Argument38 帮我同学贴的

clausiusUID: 147331

题目：An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism.

In this argument the author recommends that the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work. To support such an advice the author presents a study which shows that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high , people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. These suggestion and evidence seem persuadable at first glance; however, after some deep analysis we will find they are not reasonable.

Firstly, the author fails to give any evidence to support his statement that colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work. Thus this kind of saying is not reliable. Perhaps there do exist many other more frequent reasons for people absenteeism. For example, workers may often leave job earlier than the regular time to care for their children, whereas many students are prone to leaving school early to play football. Therefore, it is not authentic to say that the main reason of absenteeism is the cold.

Secondly, the study mentioned by the argument is not authentic. The mere fact that people in East Meria visited the doctor for colds rarely does not necessarily indicate that they rarely have colds. As we known that colds are often thought as small diseases, and thus people prefer resting at home to going to hospital. Even though people in East Meria indeed rarely have colds, we cannot say that the reason must be that they often consume fish. It is very possible that there are many other factors to reduce the incidence of colds, such as the mild climate there, or the good air there and so on.

Thirdly, even if eating fish can prevent from colds, that does not mean that Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, can prevent colds too. There is much possibility that it is some other components, rather than Ichthaid, that work. The author fails to give any evidence to certify that it is just Ichthaid that can reduce the incidence of colds. Thus, whether this kind of nutriment is effective is not definite.

In sum, the suggestion proposed by the author is not reasonable. To strengthen his view the author needs to give more information about the living condition of East Meria. The author also needs to present evidence to certify that having cold is the most frequent reason for absenteeism and Ichthaid is just the substance that works to prevent colds.

eddiejiangUID: 194184

个人愚见：
1 感觉模版的痕迹太重了，比如第一段。大量着墨于restate，真正发表自己的看法是在however之后，而且很空洞。is this you these?
2 body三段波澜不惊地叙述下来，大体的逻辑错误都点到了，但似乎都不够透彻。除了the author fails to..之类的模版语言外，核心的语言似乎不够。
3 Thus this kind of saying is not reliable似乎没有必要，显得罗嗦。perhaps和there do exist放在一起感觉有些别扭
4 that does not mean that Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, can prevent colds too没有必要重复题目中的对Ichthaid的解释了吧

说了这么多，其实我自己的文章也总这样。//sigh

clausiusUID: 147331

多谢

冥界星灿UID: 184746

An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism.

In this argument the author recommends that the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work. To support such an advice the author presents a study which shows that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high , people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. These suggestion and evidence seem persuadable at first glance; however, after some deep analysis we will find they are not reasonable.我以前也是写长开头的，后来被批了，静下来想想是有理的。建议写短开头那

Firstly, the author fails to give any evidence to support his statement that colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work. Thus this kind of saying is not reliable. 这句话和上一句意思一样的Perhaps there do exist many other more frequent reasons for people absenteeism. For example, workers may often leave job earlier than the regular time to care for their children, whereas many students are prone to leaving school early to play football. Therefore, it is not authentic to say that the main reason of absenteeism is the cold.BODY1 有问题。原文说最frequent 的reason,你这不是变相说人家骗你吗。个人认为不妥。我认为这个的批驳点在于：reasons is not equal to facts, they may be excuse. 借口；楼主考虑？

Secondly, the study mentioned by the argument is not authentic. The mere fact that people in East Meria visited the doctor for colds rarely does not necessarily indicate that they rarely have colds. As we known that colds are often thought as small diseases, and thus people prefer resting at home to going to hospital最好用一下maybe什么的？. Even though people in East Meria indeed rarely have colds, we cannot say that the reason must be that they often consume fish. It is very possible that there are many other factors to reduce the incidence of colds, such as the mild climate there, or the good air there and so on.

Thirdly, even if eating fish can prevent from colds, that does not mean that Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, can prevent colds too. There is much possibility that it is some other components, rather than Ichthaid, that work. The author fails to give any evidence to certify that it is just Ichthaid that can reduce the incidence of colds. Thus, whether this kind of nutriment is effective is not definite.

In sum, the suggestion proposed by the author is not reasonable. To strengthen his view the author needs to give more information about the living condition of East Meria. The author also needs to present evidence to certify that having cold is the most frequent reason for absenteeism and Ichthaid is just the substance that works to prevent colds.

结构挺清楚的，思路也很不错，如果打字快的话，三个BODY再写多一点^_^

clausiusUID: 147331

多谢