Argument65 关于奶酪 看到觉得难，写起来倒还顺，就是还是没能限时

chinhoiUID: 173262

------摘要------
超时严重啊，怎么办怎么办，给了自己40分钟了还是写不完啊，而且题目还是事先看好的
不过看到觉得难，写起来倒还顺
拍砖者留下链接，方便回拍
------题目------
The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.
'For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses.'
------正文------
This argument is not cogent because the author's suggestion that discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses is based on several facts that barely support it.

First of all, the best selling record form last year cannot well substantiate the suggestion.  The record was from the very newest store, which may not be representative of the overall situation throughout the United States.  Thus the record can at best reflect the taste of the people where this newest store locates, who might have quite different taste from that of the whole nation.  Besides, the best selling record may result from other reasons.  It is entirely possible that cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin was newly introduced, had an overwhelming advertising campaign, or were on sale, being rather cheaper than other kinds of cheeses.  Any of these reasons above would lead to a drastic increase in sales.  Moreover, the author provides no evidence that the best-selling record will continue, since the sales can be temporal.  The corporations producing these cheeses may had a financial problem last year so that they had to put all irons in the fire to boost the sales, but they do not have to this year.  In such case, I cannot be optimistic about the sales the cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin this year.

What is more, the recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine also lends little support to the suggestion.  The survey only indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses, but this alone does not mean that these subscribers would like to purchase domestic cheeses.  Even those who expressed their preference would actually buy the cheeses they like, no evidence shows that more people would purchase domestic cheeses rather than imported ones.  Maybe the percentage of subscribers preferring domestic cheeses increased from 10 to 30, but still more people are will to buy imported ones.  Furthermore, whether the result of the survey can correctly describe the real situation in the United States is open to doubt.  What if the subscribers were from all over the world, not just America?  What if they come from several specific districts, which cannot be representative of the whole country?

Even assuming the two argument above is enough convincing, the author's suggestion is too hasty to be adopted.  The purpose of the author was to improve profits.  However, the arguments above mention no information about profit.  Sales cannot be simply equal to profits, since we have to take cost into consideration.  The higher the cost is, the lower the profit.  Even the sales of domestic cheese is better than imported one, the profits of imported cheese can still be larger than domestic one due to its low cost.  In addition, is it the only way to improve profits by limiting inventory?  The expenses reduced may be so limited as to do little help in improving profits.  Improving the service of the salesman, adopting some new policies such as more free samples available for customers to taste may be rather profitable.

To sum up, the author had better revise his supporting evidence to make the suggestion more convincing.  Without more persuasive evidence, I doubt that the intension of improving profits can be achieved.

G猫UID: 192988

This argument is not cogent because the author's suggestion that discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses [不是个完整的句子]is based on several facts that barely support it.

First of all, the best selling record form [form??多余的吧]last year cannot well substantiate the suggestion. The record was from the very newest store, which may not be representative of the overall situation throughout the United States. Thus the record can at best reflect the taste of the people where this newest store locates, who might have quite different taste from that of the whole nation. Besides, the best selling record may result from other reasons. It is entirely possible that cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin was newly introduced, had an overwhelming advertising campaign, or were on sale, being rather cheaper than other kinds of cheeses. Any of these reasons above would lead to a drastic increase in sales . Moreover, the author provides no evidence that the best-selling record will continue, since the sales can be temporal. The corporations producing these cheeses may had a financial problem last year so that they had to put all irons in the fire to boost the sales, but they do not have to this year. In such case, I cannot be optimistic about the sales the cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin this year. [最好对前面三个攻击点做个总结]

[前面这几点都写的不错呀, 感觉语言很流畅, 攻击得也不错, 就是考虑一下三点的逻辑顺序]

What is more, the recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine also lends little support to the suggestion. The survey only indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses, but this alone does not mean that these subscribers would like to purchase domestic cheeses. Even those who expressed their preference would actually buy the cheeses they like, no evidence shows that more people would purchase domestic cheeses rather than imported ones. Maybe the percentage of subscribers preferring domestic cheeses increased from 10 to 30, but still more people are will to buy imported ones. Furthermore, whether the result of the survey can correctly describe the real situation in the United States is open to doubt. What if the subscribers were from all over the world, not just America? What if they come from several specific districts, which cannot be representative of the whole country?

