issue50 第一篇作品，第一次来寄托，一起努力！

幸福的老鼠UID: 195110

Issue50
The topic:
In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach.

The outline:
1 raise my point after a report is cited
2 practice boosts the academic ability of the faculty
3 the faculty with working experiences give more useful instructions
4 not in all the cases the working experiences are needed, though
5 to sum up

The body:
It is reported in Times that, compared to 5 percent in the year of 2003, the percentage of faculty who have engaged in working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach in the colleges or universities has been given a rise to 11 percent, which arouses drastic controversy in and out of the campus. As far as I am concerned, it is an advisable method for the faculty to have some practical work experience on improving the quality of instruction.

It is acknowledged that actual practice is requisite in pursuit of an comprehensive and embedded academic performance, not only for the students acquiring the academic knowledge, but the faculty who are exactly providing the information and techniques the students require. An architecture teacher, who participates in an Asian temple building, finds out that, far from the image he has been convinced, the designing of the Asian temples focuses on the symmetry and the subtle carving of ornamentation, especially at the cases related with conventional religion figures. Therefore, he probes into this unknown field in the reference with works of the other architectures. Increasing original findings elevate his research scope and at the same time his understanding in the building of Asian temple, and even the culture of the Asian area. If not for the practical exertion, he may would never dig into this architecture field and be circumscribed in the range of the books he always refers to while teaching.

Not only the extra working experience benefits the faculty on their academic researching, but of more importance, enhance their ability of providing appropriate instructions, especially at updating the course they are teaching and preparing the students for their future career. The technology is developing incessantly and so should the content of the course, replacing the thing out of date with the innovated information, whereas it is an impossible and unpractical task, because the textbooks and the curriculum can never be changed frequently. However, the faculty is free enough to teach in a way that they consider to be most helpful, which depending on whether they possess this demanding quality, the ability can be gained during real working. Therefore, the students will be more likely to get accustomed to their jobs after the graduation. This illustrates the case that in most colleges the professors with working experience are more popular than the ones serving as teachers all the time.

Nevertheless, only when not undermining the teaching job of the faculty, the major responsibility of the faculty, could working outside be regarded as an admirable action. There is no excuse for a history professor to serve as estate counselor, which may earn much more than the teaching job does. And as the case stands, for some basic subjects such as history and physics, they should be focused on profound research rather than  practices, therefore, the work experience is not as essential as some engineering courses are, including computer, mechanics, etc.

Considered on the whole, for most of the subjects, practical working experience on the appropriate extent is recommended for the faculty, in order to improve the competence for both of the faculty and their students.


Thank u for help!

linakUID: 155465

第一篇写成这样不错了，多看看别人的
也希望可以组对互相修改
继续努力

poohUID: 146994

It is reported in Times that, compared to 5 percent in the year of 2003, the percentage of faculty who have engaged in working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach in the colleges or universities has been given 为什么用被动呢 a rise to 11 percent, which arouses drastic controversy in and out of the campus. As far as I am concerned, it is an advisable method method? 一般指具体的操作方法，这里用way比较合适 for the faculty to have some practical work experience on improving the quality of instruction.

开头我喜欢，总算看到有点新意的开头了。


It is acknowledged that actual practice is requisite in pursuit of an comprehensive and embedded embedded怎么理解 academic performance, not only for the students acquiring the academic knowledge, but the faculty who are exactly providing the information and techniques the students require. topic sentense不要写的过长，过复杂，建议用一个简单的复合句 An architecture teacher, who participates in an Asian temple building, finds out that, far from the image he has been convinced, the designing design of the Asian temples focuses on the symmetry and the subtle carving of ornamentation, especially at the cases related with conventional religion figures. 亚洲建筑注重对称可以说是一种常识吧，这点东西完全可以从书上知道，怀疑这个例子的真实性 Therefore, he probes into this unknown field in the reference with works of the other architectures. Increasing original findings elevate his research scope and at the same time his understanding in the building of Asian temple, and even the culture of the Asian area. If not for the practical exertion, he may would never dig into this architecture field and be circumscribed in the range of the books he always refers to while teaching.例子比较有新意，但是不很严谨

Not only the extra working experience benefits the faculty on their academic researching research , but of more importance, enhance their ability of providing appropriate instructions, especially at at 不合适，改成by updating the course update的只能是knowledge that they are imparting in courses they are teaching and preparing the students for their future career. The technology is developing incessantly and so should the content of the course, replacing the thing out of date with the innovated innovative  information, whereas it is an impossible and unpractical task, because the textbooks and the curriculum can never be changed frequently.前面说content of the course未必就是指textbooks & curriculum可能是教授传授的知识  However, the faculty is free enough to teach in a way that they consider to be most helpful, which depending on whether they possess this demanding qualitythis demanding quality 相当模糊，没有定义，你指什么quality, 应该说明是cutting-edged knowledge , the ability 要加that，因为在定语从句中作主语了 can be gained during real working. Therefore, the students will be more likely to get accustomed to their jobs after the graduation.这个结论下的太仓促，你前面都是在讲教授校外任课可以弥补curriculum 不灵活落后的不足，这一句突然出现来下结论的词therefore,跳到了就业  This illustrates the case that in most colleges the professors with working experience are more popular than the ones serving as teachers all the time. popular???how you know they are popular?你这里不是在examine他们是否受学校学生的受欢迎，而是证明对学生的好处。要明白这不是一回事儿。而且这个例子也不能说明他们就是更受学生欢迎的。

