argument232~！自我感觉良好~！请拍！拍我者必立即回拍！

lululiu8412UID: 195354

The argument draws a conclusion that the company should switch to advertisements featuring a distinctive song. To substantiate this conclusion, the arguer cites the example of commercials of soft and fast-food restaurants. The arguer also points out a so called study results to support the conclusion. The argument seems reasonable and logical at first, but it suffers from several critical flaws as follow.

First of all, the arguer demonstrates a recent study to support his conclusion. But the arguer fails to inform the reader that who did this study and how the study was conducted. So the results are worthless to support the conclusion. Perhaps the study was conducted by the arguer himself or maybe the study is leading, and people might echo with expected answer. Furthermore, the study shows "85 percent" to support the conclusion, which is unreliable and highly susceptible. Because the arguer fails to point out that how many people were studied. Given that there are only 10 students respond the study, but the whole high school has 10000 students. Obviously, the study results are unconvincing and highly susceptible. It is impossible to access the validity of the results to support the conclusion.

In addition, even if one accepts the study results, the example of the commercials are also problematic and unreasonable. Analogies draw between soft drinks and fast-food companies and the home appliance company is unreliable because there are enormous serious differences. For example, majority of students are in favor of the soft drinks and fast-foods, and they also like memorable tunes and song lyrics. So most of them are able to recognize the tunes used to advertise leading soft drinks and fast-food restaurants. But the home appliance company sales their goods to the adults and old people which cannot recognize the tunes as easily as the youth. It is possible that they are so busy that have no time to watch TV or listen to popular radio. Thus, it is likely much more difficult for the home appliance company to use a song in the AD.

Finally, the author falsely depends on gratuitous assumption that use a distinctive song in the AD will boost company profits. However, there is no evidence stated in the argument to support this assumption. Perhaps the most of the student can memorized the songs and tunes, but they did not buy those products. Maybe they buy those drinks and foods because of the superstar in the advertisements. Therefore, this argument is unwarranted without ruling out such possibility.

To sum up, though the argument seems to be plausible, in fact, it is neither sound nor persuasive. Not only does it leave out such key issues, but also cites in the analysis the evidence, which does not lend strong support to what arguer claims. If the argument includes the given factors discussed above, it would have been more thorough and adequate.

乒乓球爱上九月UID: 162925

两个都在呢 互改一下？:)
http://211.151.90.54/bbs/showthread.php?s=&threadid=247424

lululiu8412UID: 195354

最初由 乒乓球爱上九月 发布
[B]两个都在呢 互改一下？:)
http://211.151.90.54/bbs/showthread.php?s=&threadid=247424 [/B]

正在改呢~~
谢谢版主！

nickaaronleeUID: 183378

The following is a letter to the head of the tourism bureau on the island of Tria.
'Erosion of beach sand along the shores of Tria Island is a serious threat to our island and our tourist industry. In order to stop the erosion, we should charge people for using the beaches. Although this solution may annoy a few tourists in the short term, it will reduce the number of people using the beaches and will raise money for replenishing the sand. Replenishing the sand, as was done to protect buildings on the nearby island of Batia, will help protect buildings along our shores, thereby reducing these buildings' risk of additional damage from severe storms. And since the areas along the shore will be more attractive as a result, the beaches will be preserved and the area's tourist industry will improve over the long term.'
------正文------
In this argument, the arguer recommends charging tourist for entering Tria’s beaches in order to stop the erosion of beach sand and improve the area’s tourist industry. The arguer reasons that charging fees for public access to beaches would reduce the number of people using the beaches and raise money for replenishing the sand and protect buildings thus making Tria more attractive. However, the argument is not convincing for several critical flaws.

In the first place, the argument is based on the unwarranted assumption that the tourism bureau would be able to raise enough money for replenishing the sand. As the arguer points out, the number of people using the beaches will decrease due to the access fees. Maybe the access fees would prevent so many people from going to beaches that few tourists pay for the fees. For this matter, the revenue raised in this way is would not be sufficient to the purpose of replenishing the sand. In short, lacking other information concerning the tourists and the beaches, we cannot come to the assumption.（也可以谈一下，即使收费也不一定会减少游客）

In the second place, the recommendation also indicates that replenishing the sand in Tria would carry the same result as Batia did. Yet there might be a myriad of variables that are responsible for the success of Batia. Therefore, although the strategy of replenishing the sand to protect the buildings is successful in Batia, this reality alone does not conclusively suggest that such a strategy would also be effective in Tria. It is entirely possible that most of the buildings in Tria, which are built far from the shores, are not affected by the erosion of sand in the shores. If so, it is not necessary to protect them by replenishing the sand and this action would be rather difficult due to the transportation.（还不够深入，比如可以从建筑材料举例）

