Argument64 写了不少,还是第一次发,希望大家指点~

花之颜色UID: 187195

------题目------
The following appeared in a memo from the Dean of the College of Education at Omni State University.
'Only seven of our state's high schools offer even one course in Latin, but over 80 percent of the graduates who study Latin at those seven schools enroll in college. Furthermore, a recent study shows that students who have mastered Latin perform much better in logic and critical thinking. Thus, in order to increase the percentage of our high school students who graduate from college as well as to ensure that they receive a better education in critical thinking, Omni State University should begin an intensive program to prepare our future teachers to teach high school Latin.'
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The argument is well-presented, but not well-reasoned. In order to improve the graduation ratio of local high school students and make sure them having better education in critical thinking, the university should provide a specific program to train more high school Latin teachers, as the author suggested. The premise is that Latin should be helpful in these two aspects. But is that true?

To begin with, it is questionable to say that the study of Latin contributes to the students' success in entering college. It is highly possible that other factors may be more important than studying Latin to decide the students' excellent performance. For example, the students may study other languages or have many hobbies making for creative thinking. And the evidence itself is too obscure to prove the causality. Firstly, what is the quality of instructions in the seven investigated schools? Maybe the faculties there are very splendid and experienced so that the students perform better than the students in the other high schools. Plus, the quality of students in the seven high schools is unknown either, so we cannot rule out the possibility that the students themselves are brilliant enough to enroll in college. If so, the correlation between the study of Latin and the population of students who enter college is incredible.

Secondly, as we all know, before quotation, one must consider how representative the study was and whether it was limited in certain ways. For example, are the students researched on common enough to stand for the general intellectual level of most students? If not, the successful experience of a small proportion of bright students is rarely sufficient to establish a general conclusion. And is the control set properly to make a reliable compare? In fact, the difference between students’ performances in logic and critical thinking before and after they have learnt Latin should be taken into account as a reference. It is said that students who have mastered Latin perform much better in logic and critical thinking, but the author failed to provide sufficient information about the detailed process of the study. Thus, it is impossible for us to make a fair judgment.

Moreover, even if the study of Latin had something to do with the students' entry into college and their improvement in critical thinking, the conclusion itself remains too rash to believe in. For one thing, not all the students who have entered university are bound to graduate from the university after four years, so the program may not boost the increase of the number of high school students who graduate from college. For another thing, since there is no obvious evidence to show that the local high schools are in great need of Latin teachers, the program to train Latin teachers for those them seems meaningless and wasteful.

To sum up, after pointing out so many defects in the argument, we can see that the reasons and evidence used to support the conclusion are not convincing enough to be relied on and further investigation is needed before ultimate decision and further action.

mojoUID: 136973

The argument is well-presented, but not well-reasoned. In order to improve the graduation ratio of local high school students and make sure them having better education in critical thinking, the university should provide a specific program to train more high school Latin teachers, as the author suggested. The premise is that Latin should be helpful in these two aspects. But is that true?

To begin with, it is questionable to say that the study of Latin contributes to the students' success in entering college 我会用college enrollment. It is highly possible that other factors may be more important than studying Latin to decide the students' excellent  excellent  换成 overall   performance. For example, the  去掉 the students may study other languages or have many hobbies making for creative thinking.    have many hobbies making for creative thinking 感觉不顺,试着改一下Other kind of studies, like chess, can improve the creative thinking of the student And the evidence itself is too obscure to prove the causality.   好句,不过是否可以去掉 and Firstly, what is the quality of instructions in the seven investigated schools?   感觉因为是提论据,用陈述句可能会好一点 Maybe the faculties there are very splendid and experienced so that the students perform better than the students in the other high schools. Plus, the quality of students in the seven high schools is unknown either, so we cannot rule out the possibility that the students themselves are brilliant enough to enrollbe enrolled in college. If so, the correlation between the study of Latin and the population of students who enter college is incredible.

Secondly, as we all know, before quotation, one must consider how representative the study was and whether it was limited in certain ways.     我会用 one must consider the representative of the study and its limitation in certain ways For example, are the students researched on common enough to stand for the general intellectual level of most students?    我会用陈述句,用may not If not, the successful experience of a small proportion of bright students is rarely sufficient to establish a general conclusion.    好句 And is the control set properly to make a reliable compare?    同上,感觉用陈述句会比较好. It is very doubtful the control set properly to make a reliable compare In fact, the difference between students’ performances in logic and critical thinking before and after they have learnt Latin should be taken into account as a reference. It is said that students who have mastered Latin perform much better in logic and critical thinking, but the author failed to provide sufficient information about the detailed process of the study. Thus, it is impossible for us to make a fair judgment.

