issue 233 教育类 请砸砖，必会拍，谢谢~~~

nickaaronleeUID: 183378

------题目------
Although innovations such as video, computers, and the Internet seem to offer schools improved methods for instructing students, these technologies all too often distract from real learning.
------正文------
With the development of technology, there are a variety of innovations such as video, computers, and the internet available for education. However, there is an argument that these innovations may distract students from real learning, which I am strongly against. In my opinion, these innovations play a vital role in education.

Technological innovations such as video, computers, and the internet provide a sufficient means for schools to instruct students. Traditionally the chalks and blackboard are the only means of teaching. Nevertheless the way that teachers give lessons to students has changed significantly due to these innovations. For example, in a biology class, the teacher can present a video of a particular creature or even a tiny microbe to students. While in the past the teacher can only paint the creature on the blackboard or just show a picture of it. Furthermore, teachers can make a power point file about their lessons and instruct students by computers in class. By doing so, if some of the students can not understand what the teachers instruct during class, they may download the file and review it after class, which is very helpful for them. Therefore, these innovations present abundant means of instructions for students.

Different innovations can make the process of instructions more effective and more efficient, which is not available in the traditional teaching. For instance, in a physics class, when the teacher explains a confused theorem to the students, it is very difficult for them to understand it only by simple words. In this case, if the teacher makes a flash, a visual cartoon, on the explanation of the theorem and demonstrates it to the students in class, it will be much more comprehensible and vivid for the students to understand it. Moreover, the schools can also provide distance-class, by which the students can take lessons through the internet at home or in the library. By dong so, it may allow students to have a flexible schedule and enable them have more time to be engaged in what they are fond of. Hence, by using these innovations the students can gain much benefit and convenience.

Admittedly, without proper and effective use of these technologies the students may distract from real learning. For example, nowadays there are more and more attractive and popular internet games designed for youngsters. It is possible that some students who are not able to control themselves appropriately may be involved in the internet games day and night, which may leads them to be absent from school and even cheat their parents for more money to spend on the games. In addition some internet games are so bloody and frightening that they are not suitable for students. These games may encourage the students to do violence or commit crimes and increase the rate of teenager criminal. Under this situation, these technologies are harmful to the students and may bring much pain to their parents and the society. Thus, students should use these new innovations with relevant instruction and sometimes monitoring by their parents and schools.

To sum up, the new technological innovations such as video, computers, the internet, and so forth, can improve methods of education and make the instruction more effective and efficient. Meanwhile the students can have much fun and attain much benefit from these technologies with appropriate use.

乒乓球爱上九月UID: 162925

------题目------
Although innovations such as video, computers, and the Internet seem to offer schools improved methods for instructing students, these technologies all too often distract from real learning.
------正文------
[U]With the development of technology, there areis a variety of innovations such as video, computers, and the internet available for education. However, there is an argument that these innovations may distract students from real learning, [/U] 没有必要花这么大的篇幅复述题目的内容，如果开头无话可说直接表述观点好一点。 which I am strongly against. In my opinion, these innovations play a vital role in education.

Technological innovations such as video, computers, and the internet provide [B]a [/B]  sufficient means for schools to instruct students. Traditionally the chalks and blackboard are the only means of teaching. Nevertheless the way that teachers give lessons to students has changed significantly due to these innovations. For example, in a biology class, the teacher can present a video of a particular creature or even a tiny microbe to students. While in the past the teacher can only paint the creature on the blackboard or just show a picture of it. Furthermore, teachers can make a power point file about their lessons and instruct students by computers in class. By doing so, if some of the students can not understand what the teachers instruct during class, they may download the file and review it after class, which is very helpful for them. Therefore, these innovations present abundant means of instructions for students.教学手段多样化

Different innovations can make the process of instructions more effective and more efficient, [U]which is not available in the traditional teaching[/U] 此句可删. For instance, in a physics class, when the teacher explains a confused theorem to the students, it is very difficult for them to understand it only by simple words. In this case, if the teacher makes a flash, a visual cartoon, on the explanation of the theorem and demonstrates it to the students in class, it will be much more comprehensible and vivid for the students to understand it. Moreover, the schools can also provide distance-class, by which the students can take lessons through the internet at home or in the library. By dong so, it may allow students to have a flexible schedule and enable them have more time to be engaged in what they are fond of. Hence, by using these innovations the students can gain much benefit and convenience.

如果抛去支持观点的例子，剩下的论证就是文章的骨架，作为支持观点的两个观点，之间似乎包容的关系大于并列的关系。教学手段的多样化无非使教学更加有效（似乎这是一个隐含的意思） 我的意见是从你说的effective 和efficient 来说，effective是指学生学习的效果好，efficient是指教者工作更加有效。不知道这样是否更好？

Admittedly, without proper and effective use of these technologies the students may distract from real learning. For example, nowadays there are more and more attractive and popular internet games designed for youngsters. It is possible that some students who are not able to control themselves appropriately may be involved in the internet games day and night, which may leads them to be absent from school and even cheat their parents for more money to spend on the games. In addition some internet games are so bloody and frightening that they are not suitable for students. These games may encourage the students to do violence or commit crimes and increase the rate of teenager criminal. Under this situation, these technologies are harmful to the students and may bring much pain to their parents and the society. Thus, students should use these new innovations with relevant instruction and sometimes monitoring by their parents and schools.

