issue186 自己写的时候就觉得烂了~

so猫UID: 148633

Issue186
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：40分32秒     519 words
从2005年2月9日8时40分到2005年2月9日9时40分
------题目------
Practicality is now our great idol, which all powers and talents must serve. Anything that is not obviously practical has little value in today's world.
------正文------
Practicality, opposite to idealism, refers to the purpose to use something. Thus I agree with the speaker that all our effects and intentions aim at the end purpose-- to utilize it, in other words, practicality, rather than simply release our time and talents. Nevertheless, I strongly disagree the conclusion drew in the topic that presumptuously objects the value of the issues which are not obviously practical today.

Practicality is the standard to measure whether something should be done or not. To mention the importance and necessity of practicality, one needs to look no further than our daily life for supporting examples. Consider the establishment of thousands of subjects; they are all originated from people's desire to understand and utilize the outside world. Also, the governments and authorities support the development of the subjects concerned with military with the purpose to utilize one day the research results. These two examples above focus on the word "useful"-- in another word, "practicality". Since the nowadays people adore high profits and short-time reward, it can be easy implied that no government or firms intend to choose some field that totally seperated from practicality. Therefore the issues with obvious practicality in short time should be taken into prior place to get funding and supporting to development.

However, one cannot arbitrary concluded that things not obviously practical has little value in today's world. As we know, not all things could show their potential at the first step of development. For example, the theory related to arts and literatures seems far from the mundane earth that most us people have no opportunity to be utilized to earn something beneficial. However, no one could deny the value of the existence of arts and literature. The functions of such things are hidden rather than that of science which could bring profits in a short time. They alternated peoples' life subtly, little by little, rather than bringing revolutions and reforms as the science does. Their values are irreplaceable although they are usually blamed as useless and wasteful.

Therefore, things not obviously practical today should also be served by the powers and talents from people; while the things with foreseeable practicality should be taken into consideration seriously. They are all components of the development of society and human beings, without either of which the society may trapped into havoc that the both the prosperity and poor happens in different subjects and fields. People may focus all their attention into something seemingly practical and neglect the normal development of the things that may needs more concerns and supports. The traditional cultural problems-- which represent the "unpractical" things nowadays, and the future of national economics-- which are referred to one of the most practical question of people should be both importantly involved to determinate the destiny to develop a society.  

In conclusion, although the practicality varies due to the difference in distinguished things, people have no excuse to choose some to dedicate their powers and talents while give up and overlook the others. They differ only in practicality to certain extent; but they are all valuable that deserve development and prosperity.

如题
自己写到20分钟的时候就想哭了
这样下去3分都不会有的

没办法多纠缠了 本来应该自己好好改的
做实验去了 估计晚上才能做完

大家看看吧

快考试了我
实在大家没时间就给个分吧~~~

我已经做好3分的准备了~~~
sigh
~

谢谢各位~~
妈呀我又快迟到了~~~

G猫UID: 192988

我先占了哦:)

runningpiggyUID: 194977

说真的，我觉得比ets给出的4分5分都要好

鬼谷子UID: 159645

哦？
猫猫进步这么快啊？
我瞧瞧

will_foreverUID: 193568

最初由 鬼谷子 发布
[B]哦？
猫猫进步这么快啊？
我瞧瞧 [/B]

小鬼真……
猫猫本来就很强嘛！
呵呵

G猫UID: 192988

Practicality, opposite to idealism, refers to the purpose to use something. Thus I agree with the speaker that all our effects [effects? Aim at??] and intentions aim at the end [ultimate 好点, end 和 purpose 都有目标的意思吧] purpose-- to utilize it, in other words, practicality, rather than simply release our time [release time??]and talents. Nevertheless, I strongly disagree the conclusion drew in the topic that presumptuously [?] objects the value of the issues which are not obviously practical today [这句话好像有点问题, 我没看太懂].

Practicality is the standard to measure whether something should be done or not. To mention the importance and necessity of practicality, one needs to look no further than our daily life for supporting examples. Consider the establishment of thousands of subjects [说的是学科么? Subject意思有点多, 用discipline吧. 可以写几个呀, such as…]; they are all originated from people's desire to understand and utilize the outside world. Also, the governments and authorities support the development of the subjects [总觉得subject 有点怪, 哈哈, 只是直觉啦] concerned with military with the purpose to utilize one day the research results [这个后面最好接一个具体的例子, 什么purpose, 哪一项 research results]. These two examples above focus on the word "useful"-- in another word, "practicality". Since the nowadays people adore high profits and short-time reward, it can be easy implied that no government or firms intend to choose some field that totally separated from practicality. Therefore the issues with obvious practicality in short time [这个short time出现的不太好, 因为前面的两个例子都没有显示出是short-time practicality]should be taken into prior place to get funding and supporting to development.


