大家帮忙改一下-----不胜感激

oegUID: 193649

题目是：Instant communication systems encourage people to form hasty opinions and replies rather than take time to develop thoughtful ,well-reasoned points of view.
      



       I agree insofar as with the speaker's claim that the well-developed technology of communication makes people to form hasty opinions and give quick replies. However that is not to say thoughtful and well reasoned points are not needed anymore, while only means that immediate responses are needed in more conditions than that. Information around us spreads much more rapidly than ever before. Quick replies to the information play a key role in survival of a person, a group and even a country. I will show you the reasons in the three levels of our life.

    Consider the personal level first. It is very clearly that more and more people use mobile phone nowadays. If you have a cell phone in your pocket whenever the phone rings ,you may take it ,and whatever the other side says ,you should have a response at once.

Although you may say " I will talk to you later", it is a hasty reply as well. In comparison, you could give a answer to a message delivered by somebody else in two or three or even more days in the old days. Quick response is needed for a person.

    When it comes to a group level, take a factory for instance. It is well-known that catching the latest news and making quick decision are related to the survival for a factory. For a supporting example, the factory get a message that the price of raw materials which they needed may rise later on. Immediately, a decision involves whether the message is trustworthy, should they buy plenty of the raw materials at once ,if so ,where and how to buy,and so on should be made .If late ,the factory may a great lose, or even bankrupt. So taking time to have thoughtful conclusion is not a better way for a factory.

    Finally, for a country, quick response is also required under the circumstance that information flies just as a flash around the global. There is warfare or certain nature damages in one corner in the world in the morning, and it will known by the whole world in the afternoon. Every country will get the news all around the world nearly at the same time.Making a response former than any country else is very important.

    In sum, thoughtful and well-reasoned points are needed in some case, while in my view,immediately replies are more necessary under the pressure of rapidly spreading news.

mythztUID: 162409

善意提醒楼主注意发帖格式，起码写明题号吧？
标题格式还请参见斑竹签名档。
莫见怪 ;)

oegUID: 193649

谢谢，我是新手，有好多规矩都还不清楚，希望你们多提意见，我会向大家学习的。再次感谢！

oegUID: 193649

真是不好意思，我的题目是从模拟考试练习题上找的，不知道题号，另外格式我看了看和大家的都一样，不知道还有什么问题？

dvdwormUID: 168213

107"Instant communication systems encourage people to form hasty opinions and give quick replies rather than take the time to develop thoughtful, well-reasoned points of view." 107． 实时通信系统鼓励人们在很短的时间内做出反应并确立自己的观点，而不是花费较多时间去产生一个深思熟虑、近乎完美的观点

I agree insofar as with the speaker's claim that the well-developed technology of communication makes people to form hasty opinions and give quick replies. However，（加，） that is not to say thoughtful and well reasoned points are not needed anymore, while only means that immediate responses are needed in more conditions than that. Information around us spreads much more rapidly than ever before. Quick replies to the information play a key role in survival of a person, a group and even a country. I will show you （I will show you 最好不要这样写，小心激怒阅卷人）the reasons in the three levels of our life.

Consider the personal level first. It is very clearly that more and more people use mobile phone nowadays. If you have a cell phone in your pocket whenever the phone rings ,you may take it ,and whatever the other side says ,you should have a response at once. Although you may say " I will talk to you later", it is a hasty reply as well. In comparison, you could(换成have to 是不是更好一点) give a (an) answer to a message delivered by somebody else in two or three or even more days in the old days. Quick response is needed for a person.

When it comes to a group level, take a factory for instance. It is well-known that catching the latest news and making quick decision are related to the survival for a factory. For a supporting example, the factory get a message that the price of raw materials which they needed may rise later on. Immediately, a decision involves whether the message is trustworthy, should they buy plenty of the raw materials at once ,if so ,where and how to buy,and so on should be made .If late ,the factory may a great lose(lose a lot), or even bankrupt. So taking time to have thoughtful conclusion is not a better way for a factory.

Finally, for a country, quick response is also required under the circumstance that information flies just as a flash around the global. There is warfare or certain nature damages in one corner in the world in the morning, and it will known by the whole world in the afternoon. Every country will get the news all around the world nearly at the same time. Making a response former(quicker) than any country else is very important.

