issue5 全国统一课程... 认真修改过:)

G猫UID: 192988

呵呵, 谢谢斑竹了,给我提这么多建议.
我自己会好好想想的. 其实我觉得这种issue题不应该很狭隘, 就像一道6分范文, 题目是应不应该各国联合保护环境(大概印象),那篇文章好像就没有直接说should还是不should, 而是讨论了这种合作根本不可能在当前的情况下. 所以我觉得issue题考察的是你能不能意识到相关问题的复杂性,并且对这种复杂性进行合理的分析, 不要跑在这个话题之外就可以了.
呵呵,说说而已,保险起见大家当然扣题越紧越好.

另, 这篇文章我给一个美国教授看了,他过几天才能答复, 看看他怎么说:)

poohUID: 146994

隔了这么久,终于写了第三篇issue出来, 大家帮忙看看吧.
多谢了.
限时的时候只写了526个词,后来修改又添了一些内容上去.

Issue5 第2篇 全国统一课程！
------摘要------
作者：G猫 共用时间：43分49秒 526 words
从2005年1月12日10时7分到2005年1月12日10时43分
------题目------
A nation should require all its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college rather than allow schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer.
------正文------
Should a nation require all its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college rather than allow schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer, as the speaker says? I concede that a common core curriculum is necessary for any country. At the same time, the government should allow the local authorities the freedom to implement the curriculum with flexibility according to the local situation. 总是用这种开头，我都看了头晕，看看这篇文章http://www.gter.net/news/html/200502/1108154133.html

thesis似乎还可以

A common core curriculum is indispensable for an effective education system. First of all, the same national curricula could prepare recruits of similar knowledge framework for the university, so that the university administrators and faculty are able to choose appropriate instruction materials and arrange proper schedules for the freshman 是否有共同的教育背景跟安排schedule关系不大 ; otherwise, freshman coming from different regions may vary significantly in lorelore 一般指民间知识，用在这里不合适  and ability, which will rise rise 不及物动词！problems to higher education: the professors may be in a dilemma of setting the instruction pace while the students may be “forced” to skip classes with the complaint of for either too simple or too elusive materials. In addition, supported by intellectual and financial resources on a national level, the schooling system with a common curriculum is more likely to develop into a productive and scientific one which may result in better effect of teaching.In other words, the federal government has an abundant pool of leading education experts as well as a sufficient amount of money to conduct research with the aim of boosting the quality of education, which may open doors to the improvement of current system. 定语从句
用得过多了，几乎每句都有。基本都是非限制性的。不必太刻意追求长句。Finally, the same national curriculum makes possible a uniform and relatively objective standard to judge the performance of students, the outcomes of which are necessary for a nation-wide selection--such as the entrance examination of university and college--of qualified applicants. In a word, the common curriculum is an essential component of a sound education system.

Hence, we could not deny the significance of the same national curriculum. But at the same time, the federal government should entitle local officialslocal officals政府官员吗？应该是教育者吧  to add on or cut off courses according to the real conditions. First consider that, different parts of a country usually have their own unique cultures. One of the education's purposes is to transmittransmite多指传输发送（信号），改成pass down  the brilliant culture that has been tested by the fire of history有历史之火这么一说？; the local cultural legacy is definitely something that should be transmitted from generation to generation, yet this could not be required by a common curriculum. require用的不准确Therefore, the local authority should set correspondent courses to perpetuate its cultural heritages. The languages of minority, for example, is of great significance for the culture diversity, thus should be taught in the local school to make formake up for 表示弥补  the common curriculum prescribed by the federal government.你怎么知道一定是federal government制定呢？？？实际上，美国很多民间机构负责制定。跟中国情况不太一样 Moreover, with the divergent economic development of different regions, there inevitably formed 为什么用过去式gaps of economic strength between regions. As a result, some under-development areas may not have enough ability to offer some common courses. 这点论证不好！跟body1严重冲突，既然可以随便删掉课程，又有什么必要制定共同的课程呢？！Such as poor villages, it is very difficult for them to build a computer or biological laboratory. Thus providing students with curriculum that require advancing and expensive equipment seems unrealistic in these areas. In short, due to the regional situation, both cultural and economic, local alternatives are indispensable supplement for a common curriculum designed by the central government.

