argument240 重出江湖之二

冥界星灿UID: 184746

240The following appeared in a memo written by a dean at Buckingham College.

"To serve the housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a new dormitory. Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, should double over the next fifty years, thus making existing dormitories inadequate. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has increased in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing. Finally, an attractive new dormitory would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham."


When suggesting the college to build another dormitory, the author reasons there premises. One is the probably increasing number of students; another one is the decrease of student's renting off-campus house while the third one is that an attractive new dormitory will result in the enrollment of prospective students. The statements seem to persuasive, however, the reasons, the evidences and ultimately the conclusion are all untenable.

To begin with, the assuming that the total number of students is on the rise and such a tendency will keep on throughout the next 50 years is unbelievable. On the one hand, just the increasing enrollment does not necessary represent the number of students as a whole will increase. Perhaps the students droping out are increasing at the same period thereby the total number of students is on the rise or drop is hard to say. On the other hand, the assertion that the increasing tendency will keep on for fifty years and ultimately doubled is unreasonable. Many factors such as people’s attitudes to the higher education and Buckingham College, the economical situation of the whole nation and local area, the reputation of this College, and so forth may all have changed. It is even possible 50 years later this college will not exist as many factors cooperation and the great changes taking place in the society.

Further more, the premise that students will decrease their renting rate of off-campus houses thereby the usage of the dormitory in campus will increase is unpersuasive. An average rent's growing up does not possibly mean all the houses' rent is growing. It is possible that the average increase is due to some luxurious house available in renting whereas the house suitable for students is less expensive than ever before. Even if all the price of renting house is soaring, it may be possible that this circumstance is due to the inflation. After all, the increase will be in a moderate manner to all the students and thus acceptable.

Additionally, the living condition of a college is not the only factor the students take into account when choosing organism to be educated. The fame, communication with other universities and colleges both national and international, the level of its academic research, and so forth are all of vital importance in selection. One can hardly suppose an education with only comfort dormitory can be attractive to youth.

All that can be concluded by assembling the evidence and reasons provided by the author is that the evidence and reasons provided by the author is not eloquent as it stands. To further support the conclusion, the author must deliver convincing studies and logical reasons in an appropriate manner.

imongUID: 140258

接到乒乓球爱上九月的通知来接这篇文章。是不是经常积极帮助别人呢？^^

When suggesting the college to build another dormitory, the author reasons there （three?）premises（reason premise？）. One is the probably increasing number of students; another one is the decrease of student's renting off-campus house while the third one is that an attractive new dormitory will result in the enrollment of prospective students. The statements seem to （少了个be）persuasive, however, the reasons, the evidences and ultimately the conclusion are all untenable.

To begin with, the assuming（assumption） that the total number of students is on the rise and such a tendency will keep on throughout the next 50 years is unbelievable. On the one hand, just the increasing enrollment does not necessary represent the number of students as a whole will increase. Perhaps the students droping out are increasing（the students are increasing or the number is increasing?） at the same period thereby （少了个whether？）the total number of students is on the rise or drop is hard to say. On the other hand, the assertion that the increasing tendency will keep on for fifty years and ultimately doubled is unreasonable. Many factors such as people’s attitudes to the higher education and Buckingham College, the economical situation of the whole nation and local area, the reputation of this College, and so forth may all have changed. It is even possible 50 years later this college will not exist as many factors cooperation and the great changes taking place in the society.与其一味的反复many factors，不如一口气说到底。The college might not even exist 50 years later --- or it is to be relocated.  So why bother to build new dormitory buildings?

Further more, the premise that students will decrease their renting rate（表达的不是很准确？） of off-campus houses thereby the usage of the dormitory in campus will increase is unpersuasive. An average rent's growing up（The growth in...） does not possibly mean all the houses' rent is growing. It is possible that the average increase is due to some luxurious house available in renting whereas the house suitable for students is less expensive than ever before. Even if all the price of renting house is soaring, it may be possible that this circumstance is due to the inflation.（好像没给说清楚？） After all, the increase will be in a moderate manner to all the students and thus acceptable.