Moreover, even if the study of Latin had something to do with the students' entry into college   同上 and their improvement in critical thinking, the conclusion itself remains too rash to believe in     believe似乎用重了,偶也找不到适合的词,也许用make   . For one thing, not all the students who have entered university are bound to graduate from the university after four years, so the program may not boost the increase of the number of high school students who graduate from college. For another thing, since there is no obvious evidence to show that the local high schools are in great need of Latin teachers, the program to train Latin teachers for those them seems meaningless and wasteful.    good point,其实可以把这个写多一点,比较有力,因为没有任何说明说现在的LATIN老师短缺

To sum up, after pointing out so many defects in the argument, we can see that the reasons and evidence used to support the conclusion are not convincing enough to be relied on and further investigation is needed before ultimate decision and further action.呵呵,好句子!

花之颜色UID: 187195

谢谢指点,很有帮助~

梅子UID: 195023

写得比我强多了。
提一个我发现的逻辑错误（仅供参考）
80%的学生升学，究竟是升学率高还是低。
Lcking statistics about the rate of enrollment of common students who have not studied Latin, we can make no knowledgement whether the rate of 80 percent of the students accepted Latin education is actually high or low to enter colleges.
不知可否？

花之颜色UID: 187195

这个错误值得一写啊~呵呵~偶关键是在30分钟写不出这水平,汗~发愁呢

tottiUID: 184291

The argument is well-presented, but not well-reasoned. In order to improve the graduation ratio of local high school students and make sure them having better education in critical thinking, the university should provide a specific program to train more high school Latin teachers, as the author suggested. The premise is that Latin should be helpful in these two aspects. But is that true? 开头感觉不错,就是最后的反问可能有点随意和简单了

To begin with, it is questionable to say that the study of Latin contributes to the students' success in entering college. It is highly possible that other factors may be more important than studying Latin to decide the去掉the students' excellent performance. For example, the students may study other languages or have many hobbies最好能举例such as polemize or lecture or making program making for creative thinking. And the evidence itself is too obscure to prove the causality. Firstly, what is the quality of instructions in the seven investigated schools? Maybe the faculties there are very splendid and experienced so that the students perform better than the students in the 去掉theother high schools. Plus, the quality of students in the seven high schools is unknown either, so we 用arguer更严谨cannot rule out the possibility that the students themselves are brilliant enough to enroll in college. If so, the correlation between the study of Latin and the population of students who enter college is incredible.

Secondly, as we all know, before quotation, one must consider how representative the study was and whether it was limited in certain ways. For example, are the students researched on common enough to stand for the general intellectual level of most students? If not, the successful experience of a small proportion of bright students is rarely sufficient to establish a general conclusion. And is the control set properly to make a reliable compare? In fact, the difference between students’ performances in logic and critical thinking before and after they have learnt Latin should be taken into account as a reference. It is said that students who have mastered Latin perform much better in logic and critical thinking, but the author failed to provide sufficient information about the detailed process of the study. Thus, it is impossible for us to make a fair judgment. 还可以先问 this survey is national wide or in this state? 注意好问的层次就好 ,还有我觉得这种反问形势用于一整段很好,本段用了,其他段就最好不用,这样论证形式就丰富了

Moreover, even if the study of Latin had something to do with the students' entry into college and their improvement in critical thinking, the conclusion itself remains too rash to believe in. For one thing, not all the students who have entered university are bound to graduate from the university after four years, so the program may not boost the increase of the number of high school students who graduate from college. For another thing, since there is no obvious evidence to show that the local high schools are in great need of Latin teachers, the program to train Latin teachers for those them seems meaningless and wasteful. 还可以继续阐述maybe other universities in this state have plan or even there is a Latin academic school in this state which is enough to all the students of this state


To sum up, after pointing out so many defects in the argument, we can see 去掉,最好the argument or conclusion作主语that the reasons and evidence used to support the conclusion are not convincing enough to be relied on and further investigation is needed before ultimate decision and further action. 结尾不错

总体论证都挺好的,很充分,模板也用的较少,比我写的好多啦,我要向你学习