Argument197 第2篇 敬请大家帮忙指点！

sosoUID: 194270

Argument197  第2篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：34分37秒     388 words
从2005年1月16日8时49分到2005年1月16日9时34分
------题目------
The following appeared as part of a recommendation made by a faculty member to the president of a large university.
'Never once in our 150-year history as a university have we clarified our objectives. How, then, can we hope to adapt as an institution to the new challenges facing higher education. As a first step in this evolutionary process, therefore, we should send out questionnaires asking faculty members why they teach, asking students what they want from this university, and asking former students what they gained from their own education here. When the replies come in, we can tabulate them and formulate an official statement of our educational mission. This will surely result in improved programs at our university.'
------正文------
Education is a key word of the world today, which draws more and more concern. The arguer suggests that in order to improvement the performances of the educational programmes, the school should formulate a statement of the educational mission, which can be attained from the survey of school faculty and students. The reasoning seems to be sound at the first glance, but there are several critical flaws existing in the argument.
Firstly, for the survey conducted among school faculty and students, its reliability and credibility should be carefully evaluated. Is the sample set large enough to be representative? The survey could be limited only in students who are high in grade or faculty who are energetic in teaching. As a result, the ideas of the other people who should be included in the survey will be ignored. Furthermore, we should examine how the survey was conducted. The question could be leading and the named required. In this condition, people can be mislead or dare not to tell their real ideas. With ruling out these key factors, the arguer can not ensure that the survey is reliable and credible.
Secondly, even granted the result of the survey, the arguer presumptuously assume that the proper educational mission can be acquired from tabulating the survey responds. People who has improper thoughts can be the majority of the sample set. So the result deduced by statistical ways will be improper too. For example, most of the students could responds that the most important reason they receive education is to get a higher position in a bigger firm and earning more money, while some people thinks the education's object is to enlighten people. How can we judge which one is right.
Last but not least, the correct educational mission could be the key factor needed to improve the programs, but not the only one. Excellent performances of the programs are the result of many factors' cooperation. The quality of the school faculty and students, hardware condition, academical atmosphere also contributes a lot to the programe. Consideration of these alternatives not being taken, it is hasty for the arguer to draw the conclusion.
To sum up, to substantiate that the official statement of the educational mission will improve the programs, the arguer should give more detailed information and evidence to support the conclusion.

zzfalconUID: 175235

Education is a key word of the world today, which draws more and more concern. The arguer suggests that in order to improvement（improve） the performances of the educational programmes( 没复数的吧), the school should formulate a statement of the educational mission, which can be attained from the survey of school faculty and students. The reasoning seems to be sound at the first glance, but there are several critical flaws existing（不要existing） in the argument.
Firstly, for the survey conducted among school faculty and students, its reliability and credibility should be carefully evaluated. Is the sample set large enough to be representative? The survey could be limited only in students who are high in grade or faculty who are energetic in teaching. As a result, the ideas of the other（another） people who should be included in the survey will（may） be ignored. Furthermore, we should examine how the survey was conducted. The question could (might) be leading and the named required. In this condition, people can be mislead or dare not to tell their real ideas. With ruling out these key factors, the arguer can not ensure that the survey is reliable and credible. ( 应为只是作者的建议，个人觉得应该强调方法的是否可行性，可以在你的基础上稍加修改)
Secondly, even（不要even） granted the result of the survey ( is credible), the arguer presumptuously assume that the proper educational mission can be acquired from tabulating the survey responds. People who has improper thoughts can be the majority of the sample set. So the result deduced by statistical ways will be improper too. For example, most of the students could responds(respond)  that the most important reason ( why ) they receive education is to get a higher position in a bigger firm and earning(earn)  more money, while some people thinks the education's object is to enlighten people. How can we judge which one is right.
Last but not least, the correct educational mission could (may) be the (one) key factor needed to improve the programs, but not the only one. Excellent performances of the programs are the result of many factors' cooperation. The quality of the school faculty and students, hardware condition, academical atmosphere also contributes a lot to the programe. ( 上句话有语病) Consideration of these alternatives not being taken, （这句读的不舒服） it is hasty for the arguer to draw the conclusion.
To sum up, to substantiate that the official statement of the educational mission will improve the programs, the arguer should give more detailed information and evidence to support the conclusion. （？？ 最后一句话没看懂）
文章可以在长点，找到的逻辑错误都还可以，注意一下语言会更好。

sosoUID: 194270

谢谢zzfalcon的指点，这篇argu我自己写完后还稍微看了一下，看来还是存在很多低级错误，
估计还是写的太少的缘故，语言方面我一直在努力想办法提高，但是感觉效果不是很明显，不知道还有什么好的方法，这次是想在规定时间内完成，所以有些东西想的都不是很细。对于argu来说多少字比较合适呀？

雪兔UID: 194053

Education is a key word of the world today, which draws more and more concern. 第一句个人认为不应该加,写issue用不错啊
The arguer suggests that in order to improvement the performances of the educational programmes 不应该加s吧,
the school should formulate a statement of the educational mission, which can be attained from
the survey of school faculty and students. The reasoning seems to be sound at the first glance,
but there are several critical flaws existing 这个词感觉很累赘啊in the argument.

Firstly, for the survey conducted among school faculty and students, its reliability and
credibility should be carefully evaluated. Is the sample set large enough to be representative?
The survey could be limited only in students who are high in grade or faculty who are energetic
in teaching. As a result, the ideas of the other people who should be included in the survey will
be ignored. Furthermore, we should examine how the survey was conducted. The question could be
leading and the named required. 这句话有问题吧,不晓得怎么改In this condition, people can be mislead or dare not to tell the
ir real ideas. With ruling out these key factors, the arguer can not ensure that the survey is
reliable and credible.

Secondly, even granted the result of the survey, the arguer presumptuously assume that the
proper educational mission can be acquired from tabulating the survey responds. People who has
improper thoughts can be the majority of the sample set. So the result deduced by statistical
ways will be improper too. For example, most of the students could responds that the most
important reason they receive education is to get a higher position in a bigger firm and earning
more money怎么觉得这句话没完啊, while some people thinks the education's object is to enlighten people. How can we
judge which one is right.

Last but not least, the correct educational mission could be the key factor needed to improve
the programs, but not the only one. Excellent performances of the programs are the result of
many factors' cooperation. The quality of the school faculty and students, hardware condition,
academicalacademic?? atmosphere also contributes a lot to the programe这个词...... Consideration of these alternatives
not being taken, it is hasty for the arguer to draw the conclusion.
To sum up, to substantiate that the official statement of the educational mission will improve
the programs, the arguer should give more detailed information and evidence to support the
conclusion.可以吧
我也是初来扎到,也改不出什么东西，意见仅供参考哦
呵呵,作文写的字数太少了吧,至少要500左右啊
还有有的时候单词变换好象也不太多
加油!!:)