argument20 第一篇，恳请大家拍砖。批我者，必回批！

wxrbUID: 190922

20 The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Balmer Island Gazette.

'The population of Balmer Island increases to 100,000 duing the summer months. To reduce the number of accidents involving mopeds and pedestrians, the town council of Balmer Island should limit the number of mopeds rented by each of the island's six moped and bicycle rental companies from 50 per day to 30 per day during the summer season. By limiting the number of rentals, the town council is sure to attain the 50 percent reduction in moped accidents that was achieved last year in the neighboring island of Torseau, when Torseau's town council enforced similar limits on moped rentals.'
逻辑错误：1 rentals limit的必要性。当地人租车多少的情况。
          2 两地的地形差异
          3 T岛事故减少的真实原因  
Citing that last year he neighboring island of Torseau succeed to attain the 50 percent reduction in moped accidents by enforcing a certain limits on moped rentals, the arguer concludes that Balmer Island is sure to get the same reduction in moped accidents. Careful of examination of this supporting evidence, however, reveals that it lacks credible support to the arguer's claim.

To begin with ,before jumping to the conclusion that moped rentals limits could reduce the moped accidents involving mopeds and pedestrians, one should convince us that it is necessary to reduce the number of moped accidents or that the moped accidents in Balmer Island have influenced people's outdoor accidents badly. If the number of moped accidents is very small and people there live rather safe lives, it may be a waste of time and money to enforce limits on moped rentals. Even assuming that it is necessary to limit the number of moped rentals, the moped rentals might not result moped accidents, especially if people in Balmer Island do not rent bicycles very much. For example, it is more likely that most of people there may have a bicycle or more and few of them rent bicycles from moped rental companies. In this situation, limits on moped rentals have little thing to do with the number of moped accidents.

In addition, the arguer has failed to consider the geographical and physical terrain of the two different areas. Perhaps Torseau Island's road has more dangerous curves, sharp turns, where accidents are more likely to occur, while Balmer Island's road has few dangerous turns. Limiting moped rentals could greatly reduce the moped accidents in Torseau Island, but could not reduce the moped accidents as many as Torseau Island.

Finally, the arguer falsely depend on the gratuitous assumption that it is the moped rentals limit that leads to reduction of moped accidents in Torseau Island. No evidence in the argument is stated to support this assumption. It is possible that other measures, such as increasing the number of traffic police, not enforcing limits on moped rentals, really help to reduce the number of moped accidents. There are so many unsure factors that affect the number of moped accidents, therefore before making any final conclusion about the rentals limit, one should evaluate all the causes altogether.

In sum, the argument, while it seems logical at first, has several flaws as discussed above. To strengthen the assertion that moped rentals limit could reduce the number of moped accidents in Balmer Island, the arguer must provide more evidence that moped rentals lead to more accidents in Balmer Island. To better assess the argument, I more need more information about the geographical and physical terrain of the two island and the every causes of reducing moped accidents in Torseau Island.

naiba369UID: 131655

https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=207761

把上面的链接看一下，3x

wxrbUID: 190922

thanks.
不过我刚开始练，刚看了2个argument，很多题不是很熟悉。
以后我一定积极帮大家改作文，从该作文中寻找提高。

乒乓球爱上九月UID: 162925

^_^ 帮你改了一下格式  请注意格式哦

wxrbUID: 190922

up

jasoncaUID: 194895

20 The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Balmer Island Gazette.

'The population of Balmer Island increases to 100,000 duing the summer months. To reduce the number of accidents involving mopeds and pedestrians, the town council of Balmer Island should limit the number of mopeds rented by each of the island's six moped and bicycle rental companies from 50 per day to 30 per day during the summer season. By limiting the number of rentals, the town council is sure to attain the 50 percent reduction in moped accidents that was achieved last year in the neighboring island of Torseau, when Torseau's town council enforced similar limits on moped rentals.'
逻辑错误：1 rentals limit的必要性。当地人租车多少的情况。
2 两地的地形差异
3 T岛事故减少的真实原因
Citing that last year he neighboring island of Torseau succeed to attain the 50 percent reduction in moped accidents by enforcing a certain limits on moped rentals, the arguer concludes that Balmer Island is sure to get the same reduction in moped accidents. Careful of examination of this supporting evidence, however, reveals that it lacks credible support to the arguer's claim.

To begin with ,before jumping to the conclusion that moped rentals limits could reduce the moped accidents involving mopeds and pedestrians, one should convince us that it is necessary to reduce the number of moped accidents or that the moped accidents in Balmer Island have influenced people's outdoor accidents badly. If the number of moped accidents is very small and people there live rather safe lives, it may be a waste of time and money to enforce limits on moped rentals. Even assuming that it is necessary to limit the number of moped rentals, the moped rentals might not result moped accidents, especially if people in Balmer Island do not rent bicycles very much. For example, it is more likely that most of people there may have a bicycle or more and few of them rent bicycles from moped rental companies. In this situation, limits on moped rentals have little thing to do with the number of moped accidents.
这一段不好，我理解你是要说明因果关系有误，但切入点有问题。第一，作者认为要降低MOPED和PEDESTRIAN的ACCIDENTS，可以通过限制MOPED的出租达到，与MOPED ACCIDENTS 影响户外活动与否毫无关系。第二，MOPED与BICYCLE好象没有什么联系。我猜你是想表达这个意思：MOPED RENTAL并不一定导致MOPED ACCIDENT。但是你的展开不能起到作用。
个人看法：质疑MOPED RENTAL与MOPED，PEDESTRIAN ACCIDENTS的因果关系可从 1。MOPED不全是租来的，岛内居民及外来游客自己拥有。2。岛上基础设施，如道路条件，安全措施差，每年夏天岛上人口的激增都可以导致ACCIDENTS
In addition, the arguer has failed to consider the geographical and physical terrain of the two different areas. Perhaps Torseau Island's road has more dangerous curves, sharp turns, where accidents are more likely to occur, while Balmer Island's road has few dangerous turns. Limiting moped rentals could greatly reduce the moped accidents in Torseau Island, but could not reduce the moped accidents as many as Torseau Island.

Finally, the arguer falsely depend on the gratuitous assumption that it is the moped rentals limit that leads to reduction of moped accidents in Torseau Island. No evidence in the argument is stated to support this assumption. It is possible that other measures, such as increasing the number of traffic police, not enforcing limits on moped rentals, really help to reduce the number of moped accidents. There are so many unsure factors that affect the number of moped accidents, therefore before making any final conclusion about the rentals limit, one should evaluate all the causes altogether.
第二，三段写得较好，说清了作者推出结论过程中的两个漏洞。可考虑再加一个时间因素，仅去年一个夏天是不能充分得出结论的，考察3年甚至更长时间，才有说服力。
In sum, the argument, while it seems logical at first, has several flaws as discussed above. To strengthen the assertion that moped rentals limit could reduce the number of moped accidents in Balmer Island, the arguer must provide more evidence that moped rentals lead to more accidents in Balmer Island. To better assess the argument, I more need more information about the geographical and physical terrain of the two island and the every causes of reducing moped accidents in Torseau Island.

TYPO多了一点，语法错误也有不少，不知道是否限时的原因？再努力！