ISSUE46 教育类 -考6次-(处女作,请多多指导)

likeying27UID: 195699

教育类-ISSUE 46
While some leaders in government, sports, industry, and other areas attribute their success to a well-developed sense of competition, a society can better prepare its young people for leadership by instilling in them a sense of cooperation.
当政府、体育界、工业界和其他领域中的一些领导者将他们的成功归因于一种高度的竞争意识时，一个社会还是应该更好的为那些即将成为领导者的年轻人灌输一种合作的意识。
竞争和合作
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I am doubting that some leaders in government, sport, industry attribute their success to a well-developed sense of competition precedes over other factors, for an example, a sense of cooperation, while I fully accept that a society can better prepare its young people for leadership by instilling in them a sense of cooperation.

In government realms, great successes often come from the cooperating work of the leaders together with underlings and over competing will lead to inside frictions rather than successes. Taking an easy example, in a local government where every staff consider that himself has an advanced capability than others, and every one wants to be a leader, not just a common member this will obviously lead to that no one wants to accept others' suggestions, even it's right to follow, then others may think this person is too prejudiced to bear with, so they may keep silence though sometimes they see this person do something totally wrong. In addition, this dissatisfaction can become a serious friction when others plan to retaliate this person.

In sports realms, team cooperation undoubtedly is more important than personal capability. In NBA games, it emphases the critical function of the team-work other than a personal-fighting leader and it's simply understanding that through team cooperation such as passing basketball to your team mates when you under a press, assisting your team mates in an offensive, and simply discussing a tactic before the game will greatly help to a victory. By acting these team cooperations, a team is much easier to get scores than through personal fights. And the assist also is being considered as a necessary virtue of a VIP player. Thus, the cooperation benefits a team more than personal capability even though this personal capability usually origins from a strong sense of competition.  

In industry realms, the cooperation can not only help the manufactories to create wonderful productions to the whole society but also help them to develop their technologies through the communication. Moreover, interests coming from this cooperation may much bigger than that coming from a single manufactory's power regardless that this manufactory may win among others both in technologies and qualities. A study of Tokyo University shows that in their country if some super companies like Sony and Panasonic can cooperate in some of the programs they can be more competitive than some big Korea companies in some electronical area and get at less about 1.56% more incomes than ever now. Hence, in the fired of industry the cooperation will contribute to the whole society and to this realms more values than the competition to some extend.

In sum, from nearly all-round angles, instilling young people with a sense of cooperation will favor us a lot, especially for young leaders who will take the burden of leading government, sport teams, and industries to become prosperous. (474words)
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第一次,尝试ISSUE,望大家多多指导,写到430多字的时候,就觉得很难继续凑出字数来,望大家教我哪里可以多写一点,谢谢!!!
回复我的人,其作文我也一定 回拍,OK,谢谢!!!

chrisyUID: 160364

我也不是什么大牛 给点个人意见:)
第一次写的话还是可以的 基本切题 分三个领域来分析也没有什么问题

B1举了工作中的例子 比较切题 但叙述思维完全是中国式的 可以在语言上再地道一点
B2就有一点问题了 楼主强调在体育中合作的重要性只提到了团体项目 然而在单项竞技体育中还是竞争更重要 所以最好提一下"虽然在竞技体育中竞争很重要,但是合作也是制胜法宝"之类的,避免以偏盖全

B3举的东大的调查事例很好

总体上可以 多练习会有提高的 大家一起加油:)

likeying27UID: 195699

谢谢,楼上的意见已经收到,这就去修改.
好,我们常常互改吧~~~

likeying27UID: 195699

up,up,~~~~

nickaaronleeUID: 183378

I am doubting that some leaders in government, sport, industry attribute their success to a well-developed sense of competition precedes over other factors, for an example, a sense of cooperation, while I fully accept that a society can better prepare its young people for leadership by instilling in them a sense of cooperation.（开头不错）

In government（politics） realms, great successes often come from the cooperating work of the leaders together with underlings and over competing will lead to inside frictions rather than successes. Taking an easy example, in a local government where every staff consider that himself has an advanced capability than others, and every one wants to be a leader, not just a common member this will obviously lead to that no one wants to accept others' suggestions, even it's right to follow, then others may think this person is too prejudiced to bear with, so they may keep silence though sometimes they see this person do something totally wrong.（这个句子有些长，分割一下比较好，我觉得句子不一定要长，关键是让别人看懂） In addition, this dissatisfaction can become a serious friction when others plan to retaliate this person.（感觉没有结束就跳到第二段了，最好稍微总结一下）

In sports realms, team cooperation undoubtedly is more important than personal capability. In NBA games, it emphases the critical function of the team-work other than a personal-fighting leader and it's simply understanding that through team cooperation such as passing basketball to your team mates when you under a press, assisting your team mates in an offensive, and simply discussing a tactic before the game will greatly help to a victory. By acting these team cooperations, a team is much easier to get scores than through personal fights. And the assist also is being considered as a necessary virtue of a VIP player. Thus, the cooperation benefits a team more than personal capability even though this personal capability usually origins from a strong sense of competition. （总结有了，但应该站在体育的角度上，我觉得例子不错，但细节写得太多了，关键还是要分析为何球队应该合作）

