issue233 教育类的题 拍我者必回拍，保证10号晚上10点以前把你拍倒！

fengboallanUID: 157405

233. Although innovations such as video, computers, and the Internet seem to offer schools improved methods for instructing students, these technologies all too often distract from real learning.
尽管技术革新，如录像机、计算机还有因特网好像给学校提供了更好的方法来指导学生，但是这些技术经常会分散他们的注意力

呵呵，写的时候还有一个小插曲。限时完成，GTER的限时工具有个debug，字数在467个字之后就不动了。可把我急蒙了。怎么写了这么长时间，还没有到500百阿。就剩了10分钟了。后来超时了20分钟，一看字数用word，750了。太多了，倒！
不过我估计要是限时真确也完不了，至少超15分钟
强烈建议大家没限时的赶快限时吧



本文的提纲：
1不管是什么方法，让学生得到只是了就好了
2新方法让我们获得知识更直接
3新方法让我们学习更有兴趣
4尽管，新方法让我们更容易走神但是更重要的问题在于人本身
提纲列得不太深，更多的在文里

欢迎一点都不留情面的拍




The answer to the issue whether innovations distract students from real learning is actually vexing articulate, though tantalizing easy to be put forward. Aided by recent research, educationists now have a clear idea of the relationship between modern methods and traditional methods. The claim, in my opinion is not only constructive but also instructive. The opinion in my view is that although traditional methods have excellence, but modern methods are more recommended.


Experience tells us that no matter what kind of studying methods, the most important aim is to profit study. Without this aim any method is useless. We admit that traditional methods have excellence, for example, reading books in the classroom. There are less attracting things. However I don't think the attention of study is judged by the environment. If a student doesn't want to put his attention into books, there is no method which could stop him. For example, studying in the classroom, with out music and internet, but he could bring an entertainment magazine to read. Even he could have studied for 20 minute, and then read magazine for half an hour. In this way can you see any method could prevent students who don't want to study from relaxing and distraction?


Admittedly, new methods help us to gain knowledge directly! In some realm, without new methods, students only can image in their head. For example, professor teaches archaeology, most of examples are so valued that they are in the museum. Not everyone wants to have a look, and then he can. But with the help of computer and internet, we can search the website information of this period, and also use GOOGLE to search a picture of the antique which needs to show to students. However without this, a student only can get the description of them in books, and create them in his mind. Does any difference it has between them? Everyone could see. The example tells us no one can stop new learning equipment and new methods from walking into our life. Should they still keep the old fashion obstinately?

One must admit as well that new methods bring students more interest of study. The negative opinion of study which students have is that he feels them too hard to understand. In the old day, biology class may be the most difficult class. On one side, when teachers teach knowledge about animals we can look at pictures in the book in stead of the real one. However, when they meet micro life, without videos how can they show that life of moving slightly actively in the traditional way? Naturally, students feel so hard to know it. Even when they study the things more senior, they feel it harder and harder. The effect is negative. Compared the other side, new methods even can lead a student from disinteresting to love it. With the application of them, more students would get balance in knowledge studying. It has positive effect on students who only study the lessons which they like.

Finally, they also like to get relaxing with new things. Maybe they can get online to check email instead of studying, or put more attention into video's music and picture, and neglect the knowledge itself. But just like what I have said before, it depends on students themselves. There is no business of mistakes with new methods. Moreover, teachers also can get some way to prohibit students from doing other things when they use computer on the class. For example: Teachers can cut off network connect.

In the finally analysis, we believe that new methods' help is great. As the technology developing, we should put more and more new methods and technology of education into real use. Students would get profit from them more and more. Also, I believe the most important reason why students get distracted in their studying is themselves’ behavior. Educationists should put their more attention to teach students how to avoid of them and keep insistence. It is the key one.

imongUID: 140258

接到pooh的通知接手这篇文章。

The answer to the issue whether innovations distract students from real learning is actually （vexing articulate）, though （tantalizing easy） to be put forward. Aided（起得不太舒服） by recent research, educationists（educator） now have a clear idea of the relationship between modern methods and traditional methods（and those traditional?）. The claim, in my opinion（如果插入语前后都要有逗号） is not only constructive but also instructive.（好啰嗦 not only but also换成 both and缩水50%意思一点没变 再说了 在这里有必要这么卖弄吗？） The opinion in my view is that although traditional methods have excellence（have merits）, but modern methods are more recommended.（though but的错误也冒出来了） 另外 好像原题对modern technology持否定态度 这个开头除了最后一句终于表明态度否定题目前面的啰嗦铺垫也太废话多了点 最后的这个句子里 The opinion in my view 有这样的表达吗？
Brevity. 简洁是美德。