In sum, thoughtful and well-reasoned points are needed in some case, while in my view, immediately replies are more necessary under the pressure of rapidly spreading news.

我觉的你这样写更好一点：先说thoughtful, well-reasoned points of view很重要，但是在当今form hasty opinions and give quick replies 更重要，举个例子比较一下两种态度在一些问题的优劣说明后者的确比前者重要，然后下面就按你原来的写法说明form hasty opinions and give quick replies很重要就可以了。也就是说在前面加一段让步的分析。

oegUID: 193649

感谢楼上的修改。

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

I agree insofar as with the speaker's claim that the well-developed technology of communication makes people to form hasty opinions and give quick replies. However that is not to say thoughtful and well reasoned points are not needed anymore,题目好像没有这么绝对的语气 while only means that immediate responses are needed in more conditions than thatthat是什么？. Information around us spreads much more rapidly than ever before. Quick replies to the information play a key role in survival of a person, a group and even a country. I will show you这样的句子让读者心里感觉不舒服 the reasons in the three levels看了你下面personal level, group level，我不知道你这个level用的对不对，我个人感觉这样的表达不恰当，如果你见过这样的用法，请赐教 of our life.开头我觉得有些转来转去，先说快速决定，然后又说深思熟虑还是要的，然后又转到快速决定了还要证明，最好能简洁直接的提出你的观点，不要一开始就让人吃不准你要表达什么

Consider the personal level first. It is very clearly that more and more people use mobile phone nowadays. If you have a cell phone in your pocket whenever the phone rings ,you may take it ,and whatever the other side says ,you should have a response at once. 这一堆逗号，这么多个句子啊！还有你的例子是说有个手机（不是cell phone吧）别人说什么都会有response，好像针对题目说的hasty opinions and give quick replies有些牵强了，我的理解题目说的那些属于decision的，而不是回应这么简单，诶我表达不好，领会精神哈，呵呵

Although you may say " I will talk to you later", it is a hasty reply as well.这里的reply我觉得还是不属于题目说的范畴 In comparison, you could give a answer to a message delivered by somebody else in two or three or even more days in the old days. Quick response is needed for a person.为虾米needed？上面并没有论证。还有，这里是一个意思为什么要分2段写？

When it comes to a group level, take a factory for instance. It is well-known that catching the latest news and making quick decision are related to the survival for a factory. For a supporting example, the factory get a message that the price of raw materials which they needed may rise later on. Immediately, a decision involves whether the message is trustworthy, should they buy plenty of the raw materials at once ,if so ,where and how to buy,and so on should be made .If late ,the factory may a great lose, or even bankrupt. So taking time to have thoughtful conclusion is not a better way for a factory.这里一整段几乎都在描述这个例子，没有多少自己的分析，而且你的开头是group只说一个factory怕是有些特殊化了

Finally, for a country, quick response is also required under the circumstance that information flies just as a flash around the global. 后半句语病There is warfare or certain nature damages in one corner in the world in the morning, and it will known by the whole world in the afternoon. Every country will get the news all around the world nearly at the same time.Making a response former than any country else is very important.为虾米？又是和上段一样，这个例子说了半天，结果没有明白为什么要得出你的结论，前后没有因果啊

In sum, thoughtful and well-reasoned points are needed in some case, while in my view,immediately replies are more necessary under the pressure of rapidly spreading news.

一起说吧：
1.        很重要的一条！发帖格式看我的签名挡，请下次注意
2.        开头：很乱套，感觉你的重点是你只同意可以快速决定但是深思熟虑同时需要，强调的在后面。然后你又忽然转到快速的问题上，全文几乎不说深思熟虑这个内容。
3.        B1觉得和题目的范畴不一致。而且你要分析愿意啊，不能只一个随便的例子就完事儿。你要说说为虾米个人在先进交流工具的作用下会快速反应，对个人有什么影响
4.        下面2个方面，都是举例完了就没了，关键是例子和后面没有因果关系，同样缺少分析
5.        全文没有提thoughtful的问题，开头结尾却都强调了一下，开头结尾是你作文的general idea啊，文章怎么能不出现？
6.        语法没改，也有问题，自己斟酌一下
加油！