Argument124 还有一个月就考了, 现在正处于苦闷当中,请大家多多指教啊

wjk302UID: 183696

Argument124      还有一个月就考了, 现在正处于苦闷当中,请大家多多指教啊


In this memo ,the business manager of National Daily News recommends that the home delivery service should concentrate on the state of Urba rather than on the state of Sylva. To substantiate the recommendation the manager points out that the population of Sylva is more dispersed .And he or she also cites a study revealing that the residents in Sylva prefer local to national news. Close examination of the memo shows that it is specious and defies simple logic.

First of all , the speaker unfairly assumes that the widely dispersed population would lead to less   profit . Yet this assumption is unwarranted. It is entirely possible that the traffic of the state of Sylva is more convenient and more cheaper , which might lead to lower expense of the delivery. Moreover, the dispersed population means the possibility that the state can accommodate more residents, in other word, the population of Sylva may increase more quick than the state of Urba.
This would bring more potential customers for the company. In short, without ruling out these and other possibilities, the manager can not draw any conclusion about the profit per customer the company can attain.

Secondly, the manager assumes depending on the survey showing Sylvans are more interested in local news than national news that there little citizens in Sylva reading the national newspaper. However, the manager fails to provide sufficient evidences to support this assumption. The fact that Sylvans spend more time on viewing local mews programs than on national programs does not mean that they are not concerned with national programs. It is entirely possible that the television signal is not well ,which results in  most families can not  well view the channels broadcasting the national programs. So they have to view the local new programs just because the relevant channels have better signals. If in this case, the national newspaper pushed by the National Daily News would greatly cater for the residents ,which benefits both the Slyvans and the company.

Thirdly , the manager’s memo rests on an additional assumption that Urbans would be interested in reading the newspaper of his or her company. The fact that the newspaper covers more events about Urba would not necessarily stimulate the interest of Urbans .Perhaps the local newspaper have satisfied the demand of the residents to know the information about their state and what they really want to get is what happened in other states. Therefore the manager’ expectation would not come true , let alone relying on it to make any decision.


In the final analysis, the manager’ suggestion is unconvincing for the several unjustified assumptions. To strengthen the recommendation the manager should provide more evidences –may by investigating the residents in both Urba and Sylva –to substantiate there are more customers in the state of Urba than in Sylva. And the manager should also have to prove that the company would make a greater profit by providing delivery service for Urbans rather than for Sylva.

imjasonUID: 176604

https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=208286
请看下这个哦！

snowyfxUID: 189264

124.The following is a memo from the business manager of National Daily
News.

"To expand the home delivery service of our national newspaper, we should
concentrate on the state of Urba rather than on the state of Sylva. First,
the population of Sylva is more widely dispersed, which would require us
to spend more money to deliver our papers in that area, resulting in less
profit per customer. Second, a long-term study of television viewing
habits suggests that Sylvans prefer local to national news, since they
spend twice as much time viewing local news programs as they do viewing
national programs. Finally, because events in Urba receive more coverage
in our newspaper than do events in Sylva, we can expect Urbans to be more
interested in reading our newspaper."

snowyfxUID: 189264

In this memo ,the business manager of National Daily News recommends that the home delivery service should concentrate on the state of Urba rather than on the state of Sylva. To substantiate the recommendation the manager points out that the population of Sylva is more dispersed .And he or she also cites a study revealing that the residents in Sylva prefer local to national news. Close examination of the memo shows that it is specious and defies simple logic.

First of all , the speaker unfairly assumes that the widely dispersed population would lead to less profit . Yet this assumption is unwarranted. It is entirely possible that the traffic of the state of Sylva is more convenient and more cheaper , which might lead to lower expense of the delivery. Moreover, the dispersed population means the possibility that the state can accommodate more residents, in other word, the population of Sylva may increase more quick than the state of Urba.
This would bring more potential customers for the company. In short, without ruling out these and other possibilities, the manager can not draw any conclusion about the profit per customer the company can attain.

Secondly, the manager assumes depending on the survey showing Sylvans are more interested in local news than national news that there little citizens in Sylva reading the national newspaper. However, the manager fails to provide sufficient evidences to support this assumption. The fact that Sylvans spend more time on viewing local mews programs than on national programs does not mean that they are not concerned with national programs. It is entirely possible that the television signal is not well ,which results in most families can not well view the channels broadcasting the national programs.[最好再能说出一条理由] So they have to view the local new programs just because the relevant channels have better signals. If in this case, the national newspaper pushed by the National Daily News would greatly cater for the residents ,which benefits both the Slyvans and the company.

Thirdly , the manager’s memo rests on an additional assumption that Urbans would be interested in reading the newspaper of his or her company.[句式最好能变化一下] The fact that the newspaper covers more events about Urba would not necessarily stimulate the interest of Urbans .Perhaps the local newspaper have satisfied the demand of the residents to know the information about their state and what they really want to get is what happened in other states. Therefore the manager’ expectation would not come true , let alone relying on it to make any decision.


In the final analysis, the manager’ suggestion is unconvincing for the several unjustified assumptions. To strengthen the recommendation the manager should provide more evidences –may by investigating the residents in both Urba and Sylva[这样写我认为不好，然我们比较就比较吧，我们就要不提出什么建议了，就挑他的错] –to substantiate there are more customers in the state of Urba than in Sylva. And the manager should also have to prove that the company would make a greater profit by providing delivery service for Urbans rather than for Sylva.
[总体感觉不错。结构、语言都不错。
就是要注意句式的变化，尤其是每段首句最好变变，因为这应该是评分的重点]

wjk302UID: 183696

好感动,谢谢大家的帮忙.  昨天一着急就忘了写题目了,下次一定按规定发贴啦.

还有, 怎么样才能做到句式多样呢?