issue154 又超了5分钟~

so猫UID: 148633

Issue154  
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：49分51秒     633 words
从2005年2月5日10时2分到2005年2月5日10时49分
------题目------
Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators.
------正文------
Education nowadays is no longer the traditional concept we hold for thousand that implies simply acceptance of knowledge and skills, but the total development of individual as integrity and the buid of a person into someone who is useful for the society. Therefore, the importance of education is becoming more obvious in modern society with the aspects that the trend of this century lies in the hands of people who are highly-educated. Thus I wholeheartedly agree with the speaker that education should not be only left solely to a group of people-- even though they are the most professional specialists, and both parents and communities have to participate into the educational activities.

Parents, as the very first teacher in one's life, should be taken enough emphasis in the education process. As we know, they gave birth to and cultivated the children and educated them in their first ages; they are the people who could influence the students to the greatest extent-- especially in moral and emotional aspects. Researches have shown that the students from poorly-educated family are more difficult to learn to absorb knowledge subjectively, to co-operate with others delightedly, and to control their emotions successfully when they are in temper or disorder. Yet these proper cultivation and guidance play an indispensable role in modern education. Also, the parents are the one who make the decision for their children what school they would attend and to what extent they are educated till the age of 18. If a parent who concerns nothing related to his/her child, manners badly before him, and even to obsolete the rights of the child for further study, one cannot imagine how the destiny the child would face. In all, the support from the parents and co-operation enhances the education process; vice the versa.

In addition, the function of communities and the whole society could not be overlooked. Since no individual lives as an isolated island in the ocean, the outside environment influences him/her unavoidably. Communities, as one of the most common medium, functioned ponderously in education. Often they supervise the efficiency and quality of local schools in order to give advise and criticism towards problems. Yet more importantly, they take a look at on the activities of students rather than school in a different way. Take Japan for an example. The law in Japan has regulated that it is the responsibility of the bars and pachinko (a game of gambling) shops in communities cannot serve the youth below 18, also it is the responsibility of anyone who sees the students wearing uniforms appearing in streets at school time, to warn the students and announce the schools. The involvement of communities in Japan makes the education system improving with a rapid speed thus enhance the quality of education.

However, the involvement of both parents and communities implies no depreciation towards the contribution from the teachers. Parents and communities are not specialists; therefore their attitude may more or less with prejudice that they may focus upon merely a specific student or the children in particular areas. The educators with lifelong experience researching in this area have sharper eyes to find what should be taught to students and what methods are of most efficiency and effectiveness. Based on the aim to cultivate people with specific skills and high morality, educators have ideas to give proper guidance for students to avoid the mess in which some areas the students are much more than the marketing needs, while in others insufficient.

In all, the function of these three, parents, communities, and schools should not be overlooked. Without any one component of these, the educational process will be like river in the loss of bank, becoming floods that do little to society but damage, both on the society and the students.

写到后面有点慌了 看时间不够了~
自己感觉好象进步不是特别明显 但也没办法了
只改了拼写错误 发现我打字喜欢掉字母 长一点的单词总是掉一个字母 汗
谢谢拍拍
抱抱~~~

以后决定每篇issue都发一首歌上来
呵呵 当作感谢哈~~~
[mms]http://www.sh-vitop.com/online/FlyAway.wma[/mms]

鬼谷子UID: 159645

呵呵
看看

鬼谷子UID: 159645

No.1 issue154 又超了5分钟~
Issue154
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户 共用时间：49分51秒 633 words
从2005年2月5日10时2分到2005年2月5日10时49分
------题目------
Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators.
------正文------
Education nowadays is no longer the traditional concept we hold for thousand 【thousands of years?】that implies simply acceptance of knowledge and skills, but the total development of individual as integrity and the buid 【build注意检查，而且这里应该用名词，cultivation/fostering 】of a person into 【into？】someone who is useful for the society. Therefore, the importance of education is becoming more obvious in modern society with the aspects that the trend of this century lies in the hands of people who are highly-educated. 【罗嗦】 Thus 【觉得你前面的论述对于这个thus的构成还不太够】I wholeheartedly agree with the speaker that education should not be only left solely to a group of people-- even though they are the most professional specialists, and both parents and communities have to participate into the educational activities.