We admit that traditional methods have excellence, for example, reading books in the classroom.后面句碎片修饰明显和前面衔接有问题——总不可能reading books for的是excellence这个example吧？

For example, studying in the classroom, with out（拼写） music and internet, but he could bring an entertainment magazine to read. 看看but前面 自己检查过SVO了吗？

Admittedly, new methods help us to gain knowledge directly!
However without this, a student only can get the description of them in books, and create them in his mind.
乱用连词后果最严重 自己看看自己写成什么意思了

语言上的问题提出这么多已经够典型了。自己想到什么 至少得要不走样的给表达出来 如果尚且不提修辞加成的话。

nickaaronleeUID: 183378

The answer to the issue whether innovations distract students from real learning is actually vexing articulate, though tantalizing easy to be put forward. Aided by recent research, educationists now have a clear idea of the relationship between modern methods and traditional methods. The claim, in my opinion is not only constructive but also instructive. The opinion in my view is that although traditional methods have excellence, but modern methods are more recommended.


Experience tells us that no matter what kind of studying methods, the most important aim is to profit study. Without this aim any method is useless. We admit that traditional methods have excellence, for example, reading books in the classroom. There are less attracting things. However I don't think the attention of study is judged by the environment. If a student doesn't want to put his attention into books, there is no method which could stop him. For example, studying in the classroom, with out music and internet, but he could bring an entertainment magazine to read. Even he could have studied for 20 minute, and then read magazine for half an hour. In this way can you see any method could prevent students who don't want to study from relaxing and distraction?（感觉没有很好的回应TS）


Admittedly, new methods help us to gain knowledge directly! In some realm, without new methods, students only can image in their head. For example, professor teaches archaeology, most of examples are so valued that they are in the museum. Not everyone wants to have a look,（ and then he can. 没理解）But with the help of computer and internet, we can search the website information of this period, and also use GOOGLE to search a picture of the antique which needs to show to students. However without this, a student only can get the description of them in books, and create them in his mind. Does any difference it has between them? Everyone could see. The example tells us no one can stop new learning equipment and new methods from walking into our life. Should they still keep the old fashion obstinately? （举例时，如果说老师能够在上课时直接运用网络会更好，个人观点）

One must admit as well that new methods bring students more interest of study. The negative opinion of study which students have is that he feels them too hard to understand. In the old day, biology class may be the most difficult class. On one side, when teachers teach knowledge about animals we can look at pictures in the book in stead of the real one. However, when they meet micro life, without videos how can they show that life of moving slightly actively in the traditional way? Naturally, students feel so hard to know it. Even when they study the things more senior, they feel it harder and harder. The effect is negative. Compared the other side, new methods even can lead a student from disinteresting to love it. With the application of them, more students would get balance in knowledge studying. It has positive effect on students who only study the lessons which they like.（最好具体说明new methods如何使生物课更生动直接，不能只说好，而不说怎么好）

Finally, they also like to get relaxing with new things. Maybe they can get online to check email instead of studying, or put more attention into video's music and picture, and neglect the knowledge itself. But just like what I have said before, it depends on students themselves. There is no business of mistakes with new methods. Moreover, teachers also can get some way to prohibit students from doing other things when they use computer on the class. For example: Teachers can cut off network connect.

In the finally analysis, we believe that new methods' help is great. As the technology developing, we should put more and more new methods and technology of education into real use. Students would get profit from them more and more. Also, I believe the most important reason why students get distracted in their studying is themselves’ behavior. Educationists should put their more attention to teach students how to avoid of them and keep insistence. It is the key one.
（写了这么多挺不容易的，我觉得可以把第一个TS去掉，从后面三个来论述，加油~~~）

指向大海UID: 158737

既然imong毫无情面的指出你的语言问题我再试图帮你改几个句子
The answer to the issue whether innovations distract students from real learning is actually vexing articulate, though tantalizing easy to be put forward. Aided by recent research, educationists now have a clear idea of the relationship between modern methods and traditional methods. The claim, in my opinion is not only constructive but also instructive. The opinion in my view is that although traditional methods have excellence, but modern methods are more recommended.


Experience tells us that no matter what kind of studying methods, the most important aim is to profit study. Without this aim any method is useless. We admit that traditional methods have excellence, for example, reading books in the classroom. There are less attracting things. However I don't think the attention of study is judged by the environment. [If a student doesn't want to put his attention into books, there is no method which could stop him.][这个句子想不想一个家长抱怨自己的孩子?埃我的闺女啊把书摆她面前心不知到哪去了,但老美能不能理解呢?建议改为:a student won’t keep mind in studying even if the parents  and teachers force him.] For example, studying in the classroom, with out music and internet, but he could bring an entertainment magazine to read. Even he could have studied for 20 minute, and then read magazine for half an hour. In this way can you see any method could prevent students who don't want to study from relaxing and distraction?


