2月机经，argument6，请斑竹指教，请各位拍转，谢谢

touchparadiseUID: 197128

6The following was written as a part of an application for a small business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, our proposed club, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's jazz festival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. It is clear that the C Note cannot help but make money."

This part of the application for a small business loan by a group of develops treats the enthusiasm of the inhabitants in Monroe to jazz music as the opportunity for them to build a jazz music club to be a tremendously profitable enterprise. According to the description of how the people in Monroe love jazz, it is certainly that some of them will be very interested in gathering in a jazz music club and enjoy the time listening to jazz. However, there are still problems for another jazz music club to be set in this city.

Each person would use his own way to love something. Taking the jazz music mentioned in the application above as an instance, a part of the citizens of Monroe may really love listening jazz in a club with friend to enjoy the time. But there must be other people who prefer to enjoy jazz with one’s own in the private room rather than in a jazz music club. Additionally, it is said in the application that the highest-rated radio program in this city is ‘Jazz Nightly’. It is possible that a great amount of people in Monroe prefer listening to jazz by radio. Consequently, maybe the nearest jazz club mentioned in the above statement is enough for all the fans of jazz who enjoy the way in the club. The appearance of a new jazz music club could not increase the number of people who choose the club for them to listen jazz, and even just would serve a part of the former jazz club consumers. That would make it a tremendously profitable enterprise?

The application cites a nationwide study to support its judgment that the jazz fans in Monroe will spend a lot of money to the jazz music club, which is the resource for the tremendous profit. $1,000 per year, this number is just an average level of the typical jazz fans. Firstly how many this kind of typical jazz fans are there in the city of Monroe? Even we have no idea of the population of Monroe. Additionally the jazz fans in Monroe may prefer to spend their money to join jazz concerts or festivals. With all these aspects correctly collected and carefully considered a wise decision whether to build a new jazz music club or not then could be made.

鬼谷子UID: 159645

发贴格式不对
看我的签名档

touchparadiseUID: 197128

是不是就是要把自己的老师时间和地点给贴到签名挡里头去啊？

alinazhUID: 187151

6The following was written as a part of an application for a small business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, our proposed club, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's jazz festival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. It is clear that the C Note cannot help but make money."

This part of the application for a small business loan by a group of develops treats the enthusiasm of the inhabitants in Monroe to jazz music as the opportunity for them to build a jazz music club to be a tremendously profitable enterprise. According to the description of how the people in Monroe love jazz, it is certainly that some of them will be very interested in gathering in a jazz music club and enjoy the time listening to jazz. However, there are still problems for another jazz music club to be set in this city.

Each person would use his own way to love something. Taking the jazz music mentioned in the application above as an instance, a part of the citizens of Monroe may really love listening jazz in a club with friend to enjoy the time. But there must be other people who prefer to enjoy jazz with one’s own in the private room rather than in a jazz music club. Additionally, it is said in the application that the highest-rated radio program in this city is ‘Jazz Nightly’. It is possible that a great amount of people in Monroe prefer listening to jazz by radio. Consequently, maybe the nearest jazz club mentioned in the above statement is enough for all the fans of jazz who enjoy the way in the club. The appearance of a new jazz music club could not increase the number of people who choose the club for them to listen jazz, and even just would serve a part of the former jazz club consumers. That would make it a tremendously profitable enterprise?

The application cites a nationwide study to support its judgment that the jazz fans in Monroe will spend a lot of money to the jazz music club, which is the resource for the tremendous profit. $1,000 per year, this number is just an average level of the typical jazz fans. Firstly how many this kind of typical jazz fans are there in the city of Monroe? Even we have no idea of the population of Monroe. Additionally the jazz fans in Monroe may prefer to spend their money to join jazz concerts or festivals. With all these aspects correctly collected and carefully considered a wise decision whether to build a new jazz music club or not then could be made.
文章层次不是很清楚，应该把这些问题归一下类之后做一个递进的写法，这样会更有说服力的，同时为了把每点说清楚可以再深刻一些。最后就是别忘了每段有一个关于错误的总结。

我的两个连接大家互相批改一下吧：
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=250305；
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=250304

alinazhUID: 187151

文章层次不是很清楚，应该把这些问题归一下类之后做一个递进的写法，这样会更有说服力的，同时为了把每点说清楚可以再深刻一些。最后就是别忘了每段有一个关于错误的总结。

我的两个连接大家互相批改一下吧：
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=250305；
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=250304

touchparadiseUID: 197128

好的 我们互相改吧
我是3.25号的作文
今天没时间了 明天开始吧