汇、句型都有一定的积累，而且看得出写得很认真，鼓励一下！说说一些问题：
关于破题
从你的提纲我发现其实你对这个题目的关键词把握似乎有些偏差，像我刚才所说，essential quality of an effective leader是我们讨论的中心。所以无论是你后来讲考虑民众意见也好，还是所谓权衡各方也罢，你都要说明这些也是有效领导的关键元素，你要说明这些，不是单纯就讲考虑民众意见的好处和不考虑的坏处，也不是单一讲谓权衡各方的必要性。
其实很多时候我们都是没有拓展我们的论证，其实你只要在自己论证过程中再强调一下这些能够导致effective leading，就可以脱颖而出，成为优秀的论证了。如果我来处理这篇文章，我就首先指出essential quality并不只是唯一，其它几点也许注意，然后就逐一展开论证，这样不仅思路清晰，而且一点一条都很明确，大家一目了然。
另外就是一些小的问题，以后写作再稍微注意一下就可以了，你的基础不错，继续加油吧，也要多帮助别人修改习作啊，谢谢！

chrisyUID: 160364

特别感谢楼上 批改的好认真 感动ING!!   
我会好好努力的  也回积极帮助大家看文章 不是大牛大家不要介意哈:)

dragonflyljUID: 185331

一点意见，不要his or her，真的，没有性别歧视的，放心使用his。

chrisyUID: 160364

5楼说的真的可以放心用吗 在DF时忘记哪个老师还特意嘱咐过注意这点~~~ 真有点麻烦 估计真正的女权主义者还会纠错说应该是HER OR HIS呢:)~~~~~

legendhfwangUID: 191674

It is obvious that a person without certain belief and the will power to commit to it  这句话似乎不使很通顺，读起来由点别扭。

Public opinions have significant impression on the making of decisions in democratic society,该为
Public opinions have significant impression on decision-making process in democratic society,
另外好象是his or her 吧
刚开始改贴，献丑了