However, one cannot arbitrary [副词呀, 小姐] concluded [concluded??]that things not obviously practical [换个说法吧, free of practicality, absent of practicality等等] has [have] little value in today's world. As we know, not all things could show their potential at the first step of development. For example, the theory related to arts and literatures seems far from the mundane earth that most us people have no opportunity to be utilized to earn something beneficial [走神了呀, 前面表达的是at the first step of development, 这里又说大多数人用不到]. However, no one could deny the value of the existence of arts and literature [接着走, 前面说理论, 现在概念又扩大到艺术和文学了] . The functions of such things are hidden rather than that of science which could bring profits in a short time. They alternated peoples' life subtly, little by little [怎么改变生活的? 不过句型很好呀], rather than bringing revolutions and reforms as the science does. Their values are irreplaceable [因为前面没说怎么改变, 所以这个irreplaceable 没有体现出来]although they are usually blamed as useless and wasteful. [这段思维很跳跃, 呵呵]

Therefore, things not obviously practical today should also be served by the powers and talents from people; while the things with foreseeable practicality should be taken into consideration seriously. They are all components of the development of society and human beings, without either of which [them] the society may trapped into havoc that the both the prosperity and poor happens in different subjects and fields [这句好乱,重新组织一下吧, havoc有点过了吧, 至少文章中没有体现出没有他们就会havoc]. People may focus all their attention into something seemingly practical and neglect the normal development of the things that may needs more concerns and supports [前面那句表达的意思是没有他们中的任何一个, 后面就应该两个反面都要说, 而不是只说忽略了没有明显实用性的东西会怎么怎么样. The traditional cultural problems [实用不实用是文化问题??]-- which represent the "unpractical" things nowadays, and the future of national economics-- which are referred to one of the most practical question of people should be both importantly involved to determinate the destiny to develop a society.[不懂什么意思这句话, (现在越来越发现我写中文像写英文的语序了)]

In conclusion, although the practicality varies due to the difference in distinguished things, people have no excuse to choose some to dedicate their powers and talents while give up and overlook the others [尽管不同事物的实用性不同, 人们没有借口重视一些却忽略其他?? 让步的部分文章中没有体现呀]. They differ only in practicality to certain extent [这个直接从文章中也得不出]; but they are all valuable that deserve development and prosperity.

[猫猫这篇写的不太好, 逻辑有点混乱. B2部分应该是你重点写的, 想想把内容扩充一下, 逻辑整理一下. B3这种很容易写一些比较空的话, 能舍就舍吧. 肚子饿了, 饭饭去了]

so猫UID: 148633

来 先谢谢这个猫 然后看自己是怎么被解剖的~

wennhuiUID: 193690

Practicality is now our great idol, which all powers and talents must serve. Anything that is not obviously practical has little value in today's world.


Practicality seems a fashionable word that always hang up on people's mouth nowadays. It seems that Americans today are totally confused and puzzled without thinking in the angle of the practicality. But as I would argue below, this trend sometimes reflect the willing people want to make complex things easy and convenient; sometimes, however, may means the growing materialistic view which is harmful for the society.

Americans always embrace the gadget that they can master, rather than something unfathomable and too deep to be touched. This willing is strengthened by the great advancement of technology in 20 century. Now we have personal computer which have small volume, and much more functions meeting our needs such as listening music, doing graphic, watching video, playing games, and word processor, of course. Unlike personal computer's giant ancestors, it is designed more practical not only in appearance but also in its enormous functions. And we have much smaller cell-phones and electronic communicational devices which can meet every aspect of practical use of communication, their popularity stems deeply in their great convenience. Another example in point is fast-food. Since people are being more busy than any other generations before, they surely don't want to do cooking things for themselves, which is boring and misleading for most of smart people, so that is the reason why fast-food industry was born. Fast-food are spreading widely around the world not only for its delicious taste which is specifically designed beforehand, but also owning its practicality--people just call and make the order and they will send to you as soon as possible.

