argument 170 据说高频 就试着写了一篇

lunaticUID: 150745

---------题目--------
170. For the past five years, consumers in California have been willing to pay twice as much for oysters from the northeastern Atlantic Coast as for Gulf Coast oysters. This trend began shortly after harmful bacteria were found in a few raw Gulf Coast oysters. But scientists have now devised a process for killing the bacteria. Once consumers are made aware of the increased safety of Gulf Coast oysters, they are likely to be willing to pay as much for Gulf Coast as for northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters, and greater profits for Gulf Coast oyster producers will follow.
--------------文章-------------------
The conclusion that consumers are likely to be willing to pay as much for Gulf Coast as for northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters, and greater profits for the producers will follow is based on the study of the price of the oysters in the past five years and the fact that scientists devised a process for killing the bacteria. However, is the study and analysis comprehensive? Does the increased safety mask other (and potentially more significant) causes of the high price and profits?

The notion that they are likely to be willing to pay as much for Gulf Coast as for northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters is unwarranted. First, although scientists have now devised a process for killing the bacteria, there is no guarantee that all the bacteria had been kill out. It is very likely that some of the polluted oysters do harm to human bodies. In this case, recommending consumers to pay for the Gulf Coast oysters is absolutely misleading and irresponsible. Unless the arguer can prove that all the oysters in Gulf Coast is safe enough to eat, the conclusion about greater profits is groundless. Second, even if all the oysters are safe, which is, of course, an unwarranted assumption, it does not follow that consumers would like to pay the same price as that of northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters. As we know, with the increasing amount of oysters, the market competition of price and service will be very fierce. And then, consumers are not expected to pay as much as before.

In addition, the arguer fails to consider other relative factors that may influence the consumers' choices of raw oysters. According to the cited fact that, consumers in California prefer oysters from the northeastern Atlantic Coast because of the safety of those, which is understandable. However, if all the oysters are safe like the arguments assumed, which oysters will be popular for consumers in California, from Atlantic Coast or Gulf Coast? They may pay more attention to the freshness, the flavor or price of the oysters. For these aspects, if Gulf Coast oysters have no advantage over their counterparts, we have every reason to doubt the optimistic prospect about the profits.

Finally, the following conclusion about greater profits for Gulf Coast oysters is also suspectable. Except the market competition referred above, the increasing cost for Gulf Coast oysters producers has to be concerned. As is cited that scientists have now devised a process for killing the bacteria, we have every reason to believe that thy may have to pay for the cost of the process which is possibly terrifically expensive. Therefore, greater profits may not be expected even if the price of Gulf Coast oysters is as high as that of Atlantic Coast.

The argument given merely scratches the surface of what lead the high price and profits. Many more detailed and comprehensive analyses and studies are needed before the conclusion can be reached.

480字，稍微有点多

chenxgUID: 183868

170. For the past five years, consumers in California have been willing to pay twice as much for oysters from the northeastern Atlantic Coast as for Gulf Coast oysters. This trend began shortly after harmful bacteria were found in a few raw Gulf Coast oysters. But scientists have now devised a process for killing the bacteria. Once consumers are made aware of the increased safety of Gulf Coast oysters, they are likely to be willing to pay as much for Gulf Coast as for northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters, and greater profits for Gulf Coast oyster producers will follow.
--------------文章-------------------
The conclusion that consumers are likely to be willing to pay as much for Gulf Coast as for northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters, and greater profits for the producers will follow is based on the study of the price of the oysters in the past five years and the fact that scientists devised a process for killing the bacteria. However, is the study and analysis comprehensive? Does the increased safety mask other (and potentially more significant) causes of the high price and profits? 最后一句话我觉得不好， safety mask 是什么意思啊，不懂。直接说就行，没必要这样写。

