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[i习作temp] issue6 理解现代文化的最佳途径 拍砖者必回拍 谢! [复制链接]

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发表于 2005-2-16 08:32:24 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
6、"The most effective way to understand contemporary culture is to analyze the trends of its youth."

Where can we learn the contemporary culture, from the youths or the adults? The youths are the representation of the new trend, while the adults can reflect the current regulation. Thus, we have to analyze both of them to totally understand the culture nowadays.

The youths are the future of our society. They are young, so they are instable, passionate, and eager to create. They want to be different from their parents and their counterparts. They do not like to walk on the trace that their predecessors were always walking on. Therefore, lots of new trends are created by them and some of the creation has changed the culture of the whole society. Music, for example, is a vital component of culture and thus is good evidence. The trend of the popular music is determined by the youths in the society. Rock-and-roll, jazz, and R&B, are all prevailing first among the youths, and then be popular to the whole society. On the other hand, young people experience less, so they have little regulation and restriction in their mind, which leads to their easier creation and adaptation. As we all know, a child can accept whatever we teach them, regardless of right or wrong, true or false, and whether they conform the most trend of the society. But while they are growing, there are more and more limitations in their mind and to infuse things into their minds will become more and more difficult. So the youths can adopt new things quickly and when they are creating, there are few formularies in their mind. This is another reason why the youths can be the representation of the new trend of culture.

However, to entirely understand contemporary culture of the society, we cannot just analyze the trends of its youths. The society is composed of another important part - adults. Although they are in most people's mind reflecting conservative thoughts and old-fashioned minds, some of their habits are also playing an important role in the contemporary culture. It is true that our society is changing continuously; however, there are many traditions that are not altered at all. Take the festivals for example. The youths in America are taught by their parents to eat turkey on Thanksgiving Day; and dumplings are the necessary food on the Spring Festival in China, and we all learn how to make them from our father and mother. Moreover, the development of the culture is a continuous process, the change of which needs the accumulation of the forebears. Without the scales created by the former musicians, we cannot enjoy the various music such as folk song, rock-and-roll; without the creation of characters, we cannot develop the E-mail culture. The adults are the important loops in the whole culture development chain, which makes them crucial to both the contemporary and the future culture.

In the final analysis, only research the youths, we will know the new trends of the culture, and foresee the development of the culture in the future; while only analyze the adults, we can be conscious of the conservation of the former culture in the current society. Therefore, we should learn the contemporary culture both from the youths and the adults to have a whole vision.
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2006.1.27 00:00 rej from MCDB@JHU
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发表于 2005-2-16 09:16:52 |只看该作者
6、"The most effective way to understand contemporary culture is to analyze the trends of its youth."

Where can we learn the contemporary culture, from the youths or the adults? 这句问的有问题呢,应该是from which...?The youths are the representation of the new trend, while the adults can reflect the current regulationregulation不妥. Thus, we have to analyze both of them to totally understand the culture nowadays.在首段亮出你的观点,不要绕。

The youths are the future of our society. so what? 作为一个ts应该具体They are young, so they are instable, passionate, and eager to create. They want to be different from their parents and their counterparts. They do not like to walk on the trace that their predecessors were always walking on. Therefore, lots of new trends are created by them and some of the creation has changed the culture of the whole society. 说的不错,但是没有说完,题目说要study contemporary culture呢Music, for example, is a vital component of culture and thus is good evidence. The trend of the popular music is determined by the youths in the society. Rock-and-roll, jazz, and R&B, are all prevailing first among the youths, and then be popular to the whole society. On the other hand, young people experience less, so they have little regulation思想固定模式?我记得有个专门的表达 and restriction in their mind, which leads to their easier creation and adaptation. As we all know, a child can accept whatever we teach them, regardless of right or wrong, true or false, and whether they conform the most trend of the society. But while they are growing, there are more and more limitations in their mind and to infuse things into their minds will become more and more difficult. So the youths can adopt new things quickly and when they are creating, there are few formularies in their mind. This is another reason why the youths can be the representation of the new trend of culture.
道理说的不错,可惜没有把study comtemporary history做为落脚点呢,为什么年轻人是文化新趋势的代表就能证明研究年轻人是了解当代文化最有效的方式呢?