Admittedly, new methods help us to gain knowledge directly! In some realm, without new methods, students only can image in their head. For example, professor teaches archaeology, most of examples are so valued that they are in the museum. Not everyone wants to have a look, and then he can. But with the help of computer and internet, we can search the website information of this period, and also use GOOGLE to search a picture of the antique which needs to show to students. However without this, a student only can get the description of them in books, and create them in his mind. [Does any difference it has between them? Everyone could see.][简单句少用,简单反问句别用!这两句极不地道The differences between the two methods is obvious.] The example tells us no one can stop new learning equipment and new methods from walking into our life. Should they still keep the old fashion obstinately?

One must admit as well that new methods bring students more interest of study. The negative opinion of study which students have is that he feels them too hard to understand. In the old day, biology class may be the most difficult class. On one side, when teachers teach knowledge about animals we can look at pictures in the book in stead of the real one. However, when they meet micro life, [without videos how can they show that life of moving slightly actively in the traditional way? Naturally, students feel so hard to know it.][ slightly actively两副词连用很有问题the slight moving of microorganism is so abstract that only through microscope can one see the moving.] Even when they study the things more senior, they feel it harder and harder. The effect is negative. Compared the other side, new methods even can lead a student from disinteresting to love it. With the application of them, more students would get balance in knowledge studying. It has positive effect on students who only study the lessons which they like.

Finally, they also like to get relaxing with new things. Maybe they can get online to check email instead of studying, or put more attention into video's music and picture, and neglect the knowledge itself. But just like what I have said before, it depends on students themselves. There is no business of mistakes with new methods. Moreover, teachers also can get some way to prohibit students from doing other things when they use computer on the class. For example: Teachers can cut off network connect.[这样做有助于教学么?Teachers can filter the detrimental information.]

In the finally analysis, we believe that new methods' help is great. As the technology developing, we should put more and more new methods and technology of education into real use. Students would get profit from them more and more. Also, I believe the most important reason why students get distracted in their studying is themselves’ behavior. Educationists should put their more attention to teach students how to avoid of them and keep insistence. It is the key one.[又来了喊口号]
[语言的问题关键要多读,别人用过的你才能用,简单句少用反问句偶觉得也要少用,每段结尾不要喊口号,欢迎提出异议!]

imongUID: 140258

关于开头怎么写以及语言上的一些问题 先看看精华区的文章 然后练习练习模仿吧!
现有素材里面的好句子 以及前人的优秀文章 人家句子怎么组织表达的 多揣摩

sunbirdwangUID: 193021

刚写了自己的第一篇ISSUE，也是第一次帮别人改GRE的作文，只看出了比较表面的几个地方，不恰当的地方还请多多包涵啦^_^

The answer to the issue whether innovations distract students from real learning is actually vexing articulate, though tantalizing easy to be put forward.(这句话我读得不太明白，几个词的意思还不是理解得很确切) Aided by recent research, educationists now have a clear idea of the relationship between modern methods and traditional methods. The claim, in my opinion is not only constructive but also instructive. The opinion in my view is that although traditional methods have excellence, but modern methods are more recommended.（我觉得imong第一段已经帮你改得很好了）


Experience tells us that no matter what kind of studying methods（+is,我觉得从句少了谓语）, the most important aim is to profit study. Without this aim any method is useless. We admit that traditional methods have excellence, for example, reading books in the classroom. There are less attracting things. However（，） I don't think the attention of study is judged by the environment. If a student doesn't want to put his attention into books, there is no method(, 在word里用检错查一下，这样的从句通常会建议在which 前边加“，”)which could stop him. For example, studying in the classroom, with out music and internet（Internet开头字母应该大写，因为是专业术语）, but he could bring an entertainment magazine to read. Even he could have studied for 20 minute, and then read magazine（magazines,单数名词前一般都要有限制词the,his,our等修饰） for half an hour. In this way（，） can you see any method could prevent students who don't want to study from relaxing and distraction?


Admittedly, new methods help us to gain knowledge directly!（.） In some realm, without new methods, students only can image in their head. For example, (when) professor teaches archaeology, most of examples are so valued that they are in the museum. Not everyone wants to have a look, and then he can. But with the help of computer and internet（Internet）, we can search the website information of this period, and also use GOOGLE to search a picture of the antique which needs to show to students. However without this, a student only can get the description of them in books, and create them in his mind. Does any difference it has between them? Everyone could see. The example tells us no one can stop new learning equipment and new methods from walking into our life.( The example tells us,这种结尾的方式我还没有在范文中见过，是不是有点不合适呀？) Should they still keep the old fashion obstinately?