Additionally, the living condition of a college is not the only factor the students take into account when choosing organism to be educated. The fame, communication with other universities and colleges both national and international, the level of its academic research, and so forth are all of vital importance in selection. One can hardly suppose an education with only comfort dormitory can be attractive to youth.（参考一下那篇6分的官方范文 Claria的那个？相关的段落找找差距）

All that can be concluded by assembling the evidence and reasons provided by the author is that the evidence and reasons provided by the author is not eloquent as it stands. To further support the conclusion, the author must deliver convincing studies and logical reasons in an appropriate manner.

文笔上很多还需要更细致呢。表达上的技巧（或者说基本的技能） 变换词性 正确搭配 都要自己写的时候留意 才不会出错误的。攻击点基本上都是准确的 表达技能需要练习。

冥界星灿UID: 184746

感谢imong！！！莫大鼓励^_^

语言错得太多了，以后一定要尽力提高。

天知道，我还有一周考，一篇argument最快写过1小时，质量还不行，唉唉艾

LSDUID: 157855

240The following appeared in a memo written by a dean at Buckingham College.

"To serve the housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a new dormitory. Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, should double over the next fifty years, thus making existing dormitories inadequate. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has increased in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing. Finally, an attractive new dormitory would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham."


When suggesting the college to build another dormitory, the author reasons there premises. One is the probably increasing number of students; another one is the decrease of student's renting off-campus house while the third one is that an attractive new dormitory will result in the enrollment of prospective students. The statements seem to persuasive, however, the reasons, the evidences and ultimately the conclusion are all untenable.[这种开头个人不是很支持，因为要总结全文，比较浪费时间，建议在后面详细论述，开始不用写得这么详细]

To begin with,[ the assuming that the total number of students is on the rise and such a tendency will keep on throughout the next 50 years is unbelievable.] On the one hand, just the increasing enrollment does not necessary represent the number of students as a whole will increase. Perhaps the students droping out are increasing at the same period thereby the total number of students is on the rise or drop is hard to say. On the other hand, the assertion that the increasing tendency will keep on for fifty years and ultimately doubled is unreasonable. Many factors such as people’s attitudes to the higher education and Buckingham College, the economical situation of the whole nation and local area, the reputation of this College, and so forth may all have changed. It is even possible 50 years later this college will not exist as many factors cooperation and the great changes taking place in the society.[这段不错，比较具体]

Further more, [the premise that students will decrease their renting rate of off-campus houses thereby the usage of the dormitory in campus will increase is unpersuasive.] An average rent's growing up does not possibly mean all the houses' rent is growing. It is possible that the average increase is due to some luxurious house available in renting whereas the house suitable for students is less expensive than ever before. Even if all the price of renting house is soaring, it may be possible[刚才已经用了，换一个吧][likely] that this circumstance is due to the inflation. After all, the increase will be in a moderate manner to all the students and thus acceptable.[ 房租上涨是很正常的，比如说存在通货膨胀，当地经济发展比较快。而且一般房租上涨说明该地各方面的工资和特价水平都在上涨，包括学费和住宿费。所以，学生可能还是愿意住在校外。]

Additionally, [the living condition of a college is not the only factor the students take into account when choosing organism to be educated.] The fame, communication with other universities and colleges both national and international, the level of its academic research, and so forth are all of vital importance in selection. One can hardly suppose an education with only comfort dormitory can be attractive to youth.[这段也不错]

All that can be concluded by assembling the evidence and reasons provided by the author is that the evidence and reasons provided by the author is not eloquent as it stands. To further support the conclusion, the author must deliver convincing studies and logical reasons in an appropriate manner.
[总体还可以，马上要考了，一定要限时哦]

冥界星灿UID: 184746

感谢LSD！！！

你回来啦，真是一件让人激动的事情呢^_^


开头，真的是比较想概括一下原文，要不后面自己会有点搞不清条理。争取写得简练一些？其实更主要是因为都是以when sugesting-------， the author--------这个开头，不列不知道怎么写（好像很欠揍的说），这篇是因为原文假设太多，碰上那种一个假设一个survey的会好一点。

限时，听你的，明天打算开始模拟，争取完成。

另，知道你作文奇好，记得笔试也要争高啊^_^

再次，感谢！！