ISSUE112 刚才题目发的不合乎规则，重发的，承诺不变

sblbaslerUID: 175229

Issue 112
Some educational systems emphasize the development of students’ capacity for reasoning and logical thinking, but students would benefit more from an education that also taught them to explore own emotions.

提纲
TS：应该更关注emotion exploring
body1: 当今的时代不是一个智力可以决定一切的时代，需要更多的emotion exploring
body2:不这样做的后果
body3:也不是说就不要reasoning and logical thinking
conclusion:两方面都要重视

It was a pop belief that there existed during the past centuries that it was necessary for educational systems to lay much weight on the development of students’ capacity for reasoning and logical thinking rather than to make themselves benefit more from an education that taught them to explore their own emotions. Opponents, however, are not rare, especially when today, a time that stipulate well-rounded individual. As a matter of fact, I advocate that educational system should pay more attention to the process of exploring the emotions by the students themselves .

In the era of requiring perfect individual leading to the promotion of people’s attention on not simply the practical view that intellect can determine everything but that requires the increasing amount of emotion exploring. The past decade witnessed a trend that the growing number of people proclaim that EQ is increasingly essential than IQ. EQ stipulates one to be cognitive of his/her emotion; EQ stipulates one to control his/her emotion; EQ stipulates one to utilize his/her emotion, first of all exploring it. So educational systems as a way of cultivating an individual in a society rather than making a elaborate machine in a factory or in a scientific laboratory, ought to shoulder the responsibility to foster the students’ capacity for emotion exploring, which is also what the society needs.

Assuming any means is not taken, what left to us will not only be crime in campus, the increasing rate of suicide, murdering, leaving school, among the students, but the ceasing of the development of our education, further more our society. According to a recent investigation, implemented by Institution of Psychology of Paderborn UGH, a university in German, approximately 83 percent of students suffered from mental disease, varying from insomnia to hypochondria. It also indicated that the principal reason is that the vast majority of students are not aware of exploring their own emotions, on the contrary, bearing them in mind, which strongly affected their study even their life－most of them are distressed, but cannot solve it. It is our hope that smile would spread on every students’ face; It is our hope that the fire of happiness would be lit in every corner of the campus no matter what scores he/she had got; It is our hope that governor of campus would attach less importance to emotion exploring for what we are doing is sufficient in the near future, but not now. The investigation reveals in its remarks a universal truth that it is imperative for emotion exploring to take root in every aspect of the life of campus.

On the other hand, there is no denying that the significance of the training of the reasoning and logical thinking but emphasizing an equilibrium, under which students are capable of obtaining the most suitable education that can make them superior to their jobs as well as the society.

In sum, I maintain that education, keeping peace with the progress of the society, ought to be mixed by training of intellect and cultivation of the capacity of exploring emotion. Society is invariably fraught with labor, even intellectual labor, but lack of human, even one can explore his/her own emotion－the most cardinal instinct

花之颜色UID: 187195

It was a pop belief that there existed during the past centuries that it was necessary for educational systems to lay much weight on the development of students’ capacity for reasoning and logical thinking rather than to make themselves benefit more from an education that taught them to explore their own emotions. Opponents, however, are not rare, especially when today, a time that stipulate well-rounded individual. As a matter of fact, I advocate that educational system should pay more attention to the process of exploring the emotions by the students themselves .
In the era of requiring perfect individual leading to the promotion of people’s attention [U]on [/U] to not simply the practical view that intellect can determine everything [U]but that requires the increasing amount of emotion exploring. [/U] 这个not but 用得很别扭 The past decade witnessed a trend that the growing number of people proclaim that EQ is increasingly moreessential than IQ. EQ stipulates one to be cognitive of his/her emotion; EQ stipulates one to control his/her emotion; EQ stipulates one to utilize his/her emotion, first of all exploring it. So educational systems as a way of cultivating an individual in a society rather than making a elaborate machine in a factory or in a scientific laboratory, ought to shoulder the responsibility to foster the students’ capacity for emotion exploring, which is also what the society needs.

Assuming any means is not taken, what left to us will not only be crime in campus, the increasing rate of suicide, murdering, leaving school, among the students, but the ceasing of the development of our education, further more our society. According to a recent investigation, implemented by Institution of Psychology of Paderborn UGH, a university in German, approximately 83 percent of students suffered from mental disease, varying from insomnia to hypochondria. It also indicated that the principal reason is that the vast majority of students are not aware of exploring their own emotions, [U]on the contrary, bearing them in mind, which strongly affected their study even their life－most of them are distressed, but cannot solve it.[/U]  另起一句吧It is our hope that smile would spread on every students’ face; It is our hope that the fire of happiness would be lit in every corner of the campus no matter what scores he/she had got; It is our hope that governor of campus would attach less importance to emotion exploring for what we are doing is sufficient in the near future, but not now. The investigation reveals in its remarks a universal truth that it is imperative for emotion exploring to take root in every aspect of the life of campus.

