issue 30 科技类 欢迎拍砖，有拍必应，谢谢~~~

nickaaronleeUID: 183378

------题目------
The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.
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Should the primary goal of technological advancement increase people's efficiency and make everyone have more leisure time. I do not fully agree. It is true that technological advancement may increase people's efficiency, however, it does not necessarily lead to the fact that everybody has more leisure time.

Admittedly, in some cases, technological advancement increases people's efficiency. With the progress of technology, people's living standards gain benefit from technological innovations. For example, different people in different nations may have a conference together  simultaneously through the internet, the assembly-line increases the productivity and leads to mass production, people can reach various places by air, ship, train and car. All these are technological innovations to increase people's efficiency. Therefore, technological advancement does increase people's efficiency in different ways.

However, that technological advancement increase people's efficiency, to some extent, does not necessarily cause people to have leisure time. In fact, the reality is contrast. Technological innovations result in a busy schedule for us. For example, it is very common that people rush to work everyday instead of walking. Subways are always crowded during working hours. In order not be late for work and finish work on time, people have to get up early in the morning and work overnight. Also, people are used to having instant lunch and come back to work as soon as possible. It is also likely that the employees have to work weekends when they receive a message from their employers by cell phone or computer. The advancement of technology provides so many new innovations to tight us to our work. How can we have more leisure time from technological advancement? Instead we have a fuller and fuller schedule. Thus, the efficiency provided by technological advancement does not essentially make people have more leisure time.

Additionally, the primary goal of technological advancement is not just to increase people's efficiency. Actually, the essential and primary purpose of technological advancement is to increase profits and low costs. Usually a company spends a large amount of money on technological researches for its own interests, not to increase people's efficiency. When the technological innovations are applied to the public people may gain efficiency from them. However, their first and primary purpose is not to increase efficiency, which can be called a by-product. Furthermore, technological advancement has different goals. For instance, in the realm of bio-science, the primary goal of technological advancement is to save more people's lives and cure more incurable diseases. Also in the realm of astronomy, the main goal is to explore the outer space and explain various unknown phenomena. Hence, different technological advancements, in different realms, have different goals. We can not consider the primary goal is to increase people's efficiency.

To sum up, technological advancement does increase people's efficiency, however, it does not necessarily result people in more leisure time. Instead it leads people to less free time. Also the primary goal of technological advancement is not just to increase people's efficiency, which is case to case argument.

鬼谷子UID: 159645

我占一个吧

不过nickaaronlee同学
希望不要把自己的帖子顶上来那么多（看了一下有6个）
这样会影响其他同学的

鬼谷子UID: 159645

No.1 issue 30 科技类 欢迎拍砖，有拍必应，谢谢~~~ 【你的格式错了，issue和30后面不要空格】
------题目------
The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.
------正文------
Should the primary goal of technological advancement increase people's efficiency and make everyone have more leisure time. 【increase前面少了个be。不喜欢问句开头的，不过时间有限的情况下这样还是可以节省时间的】 I do not fully agree. It is true that technological advancement may increase people's efficiency, however, it does not necessarily lead to the fact that everybody has more leisure time.

Admittedly, in some cases, technological advancement increases people's efficiency. 【我不赞成开头让步，会削弱论证力度，使逻辑显得混乱】With the progress of technology, people's living standards gain benefit from technological innovations. For example, different people in different nations may have a conference together simultaneously through the internet, the assembly-line increases the productivity and leads to mass production, 【病句】 people can reach various places by air, ship, train and car. All these are technological innovations to increase people's efficiency. 【在更少的时间内做成更多的事才是效率的提高，你只列出了现象，没有有效证明效率提高】 Therefore, technological advancement does increase people's efficiency in different ways.

However, that technological advancement increase people's efficiency, to some extent, does not necessarily cause people to have leisure time. In fact, the reality is contrast. 【不是形容词】Technological innovations result in a busy schedule for us. For example, it is very common that people rush to work everyday instead of walking. Subways are always crowded during working hours. In order not be late for work and finish work on time, people have to get up early in the morning and work overnight. 【应该把两个分开说】 Also, people are used to having instant lunch and come back to work as soon as possible. It is also likely that the employees have to work weekends when they receive a message from their employers by cell phone or computer. 【所有的这些都是为了工作而忙的现象，而是什么原因造成的你没有解释，没有归到技术进步上面】 The advancement of technology provides so many new innovations to tight us to our work. How can we have more leisure time from technological advancement? Instead we have a fuller and fuller schedule. Thus, the efficiency provided by technological advancement does not essentially make people have more leisure time.

Additionally, the primary goal of technological advancement is not just to increase people's efficiency. Actually, the essential and primary purpose of technological advancement is to increase profits and low costs. Usually a company spends a large amount of money on technological researches for its own interests, not to increase people's efficiency. When the technological innovations are applied to the public people may gain efficiency from them. However, their first and primary purpose is not to increase efficiency, which can be called a by-product. 【即使你说效率不是最重要的也不能说是by-product 啊，这里论述的有点过。你举的company的例子中效率肯定不会是by-product的。其实你只要证明效率不是第一位的就可以了，可以用其他的目的跟效率做比较，一个more的问题。或者说，在company中效率是第一位的，在科研方面就不一定了】Furthermore, technological advancement has different goals. For instance, in the realm of bio-science, the primary goal of technological advancement is to save more people's lives and cure more incurable diseases. Also in the realm of astronomy, the main goal is to explore the outer space and explain various unknown phenomena. Hence, different technological advancements, in different realms, have different goals. We can not consider the primary goal is to increase people's efficiency.

To sum up, technological advancement does increase people's efficiency, however, it does not necessarily result people in more leisure time. Instead it leads people to less free time. Also the primary goal of technological advancement is not just to increase people's efficiency, which is case to case argument.
【语言还需要提高的，很多的词句不是很恰当的。思路还可以，但是论述上面很多地方不到位。结构上面， B1的让步觉得不好，B4有点散了。最后要说的就是，我们已经一再强调格式的问题你还是出错，而且看你发的帖子中基本都存在格式问题，希望你下次可以注意。】

fengboallanUID: 157405

鬼哥，勤奋阿，本想献技，呵呵，都不敢出手了。
nickaaronlee

这篇是你的新作么？如果是我接着拍

nickaaronleeUID: 183378

谢谢鬼谷子的意见，真对不起，我看过发贴的注意，后来就习惯空格了，以为这样会比较清楚，真对不起，以后改正。一次回贴比较多是因为我现在还在上新东方，每天能够上网的时间有限，所以上来一次把所有的事情都做了，请谅解：）谢谢你的意见，都记下了~~~

nickaaronleeUID: 183378

TO：fengboallan，是昨天刚写的：）