issue61 Nobel Prize, 发了好几次总算发上来了

ilmfampUID: 188503

写得不顺，继续努力，大家加油哦

61 High-profit awards such as the Noble Prize are actually damaging to society because they suggest that only a few people deserve such recognition.


Nobel prize is the dream of lots of people, but only those who make great contribution to the society have the honor to get the awards. I can't agree with the claim that just because most people can't get them, the high-profit awards are damaging to society. Contrarily, awards not only encourage the few who deserve the honor but also inspire many more people to make breakthrough in their own fields.

High-profit awards support people,who win their laurels, both spiritually and monetarily. On the one hand, awards means acknowledgement of people's work, which infuse people with power and confidence to go on their work. Awards owners,  surmounting uncountable difficulties and devoting much time and energy to their work, must be greatly heartened when their pain gets the rewards. On the other hand, the profit is also important in supplying monetary support to the winner. Economic problems generally tend to be the biggest problem impeding the way leading to success. High-profit awards can help people solve this problem not only by the money from the awards themselves but also by the succeeding benefits come with the fame of the awards such as fund from the country or investment from companies. Spiritual and monitary support from the high-profit awards encourages and helps the receiver to pursuing their dreams.

High-profit awards also inspire other people , who do not get the awards but long for them,to climb upon the ladder leading to the awards. Although not everyone set their aims as to get the awards, it is natural that people generally long for them. In China, there is no Noble laureate, so getting the laurel is considered to be one dream of the whole country with many dream-seekers running after it. What’s more, the biographies and stories of the awards owners are used as paradigms, from which others could draw strength and experiences. Helen Keller, receiver of the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the highest honor that an American civilian can receive, is known around the world as a symbol of courage in the face of overwhelming odds. Thus awards owners also contribute to the society by their inspiration to others.

Adimittedly, only a few people deserve such recognition, but, if many people could get the awards, the benefits of the awards to the society would be damaged. The encourage effect of the prize will decrease for more people could get it would lead to the relative devaluation of the awards. Nobel Prize is world famous because it is considered to be the highest prize in variety areas and accordingly it is the most difficult awards for people to get. Imagining that the Nobel Prize were granted to many more people than it original should, there would be many Nobel laureates, but the fame and influence of the prize would reduce accordingly.  Just because few people could get the high-profit rewards, they are more precious and valuable.


To sum up, the high-profit awards encourage many people to make contributions to the society, including the awards owners and those who  longing for them. If many people could get the awards, the value of them would be relatively reduced.

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

占座

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

Nobel prize is the dream of lots of people, but only those who make great contribution to the society have the honor to get the awards. I can't agree with the claim that just because most people can't get them, the high-profit awards are damaging to society.i cannot agree一句转的有些不连贯，像我师父教我的可以不一定非得说要不要agree题目，可以继续陈述开头提出的背景，或者用别的什么方法自然的转到你的观点上 Contrarily, awards not only encourage the few who deserve the honor but also inspire many more people to make breakthrough in their own fields.

High-profit awards support people,who win their laurels, both spiritually and monetarily. On the one hand, awards means acknowledgement of people's work, which infuse people with power and confidence to go on their work. Awards owners, surmounting uncountable difficulties and devoting much time and energy to their work, must be greatly heartened when their pain gets the rewards.when their pain gets the rewards?没明白 On the other hand, the profit is also important in supplying monetary support to the winner. Economic problems generally tend to be the biggest problem impeding the way leading to success.这里说经济问题经常是阻碍走向成功的原因，有些偏，倒不如说成有些项目比较庞大了花费很多，需要基金的支持 High-profit awards can help people solve this problem not only by the money from the awards themselves but also by the succeeding benefits comecoming?多个谓语 with the fame of the awards such as fund from the country or investment from companies. Spiritual and monitary support from the high-profit awards encourages and helps the receiver to pursuing their dreams.这段思路是不错的，但是不够深入，因为题目说的是对社会的作用，我认为最好还是要说有了这些奖项怎么激励学者怎么继续做研究怎么对社会有利，而且加上一些例证会更有说服力一些