To sum up, a common core curriculum and the featured local alterations are both necessary to the country, the society and the students themselves. The same national curriculum brings an ordered education environment and ensures students' better acquirement of basic knowledge and ability, while the local features will contribute to the culture diversity and tradition preservation. An ideal education calls for a combination of common core curriculum and local supplements. Therefore the central and local government should make joint effort to promote a better education system for the children.
感觉语言不错，虽然有些表达还是不地道，
论证上基本都是别人说过的观点，没有什么有特色的东西和例子，不过这个题目写得很多，题目也不难，也很难有什么创新了

逻辑上来说，有自我矛盾冲突的地方，注意协调。

重点改改开头和body2后面部分，以后不希望看到这种开头了！

另外，我觉得没有跑题，这样写是可以的。看到老米也支持在基本的common 课程上添加选修课程

G猫UID: 192988

------题目------
A nation should require all its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college rather than allow schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer.
------正文------
Should a nation require all its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college rather than allow schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer, as the speaker says? I concede that a common core curriculum is necessary for any country. At the same time, the government should allow the local authorities the freedom to implement the curriculum with flexibility according to the local situation. 总是用这种开头，我都看了头晕，看看这篇文章http://www.gter.net/news/html/200502/1108154133.html

thesis似乎还可以 [呵呵,我是觉得考试的时候肯定我也写不出来什么好的开头了,所以就破罐破摔了,下次一定争取不用模板]

A common core curriculum is indispensable for an effective education system. First of all, the same national curricula could prepare recruits of similar knowledge framework for the university, so that the university administrators and faculty are able to choose appropriate instruction materials and arrange proper schedules for the freshman 是否有共同的教育背景跟安排schedule关系不大 [我是想说学生的能力不一样要安排的教学进度就不一样,在知识结构那里加个ability可以吗]; otherwise, freshman coming from different regions may vary significantly in lorelore [还是老老实实用knowledge] 一般指民间知识，用在这里不合适 and ability, which will rise rise 不及物动词！problems to higher education: the professors may be in a dilemma of setting the instruction pace while the students may be “forced” to skip classes with the complaint of for either too simple or too elusive materials. In addition, supported by intellectual and financial resources on a national level, the schooling system with a common curriculum is more likely to develop into a productive and scientific one which may result in better effect of teaching.In other words, the federal government has an abundant pool of leading education experts as well as a sufficient amount of money to conduct research with the aim of boosting the quality of education, which may open doors to the improvement of current system. 定语从句
用得过多了，几乎每句都有。基本都是非限制性的。不必太刻意追求长句。[嗯,我就会用定语从句,所以老是不自觉地用,下次一定注意]Finally, the same national curriculum makes possible a uniform and relatively objective standard to judge the performance of students, the outcomes of which are necessary for a nation-wide selection--such as the entrance examination of university and college--of qualified applicants. In a word, the common curriculum is an essential component of a sound education system.

Hence, we could not deny the significance of the same national curriculum. But at the same time, the federal government should entitle local officialslocal officals政府官员吗？应该是教育者吧 to add on or cut off courses according to the real conditions. First consider that, different parts of a country usually have their own unique cultures. One of the education's purposes is to transmittransmite多指传输发送（信号），改成pass down the brilliant culture that has been tested by the fire of history有历史之火这么一说？[这个JJ放心,我看过罗斯福的演讲<论教育>,这是原话,写的时候不自觉就冒出来了, 大概就是经过历史考验沉淀下来的文化这个意思, 还有他也是用transmit的]; the local cultural legacy is definitely something that should be transmitted from generation to generation, yet this could not be required by a common curriculum. require用的不准确[provided?]Therefore, the local authority should set correspondent courses to perpetuate its cultural heritages. The languages of minority, for example, is of great significance for the culture diversity, thus should be taught in the local school to make formake up for 表示弥补 the common curriculum prescribed by the federal government.你怎么知道一定是federal government制定呢？？？实际上，美国很多民间机构负责制定。跟中国情况不太一样 Moreover, with the divergent economic development of different regions, there inevitably formed 为什么用过去式[感觉像是过去的,我也不确定]gaps of economic strength between regions. As a result, some under-development areas may not have enough ability to offer some common courses. 这点论证不好！跟body1严重冲突，既然可以随便删掉课程，又有什么必要制定共同的课程呢？！[这个我也发现了,弄得我在写总结性的话的时候都很难写, 干脆删掉,再想想别的分论点] Such as poor villages, it is very difficult for them to build a computer or biological laboratory. Thus providing students with curriculum that require advancing and expensive equipment seems unrealistic in these areas. In short, due to the regional situation, both cultural and economic, local alternatives are indispensable supplement for a common curriculum designed by the central government.