However, to entirely understand contemporary culture of the society, we cannot just analyze the trends of its youths. The society is composed of another important part - adults. Although they are in most people's mind reflecting conservative thoughts and old-fashioned minds, some of their habits are also playing an important role in the contemporary culture. It is true that our society is changing continuously; however, there are many traditions that are not altered at all. Take the festivals for example. The youths in America are taught by their parents to eat turkey on Thanksgiving Day; and dumplings are the necessary food on the Spring Festival in China, and we all learn how to make them from our father and mother. Moreover, the development of the culture is a continuous process, the change of which needs the accumulation of the forebears. Without the scales created by the former musicians, we cannot enjoy the various music such as folk song, rock-and-roll; without the creation of characters, we cannot develop the E-mail culture. The adults are the important loops in the whole culture development chain, which makes them crucial to both the contemporary and the future culture.

In the final analysis, only research the youths, we will know the new trends of the culture, and foresee the development of the culture in the future; while only analyze the adults, we can be conscious of the conservation of the former culture in the current society. Therefore, we should learn the contemporary culture both from the youths and the adults to have a whole vision.
文章最重要的问题就是在于没有把youth和adults的代表性和研究现代文化很好的挂钩,好像都是顺势说下来的,但是这正是要好好论政的地方。
娱乐无罪
乱说有理   

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板凳
发表于 2005-2-16 11:51:39 |只看该作者
个人认为文章整体结构还是可以的,缺少的只是画龙点睛之笔,变得没有跟题目很好地联系起来。
1)第一段亮出的观点并没有正面回应题目观点“是不是最有效”,只是说要完全了解必须分析both,不够鲜明。个人觉得如果观点重新组织一下,变为“理解当代文化最有效的方法是同时研究年轻人和成年人”会更好
2)第二段的前半段讲年轻人代表了文化的趋势,因此理解当代文化要去分析年轻人,思路很清晰,但是整段没有一个明确句去靠题目,正如“乒乓球爱上九月”所说,应该在段首明确地把分论点摆出来“年轻人代表了文化的趋势,因此理解当代文化要去分析年轻人”。此外,在第二段中其实是分为两部分,第一部分讲“年轻人创造了一些新文化”,很好,例子也很贴切。但是第二部分讲“年轻人更容易创造与适应”论述得就有点牵强了,而且第一部分和第二部分的承接用了“on the other hand"还不是很妥
3)第三段讲成年人,例子也很好,论述得也不错,除了开头有点拖沓。
However, to entirely understand contemporary culture of the society, we cannot just analyze the trends of its youths. The society is composed of another important part - adults. Although they are in most people's mind reflecting conservative thoughts and old-fashioned minds, some of their habits are also playing an important role in the contemporary culture.

这几句话精简一下,表达为“但是,成年人在当代文化中也扮演了重要的角色,因此想有效地理解当代文化就必须同时分析成年人”应该会更好

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地板
发表于 2005-2-16 13:06:23 |只看该作者
Personally, by reading this essay, topic sentences are not explicitly emphasized.
Be careful in your use of personal pronoun, there are plenty of 'we, they' etc., which
addresses the problem of your vocab as well as sentence structure.
.:: Faith doesn't demand miracles... it accomplishes them! ::.

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发表于 2005-2-17 14:32:15 |只看该作者
As we all know, a child can accept whatever we teach them, regardless of right or wrong, true or false, and whether they conform the most trend of the society. 似乎是comform to
其他的语法方面二楼都说过了呵呵,很全
个人认为写的不错,思路比较清晰,但是第三段开头是不是太厂了

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RE: issue6 理解现代文化的最佳途径 拍砖者必回拍 谢! [修改]

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issue6 理解现代文化的最佳途径 拍砖者必回拍 谢!
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-248006-1-1.html
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