Parents, as the very first teacher in one's life, should be taken enough emphasis in the education process. As we know, they gave birth to and cultivated the children and educated them in their first ages; 【这几个and看着不是很舒服，先说give birth to，然后cultivate/nurture and educate 好点】they are the people who could influence the students to the greatest extent-- especially in moral and emotional aspects. Researches have shown that the students from poorly-educated family【我感觉有一点歧义，你想说家长教育水平低，还是孩子受到的教育水平低呢?这么一个family感觉含糊】 are more difficult to learn to absorb knowledge subjectively, to co-operate with others delightedly, and to control their emotions successfully when they are in temper or disorder. Yet【转折？】 these proper cultivation and guidance play an indispensable role in modern education. Also, the parents are the one who make the decision for their children what school they would attend and to what extent they are educated till the age of 18. If a parent who concerns nothing related to his/her child, manners badly before him, 【or her】 and even to obsolete【deprive】 the rights of the child for further study, one cannot imagine how 【该是what】the destiny the child would face. In all, the support from the parents and co-operation enhances the education process; vice the versa. 【我记得是vice versa】
【前半家长教育孩子的部分用了一个反例证明的还可以，后半家长决定孩子教育的部分说的不太利索】

In addition, the function of communities and the whole society could not be overlooked. Since no individual lives as an isolated island in the ocean, the outside environment influences him/her unavoidably【不得已地，无可奈何地，你觉得合适吗？】. Communities, as one of the most common medium, functioned ponderously【这个词用的也不恰当】 in education. Often they supervise the efficiency and quality of local schools in order to give advise and criticism towards problems. 【这句感觉偏了，你前面说的是环境的作用这里就应该说社区内的文化，交流等等对于孩子的影响，不是说对于教育的监督什么的】Yet more importantly, they take a look at on the activities of students rather than school in a different way. Take Japan for an example. The law in Japan has regulated that it is the responsibility of the bars and pachinko【柏青哥啊呵呵】 (a game of gambling) shops in communities cannot serve the youth below 18, also it is the responsibility of anyone who sees the students wearing uniforms appearing in streets at school time, to warn the students and announce the schools. The involvement of communities in Japan makes the education system improving with a rapid speed thus enhance the quality of education. 【从你的例子可推不出来这么大的结论啊】
【一点建议，130的socialize的问题适合用在这里，社区对于孩子教育的作用。我这里有一个socialization的定义：Socialization, process by which people, especially children, learn acceptable and unacceptable behaviors for a given environment. 这个environment就是社区能够给孩子提供的教育环境。具体内容见我上传的教育类资料总结】

However, the involvement of both parents and communities implies no depreciation towards the contribution from the teachers. Parents and communities are not specialists; therefore their attitude may more or less with prejudice【这里说局限比较好，不该是偏见】 that they may focus upon merely a specific student or the children in particular areas. The educators with lifelong experience researching in this area have sharper eyes to find what should be taught to students and what methods are of most efficiency and effectiveness. Based on the aim to cultivate people with specific skills and high morality, educators have ideas to give proper guidance for students to avoid the mess in which some areas the students are much more than the marketing needs, while in others insufficient. 【论述的还不错，不过没看懂你最后半句的意思】

In all, the function of these three, parents, communities, and schools should not be overlooked. Without any one component of these, the educational process will be like river in the loss of bank, becoming floods that do little to society but damage, both on the society and the students.
【除了B2我觉得没有说到重点以外，整体上来说还算是不错的。用词要注意谨慎。低级错误要检查。猫猫加油！】

so猫UID: 148633

还有谁给改不???

will_foreverUID: 193568

这篇刚写过，过来学习一下

leezedUID: 195039

so猫 请教你一个问题
能告诉我“--”号的用法吗？谢谢

so猫UID: 148633

最初由 leezed 发布
[B]so猫 请教你一个问题
能告诉我“--”号的用法吗？谢谢 [/B]

具体的用法我也不能说清楚
我相信任何一本语法书里都有详细的解释
我自己用的时候是凭感觉的 呵呵~

goldenrockUID: 122870

思路挺清楚的，但可能是限时的原因内容有点乱，鬼鬼已经说清楚了。

我的思路：
1、Admittedly, professional educators provide basic skills and tell social demands.
2、Families are responsible to provide a warm enviroment for students to feel at home, and parents are people who know their children most, they need to solve the problems of life students encountered to ensure they can study smoothly.
3、Communities are still important. Because Community is a small society, a good community enviroment can give students a healthy attitude toward society, vice versa.

In sum, they are all important.

猫猫，帮我看看作文啊。

so猫UID: 148633

最初由 goldenrock 发布
[B]我的思路：
1、Admittedly, professional educators provide basic skills and tell social demands.
2、Families are responsible to provide a warm enviroment for students to feel at home, and parents are people who know their children most, they need to solve the problems of life students encountered to ensure they can study smoothly.
3、Communities are still important. Because Community is a small society, a good community enviroment can give students a healthy attitude toward society, vice versa.

In sum, they are all important.
[/B]

最初我的想法也是可以这样写
但是觉得好象离题目有点遥远
你有admittedly 但是没转折 那你让步个虾米东西啊
另外 你的后两个TS都有问题 只说了重要性 没说为什么要involve in educational process
其他的问题还没想到

我最近很忙估计没时间改很多作文 可能也是要等我自己21号考完
所以估计没办法怎么帮到你 不好意思~

zhangqiang928UID: 188538

顶