On the other hand, there is no denying that the significance of the training of the reasoning and logical thinking but emphasizing an equilibrium, under which students are capable of obtaining the most suitable education that can make them superior to their jobs as well as the society.

In sum, I maintain that education, keeping peace with the progress of the society, ought to be mixed by training of intellect and cultivation of the capacity of exploring emotion. Society is invariably fraught with labor, even intellectual labor, but lack of human, even one can explore his/her own emotion－the most cardinal instinct
好多长句读着很别扭,排比用的挺好看,但是注意不要因辞害意

sblbaslerUID: 175229

谢谢花之颜色的修改了，在东方上课的时候老师说要用长句呀，怎样才能找到这个平衡呢

sblbaslerUID: 175229

怎么没人改呢

ilmfampUID: 188503

sblbasler 我跟花之颜色的感觉一样
语言的表达已经阻碍了你思想的表达
我想我们首先需要把问题说清楚，而且这一点对于一个非英语母语的人来说可能是最重要的。我自己写的时候就觉得自己一个大问题就是用的语言不地道，像是翻译出来的文章

对于这篇文章，我也写过。我对题目的理解是：
would benefit more from an education that also taught them to explore own emotions.
如果能够在教crtical thinking 的时候也教explore own emothions的话学生将会benefit more.
那么agree的话就是：是的应该两个都教学生才受益多
disagree的话就是：不应该两个都教

不知道大家怎么看？

davidjackyUID: 135962

Issue 112
Some educational systems emphasize the development of students’ capacity for reasoning and logical thinking, but students would benefit more from an education that also taught them to explore own emotions.

提纲
TS：应该更关注emotion exploring
body1: 当今的时代不是一个智力可以决定一切的时代，需要更多的emotion exploring
body2:不这样做的后果
body3:也不是说就不要reasoning and logical thinking
conclusion:两方面都要重视

It was a pop belief that there existed during the past centuries that it was necessary for educational systems to lay much weight on the development of students’ capacity for reasoning and logical thinking rather than to make themselves【我知道themelves指students，但是按照rather than的比较，该词不妥】 benefit more from an education that taught them to explore their own emotions. Opponents, however, are not rare, especially when today, a time that stipulate well-rounded individual. As a matter of fact, I advocate that educational system should pay more attention to the process of exploring the emotions by the students themselves .【不对的表达，前面主语是educational system后面是students】

In the era of requiring perfect individual leading to the promotion of people’s attention on not simply the practical view that intellect can determine everything but that requires the increasing amount of emotion exploring. The past decade witnessed a trend that the growing number of people proclaim that EQ is increasingly essential than IQ. EQ stipulates one to be cognitive of his/her emotion; EQ stipulates one to control his/her emotion; EQ stipulates one to utilize his/her emotion, first of all exploring it. So educational systems as a way of cultivating an individual in a society rather than making a【an】 elaborate machine in a factory or in a scientific laboratory, ought to shoulder the responsibility to foster the students’ capacity for emotion exploring, which is also what the society needs.【这个排比很好，但是肯定不知你一个人这么写，总觉得很熟悉，要好好改一下，另外，EQ、IQ写出来之前应解释一下缩写】

Assuming any means is not taken, what left to us will not only be crime【crime是否原句的用法，感觉有些过，用in chaos】 in【on】 campus, 【like】the increasing rate of suicide, murdering, leaving school, among the students, but the ceasing of the development of our education, further more our society.【 but is that education system might collapse, even our society goes】 According to a recent investigation, implemented by Institution of Psychology of Paderborn UGH, a university in German, approximately 83 percent of students suffered from mental disease, varying from insomnia to hypochondria.[这些病没有层次感，想用词组的想法是好的] It【This】 also indicated that the principal reason is that【罗嗦】 the vast majority of students are not aware of exploring their own emotions, on the contrary, bearing them in mind,【on the contrary用法对的话，也是of bearing】 which strongly affected【seriously troubled them，这里affected是影响，正负说清楚，后面太罗嗦】 their study even their life－most of them are distressed, but cannot solve it. 【接不上】It is our hope that smile would spread on every students’ face; It is our hope that the fire of happiness would be lit in every corner of the campus no matter what scores he/she had got; It is our hope that governor of campus would attach less importance to emotion exploring for what we are doing is sufficient in the near future, but not now. 很漂亮的排比，值得学习The investigation reveals in its remarks a universal truth that it is imperative for emotion exploring to take root in every aspect of the life of campus.【后面的句子和TS对不上】

