issue1 学习类 拍我者必然回拍

fengboallanUID: 157405

1、"We can usually learn much more from people whose views we share than from people whose views contradict our own; disagreement can cause stress and inhibit learning."
我们通常从和我们意见统一的人那里学到的东西比从和我们意见相悖的人那里学到的东西多的多；意见分歧阻碍了学习。

一点模版没用，也没有用金山词霸
限时干写，超了5分钟
构思过程也在45分钟之内。
不过，回头一看，俨然baby English
现在看来，差距很大啊 各位大牛，除了指出我的毛病
也给我点建议和走向正路的方法吧
谢谢


老规矩，拍我的，呵呵，等着吧，绝不惯着，一定回拍！
As we known, in this world, people would face more or less disagreements in any aspects. Sometimes even people become stressed and unhappy with these disagreements. However, just because of these disagreements, our world is continuing to develop. I disagree the statement which speaker has said above. The speaker only pay attention to some shortcomings of disagreement, however they benefit people more. In this essay, I would like to provide sufficient evidence to support my viewpoint.

Experience tells us that if we always receive agreeable view, we would become lazy in thinking and creation. When people receive and accept too many views which are consentaneous with them, they would think that their opinions and views are perfect. In this way if a person thinks his view is perfect, does he necessary to adjust or change it? The answer is of course not. For example, Intel co. Ltd is always full of creations, also leads the world of CPU and chips: Most of new technologies in that realm come from Intel. why? An investigation from 'Economics' magazine said that when a researcher in Intel thought out an idea or had a creation, his manager would hold a meeting. In the meeting they ask other department researchers to give some disagreement and found shortcoming of this researcher's view. In this way, the researcher would pay more time and attention into his idea to improve and adjust it. Even, with the help of others’ different view when the idea comes true, it becomes more practical and connecting to people. Disagreement in most of the time helps people to become studious.

Admittedly, one's knowledge and creation is limited. Accepting disagreement and different view is beneficial for people to absorb more knowledge and different excellent views from others. We also take the example of team spirit. Now, most great scientific progresses are developed by team work. Even, the Nobel prize is often awarded to an research team. It is not the reason that the committee dislike single scientist to receive the prize, because in this team work society, it is hard to make any great progress only by individual ability. Thus, people should connect with others more often in order to get different ideas and help. The merit of disagreement is that we can hear different sounds from others which make our opinion and idea approach to perfection.

One must admit that as well that in fact disagreement dose not stress and inhibit learning. It both helps us to make progress and is the power of development. Often we could hear that in famous enterprise, university, and research centre, people feel more pressure, because in these places, there are full of competition. They can often hear different sounds of some project from other. When others pointed out that one’s project existed many shortcomings and disagreed with it, Of course, he felt more pressure and immediately tried his best to improve it. Thus, just because of these pressure and advises help him to make his project better. Compared with the influence of bad mood which disagreement brings us, it gives us more.

In sum, in this competitive world, we need to absorb others' disagreement and different views to enhance and encourage us. Hearing disagreement is not an bad luck. As my wish, if everyone could accept more disagreements and keep his heart smooth and balanceable, our society would develop much better. Thanks to the disagreement.


我怎么感觉这篇文章写得像是在唠嗑呢？

一点都不academic

希望大家能够给我指出毛病的同时给予我改正的方法

谢谢


顺便送大家一张我拍的风景呵呵
菜鸟一个

冥界星灿UID: 184746

这次可赶上了，先改着

冥界星灿UID: 184746

we known, in this world, people would face more or less disagreements in any aspects. Sometimes even people become stressed and unhappy with these disagreements句意不明？. However, just because of these disagreements, our world is continuing to develop. I disagree the statement which speaker has said above. The speaker only pay attention to some shortcomings of disagreement, however they benefit people more. In this essay, I would like to provide sufficient evidence to support my viewpoint.不知是不是我看习惯了，感觉还是模板好，要不思维好像很混乱的样子