The notion that they are likely to be willing to pay as much for Gulf Coast as for northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters is unwarranted. First, although scientists have now devised a process for killing the bacteria, there is no guarantee that all the bacteria had been kill have been killed out. It is very likely possible that some of the polluted oysters still do harm to human bodies. In this case, recommending consumers to pay for the Gulf Coast oysters is absolutely misleading and irresponsible. Unless the arguer can prove that all the oysters in Gulf Coast is safe enough to eat, the conclusion about greater profits is groundless. Second, even if all the oysters are safe, which is, of course, an unwarranted assumption, it does not follow that consumers would like to pay the same price as that of northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters. As we know, with the increasing amount of oysters, the market competition of price and service will be very fierce. And then, consumers are not expected to pay as much as before.这段首先说明消毒工艺不一定彻底，所以消费者不一定购买；然后假设消毒工艺可以，可能会存在市场竞争。这一段说得都是价格方面的，还不错。

In addition, the arguer fails to consider other relative factors that may influence the consumers' choices of raw oysters. According to the cited fact that, consumers in California prefer oysters from the northeastern Atlantic Coast because of the safety of those, which is understandable这段话没有根据，只是说这是一个趋势，然而在细菌发现以前的消费倾向没有给出。不能够说消费者偏好northeastern Atlantic Coast是因为细菌的原因，也有可能一直以来如此. However, if all the oysters are safe like the arguments assumed, which oysters will be popular for consumers in California, from Atlantic Coast or Gulf Coast? They may pay more attention to the freshness, the flavor or price of the oysters. For these aspects, if Gulf Coast oysters have no advantage over their counterparts, we have every reason to doubt the optimistic prospect about the profits.这段后边的还不错,但是前面让人有机可乘

Finally, the following conclusion about greater profits for Gulf Coast oysters is also suspectable. Except the market competition referred above, the increasing cost for Gulf Coast oysters producers has to be concerned. As is cited that scientists have now devised a process for killing the bacteria, we have every reason to believe that they may have to pay for the cost of the process which is possibly terrifically expensive. Therefore, greater profits may not be expected even if the price of Gulf Coast oysters is as high as that of Atlantic Coast.

The argument given merely scratches the surface of what lead the high price and profits. Many more detailed and comprehensive analyses and studies are needed before the conclusion can be reached.

总得来说，段落比较清晰。首先说明价格方面，然后说明其他的影响消费倾向的方面，最后从利润方面考虑。可能语言问题是大家的通病吧，我只能找到比较简单的错误。
帮我看看今天晚上刚写的吧，谢谢！
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=250538

xiaoheUID: 162707

Aha, this is the one I met in my exam. Since I happen to see it, I'd like to say something here.
Forgive me if my comments are incorrect.

The 3 bodys don't show coherence clearly enough. The TS for each body is not clearly stated. Better directly mention the weakpoints you are going to attack in the TS. Besides, the B1 and B2 are discussing almost the same problem and in the TS of B3, what is "the following conclusion"? Better put the conclusion itself here.

You also ignored some other weakpoints in the topic. e.g. The expense of the devise. What if it's very expensive? What about the nutrition facts of these two kinds of oysters? And what's the ground for saying that the unpopularness of Gulf Coast oysters is because of the harmful bacteria?

In the conclusion of argument, the best way is to give out a brief suggestion to improve each of the weak points, instead of giving a general comment again as the beginning.

480 isn't too much at all. Generally speaking, 500 words is recommended for arguments.

Some suggestion to your wording:
in "...they [U]are likely to [/U]  [U]be willing to [/U]  pay as much for ...", only one of the underlined phrases is needed.
"terrifically expensive..." can be replaced by "prohibitive"

lunaticUID: 150745

“mask”那句的意思是虽然安全性增加了可能会带来好效益，但是否掩盖了其他可能影响效益的因素呢？
According to the cited fact that, consumers in California prefer oysters from the northeastern Atlantic Coast because of the safety of those, which is understandable 这句话只是转述文中这句话
This trend began shortly after harmful bacteria were found in a few raw Gulf Coast oysters.
的意思，可能转述的不好。我的意思实说作者这样推断是可以理解的，现做一个让步而已。

lunaticUID: 150745

呵呵，谢谢，不过有些观点我不太同意
anyway，thanks a lot.

最初由 xiaohe 发布
[B]Aha, this is the one I met in my exam. Since I happen to see it, I'd like to say something here.
Forgive me if my comments are incorrect.

The 3 bodys don't ..

以下省略...... [/B]