In industry realms, the cooperation can not only help the manufactories to create wonderful productions to the whole society but also help them to develop their technologies through the communication. Moreover, interests coming from this cooperation may much bigger than that coming from a single manufactory's power regardless that this manufactory may win among others both in technologies and qualities. A study of Tokyo University shows that in their country if some super companies like Sony and Panasonic can cooperate in some of the programs they can be more competitive than some big Korea companies in some electronical area and get at less about 1.56% more incomes than ever now. Hence, in the fired of industry the cooperation will contribute to the whole society and to this realms more values than the competition to some extend.（例子蛮好的，服从TS，总结到位了）

In sum, from nearly all-round angles, instilling young people with a sense of cooperation will favor us a lot, especially for young leaders who will take the burden of leading government, sport teams, and industries to become prosperous. (474words)
（第一篇写成这样已经很不错了，有些小的细节注意一下，加油~~~）

likeying27UID: 195699

谢谢!!!谢谢大家给我批改.
自己小结一下:

  
B1,感觉没有结束就跳到第二段了，最好稍微总结一下/句子有些长，分割一下比较好;
B2,应该站在体育的角度上，我觉得例子不错，但细节写得太多了，关键还是要分析为何球队应该合作-;
- nickaaronlee

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  B1举了工作中的例子 比较切题 但叙述思维完全是中国式的 可以在语言上再地道一点
B2就有一点问题了 楼主强调在体育中合作的重要性只提到了团体项目 然而在单项竞技体育中还是竞争更重要 所以最好提一下"虽然在竞技体育中竞争很重要,但是合作也是制胜法宝"之类的,避免以偏盖全--chrisy

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我觉得还是很有收获的  :rolleyes:

乒乓球爱上九月UID: 162925

教育类-ISSUE 46
While some leaders in government, sports, industry, and other areas attribute their success to a well-developed sense of competition, a society can better prepare its young people for leadership by instilling in them a sense of cooperation.
当政府、体育界、工业界和其他领域中的一些领导者将他们的成功归因于一种高度的竞争意识时，一个社会还是应该更好的为那些即将成为领导者的年轻人灌输一种合作的意识。
竞争和合作
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[U]I am doubting that[/U] 不好,这是题目认定的事实. some leaders in government, sport, industry attribute their success to a well-developed sense of competition precedes over other factors, for an example, a sense of cooperation, while I fully accept没有见过accept这么用 that a society can better prepare its young people for leadership by instilling in them a sense of cooperation.用这个句型不妥,直接一点好.

In government realms, great successes often come from the cooperating work of the leaders together with underlings and over competing will lead to inside frictions rather than successes.很好,终于看到不错的ts了.  Taking an easy example, in a local government where every staff consider that himself has an advanced capability than others, and every one wants to be a leader, not just a common member this will obviously lead to that no one wants to accept others' suggestions, even it's right to follow, then others may think this person is too prejudiced to bear with, so they may keep silence though sometimes they see this person do something totally wrong.例子比较牵强呢.  In addition, this dissatisfaction can become a serious friction when others plan to retaliate this person.多出来的一个观点?为什么不证明?

In sports realms, team cooperation undoubtedly is more important than personal capability. 没有上一个好呢,可以更具体一点. In NBA games, it emphases the critical function of the team-work other than a personal-fighting leader and it's simply understanding that through team cooperation such as passing basketball to your team mates when you under a press, assisting your team mates in an offensive, and simply discussing a tactic before the game will greatly help to a victory. By acting these team cooperations, a team is much easier to get scores than through personal fights. And the assist also is being considered as a necessary virtue of a VIP player. [B]Thus, the cooperation benefits a team more than personal capability even though this personal capability usually origins from a strong sense of competition. [/B]  结论里面似乎透着观点,我觉得关于这个方面可说的很多.可以比较的地方也很多.

In industry realms, the cooperation can not only help the manufactories to create wonderful productions to the whole society but also help them to develop their technologies through the communication. 哈哈 不错不错 Moreover,  interests coming from this cooperation may much bigger than that coming from a single manufactory's power regardless that this manufactory may win among others both in technologies and qualities. A study of Tokyo University shows that in their country if some super companies like Sony and Panasonic can cooperate in some of the programs they can be more competitive than some big Korea companies in some electronical area and get at less about 1.56% more incomes than ever now. Hence, in the fired of industry the cooperation will contribute to the whole society and to this realms more values than the competition to some extend.

