Argument10 第一篇请指教

hotlsmilerUID: 194452

Argument10   第一篇请指教
------题目------
The following appeared in a letter to the editor of a Batavia newspaper.
'The department of agriculture in Batavia reports that the number of dairy farms throughout the country is now 25 percent greater than it was 10 years ago. During this same time period, however, the price of milk at the local Excello Food Market has increased from $1.50 to over $3.00 per gallon. To prevent farmers from continuing to receive excessive profits on an apparently increased supply of milk, the Batavia government should begin to regulate retail milk prices. Such regulation is necessary to ensure both lower prices and an adequate supply of milk for consumers.'
------正文------
In this letter, the arguer infers that the measure should be taken that the government should start regulating retail milk prices in the necessities of both lower prices and an adequate supply of milk for consumers. The arguer brings forward the evidence that the number of dairy farms becomes 25 percent greater that did that of those 10 years ago, that the price of dairy products ascended from 1.5 to over 3.00 per gallon. This argument apparently perpetrates several falsehoods.

The presumption that farmers have been receiving excessive gains is too groundless for the arguer to vouch it. No given proof shown in the passage presents us a convincing statistics or survey like which could justify the excessive gains of farmers. Given the local market, we hardly conclude that the whole country is all the same. Even If they are obliged to reduce the price, they are inevitably losing the profits the might gain. Granted that they are likely not to be willing to continuing their growth of the milk, do the adequate supply of milk for consumers go?

What is worse, assuming the condition of they being in inflation repression, as we know, given a fixed amount of which we could be paid for a living, the higher prices we face, the fewer products we could afford. Provided that inflation of those days is more severe that the prices rise of milk, In the light of plummet of purchase ability of mass, could milk makes gain revenues or lose them?

Neither is the assumption questionable that the farmers obviously boost supplement of milk. It appears to write little thing about the increased supply of milk. As the letter shown, it just told us that the mounting of the number of dairy farms. Supply should be detached from the Word “ demand”. Lack of the relevant information about the demand of the multitude, the assumption is inconsistent. What is more, other factors that affect the supply of milk should also be represented. For example, population upsurge, the living quality improvement, or else some special purposes. In addition, the number of dairy farms expresses little about this size and scale. If several colossal companies run in the past, while large amounts of small companies strive at present, hardly could we point out that the milk supply market is soaring.

At last but not the least, the arguer fails to establish the causal relationship between curbing of retail mil prices and lower prices as well as an adequate supply of milk for consumers. Even if both excessive profits and increased supply of milk exist, not a single measure such as regulating of retail milk prices could be as good as telling.Supposing the government is not handling with the circumstances well and impropriately, next come the side effects: the drop of the enthusiasm of farmers for the growth for milk products, the breaking down the productive chain between the demand and the supply, or even jeopardizing the whole milk industry, if any.  

As it stands, the argument is not well deduced. To make it logically reasonable and persuasive, the arguer should represent more veracious and becoming proof or material like, which could corroborate the solid relationship between number of dairy farms and excessive profits the farmers gain as well the increased supply of milk they cause in the eyes of the arguer.

孙远Argument9 字数560 不知道多少够了？据说论据+论点开头的分不会高，有这个说法吗？请教高手。

hotlsmilerUID: 194452

自已顶一下,请朋友帮忙看看

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https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=207761

把上面的链接看一下，3x

hotlsmilerUID: 194452

谢谢了,继续努力

jasoncaUID: 194895

Argument10 第一篇请指教
------题目------
The following appeared in a letter to the editor of a Batavia newspaper.
'The department of agriculture in Batavia reports that the number of dairy farms throughout the country is now 25 percent greater than it was 10 years ago. During this same time period, however, the price of milk at the local Excello Food Market has increased from $1.50 to over $3.00 per gallon. To prevent farmers from continuing to receive excessive profits on an apparently increased supply of milk, the Batavia government should begin to regulate retail milk prices. Such regulation is necessary to ensure both lower prices and an adequate supply of milk for consumers.'
------正文------
In this letter, the arguer infers that the measure should be taken that the government should start regulating retail milk prices in the necessities of both lower prices and an adequate supply of milk for consumers. The arguer brings forward the evidence that the number of dairy farms becomes 25 percent greater that did that of those 10 years ago, that the price of dairy products ascended from 1.5 to over 3.00 per gallon. This argument apparently perpetrates several falsehoods.
第一段，一个字，乱。长句用得很多，语法有问题
The presumption that farmers have been receiving excessive gains is too groundless for the arguer to vouch it. No given proof shown in the passage presents us a convincing statistics or survey like which could justify the excessive gains of farmers. Given the local market, we hardly conclude that the whole country is all the same. Even If they are obliged to reduce the price, they are inevitably losing the profits the might gain. Granted that they are likely not to be willing to continuing their growth of the milk, do the adequate supply of milk for consumers go?
从这一段，看得出，你很追求句式及用词的多样化，但是恕我直言，效果未见好。例如上文，vouch完全可改成verify。而且，你的反驳没有击中要害。文中作者是从2个premises, higher price 1.5-->3.0 and more supply of milk 25% more, 得出dairy farmer gaining excessive profit, 要展开的话，可从这两点入手

What is worse, assuming the condition of they being in inflation repression, as we know, given a fixed amount of which we could be paid for a living, the higher prices we face, the fewer products we could afford. Provided that inflation of those days is more severe that the prices rise of milk, In the light of plummet of purchase ability of mass, could milk makes gain revenues or lose them?
这一段不错，是解释PRICE SOARING的有力论据，可考虑与上段合并
Neither is the assumption questionable that the farmers obviously boost supplement of milk. It appears to write little thing about the increased supply of milk. As the letter shown, it just told us that the mounting of the number of dairy farms. Supply should be detached from the Word “ demand”. Lack of the relevant information about the demand of the multitude, the assumption is inconsistent. What is more, other factors that affect the supply of milk should also be represented. For example, population upsurge, the living quality improvement, or else some special purposes. In addition, the number of dairy farms expresses little about this size and scale. If several colossal companies run in the past, while large amounts of small companies strive at present, hardly could we point out that the milk supply market is soaring.

At last but not the least, the arguer fails to establish the causal relationship between curbing of retail mil prices and lower prices as well as an adequate supply of milk for consumers. Even if both excessive profits and increased supply of milk exist, not a single measure such as regulating of retail milk prices could be as good as telling.Supposing the government is not handling with the circumstances well and impropriately, next come the side effects: the drop of the enthusiasm of farmers for the growth for milk products, the breaking down the productive chain between the demand and the supply, or even jeopardizing the whole milk industry, if any.

As it stands, the argument is not well deduced. To make it logically reasonable and persuasive, the arguer should represent more veracious and becoming proof or material like, which could corroborate the solid relationship between number of dairy farms and excessive profits the farmers gain as well the increased supply of milk they cause in the eyes of the arguer.
后三段写得好(除了一些typo和语法误用)，展开充分，结尾也漂亮。总体上，你的驾驭句子及用词的能力不错，适当注意语法。如你是在限时下完成的，值得祝贺。