Even assuming the two argument above is enough convincing, the author's suggestion is too hasty to be adopted. The purpose of the author was to improve profits. However, the arguments above mention no information about profit. Sales cannot be simply equal to profits, since we have to take cost into consideration. The higher the cost is, the lower the profit. Even the sales of domestic cheese is better than imported one, the profits of imported cheese can still be larger than domestic one due to its low cost [进口的比国产的还便宜? 不符合common sense吧]. In addition, is it the only way to improve profits by limiting inventory? The expenses reduced may be so limited as to do little help in improving profits. Improving the service of the salesman, adopting some new policies such as more free samples available for customers to taste may be rather profitable [Improving profitable?? Bring profit 好一点吧].

To sum up, the author had better revise his supporting evidence to make the suggestion more convincing. Without more persuasive evidence, I doubt that the intension of improving profits can be achieved.

[我觉得写的很好呀, 句式变化很丰富, 攻击也比较有力. 就是有个问题, 写的有点多, 难怪你会超时. Argument不是让你把错误找得越多越好, 为了保证每一部分的质量. 还是要有所取舍呀]

ivyshoulUID: 195537

This argument is not cogent because the author's suggestion that discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses is based on several facts that barely support it. 写这么长不好的吧,容易出错别人读着也不舒服,还是拆成短的好些吧

First of all, the best selling record form last year cannot well substantiate the suggestion. The record was from the very newest store, which may not be representative of the overall situation throughout the United States. Thus the record can at best reflect the taste of the people where this newest store locates, who might have quite different taste from that of the whole nation. Besides, the best selling record may result from other reasons. It is entirely possible that cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin was newly introduced, had an overwhelming advertising campaign, or were on sale, being rather cheaper than other kinds of cheeses.这样specific很不错啊 Any of these reasons above would lead to a drastic increase in sales. Moreover, the author provides no evidence that the best-selling record will continue, since the sales can be temporal. The corporations producing these cheeses may had a financial problem last year so that they had to put all irons in the fire to boost the sales, but they do not have to this year. 如果是我,我会分两段,1:new stores所特有的条件造成cheese大卖2: 你说的公司大减价,那可能就是针对全国的了,可以另起一段In such case, I cannot be optimistic about the sales the cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin this year.

What is more, the recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine also lends little support to the suggestion. The survey only indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses, but this alone does not mean that these subscribers would like to purchase domestic cheeses. Even those who expressed their preference would actually buy the cheeses they like, no evidence shows that more people would purchase domestic cheeses rather than imported ones. Maybe the percentage of subscribers preferring domestic cheeses increased from 10 to 30, but still more people are will to buy imported ones. Furthermore, whether the result of the survey can correctly describe the real situation in the United States is open to doubt. What if the subscribers were from all over the world, not just America? What if they come from several specific districts, which cannot be representative of the whole country?

Even assuming the two argument above is enough convincing, the author's suggestion is too hasty to be adopted. The purpose of the author was to improve profits. However, the arguments above mention no information about profit. Sales cannot be simply equal to profits, since we have to take cost into consideration. The higher the cost is, the lower the profit. Even the sales of domestic cheese is better than imported one, the profits of imported cheese can still be larger than domestic one due to its low cost. 有哪些原因会造成它们各自的成本不同,这里specific一点比较好In addition, is it the only way to improve profits by limiting inventory? The expenses reduced may be so limited as to do little help in improving profits. Improving the service of the salesman, adopting some new policies such as more free samples available for customers to taste may be rather profitable.

To sum up, the author had better revise his supporting evidence to make the suggestion more convincing. Without more persuasive evidence, I doubt that the intension of improving profits can be achieved.

看来大家都是这三点,但是各自的细节不同,我是拿题现想就没有你的详细了,汗...

chinhoiUID: 173262

to G猫
进口的比国产的还便宜? 不符合common sense吧

我是想可能米国的劳动力比较贵，如果从劳动力便宜的国家进口的东西可能反而便宜
像我知道在日本，本国的米就要比泰国的米贵
不过这点应该提出来的，谢谢提醒！

to ivyshoul
关于第二段分成两段
我当时写的时候还不太有段落间要有逻辑的意识
所以每段都是针对一个论据进行攻击
现在开始慢慢会注意起来的

G猫也提到这点呢

谢谢你们的建议了//bow~~