In sum, from nearly all-round angles, instilling young people with a sense of cooperation will favor us a lot, especially for young leaders who will take the burden of leading government, sport teams, and industries to become prosperous. (474words)
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总结一下:分领域讨论在我看来是一个很聪明的做法,但是注意突出不同的特点,比如在政府领域人们更倾向于保护自身的利益获得promotion,而在体育领域成绩很重要,在工业如何有科技进步进而带来赢利就很重要,这些要求是合作还是竞争能给它们带来更大的益处,都需要比较讨论.

这是一个需要比较的题目,而你在这方面还是不足,不知道你看了imong的专题里面有一个关于more类题目写法的没有?

很高兴你的ts写的还不错呢.

虽然没有500字,但我认为这么多足够了.如果思考再深入一点,500字会不知不觉就出来了 :)

likeying27UID: 195699

谢谢davidjacky,换个格式看:

参考一下别人的写作。From LaoWai 280
Which is a better way to prepare young people for leadership: developing in them a spirit of competitiveness or one of cooperation? The speaker favors the latter approach, even though some leaders attribute their success to their keenly developed competitive spirit. I tend to
agree with the speaker, for reasons having to do with our increasingly global society, and with the true keys to effective leadership.

The chief reason why we should stress cooperation in nurturing young people today is that, as tomorrow's leaders, they will face pressing societal problems that simply cannot be solved apart from cooperative international efforts. For example, all nations will need to cooperate in
an effort to disarm themselves of weapons of mass destruction; to reduce harmful emissions which destroy ozone and warm the Earth to dangerous levels; to reduce consumption of the Earth's finite natural resources; and to cure and prevent diseases before they become global
epidemics. Otherwise, we all risk self-destruction. In short, global peace, economic stability, and survival of the species provide powerful reasons for developing educational paradigms that stress cooperation over competition.

A second compelling reason for instilling in young people a sense of cooperation over competition is that effective leadership depends less on the latter than the former. A leader should show that he or she values the input of subordinates--for example, by involving them in
decisions about matters in which they have a direct stake. Otherwise, subordinates might grow to resent their leader, and become unwilling to devote themselves wholeheartedly to the leader's mission. In extreme cases they might even sabotage that mission, or even take their
useful ideas to competitors. And after all, without other people worth leading a person cannot be a leader let alone an effective one.

A third reason why instilling a sense of cooperation is to be preferred over instilling a sense of competition is that the latter serves to narrow a leader's focus on thwarting the efforts of 31 competitors. With such tunnel vision it is difficult to develop other, more creative means of
attaining organizational objectives. Moreover, such means often involve synergistic solutions that call for alliances, partnerships, and other cooperative efforts with would-be competitors. Those who would oppose the speaker might point out that a thriving economy depends on a
freely competitive business environment, which ensures that consumers obtain high-quality goods and services at low prices. Thus key leadership positions, especially in business, inherently call for a certain tenacity and competitive spirit. And, a competitive spirit seems
especially critical in today's hyper-competitive technology-driven economy, where any leader f~iling to keep pace with ever-changing business and technological paradigms soon fails by
the wayside. However, a leader's effectiveness as a competitor is not necessarily inconsistent with his or her ability to cooperate with subordinates or with competitors, as noted above.

In sum, ifwe were to take the speaker's advice too far we would risk becoming a world without leaders, who are bred of a competitive spirit. We would also risk the key benefits of a free-market economy. Nevertheless, on balance I agree that it is more important to instill in
young people a sense of cooperation than one of competition. The speaker's preference properly reflects the growing role of cooperative alliances and efforts in solving the world's most pressing problems. After all, in a world in which our very survival as a species depends
on cooperation, the spirit of even healthy competition, no matter how healthy, is of little value to any of us.

will_foreverUID: 193568

我是觉得这个outline可以将你所说的政府、体育、企业放在一个段落里来讲，可以用这样一个ts：应该灌输合作思想的好处，提高社会凝聚力。然后再从这三方面来举例论述。

DarrenYangUID: 191179

看了你的issue，就知道自己那篇为啥被说成写得不均匀了:p
　
上面好多人都点评过了，包括乒乓球啊，有压力。。。。
　
我觉得你说的不到５００字的问题。在每段例子中饱和一下就ＯＫ了。提供一些例子。

Ｂ１讨论政治，偶对这个不熟悉，关于例子，不知道怎么提。。。。
Ｂ２讨论体育，只讨论了team work的体育范围，其实可以扩充到那些个人项目，比如tennis，如何说明cooperation也非常重要，比如与教练的合作等。只要与人交道，必然存在着合作的关系。一个典型例子是，费德勒，球王，从前是无教练的球员，但是随着竞争的激烈，他也迫切聘请的一位来维持他的竞技状态和地位。
Ｂ３讨论工业　余世维的讲座里有很多这种例子。比如project manager的作用，想做好一个案子，推出一个新的产品，pm在这个里面作用很大，一般由年纪长资历老的人来担任，任务就是让各部门能够cooperate起来，提高效率。（好象在中国恰恰相反，很多年轻人都是ＰＭ）。