issue11 global university

foreverlovesUID: 166930

11"All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems."




Should all nations help support a global university? In my opinion, a global university is like a mirage, it is fantastic while looking from farther place but hard to implement. In other words: good will, difficult to realize.

To establish a global university is a good will because it will benefit human beings a lot just as other international organizations will. With the rapid development of the science and technology, the world is now become a small "village", the intensively connection between countries results in a myriad of global/international organizations such as the United Nations, World Trade Organization, World Health Organization and so on. It is no doubt that these kinds of organizations play an important role in dealing with the international affairs. Therefore, a global university designed to engage students in solving the world's social problems would lead to the same outcomes as the above organizations. For example, many problems nowadays affect not only one country but many others, such as the forest cutting, the air pollution, and the terrorism. The forest always span several countries and one county which suffers air pollution will inevitably influenced adjacent ones. Antiterrorism requires the help from other countries. If such a global university is established, the students graduated from the university will cooperate in working on these persistent social problems, they would more likely to agree on a plan designated to a certain problem. It will become easy to solve these problems.

However, the plan of constructing such a university is hard to finish, and in a sense ,nearly impossible. It requires the negotiation of all the nations which means some countries will benefit more and others will have to sacrifice a lot. Meanwhile a great many problems will arise, where should it locate? How to select qualified teachers to teach in this university with mixed culture, value and norm .What kind of language should be used officially, how to assure the proper communication between students from different places. What kind of subjects should be taught in order to bestow with every students with the knowledge needed to solve the world's most persistent problems in the future? Since a global university is far more different from an ordinary university, these questions seems easy to a normal university becomes insurmountable obstacles to the global university. Even if such a university could come into being, the money spend on it might be enough to solve all the problems

In sum, from the above analysis, we come to the conclusion that although it seems attractive to build such a university, it is indeed no more than merely an illusion and it is not suitable to establish, in order to solve the world's persistent problems, a global university is not a wise choice

nightsky2004UID: 155946

我来看看。

nightsky2004UID: 155946

Should all nations help support a global university? In my opinion, a global university is为什么要加一个is呢？是不是不用也可以呢 like a mirage, it is fantastic while looking from farther place but hard to implement. In other words: good will, difficult to realize.
首段开门见山的说出了你的观点，是partly disagree吧，接着看看
To establish a global university is a good will because it will benefit human beings a lot just as other international organizations will是will 还是do呢？其它的institution 是不是已经对社会有好处了，所以才对比呢？.你的主题句是说global university会像其它机构一样对人类有所贡献，这个简单的类比是不是一定能够成立呢？最好把理由也简单说说，否则就不好用类比 With the rapid development of the science and technology, the world is now become a small "village",你是不是要说地球村？这个主要是和网络有关吧。说science and technology是不是太笼统了？ the intensively connection between countries results in a myriad of global/international organizations such as the United Nations, World Trade Organization, World Health Organization and so on. It is no doubt that these kinds of organizations play an important role in dealing with the international affairs. Therefore, a global university designed to engage students in solving the world's social problems would lead to the same outcomes as the above organizations.这个类比又是有些问题，好像太必然了 For example, many problems nowadays affect not only one country but many others, such as the forest cutting, the air pollution, and the terrorism. The forest always span several countries and one county which suffers air pollution will inevitably influenced adjacent ones. Antiterrorism requires the help from other这个other 指的是什么？不如换成global，当然前面的那个help也需要换成cooperate之类的词 countries. If such a global university is established, the students graduated from the university will cooperate in working on these persistent social problems, they would more likely to agree on a plan designated to a certain problem.还是没有说明白，你这里似乎没有把global university的特点说出来，仅仅是说他们（学生）天天在研究这些问题 It这个it指代得是什么？ will become easy to solve these problems.
本段的thesis是说出global university的好处，但是似乎说得不太清楚，仅仅是类比其它的组织，最好应该把Global university的特点再说得详细一些
However, the plan of constructing such a university is hard to finish, and in a sense ,nearly impossible. It requires the negotiation of all the nations which means some countries will benefit more and others will have to sacrifice a lot. Meanwhile a great many problems will arise, where should it locate? How to select qualified teachers to teach in this university with mixed culture, value and norm .What kind of language should be used officially, how to assure the proper communication between students from different places. What kind of subjects should be taught in order to bestow with every students with the knowledge needed to solve the world's most persistent problems in the future? Since a global university is far more different from an ordinary university, these questions seems easy to a normal university becomes insurmountable obstacles to the global university. Even if such a university could come into being, the money spend on it might be enough to solve all the problems
本段在说global university的问题，但是个人感觉说得不够深入，因为如果你所说的问题（至少是其中的一部分）都可以解决的话（其实是很有可能的），是不是global university就可以解决the persistent social problems from the world，其实你说得这些问题都是global university的问题，没有涉及到其能否解决实际的问题上
In sum, from the above analysis, we come to the conclusion that although it seems attractive to build such a university, it is indeed no more than merely an illusion and it is not suitable to establish, in order to solve the world's persistent problems, a global university is not a wise choice
楼主的文笔还是不错的，通篇好像没有什么大的语言错误，而且交待得也可以。主要的问题在于论述得不到位，没有涉及到题目所关注的话题，仅仅在说global university的问题，而忽略了global university是否会对解决问题有利。再改改吧，加油呀

foreverlovesUID: 166930

谢谢楼上的
第一段is like 中like 是介词 所以要有is

第二段我是不是false analogy了,可以当作argue 来批判了,确实没有说清楚我想表达的
意思,多谢指出来

第三段我觉得也是泛泛而谈,不知道是不是逮住一点拍一下
语言上是在word 修改过的,结尾也是后来补充了一些的

难弄