On the other hand, there is no denying that the significance of the training of the reasoning and logical thinking but emphasizing an equilibrium, under which students are capable of obtaining the most suitable education that can make them superior to their jobs as well as the society.需要展开论述

In sum, I maintain that education, keeping peace with the progress of the society, ought to be mixed by training of intellect and cultivation of the capacity of exploring emotion. Society is invariably fraught with labor, even intellectual labor, but lack of human,【什么意思，抱歉，我看不太懂】 even one can explore his/her own emotion－the most cardinal instinct
句式写的很老练，各种句型都有，论述问题很严重，请务必注意，这是得分的关键。

dezhiUID: 156141

Issue 112
Some educational systems emphasize the development of students’ capacity for reasoning and logical thinking, but students would benefit more from an education that also taught them to explore own emotions.

提纲
TS：应该更关注emotion exploring
body1: 当今的时代不是一个智力可以决定一切的时代，需要更多的emotion exploring
body2:不这样做的后果
body3:也不是说就不要reasoning and logical thinking
conclusion:两方面都要重视
[TS中有“更”，到结论怎么又变成“都”了呢？]

It was a pop belief that there existed during the past centuries that it was necessary for educational systems to lay much weight on the development of students’ capacity for reasoning and logical thinking rather than to make themselves benefit more from an education that taught them to explore their own emotions. Opponents, however, are not rare, especially when[去掉吧] today, a time that stipulate well-rounded individual. As a matter of fact, I advocate that educational system should pay more attention to the process of exploring the emotions by the students themselves.[重述原题＋提出观点，词句还可以精简一些]

In the era of requiring perfect individual leading to the promotion of people’s attention on not simply the practical view that intellect can determine everything but that requires the increasing amount of emotion exploring. The past decade witnessed a trend that the[->a] growing number of people proclaim that EQ is increasingly essential than[比较级在哪里？] IQ. EQ stipulates one to be cognitive of his/her emotion; EQ stipulates one to control his/her emotion; EQ stipulates one to utilize his/her emotion[写成一个句子不就行了，为何如此罗嗦？], first of all exploring it.[要在意义和语气上让人好懂才行，这里突然说first of all exploring it，理由充分吗？不觉得突兀吗？] So educational systems as[->,] a way of cultivating an individual in a society rather than making a elaborate machine in a factory or in a scientific laboratory, ought to shoulder the responsibility to foster the students’ capacity for emotion exploring, which is also what the society needs.[论述的不充分，为什么需要更多的emotion exploring呢？更多的人声称EQ比IQ重要，能说明什么呢？讲了EQ，那EQ和emotion exploring又有什么具体的关系？从另一个角度来说，IQ是啥？EQ和IQ的比较有什么意义？]

Assuming any means is not taken, what left to us will not only be crime in campus, the increasing rate of suicide, murdering, leaving school, among the students, but the ceasing of the development of our education, further more our society. According to a recent investigation, implemented by Institution of Psychology of Paderborn UGH, a university in German, approximately 83 percent of students suffered from mental disease, varying from insomnia to hypochondria. It also indicated that the principal reason is that the vast majority of students are not aware of exploring their own emotions, on the contrary, bearing them in mind, which strongly affected their study even their life－most of them are distressed, but cannot solve it. [这个例子有代表性吗？如果能讲得更详细，深入分析就更好了] It is our hope that smile would spread on every students’ face; It is our hope that the fire of happiness would be lit in every corner of the campus no matter what scores he/she had got;[议论文，不需要太文学化，而要重分析才好] It is our hope that governor of campus would attach less importance to emotion exploring for what we are doing is sufficient in the near future, but not now. The investigation reveals in its remarks a universal truth that it is imperative for emotion exploring to take root in every[不要太绝对吧] aspect of the life of campus.[例子不典型，分析也是点到为止，注意，要拿出让人信服的论据才行]

On the other hand, there is no denying that the significance of the training of the reasoning and logical thinking but emphasizing an equilibrium, under which students are capable of obtaining the most suitable education that can make them superior to their jobs as well as the society.[这一段是想干嘛呢？]

In sum, I maintain that education, keeping peace with the progress of the society, ought to be mixed by training of intellect and cultivation of the capacity of exploring emotion. Society is invariably fraught with labor, even intellectual labor, but lack of human, even one can explore his/her own emotion－the most cardinal instinct

[主题TS不鲜明，整篇文章结构不匀称，分析也只停留在表面
语言上，还是不要乱用复合句为好
加油！]

sblbaslerUID: 175229

虽然被狂批，但还是十分感谢版主