High-profit awards also inspire other people , who do not get the awards but long for them,to climb upon the ladder leading to the awards. Although not everyone set their aims as to get the awards, it is natural that people generally long for them. In China, there is no Noble laureate, so getting the laurel is considered to be one dream of the whole country with many dream-seekers running after it. What’s more, the biographies and stories of the awards owners are used as paradigms, from which others could draw strength and experiences. Helen Keller, receiver of the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the highest honor that an American civilian can receive, is known around the world as a symbol of courage in the face of overwhelming odds. Thus awards owners also contribute to the society by their inspiration to others. 你的TS说的是激励一些没有获得奖项的人们去向奖项努力，仍然没有体现出怎么benifit社会，好在后面绕了一些终于说到了，但是刚说了半句by inspritation to others然后就结束了。还是上一个段落的问题，不深入，而且开头有些绕，不直接。可以多说一些怎么激励国民了，什么精神力量了，什么优秀品质了，奋斗精神了等等的，海伦那个例子不错，但是是不是获奖这个事儿本身激励了人民呢？再想想怎么把这个例子说的更严密一些

Adimittedly, only a few people deserve such recognition, but, if many people could get the awards, the benefits of the awards to the society would be damaged. The encourage effect of the prize will decrease for more people could get it would lead to the relative devaluation of the awards.病句，多谓语。还有，说这样这个奖项就不够高贵会贬值，但是为啥这样就对社会不利？获奖的人多了成果也在增多。这里有些说不通 Nobel Prize is world famous because it is considered to be the highest prize in variety areas and accordingly it is the most difficult awards for people to get.这句和你前面那句留一个就可以了，这个句子有些罗索而且没有说到点子上，只说了荣誉高获奖难 Imagining that the Nobel Prize were granted to many more people than it original should, there would be many Nobel laureates, but the fame and influence of the prize would reduce accordingly. Just because few people could get the high-profit rewards, they are more precious and valuable.这段TS是想表达获奖人多的话反而对社会不利，但是展开的不好，没有说明白为什么对社会不利，只说获奖人多了使奖项不够高贵等，而且在陈述的过程中一会说奖代表的意义重大所以少，一会说要是得奖人多了就贬值，有些乱。还是要扣住你的TS来陈述


To sum up, the high-profit awards encourage many people to make contributions to the society, including the awards owners and those who longing for them.including这半句多余，和前面联系不大。主要是说society说完了就可以 If many people could get the awards, the value of them would be relatively reduced.最后一句太突了，主要还是你B4没讲明白这个原因。  结尾有些生硬

总的说呢，B1 B2思路还是可以的，只是没有表达出怎么造福社会，论的再深入一些就好，B1加上点例证比较好。让步那一段有些乱，再组织一下。继续加油噢！最近我没写，过两天欢迎去拍我的噢。一起努力:)

花之颜色UID: 187195

Nobel prize is the dream of lots of people, but only those who make great contribution to the society have the honor to get the awards. I can't agree with the claim that just because most people can't get them, the high-profit awards are damaging to society. Contrarily, awards not only encourage the few who deserve the honor but also inspire many more people to make breakthrough in their own fields.开头简洁清楚，不错

High-profit awards support people,who win their laurels, both spiritually and monetarily. On the one hand, awards [U]means[/U]  单数acknowledgement of people's work, which infuse people with power and confidence to go on their work. Awards owners, surmounting uncountable difficulties and devoting much time and energy to their work, must be greatly heartened when their [U]pain gets [/U] pains get似乎好点 the rewards. On the other hand, the profit is also important in supplying monetary support to the winner. Economic problems generally tend to be the biggest problem impeding the way [U]leading [/U] 似乎可以省略 to success. High-profit awards can help people solve this problem not only by the [U]money from  the[/U] 可以省略 awards themselves but also by the succeeding benefits [U]come with [/U] 分词 the fame [U]of the awards [/U]删掉更简洁  such as funds from the country or investment from companies. Spiritual and monitary support from the high-profit awards encourages and helps the receiver [U]to pursuing [/U]  their dreams.

