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When we talk about the function of history, some people hold the viewpoint that history cannot do favor to us to make important decisions today. As far as I am concerned, history plays a significant role to help us to to...to...看起来很难过help 后的to完全可省略,前面也改成history plays a significant role in helping us make...较合适make our decisions even today. We can not only absorb the successful experience from the history but also remember the failure of history to avoid the same things from happening.
To begin with, history is a good book which records the past of human-being including culture, tradition, significative incidents; History is also a good teacher who can teach us countless experiences of our ancestors whatever successful or fail no matter ... or ... successful 对 fail?fail不是形容词吧。failed也对得不工整。我觉得successful对unsuccessful也比现在这样好。但是话说回来,successful修饰expeience是有问题的。experience表示经历的时候可数,表示经验的时候,应该是不可数的。如果此处表示经历,经历怎能被teach?如果是经验,什么叫successful experience?they are. In retrospect to history, there are many successful and fail incidents in which we can learn a great of number of useful experiences. 前面已经犯了一次错。successful or failed, experience都在如此短的篇幅里面被重复,看来应该加强表达法变换的练习。We will never forget we will never forget 这样带感情色彩的语言可以在演讲里面用,但我觉得在这样比较academic的文章里面要避免出现。great scientist of US--Thomas Edison, who invents electric light to bring human light. 在他之前human没有light?这里指光还是灯?He make thousands of experiments to find a suitable material. With the spirit of persistence and diligence, he eventually succeeded. From this incident of history, what we should study is the spirit of persistence and diligence, thus, people can learn much from the history. 要惜墨如金啊,这个例子一句话就可以解决的。
Knowing about the past can help us to make important decisions. After knowing about the history, we acquire good merits and useful experiences which can be absorbed as references to decide significant things. For instance, Korea, a developed country, which absorbs the good experience of Japan and walks a way of capitalism,walk...a way...Chinglish吧?adopt, practice都比这个好吧 during just 30 years, it develops to a super economic country from a poor one. 叙述例子的时候注意时态啊Without this sensible decision to walk in this way, it would not attain today’s achievement; Human should also remember of world war two. It is fascist that brought human this sad catastrophe. German, as a main fail country of fascists, feels shame for doing such guilt to human. Nowadays, German government founded a famous magazine called ‘Bring Mirror’ to remind people of what their ancestors have done and analyze the domestic situation with a purpose of avoiding recurrence of this catastrophe, meanwhile, government made decisions to never bring human wars, therefore, history, as a assistant, can help us to make some important decisions today这段话逗号连到底,太恐怖了
Admittedly, history supplies us former experience,admittedly后面没有紧跟让步部分,感觉逻辑松散 because of its long time, some experience may not be applicable to our daily life. The development of society is a dynamic process, there must be must have beengreat changes taken place from ancient times to modern times. So we should connect the former experiences with our practical life, do detailed analysis and deducingdeduce在这里什么意思?connect, analyze, deduce的顺序应该这样吗?, then we can best put them into practice.
To sum up, history can not only help us know about the past but also benefit us from making important decisions, furthermore, Learning from history should connect with our practical life instead of using past experience blindly. That is the great function of history.
文章里面一个普遍的毛病是很多本该拆开来的句子被逗号连成了长句。建议去看看忘了是pooh还是谁发的关于strong thesis的帖子。虽然不是主题句,但每一句话都应该有完整但不赘余的逻辑结构。另外,虽然decision-making在文中多次出现,但实际举的例证似乎都没有突出decision-making这一点。有时候同样的例子,你在举例的时候有没有点到关键部位对例子的支持力有很大影响。还有,你能不能在阐释一下你这篇文章的思路,我总觉得逻辑不是太明晰。不好意思,说的都是缺点,为了提高效率嘛
这是我第一次给别人改文章~~呵呵 刚好自己昨天也写了这篇 |
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