Finally, even if we concede that Tria would achieve success as Batia by replenishing the sand, there is no reason to believe that Tria would be more attractive to tourists. Perhaps the buildings near Tria’s beaches that were built long ago are not in accord with the environment. In this case, it is the natural scenery of Tria that is appealing to tourists, not the buildings. Thus the recommendation would amount to poor advice because protecting them would not make the beaches more attractive but make things worse.（攻击的不是很有力）

In summary, the argument lacks credibility because it relies on several unwarranted assumption. To make it more convincing, the arguer would have to present more evidences about charging the fees would produce sufficient funds to replenish the sand. Moreover, we also need more information regarding the environmental conditions of Tria’s breaches.（建议多攻击重点放在海滩，还有楼主有些语法和词法错误，加油~~~）

fengboallanUID: 157405

不瞒你说，你的名字的拼音和我刚刚分手的女朋友一模一样。呵呵，也是我看起这篇文章的原因
下回还是把原体放上，复制粘贴一下也不费劲

The argument draws a conclusion that the company should switch to advertisements featuring a distinctive song. To substantiate this conclusion, the arguer cites the example of commercials of soft and fast-food restaurants. The arguer also points out a so called这个用法我还不该确认准确性 study results to support the conclusion. The argument seems reasonable and logical at first, but it suffers from several critical flaws as follow.真的不错呢！开头写道不错

First of all, the arguer demonstrates a recent study to support his conclusion. But the arguer fails to inform the reader that who did this study and how the study was conducted. So the results are worthless to support the conclusion. Perhaps the study was conducted by the arguer himself or maybe the study is leading, and people might echo with expected answer. Furthermore, the study shows "85 percent" to support the conclusion, which is unreliable and highly susceptible. Because the arguer fails to point out that how many people were studied. Given that there are only 10 students respond the study, but the whole high school has 10000 students. Obviously, the study results are unconvincing and highly susceptible. It is impossible to access the validity of the results to support the conclusion.

In addition, even if one accepts the study results, the example of the commercials are also problematic and unreasonable. Analogies draw between soft drinks and fast-food companies and the home appliance company is unreliable because there are enormous serious differences. For example, majority of students are in favor of the soft drinks and fast-foods, and they also like memorable tunes and song lyrics. So most of them are able to recognize the tunes used to advertise leading soft drinks and fast-food restaurants. But the home appliance company sales their goods to the adults and old people which cannot recognize the tunes as easily as the youth. It is possible that they are so busy that have no time to watch TV or listen to popular radio. Thus, it is likely much more difficult for the home appliance company to use a song in the AD.

Finally, the author falsely depends on gratuitous assumption that use a distinctive song in the AD will boost company profits. However, there is no evidence stated in the argument to support this assumption. Perhaps the most of the student can memorized the songs and tunes, but they did not buy those products. Maybe they buy those drinks and foods because of the superstar in the advertisements. Therefore, this argument is unwarranted without ruling out such possibility.

To sum up, though the argument seems to be plausible, in fact, it is neither sound nor persuasive. Not only does it leave out such key issues, but also cites in the analysis the evidence, which does not lend strong support to what arguer claims. If the argument includes the given factors discussed above, it would have been more thorough and adequate.

说实话我真的很想该你这篇文章但我无能为力了
1你的水平已经大大超过我，我觉得改比自己写得差文章是改错，那写得好的呢？是阅读，你说怎么改
2 对于argument我的了解不太深入。后天会有长足进步。还没弄呢，呵呵，等着后天以后我再拍你
3此篇文章写得真不错
如果是限时完成说明你上层次了
已经可以了

完毕
赞一个！

dragonflyljUID: 185331

哇。。。这个结尾又是那种万能型的

lululiu8412UID: 195354

最初由 nickaaronlee 发布
[B]The following is a letter to the head of the tourism bureau on the island of Tria.
'Erosion of beach sand along the shores of Tria Island is a serious threat t..

以下省略...... [/B]

昏死~~你改的这个这个不是我写得啦~！！
anyway, thanks~~

lululiu8412UID: 195354

最初由 fengboallan 发布
[B]不瞒你说，你的名字的拼音和我刚刚分手的女朋友一模一样。呵呵，也是我看起这篇文章的原因
下回还是把原体放上，复制粘贴一下也不费劲

The argument draws a conclusio..

以下省略...... [/B]

hehe,  难道这个名字很俗？嗬嗬， 谢谢你帮我看作文