Argument25 充实论证，摒弃模板化开头，不知效果如何？请大家赐教！

figogoUID: 175735

Argument25  

------题目------
The following appeared in a memo from the mayor of the town of Hopewell.
'Two years ago, the town of Ocean View built a new municipal golf course and resort hotel. During the past two years, tourism in Ocean View has increased, new businesses have opened there, and Ocean View's tax revenues have risen by 30 percent. The best way to improve Hopewell's economy, and generate additional tax revenues, is to build a golf course and resort hotel similar to those in Ocean View.'
------正文------
Based solely upon the information stated above, the mayor should not make the recommendation to build a new golf course and resort hotel in Hopewell. In fact, the evidences provided in the memo should be carefully examined from several aspects.

First, the development in Ocean View (OW) is not necessarily the result of building a new municipal golf course and resort hotel. The mayor fails to take into account other possibilities that can contribute to the increase tourism and business, such as the improvement of the transportation, and the advertisement of the town. Perhaps a newly constructed road leading OW to other major cities of the country make it much more convenient for tourist and businesspersons to access the town, which is probably responsible for the economic prosperity. Or the advertisement made for promoting OW’s reputation around the world successfully attracted them to visit or invest there. In addition, the increase in tax revenue might due to the increase of tax rates or the addition of another new type of tax. Such alternatives could explain the betterment of the economic of OW thus determining the reasoning of the argument.

Second, even if we concede that the newly built golf course and resort hotel are the only cause attributing to the success of OW, the same scenario will not conclusively work in Hopewell. There might be numerous differences between two towns affecting the impact of the construction. For example, the Hopewell may be an inland city to which few tourists come while OW is a coastal city whose natural scenery attracts tens of thousands of tourists every year. For that matter, the strategy similar to OW would not carry the as successful results as OW did. On the contrary, the construction might turn out to accomplish nothing but just serve to the increase tax of local residents.

Finally, the assumption that the golf course and hotels are in high demand in Hopewell is open to doubt in that the mayor provides no evidence regarding the existing golf course and hotels and the potential consumers. Are the residents satisfied with the current entertainment facilities？Will there be an increasing number of consumers in the near future? Further, nothing indicates that the town council will have enough money to make the investigation. Without offering such information, the mayor's recommendation might amount to poor advice.

In conclusion, the argument has several critical flaws as discussed above. Before taking his recommendation into practice, the mayor should confirm that the development of OW is indeed due to the new golf course and hotel and should also consider the possible differences between the two towns.

zhoulin00001UID: 189304

Based solely upon the information stated above, the mayor should not make the recommendation to build a new golf course and resort hotel in Hopewell. In fact, the evidences provided in the memo should be carefully examined from several aspects.开头挺好，简洁！！

First, the development in Ocean View (OW) is not necessarily the result of building a new municipal golf course and resort hotel. The mayor fails to take into account other possibilities that can contribute to the increase tourism and business, such as感觉和后面有点重复？ the improvement of the transportation, and the advertisement of the town. Perhaps a newly constructed road leading OW to other major cities of the country make it much more convenient for tourist and businesspersons to access the town, which is probably responsible for the economic prosperity. Or the advertisement made for promoting OW’s reputation around the world successfully attracted them to visit or invest there. In addition, the increase in tax revenue might due to the increase of tax rates or the addition of another new type of tax. Such alternatives could explain the betterment of the economic of OW thus determining the reasoning of the argument.

Second, even if we concede that the newly built golf course and resort hotel are the only cause attributing to the success of OW, the same scenario will not conclusively work in Hopewell. There might be numerous differences between two towns affecting the impact of the construction. For example, the Hopewell may be an inland city to which few tourists come while OW is a coastal city whose natural scenery attracts tens of thousands of tourists every year. For that matter, the strategy similar to OW would not carry the as去掉 successful results as OW did. On the contrary, the construction might turn out to accomplish nothing but just serve to the increase tax of local residents.

Finally, the assumption that the golf course and hotels are in high demand in Hopewell is open to doubt in that the mayor provides no evidence regarding the existing golf course and hotels and the potential consumers. Are the residents satisfied with the current entertainment facilities？Will there be an increasing number of consumers in the near future有点勉强，作者说建这些是为了提高旅游收入的吧？? Further, nothing indicates that the town council will have enough money to make the investigation. Without offering such information, the mayor's recommendation might amount to poor advice.

In conclusion, the argument has several critical flaws as discussed above. Before taking his recommendation into practice, the mayor should confirm that the development of OW is indeed due to the new golf course and hotel and should also consider the possible differences between the two towns.
看完后无比佩服，层次好，且语言功底好！厉害啊，请教一个问题，地名可以这么简写吗？要是可以就太好了，省太多时间了

figogoUID: 175735

非常感谢批改！
不过我的语言不觉得怎么好啊？我还有10天就考了啊。
关于地名的缩写，是那本北美范文上说这样可以的。