To sum up, a common core curriculum and the featured local alterations are both necessary to the country, the society and the students themselves. The same national curriculum brings an ordered education environment and ensures students' better acquirement of basic knowledge and ability, while the local features will contribute to the culture diversity and tradition preservation. An ideal education calls for a combination of common core curriculum and local supplements. Therefore the central and local government should make joint effort to promote a better education system for the children.
感觉语言不错，虽然有些表达还是不地道，
论证上基本都是别人说过的观点，没有什么有特色的东西和例子，不过这个题目写得很多，题目也不难，也很难有什么创新了

逻辑上来说，有自我矛盾冲突的地方，注意协调。

重点改改开头和body2后面部分，以后不希望看到这种开头了！

另外，我觉得没有跑题，这样写是可以的。看到老米也支持在基本的common 课程上添加选修课程

[谢谢pooh JJ的香吻, 继续努力]

乒乓球爱上九月UID: 162925

那就好 添乱拉 :D

龙非UID: 193190

pooh分析得很到位，大家起立鼓掌，啪啦啪啦 :D

But at the same time, the federal government should entitle local officialslocal officals to add on or  cut off courses according to the real conditions.

同时应该将cut off 删掉

[这个我也发现了,弄得我在写总结性的话的时候都很难写, 干脆删掉,再想想别的分论点]

。
我觉得也不用再想什么分论点了。
B1论证“common curriculum是必要的”，B2论证“可以根据不同地区的不同特色增加一些课程”，中规中矩，可以的。
如果实在是不够字数，可以加上“如果不允许不同地区增加特色课程会有什么样的影响”

G猫UID: 192988

有道理：）
多谢龙非

G猫UID: 192988

在MSN上碰到了我的美国朋友, 她是医学院的学生. 因为医学院入学考试(MCAT)中也有analytical writing, 和GRE考试很类似,所以我请她帮我修改了一下这篇刚写的作文. 在和她的聊天和修改作文中的问题总结一下,希望对大家能有帮助.

(附件是她帮我修改的原稿,大家有兴趣可以看一下,把不地道的地方都改过来了)

1, 她说我词汇量很丰富, 但是这是没有必要的. 因为有些词的用法可能你并不是很确定,(就像poohJJ指出来的lore, 还有productive and scientific 那句, 我的朋友都看不懂是什么意思,呵呵),所以最好使用自己最有把握的词.

2, 她特别指出,我的逻辑没有问题,观点也很好,但是缺乏的是specific,这在analytical writing里是非常重要的. （她在修改的时候有举例，可以看看怎么样才是做到specific了）

3, 关于每段结论句的疑问。可能大家都会在结尾的时候in a word一下，不知道别人是怎么做的，我就差不多把观点换个说法，结果被Catherine说是unnecessary，所以我就请教了她关于conclusion sentence 的问题，下面是她给我的回复：

It is true that your paragraphs should have concluding sentences. The concluding sentence should not, however, only repeat your viewpoint. I would suggest that, instead of removing your concluding
sentence [B]"In a word, the common curriculum is an essential
component of an effective education system thus every nation should take pains to perfect it"[/B] , you should make it more specific to summarize your argument, similar to making your topic sentence more specific. Perhaps a better concluding sentence would be, [B]"Therefore, a common national curriculum is necessary to both allow  incoming university students are equally prepared for their undergraduate education, as well as facilitate professors' classroom objectives. It will also allow fair and objective evaluation of students applying for university." [/B]  So, for your topic and concluding sentences, they should contain elements of your specific arguments. This is so that you do not simply repeat the statement that you are agreeing with.


3, 文章字数少,写不完照样可以得高分,这个其实大家已经从那篇未完成的6分范文看到了，关键是insight.

4, 作文成绩并不是很重要,不要太担心