Although practicality in some situations does means more convenient and more effective, but in some more higher perspective, it may imply that people are holding a more materialistic ways in their judgment and decisions. Everyone who experience being broken up may complain that how practical girls are nowadays, they are not believe in true love, which their parents or grandparents hold so dear; actually, they are more concerned about whether you are physically attractive, and then they will examine carefully whether you or your family are rich or wealthy. They can even tolerate to live with a guy that can only have sex relationship with her only in return for the comfortable material life. But is it so comfortable in this practical views? Sooner or later they'll wake up to find they are merely lonely ones whose husbands only look down to them. We can also witness a lot of painter deserted their pursuit for the true understanding or art, and they step down to make big poster for Ad companies in exchange for bunch of money without respect or seriously consider their career, their goal, their very meaning to striving in this world. It is also true that writers stop thinking for the solemn topic that our ancient thinkers seriously holding, they wrote to please, please those illuminous people, please their audience, please the publisher; Taking such a practical step may means that they are far away from the implications of their own surviving.

Whatever the right or wrong perspective people take in practicality, it is always a good to remember that those lacking practicality at current times are not necessary means in the long term they are also lack appealing. For example, environmental protection always concern about invest large amount of money in no obvious current results. Does it mean that we should stop the prohibiting deforestation and letting factories all around our countries to continue exhaust the wasted water without setting up the expensive waster-water process pools? It is rather shortsighted to say that not practical may means abandon such rule once for all, if we really doing so, we would taking the risk to the great disaster to our future generations and threatening the global common benefits.

In sum, while I believe there are great fans who embrace practical view on everything, that is not as good as it appears. On the contrary, I would wish myself living in the ideal world, the air is pure and people are far from deception rather than convenient but chicanery phenomenon we saw for granted.

thinking in GTUID: 195028

都素强贴，bow一下
回来细读

鬼谷子UID: 159645

Issue186
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户 共用时间：40分32秒 519 words
从2005年2月9日8时40分到2005年2月9日9时40分
------题目------
Practicality is now our great idol, which all powers and talents must serve. Anything that is not obviously practical has little value in today's world.
------正文------
Practicality, opposite to idealism, refers to the purpose to use something. 【开头即给出定义，很好】Thus I agree with the speaker that all our effects and intentions aim at the end purpose-- to utilize it【what？】, in other words, practicality, rather than simply release our time and talents. Nevertheless, I strongly disagree the conclusion drew in the topic that presumptuously objects【用deny会不会好一点？】 the value of the issues which are not obviously practical today.

Practicality is the standard to measure whether something should be done or not. To mention the importance and necessity of practicality, one needs to look no further than our daily life for supporting examples. Consider the establishment of thousands of subjects; they are all originated from people's desire to understand and utilize the outside world. Also, the governments and authorities support the development of the subjects concerned with military with the purpose to utilize one day the research results. These two examples above focus on the word "useful"-- in another word, "practicality". Since the nowadays people adore high profits and short-time reward, it can be easy implied that no government or firms intend to choose some field【fields】 that 【are】totally seperated from practicality. Therefore the issues with obvious practicality in short time should be taken into prior place to get funding and supporting to development. 【例子要specific】

However, one cannot arbitrary concluded that things not obviously practical has little value in today's world. As we know, not all things could show their potential at the first step of development. For example, the theory related to arts and literatures seems far from the mundane earth that most us people have no opportunity to be utilized to earn something beneficial. However, no one could deny the value of the existence of arts and literature. The functions of such things are hidden rather than that of science which could bring profits in a short time. They alternated peoples' life subtly, little by little, rather than bringing revolutions and reforms as the science does. Their values are irreplaceable although they are usually blamed as useless and wasteful. 【还是那个问题，例子要具体一点】

Therefore, things not obviously practical today should also be served by the powers and talents from people; while the things with foreseeable practicality should be taken into consideration seriously. They are all components of the development of society and human beings, without either of which the society may trapped into havoc that the both the prosperity and poor happens in different subjects and fields. People may focus all their attention into something seemingly practical and neglect the normal development of the things that may needs more concerns and supports. The traditional cultural problems-- which represent the "unpractical" things nowadays, and the future of national economics-- which are referred to one of the most practical question of people should be both importantly involved to determinate the destiny to develop a society. 【嗯，不错，最后这段把观点合了一下】

In conclusion, although the practicality varies due to the difference in distinguished things, people have no excuse to choose some to dedicate their powers and talents while give up and overlook the others. They differ only in practicality to certain extent; but they are all valuable that deserve development and prosperity.