Experienceexperience的说服力不强，你有这种experience,万一别人的experience相反怎么办？人家说你们的崇拜使我不断完善自我的动力怎么办？ tells us that if we always receive agreeable view, we would become lazy in thinking and creation. When people receive and accept too many views which are consentaneous with them, they would think that their opinions and views are perfect. In this way if a person thinks his view is perfect, does he necessary to adjust or change it? The answer is of course not. For example, Intel co. Ltd is always full of creations, also leads the world of CPU and chips: Most of new technologies in that realm come from Intel是Microsoft吧？还是？我不确定。Inter是公司吗？还是Microsoft的产品？. why? An investigation from 'EconomicsEconomist' magazine said that when a researcher in Intel thought out an idea or had a creation, his manager would hold a meeting. In the meeting they ask other department researchers to give some disagreement and found shortcoming of this researcher's view. In this way, the researcher would pay more time and attention into his idea to improve and adjust it. Even, with the help of others’ different view when the idea comes true, it becomes more practical and connecting to people. Disagreement in most of the time helps people to become studious.严格来讲，论证不是很严禁。例子是说disagreement促进了成功，与结论的studious差一点；与主题句的receiving agreeable view will lead to lazy是逆否命题，个人认为中间最好加上逆否命题的中心论述据。个人意见。

Admittedly, one's knowledge and creation is limited. Accepting disagreement and different view is beneficial for people to absorb more knowledge and different excellent views from others. We also take the example of team spirit. Now, most great scientific progresses are developed by team work. Even, the Nobel prize is often awarded to an research team. It is not the reason that the committee dislike single scientist to receive the prize, because in this team work society, it is hard to make any great progress only by individual ability. Thus, people should connect with others more often in order to get different ideas and help.还是例子与论点差一层，该例子是不是该去证明——团结就是力量？ The merit of disagreement is that we can hear different sounds from others which make our opinion and idea approach to perfection.

One must admit that as well that in fact disagreement dose not stress and inhibit learning. It both helps us to make progress and is the power of development. Often we could hear that in famous enterprise, university, and research centre, people feel more pressure, because in these places, there are full of competition. They can often hear different sounds of some project from other. When others pointed out that one’s project existed many shortcomings and disagreed with it, Of course, he felt more pressure还是有压力不是？得说明此压力与彼压力的不同啊？ and immediately tried his best to improve it. Thus, just because of these pressure and advises help him to make his project better. Compared with the influence of bad mood which disagreement brings us, it gives us more.

In sum, in this competitive world, we need to absorb others' disagreement and different views to enhance and encourage us. Hearing disagreement is not an bad luck这句话，换掉吧. As my wish, if everyone could accept more disagreements and keep his heart smooth心境平和和心脏平坦是两码事 and balanceable, our society would develop much better. Thanks to the disagreement结尾句感觉像中文结尾思路，建议改一下.


冥界认为，

最要命的不是语言（不过很可能是我语言功底比较差吧^_^），细究起来该是思维严谨性。要把一件事说明白，光自己懂了不行呢！

语言这样好像还不错的说？我写两三个小时也就这样

我现在特羡慕你们可以限时，还有半个月就考了，还是这么慢，唉唉艾阿

意见难免偏激，楼主考虑/helpful tool.

G猫UID: 192988

呵呵,我也喜欢拍照,现在要考G,都暂时封镜了.

占个座, 帮你看看:)

G猫UID: 192988

We can usually learn much more from people whose views we share than from people whose views contradict our own; disagreement can cause stress and inhibit learning."

As we known, in this world, people would face more or less disagreements in any aspects. Sometimes even people [even] become stressed and unhappy with these disagreements. However, just because of these disagreements, our world is continuing to develop [这个时态似乎不太合适, 直接is advacing不就行了] . I disagree the statement which speaker has said above [罗嗦]. The speaker only pay [have only paid] attention to some shortcomings of disagreement, however they benefit people more [作为整个文章的中心句,最好能够和题目结合地更紧一点,也就是说突出disagree在learning上的益处]. In this essay, I would like to provide sufficient evidence to support my viewpoint.

