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130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
I strongly agree with the speaker's first assertion that how well children are socialized determines the destiny of society. However, is it the existent fact that we have not learned how to raise children who are able to bring about a better society yet, as the speaker claims next? In my point of view, the speaker unfairly generalizes the situation today because as we have learned the significance of children's socialization, we have already put intense emphasis on this issue and achieved a lot on the way to purse a appropriate educational system to raise such children.
First of all, the society influences an individual to a great extent.The social value system, including ideas of acceptable and unacceptable behaviors, moral and ethic principles, the respect for self-esteem and virtues, and so forth, gradually influence an individual since his first step to the world. As a result, children are required to adapt themselves to the society, as well as learn how to follow their parents' instructions, how to get along well with their peers, and how to earn honors and favors of other people. An ill-socialized person who lacks the communication skills will probably be rejected by others. While without help and acknowledgement from others, one will find it hard for him to make progress and get ahead in life. Furthermore, if every child does not understand to grasp formal and informal rules of social settings and fails to manage themselves accordingly, they will be confused and bewildered in the way to prepare for their careers. Therefore, how well children are socialized decides whether they can make contributions to the society when raised up, and thus decides the destiny of society.
作为你要证明的the socialization of children determineds the destiny of soiety, 这段的证明虽然思路很清晰,但却并没有让人信服地支持这个论点,决定社会的未来是个很严重的命题,而你的论述侧重点放在个人如果ill-socialized 就会被别人排斥,就不会进步,就不能根据社会来调整自己的行为,试想作为个体就算有这些毛病,对整体的社会有会有很大的影响么,更不要说决定社会的未来了.我觉得社会化不是个很狭隘的概念,它其实就是指一个人成长的过程,这个也可以从题目里看出来,题目前面两个部分不可能是没有联系的,其实后一句的raise children就等于socialize children, 就是从不与外界接触,他也从父母那里,媒体那里被迫进行着社会化的过程,所以不只价值观潜移默化地输入,教育也是社会化的一部分,从这个角度看,孩子的社会化决定社会未来这是无疑的.如果socialization 只涉及社交的话那和后面的逻辑联系也太弱了点.
Consider the speaker's second assertion then. Admittedly, though we have understood the meaning of socialization, our conventional educational system has defections and flaws in doing so. 因为你这一句说了educational system的flaw,所以后面都以教育系统为主体来说比较好,而不是说孩子怎么了We have put too much attention to the academic achievements of students and neglected their communication skills. A child is more often driven to learn an instrument or ballet or anything else seems to benefit their future social stage. Also a pressure to surpass their peers by means of being an A level student is imposed on even primary school students. Such misconceptions leads to both an overdue individualism and a separation from the society. However, a reform of educational system has already taken place, things are different now. For example, parents more and more encourage their children to participate in neighborhood and community activities, schools have relieved children's learning burden by means of reducing the amount of their homework and enriching their extracurriculum activities, also the society has put a higher value on students' social skills including cooperational abilities and devotional spirits, instead of evaluating a person merely by his academic records and how many languages he masters. Through these reforms a well-round and well-socialized generation is promising and we can anticipate a better society.
这个题的重点应该是后一句,而你整个篇幅只有最后的二分之一段是在支持你的中心论点, 重点实在不突出
In sum, socialization of children is such a meaningful business that it largely determines the future of our society. Though we have not performed well enough to help children's social skills in the past, we have already recognized this and are making progress in revising the mistakes of the educational system. Therefore a better society is hopeful through further endeavors and reforms, contrary to the speaker claims.
对这个题目的理解可能比较难达到统一, 我的理解也不一定正确.不过如果把社会化理解成raise child的话,这个题目就非常容易展开了,其实又转化成了对当前教育的审视,而且涉及的范围也不只是学校教育,还有家庭教育,媒体影响,社会影响等
大年三十还在奋啊,精神实在可嘉呀,加油加油:) |
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