One must admit as well that new methods bring students more interest of study. The negative opinion of study (,)which students have is that he feels them too hard to understand. In the old day, biology class may be the most difficult class. On one side, when teachers teach knowledge about animals（，） we can look at pictures in the book in stead(instead) of the real one. However, when they meet micro life（microorganisms）, without videos how can they show that life of moving slightly actively in the traditional way? Naturally, students feel so hard to know it. Even when they study the things more senior, they feel it harder and harder. The effect is negative. Compared the other side(on the other side 是不是比较好一点呀？), new methods even can lead a student from disinteresting to love it. With the application of them, more students would get balance in knowledge studying. It has positive effect on students who only study the lessons(.) which they like.

Finally, they also like to get relaxing（relaxed） with new things. Maybe they can get online to check email instead of studying, or put more attention into video's music and picture, and neglect the knowledge itself. But just like what I have said before, it depends on students themselves. There is no business of mistakes with new methods. Moreover, teachers also can get some way to prohibit students from doing other things when they use computer on the class. For example: Teachers can cut off network connect(cut off 的宾语应该是名词，connect我用金山查了只有动词意思).

In the finally analysis, we believe that new methods' help is great. As the technology developing, we should put more and more new methods and technology of education into real use. Students would get profit from them more and more. Also, I believe the most important reason why students get distracted in their studying is themselves’ behavior. Educationists should put their more attention to teach students how to avoid of （of是不是多余呀）them and keep insistence. It is the key one.

有时间帮我改一改作文好吗？这是我写的第一篇issue,大家一起努力哦^_^
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=247304

似水UID: 193220

首先，我觉得非常好

fengboallanUID: 157405

我打心眼里，感谢到家对我的拍砖！越狠越高兴！我一定好好看看。我的问题还比较多，一定努力各个击破。谢谢大家，祝新年快乐，虽然有GRE作文在这压着，还有imong大牛在煎熬的等着offer。痛并快乐着！2005年，我们共好！

有点麻了

冥界星灿UID: 184746

fengboallan的文章总是这么火，想拍都轮不到，插不上手——

呜呜——

我记得我还欠你一笔，什么时候能还上啊——

fengboallanUID: 157405

自己修改了一下，说实话，写到现在了很多事情还不明白：
1，第一段写得迷糊
2，body部分举完例子了不知道该说啥。
3，结尾说让来个highlight


最不明的的就是，第一段怎么anticipate一下内容
结尾怎么总结
倒，自己闷头看两天精华把呵呵
谢谢大家的指点
The answer to the issue whether innovations distract students from real learning is actually vexing articulate, though tantalizing easy to be put forward. Aided by recent research, educators now have a clear idea of the balanceable relationship between modern methods and traditional methods. The opinion in my view is that although traditional methods have merits, but modern methods are more recommended.


Experience tells us that no matter what kind of studying methods, the most important aim is to profit study. Without this aim any method is useless. We admit that traditional methods have merits, like reading books in the classroom, there is little disturbance. However I don't think whether students pay attention to study is judged by the studying method. A student won’t keep mind in studying even if the parents and teachers force him. For example, studying in the classroom, with out music and internet, but he could bring an entertainment magazine to read. Even he could have studied for 20 minute, and then read magazine for half an hour. In this way can you see any method could prevent students who don't want to study from relaxing and distraction?


Admittedly, new methods help us to gain knowledge directly! In some realm, without new methods, students only can have an imagination in their head. For example, when professor teaches archaeology, most of examples are so valued that they are preserved the museum, thus not everyone could see them optionally. But with the help of computer and internet, we can use GOOGLE to search a picture of the antique which needs to show to students. However without this, a student only can get the description of them in books, and create them in his mind. The difference between the two methods is obvious.

One must admit as well that new methods bring students more interests of study. The negative opinion of study which students have is that he feels them too hard to understand. In the old days, biology class may be the most difficult. On one side, when teachers teach knowledge about animals we can look at pictures in the book in stead of the real one. However, when they meet microorganism, without electron microscope, it is unbelievable that to show microorganism to students. Naturally, when they study more senior knowledge, they feel it harder and harder. Compared another side, new methods even can lead a student from disinteresting to love it, because everyone likes the way of study which is more direct and vivid.

Finally, at the same time, maybe they can get online to check email instead of studying, or put more attention into video's music and picture, and neglect the knowledge itself. But just like what I have said before, it depends on students themselves. It has no business with new methods. Moreover, teachers also can attempt some way to prohibit students from doing other things. For example, when they use computer on the class, teachers can close network.

In the finally analysis, with the technology developing, we should put more new methods and technology of education into real use. Since students could control themselves, new methods would benefit them better.