High-profit awards also inspire other people , who do not get the awards but long for them,to climb upon the ladder leading to the awards. Although not everyone set their aims as to get the awards, it is natural that people generally long for them. In China, there is no Noble laureate, so getting the laurel is considered to be one dream of the whole country with many dream-seekers running after it. What’s more, the biographies and stories of the awards owners are used as paradigms, from which others could draw strength and experiences. Helen Keller, receiver of the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the highest honor that an American civilian can receive, is known around the world as a symbol of courage in the face of overwhelming odds. Thus [U]awards owners [/U]  also contribute to the society by their inspiration to others. 主题是awards而不是owner

Adimittedly, only a few people deserve such recognition, but, if many people could get the awards, the benefits of the awards to the society would be damaged. The [U]encourage [/U]  effect of the prize will decrease for [U]more people could get it [/U] 主语从句必须加that如果俺的语法没记错的话 would lead to the relative devaluation of the awards. Nobel Prize is world famous because it is considered to be the highest prize in [U]variety [/U]various  areas and accordingly it is the most difficult awards for people to get. Imagining that the Nobel Prize were granted to many more people than it [U]original [/U] adv. should, there would be many Nobel laureates, but the fame and influence of the prize would reduce accordingly. Just because few people could get the high-profit rewards, they are more precious and valuable.


To sum up, the high-profit awards encourage many people to make contributions to the society, including the awards owners and those who longing for them. If many people could get the awards, the value of them would be relatively reduced.

总体感觉挺不错,小错再改改,还有用词有点重复,get出现了无数次~呵呵~再斟酌

ilmfampUID: 188503

谢谢victoriazhizhi， 花之颜色
大家互相批改真的很有帮助
希望我也能帮助别人

louchen1984UID: 172975

61 High-profit awards such as the Noble Prize are actually damaging to society because they suggest that only a few people deserve such recognition.


Nobel prize is the dream of lots of people【是吗？我咋不觉得，科学家和作家对这个才会梦寐以求吧，一般人谁去想那个呀，随便说说呵呵】, but only those who make great contribution to the society have the honor to get the awards. I can't agree with the claim that just because most people can't get them, the high-profit awards are damaging to society. Contrarily, awards not only encourage the few who deserve the honor but also inspire many more people to make breakthrough in their own fields.【开篇不错】
High-profit awards support people,who win their laurels, both spiritually and monetarily. On the one hand, awards means acknowledgement of people's work, which infuse people with power and confidence to go on their work. Awards owners, surmounting uncountable difficulties and devoting much time and energy to their work【动名词修饰有点长，读起来绕口】, must be greatly heartened when their pain gets the rewards. On the other hand, the profit is also important in supplying monetary support to the winner. Economic problems generally tend to be the biggest【one of the biggest】 problem impeding the way leading to success【用定语从句好些】. High-profit awards can help people solve this problem not only by the money from the awards themselves but also by the succeeding benefits【a succession of benefits】 come with the fame of the awards such as fund from the country or investment from companies. Spiritual and monitary support from the high-profit awards encourages and helps the receiver to pursuing their dreams.

High-profit awards also inspire other people , who do not get 【have not got】the awards but long for them,to climb upon the ladder leading to the awards. Although not everyone set their aims as to get the awards, it is natural that people generally long for them. In China, there is no Noble laureate, so getting the laurel is considered to be one dream of the whole country with many dream-seekers running after it. 【中国人的这种心态本来就不对，诺贝尔其实还是受政治影响的，再说一个人得奖了也不能说明什么问题总体水平提高才是关键】What’s more, the biographies and stories of the awards owners are used as paradigms, from which others could draw strength and experiences. Helen Keller, receiver of the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the highest honor that an American civilian can receive, is known around the world as a symbol of courage in the face of overwhelming odds. Thus awards owners also contribute to the society by their inspiration to others.

Adimittedly, only a few people deserve such recognition, but, if many people could get the awards, the benefits of the awards to the society would be damaged. The encourage 【encouraging】effect of the prize will decrease 【pale】for more people could get it would lead to the relative devaluation【改成dillusion代替relative devaluation】 of the awards. Nobel Prize is world famous because it is considered to be the highest prize in variety areas and accordingly it is the most difficult awards for people to get. Imagining that the Nobel Prize were granted to many more people than it original should, there would be many Nobel laureates, but the fame and influence of the prize would reduce accordingly. Just because few people could get the high-profit rewards, they are more precious and valuable.


To sum up, the high-profit awards encourage many people to make contributions to the society, including the awards owners and those who longing for them. If many people could get the awards, the value of them would be relatively reduced.【总体很不错了，结尾换些词说说会更好】

61我也写了一篇，你能帮我看看吗？多谢https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=247392[/URL]