Experience tells us that if we always receive agreeable view, we would become lazy in thinking and creation. When people receive and accept too many views which are consentaneous with them, they would think that their opinions and views are perfect. In this way if a person thinks his view is perfect, does he necessary [necessarily]to adjust or change it? The answer is of course not. For example, Intel co. Ltd is always full of creations, also leads the world of CPU and chips [这句用个同位语从句来说吧]: Most of new technologies in that realm come from Intel. why? An investigation from 'Economics' magazine said that when a researcher in Intel thought out an idea or had a creation, his manager would hold a meeting. In the meeting they ask other department researchers [researchers from other department]to give some disagreement and found [to find] shortcoming of this researcher's view [idea好点吧]. In this way, the researcher would pay more time and attention into [to] his idea to improve and adjust it. Even, with the help of others’ different view when the idea comes true, it becomes more practical and connecting to people . Disagreement in most of the time helps people to become studious. [这么短时间内, 思维还是很连贯的. 但是从这篇文章来看,这段有点跑,因为题目特别提到从disagreement学到更多,而这段的例子只是证实了他的益处,着眼点没有放在对学习知识方面的益处.而且你前面论证的是agreement让人在思想上变得懒惰,而例子似乎不是直接支持这一点的;再者,如果这段要论证agreements的害处,最好在首段的观点中有所体现]

Admittedly, one's knowledge and creation [creativity吧]is limited. Accepting disagreement and different view is beneficial for people to absorb more knowledge and different excellent views from others[前后两句不应该是让步的关系吧,admittedly据我所知是表示让步的]. We also take the example of team spirit [团队精神可以这样说呀?]. Now, most great scientific progresses are developed [develop progress?这个搭配有点问题, achieved?] by team work. Even [你对even情有独锺呀], the Nobel prize is often awarded to an research team. It is not the reason that the committee dislike single scientist to receive the prize, because in this team work society, it is hard to make any great progress only by individual ability. Thus, people should connect with others more often in order to get different ideas and help. The merit of disagreement is that we can hear different sounds from others which make our opinion and idea approach to perfection.

[这段就不大好了,ts说反对意见对人们吸收知识有益,而后面的例子都只谈到了团队精神,整个事例的叙述都不能支持ts,完全没有说服力]

One must admit that as well that [???] in fact disagreement dose not stress and inhibit learning. [为什么???] It both helps us to make progress and is the power of development [又是一个不能支持中心论题的ts]. Often we could hear that in famous enterprise, university, and research centre, people feel more pressure, because in these places, there are full of competition. They can often hear different sounds of some project from other. When others pointed out that one’s project existed many shortcomings and disagreed with it, Of course, he felt more pressure and immediately tried his best to improve it. Thus, just because of these pressure and advises help him to make his project better. Compared with the influence of bad mood which disagreement brings us, it gives us more. [ts居然意思写相反了. 这一段的逻辑很混乱, 而且对于证明论题没什么作用, make better=learn more吗?又跑了]

In sum, in this competitive world, we need to absorb others' disagreement and different views to enhance and encourage us. Hearing disagreement is not a bad luck. As my wish, if everyone could accept more disagreements and keep his heart smooth and balanceable, our society would develop much better[这个搭配似乎也不太好]. Thanks to the disagreement.

[45分钟要完成构思和写作的过程简直太难了,我觉得. 这篇文章从一开始对题目的把握就出现了问题,所以导致后面的论证跑的很厉害, 整体和局部都缺乏逻辑. 要改好挺困难的, 想想再重写一篇吧.
一篇文章没写好没什么的,何况是45分钟又构思又写作, 我试过一次, 那简直不能看, 语法错误连篇, 根本没有任何逻辑可言,抓到什么写什么, 大家一起加油吧]

fengboallanUID: 157405

大家说得很对阿，多谢你们的中肯意见，感谢冥界星灿和G猫的中肯意见，很感谢。
这篇文章的确出现了难以修改的问题
偏差很大
愿意在于。45分钟接到手了题，马上想。头脑再风暴。说实话我觉得以我的水平能够写完就不错了。

给了我2个教育：
1，我果然不是牛牛，连中牛都不是，在我靠之前也永远都赶不上模版的开头。
   哥们真的用模班
2，起码，必须，把老题都想明白。要不，上去不知道怎么写，那真是不好受
抽到新题，没见过，就只能认倒霉了。没时间了，新题过不了了。过了也白过，看一边记不住.