【感觉从语言和论证上面都有了进步，不错，唯一的问题就是我说的，例子要具体，你说的太泛泛了。加油！你能行的！】

poohUID: 146994

Practicality is now our great idol, which all powers and talents must serve. Anything that is not obviously practical has little value in today's world.
------正文------
Practicality, opposite to idealism, refers to the purpose to use something.practicality的定义是这样子吗？我认为你这个定义不准确，practicality不是使用的目的，而是做任何事情都从实际出发，为了达到某一目的。其实简单的说就是only do things that is practical . 你的定义离得远了点。  Thus I agree with the speaker that all our effects effects怎么放到这里？不合适。怎么讲 and intentions aim at the end purpose end purpose? 是什么东西？难道你想说ultimate purpose -- to utilize it,这里应该是句号了！  in other words, practicality, rather than simply release our time and talents rather than前后要对应，形式应该一致，你的前面是practicality后面是动词release!  而且release our time and talents是什么意思？动宾搭配不当嘛. Nevertheless, I strongly disagree disagree with the conclusion drew drawn  in the topic that presumptuously objects the value of the issues which are not obviously practical today.最后一句in the topic that后面的主语是什么？？？这个句子明显有问题，我也看不懂！看到这里后面不太想看了，语法问题一大堆，用词不准确，这样肯定无法论证清楚


我知道应该以鼓励为主，可是我觉得这篇开头已经暴露出了这么多问题，姑且不说你这篇文章的构思和逻辑怎样，我给你看作文的时候已经光顾弄明白每个sentense的意思和给你改错了，写了什么东西没什么印象。写的简单些没有关系，表达清楚自己的意思就可以了，没有必要刻意追求语言。

iverUID: 198348

No.1 issue186 自己写的时候就觉得烂了~
Issue186
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户 共用时间：40分32秒 519 words
从2005年2月9日8时40分到2005年2月9日9时40分
------题目------
Practicality is now our great idol, which all powers and talents must serve. Anything that is not obviously practical has little value in today's world.
------正文------

Practicality, opposite to idealism, refers to the purpose to use something. Thus I agree with the speaker that all our effects and intentions aim at the end purpose-- to utilize it, in other words, practicality, rather than simply release our time and talents. Nevertheless, I strongly disagree the conclusion drew in the topic that presumptuously objects the value of the issues which are not obviously practical today.

Practicality is the standard to measure whether something should be done or not. To mention the importance and necessity of practicality, one just needs to look no further than our daily life for supporting examples. Consider the establishment of thousands of subjects; they are all originated from people's desire to understand and utilize the outside world. Also,In addition 个人觉得用in addition比较好.also好象有否定的意思吧?不是很确定! the governments and authorities support the development of the subjects concerned with military with the purpose to utilize 是否用utilizing更合适? one day the research results. These two examples above focus on the word "useful"-- in another word, "practicality". Since the nowadays people adore high profits and short-time rewardrewards, it can be easy implied that no governmentgovernments 要和后面的firms对应上,并且government是可数名词 or firms intend to choose some field that totally seperated from practicality. Therefore the issues with obvious practicality in short time should be taken into prior place to get funding and supporting to development.

However, one cannot arbitrary arbitrarily 此处应该用副词形式 concluded that things not obviously practical has little value in today's world. As we know, not all things could show their potential at the first step of development. For example, the theory related to artsarts means 文科；此处应该用art and literatures seems far from the mundane earth that most us people have no opportunity to be utilized to earn something beneficial. However, no one could deny the value of the existence of arts and literature. The functions of such things are hidden rather than that of science which could bring profits in a short time. They alternated peoples' life subtly, little by little, rather than bringing revolutions and reforms as the science does. Their values are irreplaceable although they are usually blamed as useless and wasteful.

Therefore, things not obviously practical today should also be served by the powers and talents from people; while the things with foreseeable practicality should be taken into consideration seriously. They are all components of the development of society and human beings, without either of which the society may be trapped into havoc that the both the prosperity and poor happens in different subjects and fields. People may focus all their attention into something seemingly practical and neglect the normal development of the things that may needs more concerns and supports. The traditional cultural problems-- which represent the "unpractical" things nowadays, and the future of national economics-- which are referred to one of the most practical question of people should be both importantly involved to determinate determine the destiny to develop a society.

In conclusion, although the practicality varies due to the differencedifferences in distinguished things, people have no excuse to choose some to dedicate their powers and talents while give up and overlook the others. They differ only in practicality to certain extent; but they are all valuable, which that deserve development and prosperity.

句型多变化！
b3部分有点抽象

so猫UID: 148633

最初由 pooh 发布
[B]Practicality is now our great idol, which all powers and talents must serve. Anything that is not obviously practical has little value in today's world.
-----..

以下省略...... [/B]

鬼鬼总说你恨铁不成钢
可偶就是不成钢呀 偶也着急来着

谢谢pooh JJ的往死里拍
记下了~~~

不用鼓励
现在还不是鼓励的时候

来谢谢一个 hug一个 再去努力去~

naiba369UID: 131655

我的修改

https://bbs.gter.net/showthre ... 1298845#post1298845