既然对论点有让步，为什么要说strongly against？

To sum up, the new technological innovations such as video, computers, the internet, and so forth, can improve methods of education and make the instruction more effective and efficient. Meanwhile the students can have much fun and attain much benefit from these technologies with appropriate use.

第一段的ts欠具体，不好。

继续讨论

山坡羊UID: 169978

我来试着看着，占座先：）

nickaaronleeUID: 183378

谢谢乒乓球爱上九月的意见，因为是限时写的没有考虑到“strongly against”对让步的影响，如果改成“against”是否可以？body 1和 body 2从某种意义来说有点包容的关系，这样影响大嘛？谢谢~~

乒乓球爱上九月UID: 162925

@-@  不晓得影响有多大,反正不清晰呢.

山坡羊UID: 169978

------题目------
Although innovations such as video, computers, and the Internet seem to offer schools improved methods for instructing students, these technologies all too often distract from real learning.
------正文------
With the development of technology, there are a variety of innovations such as video, computers, and the internet available for education. However, there is an argument that these innovations may distract students from real learning, which I am strongly against. In my opinion, these innovations play a vital role in education.

Technological innovations such as video, computers, and the internet provide a sufficient means for schools to instruct students. Traditionally the chalks and blackboard are the only means of teaching. Nevertheless the way that teachers give lessons to students has changed significantly due to these innovations. [these 改为modern应该好些]For example, in a biology class, the teacher can present a video of a particular creature or even a tiny microbe to students. While in the past the teacher can only paint the creature on the blackboard or just show a picture of it. Furthermore, teachers can make a power point file about their lessons and instruct students by computers in class. By doing so, if some of the students can not understand what the teachers instruct during class, they may download the file and review it after class, which is very helpful for them. Therefore, these innovations present abundant means of instructions for students.[似乎总结时不该只说：present abundant means, 还该说contribute much to…如果这一段只是说手段多了，就没必要多说这些手段的好处，感觉还是说好处，那如何和下段建立逻辑关系呢？商榷]

Different innovations can make the process of instructions more effective and more efficient,[?] which is not available in the traditional teaching. For instance, in a physics class, when the teacher explains a confused theorem to the students, it is very difficult for them to understand it only by simple words. In this case, if the teacher makes a flash, a visual cartoon, on the explanation of the theorem and demonstrates it to the students in class, it will be much more comprehensible and vivid for the students to understand it. Moreover, the schools can also provide distance-class, by which the students can take lessons through the internet at home or in the library. By dong so, it may allow students to have a flexible schedule and enable them have more time to be engaged in what they are fond of. Hence, by using these innovations the students can gain much benefit and convenience.

Admittedly, without proper and effective use of these technologies the students may distract[应该被动吧] from real learning. For example, nowadays there are more and more attractive and popular internet games designed for youngsters. It is possible that some students who are not able to control themselves appropriately may be involved in the internet games day and night, which may leads[lead] them to be absent from school and even cheat their parents for more money to spend on the games. In addition some internet games are so bloody and frightening that they are not suitable for students. These games may encourage the students to do violence or commit crimes and increase the rate of teenager criminal. Under this situation, these technologies are harmful to the students and may bring much pain to their parents and the society. Thus, students should use these new innovations with relevant instruction and sometimes monitoring[被动] by their parents and schools.[论述的观念很有必要说，但正如乒乓球爱上九月所说，和主题句不符]

To sum up, the new technological innovations such as video, computers, the internet, and so forth, can improve methods of education and make the instruction more effective and efficient. Meanwhile the students can have much fun and attain much benefit from these technologies with appropriate use.[似乎总结的时候应该把让步的也总结进去]
呵呵，nickaaronlee写得很好啊，结构清晰，句子之间过渡关联自然，语言流畅。论述也能用比较充分的例子说明。
向你学习，有空也指教一下。

可以挑出的毛病是文中几处小语法。
还有主题句和结尾句总结得似乎不够全。
以及第二第三段的关系。

祝考试顺利！

nickaaronleeUID: 183378

非常感谢山坡羊的修改，我刚改了你的issue 67，呵呵，加油哦~~~（吃素好，我也发觉肉也来越不好吃了，呵呵，每天吃饭没素菜可不行：））

nickaaronleeUID: 183378

to：乒乓球爱上九月，谢谢意见，我再看看是否可以改进一下：）

noloserUID: 194938

Different innovations can make the process of instructions more effective and more efficient, 这就看不明白啊，effective 还要efficient,我觉得两者保留其一，另外在想一个好处与其并列比较好。另外，different换成various会不会更好一些，因为这里与不同没关系，主要说的是手段的多样化。
另外我感觉结尾写的有点含糊the new technological innovations such as video, computers, the internet, and so forth, can improve methods of education and make the instruction more effective and efficient这句有点空泛了，最好说说从那个方面可以改进教育。而且加上让步论证会完整一些。

nickaaronleeUID: 183378

谢谢noloser的意见，记下了：）