issue185 同主题写作, 感觉不错, 急切希望大家来拍,

jaojieUID: 195494

重新写了篇issue 185,因为感觉自己原来那篇真是太差了，尤其是得到大家讨论和斑竹的启发后，便冲动重写了一篇。这次感觉好了很多，45分钟变长了，思路写清晰了不少，第一次限时写了这么多字。真希望考试就碰到这篇：) 呵呵，不过还要看斑竹和寄友们的评判，是不是有提高。　不盛感激，－－－－－－－－。挥拍原则不变。快来砸吧！快考了，急切希望斑竹与寄友们提出建议与批评：）

Issue185:72０words  45 minutes
Scandals—whether in politics, academia, or other areas—can be useful. They focus our attention on problem that no speaker and reformer ever could.

Can  the scandals  be useful  that they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could? As far as I am concerned , if we merely focus on the effectiveness that the attention the scandals can call , not to consider  whether its consequence will be good nor not ,I strongly agree with the conclusion, but since we can hardly justify the usefulness of one thing regardless of its good or bad result, I contend that the scandals  can be a two-edged sword .

To begin with, as to the attention called by the scandals, it is primarily for three reasons why scandals are useful that the reformer and speaker can not ever could. Firstly, it has something to do with the human nature, as we all human beings has curiosity about other people's lives, love to pry into other person's affairs, especially the  not so good ones, even may be a little happy to find that the person we like or admire may have the disadvantages or disgrace  too. And we like to hear things that may be a little startling so that's interesting. Secondly, the mass media plays a vital important part in drawing the public's attention to the scandals and sometimes foster the public's habit of prying. With the development of  technology, like the arise of the radio, TV ,internet and so on, these things all greatly improved the wideness and speed of distributing the scandals. Also, the mass media are almost run by corporations ,whose goal is to pursue the maximum profit, so the mass media will use every opportunity to draw the attention to make profit through reporting scandals in that they found the human nature mentioned above. Thirdly , some of the scandals make people shocked, the problems that scandals reveals may be severe  , then the attention will be widely called .
However, whether the scandals can useful from the aspect of the benefits or detriments they bring about is not so absolute. This kind of usefulness defined as beneficial or detrimental  largely depends on the situations how people react to scandals after they have been drawn attention to them. If people can strive the way out to solve the problems when facing scandals, then the whole society can be  improved a lot . For instance, in the realm of politic, the first president of the USA  who was resigned is Richard Nixon, his scandal----the Watergate scandal, greatly provoked the anger of his people because he abused his right which  may contempt the constitution to some extent and  harmed the interests of the people. This scandal drove people to think the abuse of power and the revision of the law ,which indicate that no one can beyond the law and public's interests ,even the president. Similarly, in the area of the economic, the Enron scandal ,which is  regard as one of the most prosperous corporations, broke down suddenly  because of its problematic method of accounting . This incident then lead to the revision of the law concerning the accounting method which are much better than before. Nevertheless, if we just slip the scandals over after we concerned them or leave it as topics of gossip, then no benefits can be brought about.,  even, this behavior may be  harmful to our society. We do not seek the method to solve the problems the scandals reflect, but just talk about them, then the citizenry may become very superficial , and our attention has been draw from the more important issues, like the famine, starve, education , crime and so on . If that happens, then the speaker and reformer compared may be more useful to give rise to advance of our society.
In conclusion, the scandals can be effective when calling attention of public for three reasons listed above, if we just define usefulness narrowly as this kind of effectiveness . But if we refers to the usefulness as beneficial , the answer is different. The scandal can be useful if we focus on solving the problems reflected by scandals , otherwise they are not useful or even harmful to society. So we should be aware of making use of scandals , maybe through education and with the help of mass media to lead people  on the right track.

鬼谷子UID: 159645

限时写720还真是强啊，一定要看看:D

绝色的伤口UID: 198546

睡醒就看到这样的帖子 真是不错的说

鬼谷子UID: 159645

Issue185:72０words 45 minutes
Scandals—whether in politics, academia, or other areas—can be useful. They focus our attention on problem that no speaker and reformer ever could.
【首先要说，一定要记得换行，本来你的字数就多，不换行看着很难受】
Can the scandals be useful that they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could? As far as I am concerned, if we merely focus on the effectiveness that the attention the scandals can call, not to consider whether its consequence will be good nor not, I strongly agree with the conclusion, but since we can hardly justify the usefulness of one thing regardless of its good or bad result, I contend that the scandals can be a two-edged sword. 【从现象深入到结果，观点还是不错的，但是是否忽略了useful的问题】

