- 最后登录
- 2011-7-19
- 在线时间
- 324 小时
- 寄托币
- 53977
- 声望
- 35
- 注册时间
- 2004-3-27
- 阅读权限
- 175
- 帖子
- 30
- 精华
- 53
- 积分
- 22276
- UID
- 159645
   
- 声望
- 35
- 寄托币
- 53977
- 注册时间
- 2004-3-27
- 精华
- 53
- 帖子
- 30
|
------题目------
While some leaders in government, sports, industry, and other areas attribute their success to a well-developed sense of competition, a society can better prepare its young people for leadership by instilling in them a sense of cooperation.
------正文------
Co-mpetition, 【?没见过这个词,请教】which means a combination of competition and cooperation, is a buzzword【颠峰里面的词汇,不错】 in this decade. Both the sense of competition and cooperation is necessary for any one, especially the leaders. Competition together with cooperation makes a leader and later a successful leader. 【罗嗦,makes a leader successful】A society should better prepare its young people for leadership by instilling in them a sense of competition as well as a sense of cooperation. 【开头不错,提出观点,要两者并重】
Be competitive and having the ability to cooperate with others makes one outstanding to be a leader. Be competitive render individual enterprise. Driven by such enterprise, he or she will take pains to perform well in any given task and also strive to catch up with creative ideas that are differing from the majority. This makes the prospective leader prominent and noticeable in an organization. However, one who performs best in the organization will not ensure that he has the ability to become a leader. The sense and ability of cooperation drive one to deliberately 【?】organize his or her partners cooperate in an effective way so as to reach a 【better】solution to the given task. In short, a desire to win in competition, the willing to cooperate with others and the capacity for organizing cooperation is 【are】the key to leadership. 【具体论述为何两者要并重,不过,我原以为你要分开来论述的,不知道你下面会怎么写,继续看】
Furthermore, the sense of competition makes a successful leader. 【是说前面的是一般人成为leader,这里说成为成功的leader,明白你的思路了】In the super-modern society, the tasks confronted by leaders are increasingly complex and complicated. Take the business world for example. The leader of a company must lead his or her organization to survive competition. Facing the external competitors, a sense of competition compels the leader to take advantage of various strategies to improve their service and product so as to win the other competitors. By doing so, instead of being left out and left behind, the leader are【?】 possible to make continuing profit in a changeable economic climate. For the internal employees, encouraging the competition spirit sometimes can boost the efficiency and productivity of the organization. In the sales department, for example, if a reward policy is adopted, the leader might promote a competitive atmosphere for the employees to compete against others to win the reward, and as a result the over all【overall】 sales are promoted. However, competition is not always a good thing to have. An unhealthy realization of competition will harm the company and its future. For the sake of winning in competition in the market, some leader may use illegal means, such as stealing business information of their competitors. This will damage the interest of other companies and also will result in a reputation lapse of the company itself in the long run. Thus, the sense of competition of a leader includes not only being competitive but also being competitive whenever and wherever needed and applying this strategy in an appropriate way. 【你的结论似乎归结到了竞争的意义上面,应该是归结到领导应该具备sense of competition上面才对】
A sense of cooperation is also an essential element of good leadership. Cooperation, as a managerial strategy, will benefit the corporation from many aspects. For the internal operation of the organization, most of the tasks cannot be finished by individual effort. Cooperation can make use of every member's advantages and intelligence to maximize the productivity and efficiency. For the external competition in the market, cooperation is also an effective way to promote sales. As a business strategy, cooperation so as to competition has benefited many business institutions. This can be illustrated in the example of shopping center of certain kinds of goods, Such as the cell phone market. Many shops selling cell phones are located there. Why do the leaders of those shops choose a place that is replete with competitors? Don’t they be afraid to be beaten by their competitors? The answer is no because they are in a relationship of cooperation to attract more customers as people believe that they will have more choices in this kind of shopping center. 【其实他们同样也是要通过这样的方法来和别人竞争,应该严密一点,说他们不只是在竞争,同样是在合作】 In this case, neither shop has got all sales, but the over all sales of the market rise. And as a result, every shop is a winner. Here, the sense of cooperation of leader has taken effect. From all the above, we can see the sense of cooperation is important for the leaders not only in the company's operation but also in its profit-making in the market. 【应该再举一些government, sports, industry, and other areas的例子】
In sum, the sense of competition and cooperation makes one to be a leader; moreover, they both serve benefit purpose for a leader to run his or her institutions more successfully. The leader should realize both the merits and drawbacks of competition and cooperation, making use of them in a proper way, so as to achieve the final goal of the community.
【条理很清楚,分析的也不错。不过很多地方显得罗嗦,再简洁一点就更好了。因为考试的时候你没有时间来写这么多的东西的,尽量用最简洁的语言表达出来你的思路,只要表达清楚就可以了,不用把每个论点都说的那么多,可以把时间多用在完善你的思路上面,比如说你B2的结论部分和除了商业之外其他领域的论述。还有一个问题就是,看你限时的时间接近45分钟了,最好留出5分钟左右的时间检查typo和语法错误等等。加油!】 |
|