issue236 第一篇帮我改改吧

fakeluUID: 181688

Issue236（教育类）
Encouraging young people to believe that they can accomplish great things if they try hard enough is both misleading and potential harmful.
鼓励年轻人们相信只要他们努力就能够完成伟大的事情，这样做不仅仅是在误导而且存在着潜在的危害性。
1. 引子＋观点：反对
2．阐述人的潜力很大（举例爱迪生）
3．鼓励有助于提供信心，有利于建立大的目标
4．说明不是每个人都能取得大成功，但是仍然有用
5．结论：社会应该鼓励年青人建立远大目标
In nowadays, people face more and more pressure from many aspects on the way to their goals, so encouragement which can give people confidence and energy is essential for everyone. Some people argue that encouraging young people to believe that they can accomplish great achievements if they try hard enough is misleading and potential harmful. Though it is true that not everyone who once worked hard can get great achievements in reality, in my opinion, that is still reasonable and meaningful.

No one knows how much he/she can achieve before trying. In other words, people’s potential is so mass that we can not imagine. For example, the famous American inventor Edison was regarded as a dully boy when he was a child. But through his hard work, he made great contributions to the human society. In most cases, we can not foresee which one can make great achievements and which one can not. So supposing everyone has the great potential is the reasonable and fair attitude we should take.

Encouraging young people to believe that they can accomplish great achievements through hard work gives young people confidence, which helps to bring out their potential, and assist them to build great individual target. First, thinking decides one’s action. Only has enough confidence, can one probably succeed. When I was a primary scholar, I was so shamed that I dared to talk to others freely. It is my teacher, Mr. LI， who gave me encourage to help me become more and more brave. That is really a great progress for a primary scholar. Second, pursuing a great individual target is helpful to young people who is growing. A great goal can give one energy and enthusiasm to work hard and also can help he/she to overcome difficulties in their life or work. Only one has great goals, can he/she get the chance to gain great achievements.

Admittedly, in one hand, when we give them a goal, we should keep a balance between the goal’s highness and its practicality. Too high goals can not give them encouragement and is obviously harmful. In the other hand, it is a common sense that not everyone can accomplish great achievements even they have contributed a lot. In this situations, they might be frustrated. But we also can not deny the fact that everyone made their progress through doing their best. After all, nobody will regret just because he/she has worked hard for a great individual goal.

To conclude, encouraging young people to believe that they can accomplish great achievements if they try hard enough do good than harm to one. The society should encourage its young people to build great individual target to pursuit great achievements no matter how much they gain in the end.
(460 words)

poohUID: 146994

Issue236（教育类）
Encouraging young people to believe that they can accomplish great things if they try hard enough is both misleading and potential harmful.
鼓励年轻人们相信只要他们努力就能够完成伟大的事情，这样做不仅仅是在误导而且存在着潜在的危害性。
1. 引子＋观点：反对
2．阐述人的潜力很大（举例爱迪生）
3．鼓励有助于提供信心，有利于建立大的目标
4．说明不是每个人都能取得大成功，但是仍然有用
5．结论：社会应该鼓励年青人建立远大目标
In nowadays, people face more and more pressure from many aspects on the way to their goals, so encouragement which can give people confidence and energy is essential for everyone. Some people argue that encouraging young people to believe that they can accomplish great achievements if they try hard enough is misleading and potential harmful. Though it is true that not everyone who once worked hard can get great achievements in reality, in my opinion, that is still reasonable and meaningful.

No one knows how much he/she can achieve before trying. In other words, people’s potential is so mass that we can not imagine. For example, the famous American inventor Edison was regarded as a dully boy when he was a child. But through his hard work, he made great contributions to the human society. In most cases, we can not foresee which one can make great achievements and which one can not. So supposing everyone has the great potential is the reasonable and fair attitude we should take.

Encouraging young people to believe that they can accomplish great achievements through hard work gives young people confidence, which helps to bring out their potential, and assist them to build great individual target. First, thinking decides one’s action. Only [少主语，这是个从句吗，没有连词阿] has enough confidence, can one probably succeed. When I was a primary scholar, I was so shamed that I dared to talk to others freely. It is my teacher, Mr. LI， who gave me encourage to help me become more and more brave. That is really a great progress for a primary scholar. Second, pursuing a great individual target is helpful to young people who is growing. A great goal can give one energy and enthusiasm to work hard and also can help he/she to overcome difficulties in their life or work. Only [when ] one has great goals, can he/she get the chance to gain great achievements.

Admittedly, in one hand [-->on the one hand] , when we give them a goal, we should keep a balance between the goal’s highness and its practicality. Too high goals can not give them encouragement and is obviously harmful. In the other hand, it is a common sense that not everyone can accomplish great achievements even they have contributed a lot. In this situations, they might be frustrated. But we also can not deny the fact that everyone made their progress through doing their best. After all, nobody will regret just because he/she has worked hard for a great individual goal.

To conclude, encouraging young people to believe that they can accomplish great achievements if they try hard enough do good than harm to one. The society should encourage its young people to build great individual target to pursuit great achievements no matter how much they gain in the end.

[思路比较清晰，似乎每段都写得简单了点，比如body1 ,可以多写写人的potential, 而且不同的人会在不同的方面有潜力和天赋，有的人擅长数学，有的人擅长于艺术etc.所以鼓励人们努力，发挥潜力，理论上每个人都可以achieve great things

不要认为只要写一个tc + e.g.你的任务就完成了，一个好的论证要有depth, width]

fakeluUID: 181688

感谢感谢，第一次有人帮我改啦：）