To begin with, as to the attention called by the scandals, it is primarily for three reasons why scandals are useful that the reformer and speaker can not ever could. Firstly, it has something to do with the human nature, as we all human beings has curiosity about other people's lives, love to pry into other person's affairs, especially the not so good ones, even may be a little happy to find that the person we like or admire may have the disadvantages or disgrace too. And we like to hear things that may be a little startling so that's interesting. 【病句】 Secondly, the mass media plays a vital important【两个形容词？】 part in drawing the public's attention to the scandals and sometimes foster the public's habit of prying. With the development of technology, like the arise of the radio, TV ,internet and so on, these things all greatly improved the wideness and speed of distributing the scandals. Also, the mass media are almost run by corporations ,whose goal is to pursue the maximum profit, so the mass media will use every opportunity to draw the attention to make profit through reporting scandals in that they found the human nature mentioned above. 【为了利益而报道丑闻跟你第二个分论点不是很符合】Thirdly , some of the scandals make people shocked, the problems that scandals reveals may be severe , then the attention will be widely called . 【最后一点说的不清楚】

【B1从三个方面分析丑闻吸引注意方面的作用，十分透彻，但是，一个问题，你的TS都已经注意到了speakers or reformers的问题，论述的过程中也应该提到的】

However, whether the scandals can【be】 useful from the aspect of the benefits or detriments they bring about is not so absolute. This kind of usefulness defined as beneficial or detrimental【一个问题，损害也能算是useful吗？】 largely depends on the situations how people react to scandals after they have been drawn attention to them. If people can strive the way out to solve the problems when facing scandals, then the whole society can be improved a lot. 【注意一点，前面你说的是丑闻带来好/坏的结果，后面的论述却是人们所做的好/坏的结果，要把二者联系上，衔接上】For instance, in the realm of politic, the first president of the USA who was resigned is Richard Nixon, his scandal----the Watergate scandal, greatly provoked the anger of his people because he abused his right which may contempt the constitution to some extent and harmed the interests of the people. This scandal drove people to think the abuse of power and the revision of the law, which indicate 【indicates检查】that no one can beyond the law and public's interests, even the president. 【这样就完了吗？不能只是抛出个例子就不管了，你要用例子来证明你的论点，所以要做适当的解释和总结】 Similarly, in the area of the economic, the Enron scandal, which is regard as one of the most prosperous corporations, broke down suddenly because of its problematic method of accounting . This incident then lead to the revision of the law concerning the accounting method which are 【is 要检查】much better than before. 【我觉得两个例子后面你都缺少一点关键性的论述来扣到你的论点上面】Nevertheless, if we just slip the scandals over after we concerned them or leave it as topics of gossip, then no benefits can be brought about, even, this behavior may be harmful to our society. We do not seek the method to solve the problems the scandals reflect, but just talk about them, then the citizenry may become very superficial , and our attention has been draw from the more important issues, like the famine, starve, education , crime and so on . If that happens, then the speaker and reformer compared may be more useful to give rise to advance of our society. 【基本上还不错，唯一的问题就是我说的，要把论述扣到论点上面，你的论点是丑闻是否有用要看带来的结果，但是后面你分两个方面说了结果却没有说明带来正面结果的丑闻是不是有用，带来负面结果的丑闻是不是有用】

In conclusion, the scandals can be effective when calling attention of public for three reasons listed above, if we just define usefulness narrowly as this kind of effectiveness. But if we refers【refer】 to the usefulness as beneficial, the answer is different. The scandal can be useful if we focus on solving the problems reflected by scandals, otherwise they are not useful or even harmful to society. So we should be aware of making use of scandals, maybe through education and with the help of mass media to lead people on the right track.

【问题分析的比较深入，但是一些论证过程还要注意严密，语言要注意简洁。加油！】

jaojieUID: 195494

哦，被斑竹拍一下，受益匪浅：）不胜感谢！
不过问个很弱的问题，斑竹指的换行具体是什么意思啊？ 大家别笑我， 我的确不懂：（

chinhoiUID: 173262

就是每段之后再加一个回车
两端之间有空行看着舒服

chenh1207UID: 182826

issue185 同主题写作, 感觉不错, 急切希望大家来拍  jaojie
重新写了篇issue 185,因为感觉自己原来那篇真是太差了，尤其是得到大家讨论和斑竹的启发后，便冲动重写了一篇。这次感觉好了很多，45分钟变长了，思路写清晰了不少，第一次限时写了这么多字。真希望考试就碰到这篇：) 呵呵，不过还要看斑竹和寄友们的评判，是不是有提高。　不盛感激，－－－－－－－－。挥拍原则不变。快来砸吧！快考了，急切希望斑竹与寄友们提出建议与批评：）

Issue185:72０words 45 minutes
Scandals—whether in politics, academia, or other areas—can be useful. They focus our attention on problem that no speaker and reformer ever could.