Nevertheless, only when not undermining the teaching job of the faculty, the major responsibility of the faculty, could working outside be regarded as an admirable action . There is no excuse for a history professor to serve as estate counselor, which may earn much more than the teaching job does.注意题目说了是在相关领域就职 And as the case stands, for some basic subjects such as history and physics, they should be focused on profound research rather than practices, therefore, the work experience is not as essential as some engineering courses are, including computer, mechanics, etc.结论过于简单，学历史和物理就不可以了吗？历史和物理也有很多分支呢，应用物理可以与实践结合的。

Considered on the whole, for most of the subjects, practical working experience on the appropriate extent is recommended for the faculty, in order to improve the competence for both of the faculty and their students.
写得不错，语言功底扎实，希望你可以多帮忙看一下别人的文章，指点一下。:)

davidjackyUID: 135962

https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=247391
       
It is reported in Times that【As Times reported，个人感觉两段开头都一样的句式，变动一下，原句无误】, compared to 5 percent in the year of 2003, the percentage of faculty who have engaged in working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach in the colleges or universities has been given a rise to 11 percent, which arouses drastic controversy in and out of the campus. As far as I am concerned, it is an advisable method【method不要，太罗嗦】for the faculty to have【have不好，换个obtain，gain，win这类的动态动词】 some practical work experience on improving the quality of instruction.
我觉得开头很新颖，有点讲故事开头的意思，个人推断是个文科学生写的文章。
It is acknowledged that actual practice is requisite in pursuit of an comprehensive and embedded academic performance, not only for the students acquiring the academic knowledge, but the faculty who are exactly providing the information and techniques the students require.【这个TS很有问题，句式不说，写出来我们就必须写两点在这一段中，我想可以一段一个观点，深入论述，而且后面你只是说了老师得到的，潜在的含义是给学生学到更多的东西，从这一点看够不成not only，but also，还不如老老实实合并为一句话】 An architecture teacher, who participates in an Asian temple building, finds out that, far from the image he has been convinced, the designing of the Asian temples focuses on the symmetry and the subtle carving of ornamentation, especially at the cases related with conventional religion figures. Therefore, he probes into【probes就可以了，最近在Nature上看文章，题目就是Probing the cyto-toxicity of quantum dots】 this unknown field in the reference with works of the other architectures. Increasing original findings elevate【elevates单复数】 his research scope and at the same time his understanding in the building of Asian temple, and even the culture of the Asian area. If not for the practical exertion, he may would【？？may would是什么might ignore 就可以了，这么说太绝对never】 never dig into this architecture field and be circumscribed in the range of the books he always refers to while teaching.【例子很好呀，改改TS，建议】

Not only the extra working experience benefits the faculty on their academic researching, but of more importance, enhance their ability of providing appropriate instructions, especially at updating the course they are teaching and preparing the students for their future career.【同样的句式，最好在文章中变一下，不多说】 The technology is developing incessantly and so should the content of the course, replacing the thing out of date with the innovated information, whereas it is an impossible and unpractical task, because the textbooks and the curriculum can never be changed frequently. However, the faculty is free enough to teach in a way that they consider to be most helpful, which depending on whether they possess this demanding quality, the ability can be gained during real working. Therefore, the students will be more likely to get accustomed to their jobs after the graduation. This illustrates the case that in most colleges the professors with working experience are more popular than the ones serving as teachers all the time.

Nevertheless, only when not undermining the teaching job of the faculty, the major responsibility of the faculty, could working outside be regarded as an admirable action. There is no excuse for a history professor to serve as estate counselor, which【？？比较对象不同】 may earn much more than the teaching job does. And as the case stands, for some basic subjects such as history and physics, they should be focused on profound research rather than practices, therefore, the work experience is not as essential as some engineering courses are, including computer, mechanics, etc.

Considered on the whole, for most of the subjects, practical working experience on the appropriate extent is recommended for the faculty, in order to improve the competence for both of the faculty and their students.结论牵强。

文章总体来讲还可以，我想作者能不能就论证的中心按照自己的outline好好修改一下，衔接词用的很多，句式略作变换，效果会更好。

幸福的老鼠UID: 195110

非常的谢谢pooh，^_^，把我的大小问题都指出来啦

我的思维不严密，从小的语文成绩就不好；还有知识面不广，例子其实都是信口开河，胡编乱造的。。。

第一次来寄托，以后会多加努力，今天认真的看了看，也知道要怎么样帮别人改作文了。

幸福的老鼠UID: 195110

谢谢davidjacky

可惜我不是学文的，而是工科生，自动化。。。差好远吧

看了你的GRE写作综述，对于刚起步的我来说觉得很有用！

likeying27UID: 195699

第一次就写成这样好厉害啊~~
语言不错哦~~
有空指导我啦~~~