Can the scandals be useful that they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could? As far as I am concerned , if we merely focus on the effectiveness that the attention the scandals can call[这句话没看懂] , not to consider whether its[their] consequence will be good nor[or] not ,I strongly[换成some people，因为继续使用I 的话，开头的转折过多，更不用说自己观点的变化了] agree with the conclusion, [;]but since we can hardly justify[ignore] the usefulness of one thing regardless of its good or bad result, I contend that the[the可以不用] scandals can be a two-edged sword .

To begin with, as to the attention called by the scandals, it is primarily[primary] for three reasons why scandals are useful that the reformer and speaker can not ever could.[预示本段结构] Firstly, it has something to do with the human nature, as we[,] all human beings[,] has[have] curiosity about other people's lives[privacy], love[favor] to pry into other person's affairs, especially the not so good ones,[and] even may be a little happy to find that the person[who] we like or admire may have the disadvantages or disgrace too. And we like to hear things that may be a little startling so that[they're] interesting. Secondly, the mass media plays a vital important part in drawing the public's attention to the scandals and sometimes foster the public's habit of prying. With the development of technology, like the arise[spread] of the radio, TV ,internet and so on, these things all greatly improve[d] the wideness and speed of distributing the scandals. Also, the mass media are almost run by corporations ,whose goal is [are]to pursue the maximum profit, so the mass media will use every opportunity to draw the attention to make profit through reporting scandals in that they found the human nature mentioned above. Thirdly , some of the scandals make people shocked, the problems that scandals reveals may be severe , then the attention will be widely called .[缺少连词]
[这段的第一个例子应加以总结，即can satisfy the desire of….,第二，三个例子跟TS的关系不大，并且没有阐明why scandals are useful that the reformer and speaker can not ever could]
However, whether the scandals can useful from the aspect of the benefits or detriments they bring about is not so absolute. This kind of usefulness defined as beneficial or detrimental largely depends on the situations how people react to scandals after they have been drawn attention to them. If people can strive the way out to solve the problems when facing scandals, then the whole society can be improved a lot . For instance, in the realm of politic, the first president of the USA who was resigned is Richard Nixon, his scandal----the Watergate scandal, greatly provoked the anger of his people because he abused his right which may contempt the constitution to some extent and harmed the interests of the people. This scandal drove people to think the abuse of power and the revision of the law ,which indicate that no one can beyond the law and public's interests ,even the president. Similarly, in the area of the economic, the Enron scandal ,which is regard as one of the most prosperous corporations, broke down suddenly because of its problematic method of accounting . This incident then lead to the revision of the law concerning the accounting method which are much better than before. Nevertheless, if we just slip the scandals over after we concerned them or leave it as topics of gossip, then no benefits can be brought about., even, this behavior may be harmful to our society. We do not seek the method to solve the problems the scandals reflect, but just talk about them, then the citizenry may become very superficial , and our attention has been draw from the more important issues, like the famine, starve, education , crime and so on . If that happens, then the speaker and reformer compared may be more useful to give rise to advance of our society.
[开头作者的观点是two-edged sword是个折中的观点，即应分别阐释正面和负面，而作者却用大部分篇幅进行正面描述，可能有点，呵呵！
另外，我个人认为本段完全可以展开写，即从正反俩方面论证，即depend on the specific of the issue. To the extent A，it ….   To the extent B,it…..]
In conclusion, the scandals can be effective when calling attention of public for three reasons listed above, if we just define usefulness narrowly as this kind of effectiveness . But if we refers to the usefulness as beneficial , the answer is different. The scandal can be useful if we focus on solving the problems reflected by scandals , otherwise they are not useful or even harmful to society. So we should be aware of making use of scandals , maybe through education and with the help of mass media to lead people on the right track.
[总体来说，你的过渡句用的不错，但我个人认为语言有些罗嗦，尤其是定语从句的大量使用，建议看一下the elements of style在精华区里，可以简化语言，来更好的充实论证]

jaojieUID: 195494

不胜感谢，占一个，明再看：）